361 . - Chris & Jason

All right, this episode of How Long Gone is brought to you by Stateside with Kai and Carter, a new podcast from The Guardian. And they are using this podcast to slow down the news and wrestle with the questions that we all have about what's happening in the world. And they do it three times a week, Jason. Does that sound familiar to you? We don't really talk about, you know, a lot of international global news items and climates and cultures and sports and things like that. We do talk about fashion and wellness, but for everything else, Kai and Carter are a great place. All right, so who couldn't use more news? Listen wherever you get your podcast. or watch on YouTube. How long gone is here? Sunday. I don't know what it is. June something. It's the 26th. We're coming to the end of June. And Jason and I reunited again in the lab. I'm sitting next to his beautiful sauna, surrounded by his stuff. Jason's sipping a rare iced coffee from commissary, a local brewery. What's going on, Chief? A local brewery. When I was there at commissary, I saw a homecoming coffee tote bag. Damn, they were... That's an interesting crossover. We call that the gone effect. I just think it's funny that that's going down in my neighborhood. Were they Armenian? They were non-Armenian. Okay, that's the weirder part. I was under the impression that you're the only non-Armenian that goes to commissary. No, no, no. It's me and then different people that have sex with Armenians. Okay. But that's about it. And this isn't a shot at the truck, but do you have the least expensive car of any customer? Yeah, for sure. It's okay. Because it seems like the crowd at commissary prioritizes the whips maybe over other things. Well, that's the thing that my whole entire neighborhood prioritizes the whip more so than anything else, even their house. There are multiple properties in my neighborhood where the G-Wagon parked in the driveway costs more than the salvage title home that they are living in. And that's not...

That's not a bit or a joke. No, no, no. That's LA. I walked past three different houses that had $300,000 AMG E63. That's LA in general. And thank God for that same crowd that Jerry Lorenzo's Essentials brand is so affordable. Because you can be dripped up and draped out in Essentials. Yeah, but it's fake Essentials. Wow. It's tough to fake a G-Wagon. So they can't even pay $100 for the sweatshorts with the patch on the dick. They're paying $50. If nobody can tell the difference, then that's extra money that you can spend on vapes. Where can we go buy full fake essentials looks in L.A.? In L.A.? I think there's a local Armenian streetwear store. It's called, like, the Pentagon. And I think the logo is a little bit of a pentagram, I guess, like a Star of David. But if it was drawn by a sick graffiti artist, that kind of had a twisted side to them, not like a fun way. So you're saying that this is a streetwear store that sounds like a hot topic. Does the taste in clothing lean? It's basically like a store and they only sell like five different things and it's the own store's brand on like sweatpants and stuff. But you think. And I think that if you kind of become friends with them, there's some backdoor business going on and essentials. So you didn't get the fake essentials? Fake essentials is just the tip of the iceberg, and it kind of goes down into weapons, children. Non-clothing items are also available. There's essentials trafficking, human trafficking, drug trafficking, weapons trafficking. So you can kind of get whatever. Damn, that's cool. I should go in there and try to kind of build with those guys. It's probably tough to get a parking spot. That's not wise. That's not wise for you. Have you been in there? Fuck no. You don't think we could? It is not nice for me in there, and it is definitely not nice for you in there. Why is it less nice for me, bitch? I'm more ethnic than you. They won't think that. They can't see that. Yes, they can. You see that when you look in the mirror? No one else sees that. I know how to talk to these people. I'm in the zone. That's true. I'm saying hi to them. They're saying hi to me.

There's a mutual respect. You are a neighbor. I know you're one of those guys. You're a little bit of a hmm. No, you love a – I know you're one of those guys who loves to kind of pay for the person behind them coffee in line just to kind of like get a positive thing going during the day. Bro, I don't even tip. I ain't definitely into it. I go 15% hmm. Nah, yeah. We start at 25 at Chris Black Coffee. No, no. If you did something – Other than hit a button on an iPad, then yeah, I'll give you 20%. So if they make you a beautiful Cortado with a white kind of latte art, like a white heart latte art, that gets a tip. But pouring a cold brew, that's not going to do it. That's not going to do it. Even though someone was kind of sweating into a five-gallon bucket. making that you're saying i don't know who did that so i can't distribute the money accordingly no i know exactly who did that and i know that they are not sharing their tips with the uglies who have to do that kind of stuff oh i understand so you're saying that the and first of all i've seen the staff there i wouldn't call them much better than uglies i'm talking about the back of house frumpies not the front of house hotties so the front of house shotties are not sharing their tips you can't buy a beer for the for the cold brew maker Buy a round of kombuchas for the kitchen. That's one of the worst restaurant trends of all time. Buy a six-pack for the kitchen. Like, fuck off. You nerds. Like, take my money and do what you want with it. Don't lure me to buy you a six-pack of Coors Light. You've been doing Coke all night. You're going to need something harder than that. And also, if a restaurant has that on the menu, buy a round of... pbrs for the kitchen first of all if that's an option if that's even an option they're already chugging beers the whole entire time that's right it's not like they're waiting on you know with bated breath for somebody to hit that button on the ipad so they can finally have a sip of beer they're getting fucked up the whole time they're fucked up and also if i buy a round of six packs for the kitchen i need to be able to go because it costs like 40 bucks or something

There's a slight upcharge. There's a markup. And there's no labor involved. You just throw a six-pack at a bunch of those people. But I want to go in the kitchen and watch them drink it. You want to buy a single beer from their six-pack, kind of crack it with them, hear a little bit about it, or just want to see that they're drinking it? I want to see them all drink it, and I want to do it multiple times to the point where they are no longer able to do their job. We watched The Bear last night. We finished it, and it has one of my least favorite. things that happens is where restaurant people drink out of the plastic cups that are used for storage. The deli. The deli cup, which I fucking hate. I drink out of a deli every day, not because I'm trying to be a chef, stolen valor guy, but some of my smoothies are just that big. Oh, I understand. It's a volume issue. Smoothie on fatty, so you need a big old cup. You know, her stemware selections are amazing. You don't like to use the Baccarat crystal for the smoothie? Because it has to be a vase instead of kind of a highball. You get it. I understand. Actually, speaking of that, I had a good bonding moment with our cleaning lady. Oh, did you? Her and I have always, we've never been enemies, but we've always kind of been like, hmm. You haven't connected kind of on that. Let me ask a quick question about connection. Who pays her? It ain't me. Okay, that's maybe why the connection has taken a while. I'm just putting that out there, but continue. But I've become an ally to her. I mean, the other problem is she will hire or she'll be like, hey, come on Wednesday. And then when Wednesday comes around or whatever, come Thursday afternoon and I will be here working. So I'm in her way the whole time. I'm moving around. And whenever she books her, she'll go like, oh, I'm working or I got to go run a bunch of errands. Yeah, of course. So I'm just tall white guy in the way all the time. Look, I've been this guy in my life as well. And this is kind of a problem that we go through. Look, I'm not looking for any sympathy today, guys. No, no, no, of course not. So I've been displaced to the living room to do my laptop email work. I'm already off to a rocky start. So hold on, you let her into your man cave. She's got to come in. Well, sometimes I forget to move the drugs.

I was about to say, this sounds like when I've left... The moon rocks are on the top shelf, and she can't reach it. When I've left a pile of coke on a hotel desk, and I forgot, and I come back, and there's just a piece of paper over it. It's fully maintained, but they just kind of place something over it. So that Windex doesn't get in it, you know what I mean? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, that's sort of like when you see a dead body in the street, and you go and put a... Throw a tablecloth. Throw a little red and white checker tablecloth. Out of respect, I would, of course, come in with like a little X-Acto knife and then kind of draw the Four Seasons logo. Now that's what I'm talking about. Continue your story because I have a little Four Seasons anecdote that I would like to get to. Whatever hotel you're saying at, that logo will, of course, be sort of carved Japanese Zen style out of your Coke. Like a sand garden. And we kind of hope that you at least have an eight ball. Otherwise, we don't have enough material to work with. Well, I think a certain level of hotel, you're not going to have that problem. If you're at the Best Western, it's going to be a little more of a 40 bag. And that's pushing it. That's on payday. So I've been displaced to the living room, doing my email job. She's in there putting away dishes, cleaning shit. And I hear one of the glasses, the crystalline tumblers. Take a tumble. On the Spanish tile. Oh, no. Not on the Spanish tile. Luckily, you guys did some nice grout work, so it's going to be easy to clean up. Yeah. Thank God. Thank God, because that could be tragic. To have the presence of mind and the foresight, I mean, I blow myself away. And I give it like a to Mississippi to see if she's going to say anything, because we're not able to see each other. Sure. All I hear is just this. This expansive property, there's wings to be had. TJ Wing is far away from... I checked the camera, and she was in a blind spot. She was using the dumbwaiter kind of in the other half of the house. Which laundry chute are you in? Sector 12? We do it by sectors here. It's just easier that way, because with as many mudrooms as we have, it's just we need a different system. So I give it a two Mississippi, and then a gentlemanly, you okay? Her safety is...

It's paramount. You're asking if she's okay. You're really asking, is that glass actually broke, bitch? But you're doing it a nice way. No, it's clearly broken. So I'm like, hey, are you okay? And she's like, yeah, I'm fine. And then I say, if you don't tell her, I won't. And when I tell you the belly laugh, I mean, she's never even smiled at me. This is from the diaphragm. This is decades of pain and strife being released uncontrolled through her mouth. She was rolling on the floor laughing. So you're saying she was ROFLing on the Spanish towel. Hope the glass was cleaned up before she did that. I fucking hope so. So you're saying that one of your classic bad TJ jokes worked. We were bonding over the fact that... You both work for someone who's a little intense. We're both afraid of our employer. Look, we don't have to talk to HR. We don't have to talk to the CEO. This is between us. This is between us. It's cool. So now that we're talking about this on the podcast, obviously neither of them will listen, so we're still in the clear. Yeah, we're still in the clear. Thank God. That is a teachable moment because I think many of us... kind of work from home frontline soldiers have been a similar position with the cleaning lady where don't send any awards please we we we unfortunately are in the way and i have nowhere else to go i mean obviously i could go to svb but during the day i i don't i don't love that personally you know what i mean like i'm not i don't i really don't like to use my laptop in a public place yeah it's i don't know why for a person like you i just can't do that I don't want to do that. I guess when you have a laptop out in public, what's the age cut off? Is it once you graduate from university or college then? It feels like that. I'll give you a two-year window because of where we're at in the world and your employer saying you don't have to go to an office, but you have four roommates in East Williamsburg, and one of them is making beats, so it's a little hard to have Zoom calls. So I'm going to give you a couple more years, but a man of my,

extended age. No, no. If you saw me, if you walked into sight glass and saw me tapping away on the MacBook Air with my AirPod Pros in, I'd get clowned. Things are different now, bro. I can't be caught lacking. Pussy dries up when they see a man of your age in tax bracket. You're like, whatever you're doing right now on this laptop can't be so important that you had to stop everything where you're at and begin. Clacking away? The only thing I need a laptop for, really, and I'm happy at my advancements in technology usage because I'm able to do a lot of things with my phone where I wasn't able to do them before. I even book flights sometimes on the Delta app. Yeah, it's very easy on the Delta app. But if I'm in public on a laptop, what would I be doing? The main thing I use the laptop for is to record this podcast, which can't be done in public. Sending emails? Okay. I don't know how to edit my photos. I send those out, of course. I have nothing else. I have no other use. You have Twitter installed on your phone already? I do have the Twitter application. I'm looking into a new laptop. Me too. Really? Yeah. I thought you just got one. Yeah, but I've... I put a lot of miles on this bitch. That's a good point. I got it right when we started the pod, basically. Oh, I guess that's long enough. I want the new era, but it takes so long, I guess I'm going to have to get the Pro. Get the Pro, man. But the Pro, the shape on the Pro is nice. This shit is like a brick. I'm going to be getting the new Pro. Alex has it. It's all squared off. It's nice. M2 chip. Oh, I wanted to talk about the four seasons quickly. Yeah, let's do it. There's so many things to talk about. I was looking at the curse du moi before I got here, and there was a Sunday spotted. All right, this episode of How Long Gone is brought to you by Quince. Jason, the temps are warming up. It's getting hot out there. Summer always changes how I get dressed. I need pieces that feel lighter, more breathable. And they're just easy, but, you know, still put together. I don't want to look like a slob. That's why I keep coming back to Quince. You know, they focus on high-quality essentials that feel and look amazing. Breathable linen and soft organic cottons. Well-made basics, but without the luxury markups. That rare balance where everything feels elevated.

but still effortless. Yeah, Chris, linen season is here. I wore a linen blazer to dinner a few nights ago in the warm California sun. But, you know, you got that Italy trip coming up this summer and quality European linen pants and shirts. Upgrade that look starting at just $34. You know, if you get a nice linen suit, a little t-shirt underneath it, some chill shoes, you're looking good, but you're staying cool. The inside of your special areas are nice and dry as you turn up with your besties. So elevate that summer wardrobe. Go to quince.com slash how long for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns, even on a nice holiday now available in Canada. That is Q-U-I-N-C-E dot com slash how long. That'll get you free shipping and 365 day returns. Quince punto com slash how long. This episode of How Long Gone is brought to you by a new podcast from The Guardian stateside with Kai and Carter. This is covering a lot of our bases, Jason. It's trying to slow down. The news and wrestle with the questions we all have about what's happening in the world. And I know you particularly have quite a lot of questions. A lot of questions. But how often? Because we do this podcast three times a week and that's a sweet spot. How many times do they do? Three times a week. And I have a feeling just based on the platform and these talking points that they're maybe going to be covering different stuff than we do. That's just a guess. The Guardian is not some billionaire owned. They're not afraid to say what they want to say, brother. Yeah, Rupert ain't sniffing around in what journalists Kai Wright and Carter Sherman are up to over there at Stateside. But yeah, listen wherever you get your podcast. You can watch it on YouTube. It's three times a week. And who couldn't use more news? You know, especially when it's not, you know, from here, let's say. Give it a listen. Give it a listen. This episode of How Long Gone is brought to you by Squarespace. Obviously, Jason, you and I spend a lot of time on the World Wide Web, so do our peers, our listeners, our friends, our colleagues, maybe even your parents if they're freaky. And if you're doing anything in the world, writing, taking pictures. I do topless boxing. You need a website. Exactly, a website that works, that does what it's supposed to do, that allows you to be creative but also business-minded.

Jason, there's one place to go for that, Squarespace. Yeah, Chris, I'm over here. I'm modifying calculators and putting Claude inside of them so you could cheat at school. And I just want a place where I could, you know, have everything all in one place. I can have the SEO tools so those future graduates can find me. And, you know, I'm able to accept, quote, unquote, donations for my services that might be gray area. You know what I mean? And then email campaigns. Hey, I got a new 2.3 version upgrade. Boom, boom, boom. Get the analytics going. Raise some money. Show your investor all of your cool analytics of what's going on. They're going to want to get in early. And we can use Blueprint AI to make your website look as professional as your competition, if not more. Head to squarespace.com slash howlong for a free trial. When you're ready to launch, use offer code howlong to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or a domain. Bob Weir from the Grateful Dead meditating poolside at the Four Seasons in Denver. And I was like, this is so dark that that is what people are doing. What's the dark part about it? That you took a sneaky picture. of the 85-year-old lead singer, well, not lead singer, but, you know, leader of the Grateful Dead, only because John Mayer's in the band. Only? That would not happen if John Mayer was not in the band. I guess you're probably right. But also, you know, I guess it's a slow news day, but I feel like I'll allow it because the cross-section or the Venn diagram of people who know what Dumois is and who know... Who recognize Bob Weir in public? It's so small. No, it's bigger because of John Mayer. Sure, sure, sure, sure. And, I mean, dead fans are insufferable, but can you imagine the dead fan that discovered them because they love John Mayer? And I love John Mayer. There's millions of them. I know. It's tough. And they're wearing Sobrock sweatpants at the Burbank Whole Foods right now. By the way, nice John Mayer song in The Bear last night.

Really, it was actually sick. But, you know, I don't want to spoil it. Yeah, I know the Bear producers are listening. Who is picking this music? Because the music is, it literally feels like it was me. We got Wilco. We got OK Computer in that bit. I know the OK Computer was nice. I actually, you know what? I shazammed a few. Did I tear up? I don't know. I shazammed a few others, actually, last night. Really? Fuck. I just want to bring that up quickly. I just think it's funny that you didn't know all the songs. I don't. And I'm not. Oh, Andrew Bird? There's a great John Mellencamp song, a great Kim Biel song, REM, Oh My Heart, and then One Fine Day, David Byrne and Brian Eno. That one really hit. Yeah, great music supervision. I'm not a bird man. I'm not a bird man. I mean, I'm a bird man. Burn man. I never could get into David Byrne or Talking Heads. I can. I don't. Oil and water for TJ. That's funny to me. By the way, I was with... I was with Stevie from Purple PR on Friday night, and he was saying we got to see Pet Shop Boys. He saw it in London at 02. Oh, I've seen them live. Oh, you have? Okay. He was like, you guys got to go. Because we were talking about buying a lot at New Order Pet Shop Boys at the Hollywood Bowl. Buying a lot? Is that different than a box? No, no, no. A lot of seats, like when you buy a lot on eBay. Okay, okay. But I mean, I just think we should do it as a gift. To who? I don't know. Like our close friends and family will be like, hey, we're going to get a dozen. Yeah, we got 10 seats. Yeah, no plus ones. I'm sorry. So why not a box? No, a box. I'm just using it. Okay, we'll get a box because I need to do a picnic. Yeah, I don't love that part of it. I don't think eating and live music should be intertwined. You get there early. You get a buzz going. You have some hummus. I know, I know. I'm sure Uncle Pauly's would cater it. You got to have somewhere to kind of lay out the moon rocks. Uncle Pauly texted me last night. I left. He saved a pair of the Uncle Pauly champion basketball shorts for me. They're embroidered. Quite nice. Oh, okay. And he was like, I just left them on your doorknob. Don't be alarmed if you see me on the ring light. Oh, shit. I go open the door, and there's just a pair of basketball shorts on my front door like I was telling my roommate I was having sex. Don't come and knock him if your Pauly's are on the knob. Not when Uncle Pauly's on the knob.

Damn, and I'm glad that they weren't stolen as well. Well, it was a matter of seconds before I ambled out and copied them. I like that you're, so how are you taking to the ring light now that you're a suburban homeowner? I mean, I think it's, I hate it. I didn't get, I got the Google one. I got the Nest one. I don't know, it's all the same. I don't understand those things. How do I keep it charged? It doesn't stay charged long enough. Charged? You don't have it hardwired onto the electric? No, I mean, I could, but I haven't done that yet. I smell like broken here. I don't really, well, there's a lot going on. Okay, it's fine. This is a whole different podcast. We don't have, that's for our, that's when Jason turns into Jason the Tool Man Stewart. That's his other show. Where's your fuse at? Where's your fuse box at? All right, so it's Jason Stewart here. We're going to kick the tires in this new home. We also went and saw Bodies, Bodies, Bodies premiere on Monday. Unfortunately, we were having so much fun at Sweetgreen that we were a little late, but we made it, and we did have to sit in the front row. I'll be billing A24 directly for the massage appointment I had yesterday because my neck was kind of acting up a little bit. The seats were comfortable, though. Very comfortable. Very good seats in the Neuhaus movie theater. It was very pleasant. If you're going to sit in the front row, that's the way to do it. I was cackling. The movie is funny. The movie is funny. It's really, really funny. It made me feel a little old with some of the Zoomer speak. It's a sign of aging when you can't tell if it's making fun of itself or if it's actually that bad. Is this dialogue? you know done ironically or satirically or is this like what their idea of a real conversation is i believe it is only because it's a movie i believe it's satirical the scene the scene you don't know either the scene where like the three Not to spoil anything, but when the three girls that are left are going back and forth about all their problems, that shit was wild. I was like, this is too good. There's a lot of podcast references in it as well. Yeah, former guest and friend of the show, Rachel Sinnott, is a podcaster in the movie. And some of her friends don't like her work and hate listening to her podcast. She did a very good job covered in blood.

screaming about how it's actually kind of difficult to start a podcast and it's not as easy as it looks. I did feel, it's funny, I'm glad that she was playing that character because I feel a closeness to that and I feel like she represented the community in a really strong way. Of anchor creators? The anchor creator community felt very represented on the big screen. But yeah, it was really funny and in front of the show, Lee Pace is also great in it and of course he takes his fucking shirt off. I didn't know. I'm pace-pilled now. You're pace-pilled? It's fucked. I made the mistake of showing my fiancé his Instagram, and that didn't go well. Well, no, but he doesn't. But she knows who he is. I was like, oh, I saw this movie, and Pete Davidson's in it. And he actually, no, that was the first time I've ever seen a likable Pete Davidson performance. Him back and forth with Lee Pace. Yeah, it's too good. playing the guy, like the beta cuck to the alpha male Lee Pace. That was the best acting I've ever seen Pete Davidson, so kudos to the team. He's a vet. He's a vet. He's a veterinarian. Don't spoil it. I don't care. I don't care either, but I got to say Lee, how did he, I just, I don't know why. Well, I know Lee through his partner, Matt. And I've known him for a while. I didn't. He's one of those people who I'm like. Business partner? No, no, no, no. Like life. Lee Pace Gay? Yeah. You didn't know. See, that's the. I didn't know that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. That almost makes me less relieved. Yeah, because he can still fuck your chick. It don't matter. Yeah. Well, you know, he's from Texas. He's just too. It's too much. He's like if McConaughey and I. Oh, wow. This is a big – well, he's also like 6'6". He's not a little guy, but he's doing – he's in this – He's in better shape than I am now. Yes, he is. He's in this Apple show where he's like absolutely jacked, like huge, and he looks like amazing. He was looking thin and obviously great in Bodies, Bodies, Bodies. He was toned. But the – yeah, he was in a show called Pushing Daisies that was like an eight-year –

like network tv show but then he's been in i'm not even i can't even think of it but he's been in a handful of films that are like comic con like big dog right right right so he's like very very famous he's been beasting in the underground just say it yeah yeah kind of yeah but he did angels in america on broadway he's done like a bunch of shit he's great i love the guy i'm glad that you have a personal connection because i am frothing to have lp on the pod oh we'll get lee we'll get lee on the pod lee will his character really is like It's like McConaughey, but all the bad stuff removed. Yeah. And six inches taller. No, no. Yeah. No, I mean, it's also that movie works because it's like about the girls, but the two guys are so good in it. They cover all the bases. Yeah, they cover all the bases. Yeah. And every with with Lee Pace and Pete Davidson, any everyone has something to chew on. Yeah. Male, female, trans, non-binary. That's true. Obese. You name it. Yeah, everybody's – there's something for everybody. Leg, thigh, breast. God, what is that? I just saw some meme about when you tell the KFC person when they ask, do you want breast or thigh, you say personality. I've never heard that before. That's stupid as hell. If I ever go to a – A chicken place where I have the option of getting that. Hopefully your camera guy is there to catch that too. Drewski. Yeah, Drewski with the tripod. Hari Neff was also in the building for the screening, which was a nice surprise. It was good hanging with Hari. Yeah. Hari is a fun person. That's right. Very fun. Wide open personality. That's right. It's good when you see people who are like, oh, this is a person who's famous. They made it. They're an actor. They're a model. They're a musician. Whatever they're doing. And then you meet him in person and you're like, oh, you are like an electric, magical, magnetic person. Oh, I forgot you guys hadn't met before. No, we had met, but we hadn't really built. Built, sure. Which is, I mean, look, meeting, if you meet and don't build, is it a meeting? I met Harry the first time, I think it was at a Rick Owens event. Oh, yeah. And I was trying on an oversized backpack to see if it would look normal on me.

And then Hari and I were getting like a complimentary manicure next to each other. That's great. That we, you know, it was pre pre podcast. Sure. It was a different time. It was when DJ them jeans was still figuring himself out. I didn't know who Hari was. And then Carolyn was like, do you know who that was? And like told me, I was like, I don't know. Did you know that was Hari? She got both pairs for free. You didn't get any. When they said, please come with me to Hari. They wanted to show. So sorry, the back room of some of the stuff that isn't out yet. And for me, it was to be escorted out. Yeah, it was like, we're going to take him through the back. We don't want security to see this. He shouldn't have gotten in here in the first place. No, it was fun. I'm glad. I mean, screenings are rough for me usually, but we've had two hits in a row. I'm like up for screenings now. I've been renewed. To use a term that FX is hoping to hear. That's right. Yeah, that's right. The budget over at FX was beasting compared to... You know who told me? I can't remember who told me this. Obviously, somebody involved with the show, but the bear, the entire restaurant, everything is a set. That's not a real restaurant. Really? Which is really crazy. I hate when you pull the curtain back, Chris. I'm sorry. Hollywood Chris on his BS. Lie to me. Chris, I wanted to ask your opinion on a trend that has resurfaced recently that I'm... Not a fan of. Okay. And I think a guest that we have coming up next week, she had this done. It's when you bleach or shave the eyebrows as a person. Unfortunately, Jason, this is a tough thing for me to kind of speak about because I have – Uh-oh. It's happened to me. You mean on your own face or your partner? On my own face. But this was forever ago. Well, of course I was ahead of the trend, Jason, but it was... I mean, when did you... You bleach? I was 19. You bleach your shave? Bleach. I like that you're speaking in dulcet, hushed tones. I was a... I've probably told... I might have told you this before. I was a... Maybe. I was plucked from obscurity and did some Aveda-sponsored hair shows where I was paid... No! Where I was paid...

$500 in cash. Whoa. To dye. They dyed my hair orange and gave me like a wild ass haircut and bleached my eyebrows. How long was your hair at this time? It was like not that long. I mean, obviously longer than this. Like not long, but like kind of shaggy. Like three inches, four inches? Probably longer than that. Like a little, like the longest it ever was, but they cut it fucking wild, you know? But I was like. $500, they fix it the next day, and it's just me and hot chicks all day in a high-end salon like I'm in. Everybody knows no one has better Coke or meth than the hairdressing community. Everyone knows that. Any time back then, if you were going to a salon and the haircut was $300 and up, they got something in their pocket. No question. I love that you made sure to include meth because that really takes me back to all of my straight-edge friends who, when they went to cosmetology school, when they went to Tony and Guy or Paul Mitchell. Don't just say 18 Visions. You can say 18 Visions. I mean, not only 18 Visions, but many other people. And then once you pick up the shears and then your mom gives you your kit for Christmas to help you get off your feet. It's only a matter of time until you're buying 20 bags of meth at the Del Taco parking lot in Newport Beach. No, no, no. There was a strange pipeline. Mom got me a kit to get out. Once I get this, Mom, I'll truly be on my own. Without this, I can't live. There really was a pipeline. If you didn't become a tattoo artist or a bartender, it was like, fuck it, I'm cutting hair, I guess. tatted up wearing all black with the same logic that you had with yours of like i get paid in cash yeah i'm around a bunch of hot chicks all day yeah i think i'm gonna like being exactly i did it one time and it was great and they fixed it the next day like within hours my hair was back to the way it looked they let me park the triumph in the back yeah and unfortunately i mean at the time you know

My hair could withstand that kind of abuse. You know, it's not great for the hair. No, I learned yesterday from Bay. Each follicle has roughly 36 chambers in it. Don't bring up. Don't tell me about you guys again. 36. A cat has nine lives. Your hair follicle has around 36. So if you see a gray, snip it. Don't pluck it. Because that pluck. Could be your last pluck. I'll never pluck a gray hair. I will embrace my grays. That's fucking bullshit. No anatomy. But anyway, the trend, it's terrible, of course. Shaving your eyebrows, you just look stupid. Yeah, to me, it throws my... You need the eyebrows to have the symmetry. I mean, I guess I like the asymmetrical whimsy of coloring outside the lines that you get with a shave or a bleach, but... It just makes everyone look unattractive. Is it unattractive? But do they get so unattractive that they look hot? Yeah, it's like a fucking nose ring, bro. It's like a fucking septum piercing. No, no, no. No, septum piercing is a tragedy. I think a nose piercing or a septum piercing on the right person can be very subjective on whether or not that's attractive. You got, you know, Zoe Kravitz gets a little tiny septum piercing. Nope. You're saying you ain't going to be down with that? She'd be better without it. Everyone's better without it is my point. The same way everyone's better with eyebrows. That's my only point. Sure, it can look fine, but it would be better if you didn't have it. I don't know anyone who has shaved or bleached the eyebrows. a unanimous reception of like oh you look so much better now or you look so much more attractive and i don't know if it is it like no like a like a political statement or like a true act of rebellion or no it's like i've read too many issues of id magazine and i want to look as weird as i possibly can but usually what it is is i'm so hot that I want to look as weird as possible so people think that I suffer like they do. It's like the original version is shaving the head. Exactly. Right, right, right. But I don't think it's – I don't see it. It's one of those things that you see online, don't see it in real life that much. It's a good point. But these people got to go out. Yeah, they do go out, but it's in Germany. So we're not going to catch them that often. So anyone who – if you've bleached or shaved and you have a good reason that we haven't come up with,

Drop me a DM or I guess we'll ask our guest. There's no way. I need to get to the – because I've seen it so much that there has to be some type of like psychological thing underneath it or behind it. It reminds me of when – before face tattoos became popular and it was like you would be ostracized from society and there was like studies that showed if you had face tattoos, you're more likely to commit suicide because of the way people would treat you in public. Similar kind of thing. Not as much of a drastic scale. I'm kidding. I agree. And speaking of suicide, I was just reading this article. The guy who bought Studio 54 after the original, after Schrager and the other guy, he's going to kill himself. Assisted. Assisted suicide legally. And he sounds like a cool guy. And I like his story and his reasoning. I mean, it's terrible. It's really sad. I think it's... What is the reasoning? So he has some type of neurological disorder that the doctors can't figure out exactly what it is. It's like sort of Parkinson's-y, but nobody really knows. 2016, one of his legs just kind of stopped having any life to it, unresponsive. So he's just dragging one leg around, and then it sort of, I think, just like escalated from there. And now he's like, mentally, I think he's there. He's like, my life sucks. I just like take Xanax all day. My wife has to, like, change my clothes. I can't take a shit without, you know, like, I'm good. I'm all set. I'm paying this guy in Switzerland 15 bands. And then, you know, I drink my little Gatorade. Because it's legal in Switzerland. Yeah, it's legal. Yeah, I think that's cool. As long as you jump through all the hoops. I think that's cool. I think it's cool to tell people that. I think it's cool, too, and to, like, set a date and be like, all right, July 13th. That's when I'm going to die. And then. Of course, I'll fly first class. It's going to be my last flight. I can't wait. Yeah, I would love to eat a kind of nice in-flight pasta as my last meal. I think they asked him what his last meal was, and he's like, I eat good every night, so I'm straight. I'm like, damn, you're going down like a T-shirt. He gave a T-shirt response? Oh, I've eaten good for years. That's what I would say. They're saying I don't need – like I can have a pizza. Honestly, I'm good. So, yeah, he seems –

I saw that a couple... Like a kindred spirit, and I hope that I don't get to that position where I'm going to have to Ghislaine Maxwell myself. You won't. By the time this episode comes out, do you think she's going to be dead? No. No. They put her on Suicide Watch this weekend. She's a damn cockroach. She ain't going to die. Ghislaine's going to outlive all of us. Okay, so they're going to... Ghislaine is going to live to 200. Speaking of 36 Chambers, she's in Brooklyn right now on SuiWatch. So you're saying she's scrappy and cockroachy enough that three fucking Jack Reachers are going to come in there and set up the bed sheet noose that she accidentally falls into and she's going to duck and dodge them? No, I just think that if she was going to die in a controversial way... Thanks for saying it in French. That would have already happened. I think that would have already happened. Really? Yeah. Yeah, I mean, I guess... If you're in jail and you've been found guilty of like 200 crimes, 150 years of jail time, at that point you're like, okay, this is the time. Yeah, this is the time. Is this going to get worse? Maybe she's like, all right, in nine months I'm going to be sentenced. Maybe. And there's a good, I might just get, you know, time served and community service. Yeah. Ghislaine gets out on time served. I got to do 200 hours. It's going to suck, but like, whatever, man. I got to donate a grip, but. No, maybe. I mean, the thing is, somebody like that, I mean, the money she could make for writing a book, that I could at least pay her legal bills. Yeah, but if she writes the book. Then she's going to get killed. Yeah, as soon as the Bic makes this sound, there's a red dot on the forehead. Bill Clinton's pulling out the sticky. Don't make me do it. Yeah, so yeah, no more suicide. There's been trouble in Glendale, speaking of suburban life. What's going on?

Did somebody not clean up after their dog? There's a drought in California. I don't know if you knew that. I thought it was a drought. You're not saying a mixtape. This is like an actual problem where you can't shower for long enough. There's a real drought. I mean, I don't know how different it is from the drought that's been happening ever since I've been alive. Sure. Yeah, the drought seems never ending, yet the rules seem to shift. Sounds a lot like your friend Fauci, doesn't it? Yes, it does. Yes, it does. And they're like, okay, this summer we're in a real drought, like for realsies this time. No, no, we were playing a little bit before, honestly, but this time, like, your grass is going to die. So they said you can only water the lawn Saturdays, Tuesdays, 10 minutes per zone, and they moved it to only one day a week. Let me ask you a quick question. Let me ask you a quick question. How many zones do I have? Quick question. No, that's not the question. My question to you is, are they actually policing this? Are they looking at usage? Are the feds driving around during other times doing a welfare check on your grass? Just like Fauci, they're depending on your friends and neighbors to narc on you. Let me tell you what, in the suburbs, that works. It really does work. Well, the thing that you're starting to see now is, You'll see a house next to another house. They both have amazing properties. The lawn is looking good, the flowers and everything. But one house has dark green grass and one house has yellow dry grass. So it's very clear that one person is obeying the rules and one person isn't. But there's no way to police it. So then it's just like you're a dick and you're a pussy, I guess. Let me tell you something right now. Break it down, brother. I'd be watering whenever the fuck I feel like it. If you tell me and I find out, let's see what happens. Oh, did your dog disappear? Oh, no. Oh, your tires seem flat. That's crazy. I'm sorry to hear that. Well, I think some of that is sort of going on. I think it depends on whose house it is in the narking because you kind of know who's going to do it. But there's a reward, I think, if you nark on someone. How much is the reward?

I don't know. They probably give you like $20 credit on your water. But there's a fine if they catch you. What's the fine? It's $1,000. Let me tell you something. It's like that reel I sent you of the guy saying we're good over here and just spraying gas in the pump on the ground. That's what I'd be doing. Well, that's what's also happening is people are saying like, yeah, I'll just pay $1,000. I'll put up a water slide in my front yard with a constant stream going down and invite all the kids over. And water the yard and say, what? Come get me. I got a band for you. That's not a problem. So just like every other thing, the people who are able to afford the luxury of paying that extra fee are able to live comfortably. A lot of parallels with what's going on today in the country. If you consider living comfortably, having a nice yard, then yes, you're right. That's not really a high priority for some people. Being able to spend $1,000 without thinking on a fine so that your grass stays looking nice during the summertime. No, it's definitely unnecessary, but I'm sorry to hear that's going on, and I hope that you... Well, I have those sprinklers, and I have them run at like 3 in the morning when nobody knows. Everybody could do that, right? Everybody could do that. I'm not the feds, but are you saying that you're maybe... Are you saying that you're... I definitely cut down my watering. You've cut down, but you haven't... But I'm not... I'm close to where I should be within the legal parameters, but I'm still... You're working to get there. I'm not working to get there. Okay, so you're staying kind of where you're at. I'm working to stay on where I'm at. The escalate is parked, and we're not moving it until this party is over. I'm kind of... shoot first, ask questions next kind of thing. Oh, that's an American for you. Don't ask permission. Apologize. Yeah, that's right. That's right. That's right. My bad, bro. Um, so it looks like the last time we were talking on a Sunday, Beyonce had just come out. Was that song already dead? Dead. Dead. I was, I was in even the gay community can't save her. Like, I think they like want to, but they're also like, Oh,

I don't know what it would be comparable to, but it was a fever and then... No, it was over. It was over very... But I think that's like everything, dude. The Drake thing is over too. The Drake thing is just not part of the conversation anymore. People don't even want to make jokes about it. No, it's over. It was a three-day window where it mattered. Well, I was in Equinox a couple days ago. Shout out to my family over at Equinox. And they were playing Katy Perry. Swish Swish. Oh, yeah. I've seen that live, and she brings out a huge basketball goal. It's very cool. Okay. So that song is basically the Beyonce song, except the rapping is done by Nicki Minaj. Yeah. A wonderful female rapper. One of the greatest of all time. Only bested by Young M.A. and Azalea Banks. You're right. Or some Flamilli shit. Young M.A., one of the most underrated of all time. She's a barista. I mean, I was... I was speaking of rap music. I was listening to the new French Montana and Harry Fraud. La Musica. I tell you what. French Montana, he said, busting down Oreos like Lizzo. What do you think he means by that? Ounces. I explained this to Alex, and she was like, damn, okay. I was like, yeah, he's any word. No, not the Oreos. I meant the Lizzo. I think he's saying that he's. busting down quite a few ounces, and that Lizzo is eating quite a lot of Oreos. She's also able to process a sleeve. She's not doing grams. She's not doing quarters. She's doing sleeves. She's doing O's. She's doing zones. He has multiple genius lines. I don't want to jump the gun here, but I think French is back. I think we should be checking for French. To me, French never left. He always had He always had a quirky, cheeky, funny little bar, just like the one you said, where it's like, you know, he's got his foot over the line and he's saying, what are you going to do about it? Yeah, but I also like, he did this, and obviously Rick Ross did it to a lesser extent. When a rapper goes quiet career-wise and goes sicko mode and gets like ripped, and all of a sudden Fresh Montana's got his shirt off and he's got a six-pack, and then they just kind of like, eh, you know.

I'm ordering Philippe Chow every night to the studio, and I'm drinking Veuve. I'm good. Whatever. So like every other artist, when the body's looking good, the music's not so good. It's like a lot of things. You need French high. Right. I mean, Gucci is probably the prime example of that. Yeah, the number one. Adele is up there. I mean, speaking of... Her new album is... No, no. It's good, but it's not. No, it's not. Also, Adele really fucked up that Vegas thing. I think it's very bad for her. I think fans hate her. Why did she cancel it again? Because she's a diva is what I heard. Because she didn't like how the stage design was going. These musicians got to chill on stage design. If you're good, you know what you don't need? Fucking flying saucers and stage design. If you can go out there and rip. That's why I was so impressed with Maggie Rogers at Coachella. It's like, I got a band. And, like, there's some shit going on behind me, but, like, I'm just going to kind of do my thing. I didn't pay $300,000 for, like, a set of, like, fake mushrooms. There's not 15, 18 wheelers outside that put me on Mars and I'm flying into the... It's just, like... And I know that, like, that's the whole thing. Like, even Harry, like, at Coachella, it wasn't that crazy. It was, like... He had a white staircase that was very nice, but everything else was just on my own. It was just kind of like, I got a band, and if you have a band and they're good enough and your songs are good enough, you don't need that shit. But I was... I'm having absolute FOMO about not being at Glastow. You've never been, right? No. No. So Olivia Rodrigo... Brought out my queen, Lily Allen. The scoutist? Yeah, she was... With Lily Allen? Yeah, and also Olivia Rodrigo knew every offending member of the Supreme Court off top. Off the dome? That's impressive. That is impressive. I mean, obviously, she probably had to practice that. Maybe she had a teleprompter. I don't think so. I think she knew it. Who wouldn't have to practice it? Yeah, everyone would have to practice it. But yeah, she brought out Lily Allen to say, fuck you, a classic Lily song. Lily looking amazing, three years sober in Chanel. Lily Allen, 35, looking sublime, three years sober in Chanel. She looked amazing. She brought her kids. I followed it on Instagram. I followed her Glassdoor journey on Instagram. Did she bring that big doofus husband to hers? Yeah.

Yeah. Bro, that guy would be cashing checks, though. I don't give a shit. Don't be a hater because he's cashing more checks than you. I'm a hater because he stole your chick. That's true. Thank you for that. The back hair situation must be something. He's smelling crazy. I mean, I've never seen Stranger Things. Keep it that way. So my chick got Invisalign last week. And it's been an interesting ride. It's like a real kind of dietary. Appetite Restrictant. Yeah. It's like a lap band kind of vibe. Once she told me that, I began looking into Invisalign, and it seems like a pretty affordable option. So you have the thing. It's in there at all times. Ideally, you're wearing it nonstop. Treyway. Yes, Treyway. You have multiple trays of Invisalign. So you put your mouth guard in, but if you have even a single morsel. Even if you have a single ginger snap from Cafe Lux, the Britwood Country Mart, for example, you would have to do a full brush. Yeah, so every time you eat, you have to take the Invisalign off, and then you have to brush before you put them back on, or else you're just creating a Petri dish. And you know this, because this is the same way with your grill. So you guys sit down for dinner, you take out your kind of iced-out diamond teeth, and she takes out her Invisalign, and then you guys dig into that Pad Thai together. That's right. That's nice. So you basically have to remove snacking altogether. It's not unlike my water. Some of us can remove snacking with mental fortitude, but I guess you have to spend all this money and fix your teeth. Some of us can. None of them are in this room right now, but some of us can. Okay. We'll check my snack closet. We'll check your snack closet to see what's more stocked. I'd rather check the scale, sweetheart. My shit look barren. I'd rather have the scale looking great and my snack drawer looking large and in charge. I even have raisins in there just to mix it up. No one likes raisins. I put it in my oatmeal raisin cookies that I make whenever I want. All by myself. First of all, raisins are punishment. Don't come for nature's candy. The only time I think about raisins is I think about being a middle schooler and throwing them back at a house that gave them to us on Halloween.

And hitting the door. Oh, fuck. Hard. With authority? With authority. So you're saying that Invisalign is a nice option if you're trying to shed a few pounds and get the teeth straight. Yeah. And also, even for like a drink. If you're drinking anything other than water, you have to do the same thing. Yeah. So even like a flavored La Croix, a coffee. a juice, whatever, you got to brush before you put it on again. So it's like every time you go into the kitchen to eat something, you have to clean the entire kitchen. Yeah, that's, I mean, twice. I didn't realize it was that crazy. Neither did I. It's kind of fucked up. Yeah, it's like a little intense. I mean, it's fine, of course. Obviously, there's benefits, but it seems pretty, you know. I know, but it does remind me of like the water, my water theories going on, which seemed every day people keep sending me all these water clips from other podcasts. Other shows stealing our water flow. Are you saying there's two hosts and one is a drinker and one's not? I'm saying the gone effect is happening in the water. In the water space. The fact that we haven't been contacted directly for a water sponsorship. And I don't want liquid death. I want some good shit. Truly anyone but liquid death will probably accept. The fact that we don't have a Virgil Abloh style Avion glass bottle. I know. Crazy. It can be a limited 50 set. It doesn't have to be much. We just need the flick. We don't need to actually sell them. It doesn't need to be at the heb. I mean, I like your theory and I like it for you. But after the facial where the facialist told me I looked 10 years younger and then said that a majority of that was for my water consumption, I chose to believe her. And she's right. But at what cost is the problem? You look 10 years younger in the face because you're so bloated with that poisonous water that is kind of stretching out your skin. Nature's Botox, but then also you're 10 pounds heavier on the scale because of that.

Satan's H2O. Well, yeah, Jason, but some of us exercise. Breaking havoc on the inside of your body. Some of us do cardio, which actually encourages sweat. That's not for me. It's interesting. So I'm sweating. I agree with you, though. I think that I definitely do drink too much water, but it's an addiction, and it's not one I'm willing to give up. No, no, no. If you have to have a vice, which we all clearly do, I think that's a great one. But for me, I'm learning that even though I'm a Great Dane-sized person, I'm built like a sparrow in terms of the bone structure. You're a bitch, is what you're saying. No, I'm saying I should be eating and drinking like a little birdie. Yeah, well, I know that. We all should be. I mean, we should all be eating less and drinking less. I saw bringing the water into the sauna, and then you just don't get thirsty. I don't bring water into a sauna, actually. Okay. I just don't. I would pour it on my head, maybe. Oh, yeah. But drinking it, it's too hot in there. Water, get hot. Well, the problem is it's too, like, since I have the sauna here in the house, it makes it very easy to get a metal Yeti tumbler, fill it all the way up with some bomb-ass ice cubes from the Sub-Z, water straight from the Berkey into there. Couldn't be colder, and it stays cold even in the 150-degree sauna. I see, I see. So you're in there blasting. You have the double-walled Yeti that keeps, you're able to kind of have a nice hot soup on the job site. And then also have an ice-cold sip of gay rage. The gazpacho stays. That's crazy, dude. That's cool, man. I'm in the sauna. I'm sweating like ghee lawn. Just waiting. Waiting, waiting. And I pop open the Yedits, and it's just so cold. But the problem is that's all you think about. And then you're looking at the clock, and you're like, all right, I have enough. I got about 11 sips out of this if I go slow. Got to factor in how the ice is going to melt. And you're not meditating. You're not relaxing. You're just thinking about, I hope I have enough water. Okay. And if you remove that from the situation. I don't think you're wrong. I mean, we're not really making any points in either direction. No, no. Well, we're at a stalemate on this issue. We're both locked into our positions, and we're not budging. But I found that liquid IV and also the other liquid IV that came with our soft services gift pack. Oh, the hydration powder.

Check out the new Soft Services Speed Soak Skin Rehydrating Gel. It's like Gatorade for your fucking skin. It is. It's a crazy product, though, because it's basically lotion, but it's like... I like it. It's a lotion that's mixed with... It's like a gel. Ultrasound gel that you put on your stomach when you're having your little baby. Is it a boy? When you're doing your gender reveal ultrasound. Relatively odorless. Yeah, it's odorless. But if you get those packs and just... You can have like a day's worth of hydration in just an eight-ounce cup of water. I know, but everything's flavored. I don't want flavors. That's why I love water. It's no flavor like me. I want no flavor. I don't want like – But a Concord Grape liquidized – Oh, Concord Grape? What is wrong with you? It's sort of like – I don't know. It becomes like a dark treat. You like nasty shit as a challenge. I don't. Like, if I'm going to hydrate, I'd rather drink all this water than one eight-ounce glass of some lemon-lime powder, even though that probably works better. For me, it's a little more of a can't-beat-em, join-em kind of thing. Like, I'm the same as you. I don't want it either. But if it's the only option, I'm going to learn to embrace it. Well, now that you have a trainer, I'm sure you have a blender bottle with you. No, no, no. So you're just kind of shaking. I don't teen up like that. You're shaking between sets like you're a bartender with a mustache. I was asking him, I'm like, what's up with the Celsius? Everyone loves Celsius so much. And he's like, well, no sugar, no calories. And he's like, the carbonation makes me feel like I'm drinking a soda. If you get the carbonated flavors, but then also he's saying like the tweaker spracked out that you get from an energy drink or a pre-workout, it's more mellow on the Celsius for whatever reason. But it gets you lit, apparently. It gets you lit, but you don't have like the shakes, like the pre-workout shakes. Like bang gives you or something. Yeah, I mean it's very popular at Easton. I see it all the time. Again, I look at it. I've never tried it, and I see the flavors. My friend Jacob was like, I replaced coffee with this shit.

Yeah, I just can't imagine cracking like a sour apple. That's what I'm saying. I see the flavors and I'm like, well, there's a cola. That's kind of interesting. But like, yeah, like, oh, wait, you know what I saw yesterday? Besides the coffee kombucha, which is fucking twisted. I'm down to try that. I saw, so, you know, I'm a big, you know, I love like a light white chick popcorn. Today at Whole Foods. A light. White chick popcorn. Like a shelf-stable boom chicka pop type shit. Himalayan sea salt. They're launching flavors now. Over it. I can't remember which one this is. To me, nothing worse than the shelf-stable popcorn. Organic popcorn cherry lime. Oh, hell no. And there's a watermelon. What's the brand? It's the one with Buddha on it. You know it. cherry lime popcorn like what is wrong with us that we have like why even eat corn that's just eat a cherry no i mean seriously it's like guys do we really need are we that stupid that like a relatively healthy snack has to be like dipped in disgusting like that's like starburst it's it's like going to uh fucking Peter Luger and dipping your steak in the side of ranch. The steak isn't good enough? It's crazy. Hot buttered popcorn. That's a beautiful flavor. And they bought the end caps too. They're spending money on this shit, Chief. They're really pushing this product. And I'm just like, this is a bridge too far. And also, if you're going to be adding this crazy fucking flavor, add it to something that is sort of healthy or nutritious, like a quinoa puff or something. Because eating a bunch of corn... It's not the healthiest thing in the world. Sure. It's a good way to have a snack. I prefer the only thing that should be put on popcorn is nutritional yeast. No, butter and salt, bro. And I can only eat popcorn when it's freshly popped, still warm from the popper. Otherwise, like the day-old popcorn, when I was a kid, that was the most disgusting shit I could ever see. Wow. You had a real tough childhood.

You have a movie night, popcorn the next morning. There's a few kernels in the bowl. My brother would grab a couple, pop them in his mouth. I don't think I've ever – I'm trying to think of the last time I ate popcorn at a movie. All the time. No, never. I only drink water in a movie. Maybe a coffee. In the movie theater, the whole point of a movie theater is obviously you have the collective energy of watching the film together, laughing, crying, blah, blah, blah. Throwing Skittles at the screen. But the real beauty of it is the naughtiness of gorging on food in anonymity, but also surrounded by 500 people. Are you supposed to get top in the theater if you're eating popcorn, though? You can do both. Oh, I see. You're a real expert. No, I... My movie going, though, was strictly mostly in New York, and I would go to Angelica at noon on a weekend day. How many milligrams? A lot. I was motherfucking zooted. Because this is pill head activity. The amount of movies I've seen that I don't remember at all, like stuff like classics, I'm like, I don't know. Many of them screening time before noon. Always. Catch you 1135. I would love to be 1135 screening of like a of a Oscar nominated film. Absolutely zonked out with with a big ass avion and nothing but my thoughts. To me, the big ass Coca-Cola with the crushed ice. No, no, it's an opportunity. I think people love it. I think you're right. I think people love to gorge with popcorn. Because you get this flywheel of eating the popcorn, drinking the soda, popcorn soda, and then you just get your humming. That's like the peak of snack blackout where you feel high in a bad way, like the devil has taken you over. But you get a little bit of a mental release. Seems like it would wreak havoc on your innards, though. I mean, yeah, you eat a large popcorn. I bet you're one of those freaks. You probably dump M&Ms in that bitch. No, no, no, no, no, no. When people say that, I'm like, so you...

I also, honestly, what it is, my hands get too dirty. Yeah, there is that. The M&Ms and the popcorn, that's sort of cherry lime. How does that work? The M&Ms melt if the popcorn's hot, so then you're just picking it like it's disgusting. Not only do you have chocolate on your fingers, but you also have the thin candy shell food coloring. Yeah. I don't want to look like I jerked off a Teletubby. No, it's not good. Your hands do get a little dirty when you're eating the popcorn. Maybe I don't remember some of these movies also because I'm taking so many bathroom breaks. You know what I mean? Because I am hydrating. But that's, you know, I'm not a re-watcher, so whatever. Throw it to the wind, bro. Who cares? Nowadays, of course, I will bring only a water in there. Well, you did see that your favorite, everybody's favorite movie, Top Gun. What happened? Crossed a billion dollars in revenue. And it's still only in theaters. That's right. All you had to do in the COVID movie theater world was make a movie that everyone wanted to see. Wasn't there that one movie that was like, this is the first COVID release and it was like some weird. I forgot what it was. There was a movie that was... I saw it. The Judd Apatow one that was made during COVID about COVID? No, no, no. It was a real movie that they were the first blockbuster that was going to break the movie theater curse and bring everyone back into the theaters. It was some shape-shifting kind of psychological thriller. Everything is so dumb. And it took a big turd. It took a big turd. But Top Gun, it took Top Gun to come through and bust it wide open. Make a hole. That's what they did. That's what Tom did. He blew the hole open. So now Judd can get back to making movies for the theater. This is 50. I wish Judd would stop making movies. That'd be better for everybody. He's in a cold streak. He's had to adjust to a streaming-only world. When he did that book about him interviewing comedians when he was a child, and there's all those tapes of him. being a dorky-ass mouth breather kissing Seinfeld's ass outside of a comedy club. I was like, dude, we don't need this, dude. We don't need this. Like, I don't need to hear you at 14 interview Jerry Seinfeld. Like, who wants to hear that? Like, I don't want to hear you interview Jerry Seinfeld today. I'm embarrassed of interviews I did a year ago. Oh, yeah. When I was 40. But it's like he thinks it's like this is like sharing the process. You can do it, too. It's like, no, you can't.

No 12-year-old, unless it's JoJo Siwa or whatever with YouTube followers, is going to get anywhere near Jerry Seinfeld. You could, I guess, learn from his mistakes and skip all of that. Yeah, don't be a nerd. That's the greatest lesson we could all learn. Don't be a nerd. But he's one nerd that he's like, if you're going to be a nerd, here's one way to do it and get a good life. I also saw... Marry out of your league, et cetera. Just quickly, I saw that Phoebe is... Phoebe Bridgers is opening for the Rolling Stones at Hyde Park. That's odd. It's so sick, and I've never been more bummed to miss something. I don't know if she's going to be able to be rocking enough for that. Her set is very melancholy. I don't think it matters. No, it doesn't matter. But I think a lot of the openers for the Stones at Hyde Park are not what you would expect. It's unconventional. Yeah, we should get some new stuff out here, right? Like some new bands. Something new. Who else is opening? Do you know? I can't remember. It's all, but it's all like that. It's all kind of like, oh. Thursday, we got Run the Jewels. Bro, imagine Run the Jewels, Mick Jagger being like, yeah, I love these guys. After we play, Marshmello's going to get up for a bit. Oh, God, Run the Jewels is the worst band on earth. They're not a band. I'm sorry, the collective? Yeah. A duo. Oh, it's a movement. I think we should go. I think we should have a kind of a duel since there's two of us and two of them. What kind of duel? Coolness. A cool duel? Yeah. Yeah. Okay, who's judging this cool duel? Their fans. I want to teach them what they could be into. The problem is their fans could probably beat us up. Not all of them. I mean. I can take Aesop Rock myself. So if you need some help, I don't know what to tell you. Clearly I have my work cut out for me and you've been doing the work. All right, well, how long gone? That's it. We have two great comedic guests coming up this week that I'm looking forward to. One of them might have bleached eyebrows. One of them might not. Both of them might actually. That's fun for you. I can't wait to hear about comedy. And of course, yeah, they can't be all.

They can't all be bands that have 7,000 followers. I know. Howlonggone is here. Howlonggone.com is a website. I think we had a bunch of extra sales on the hats and shirts, and I think they're all shipped out now. It's out. Thank you guys for supporting. Any other news? You know how the mail is these days. I swear to God, the USPS comes multiple times per day, a couple days a week. And it's like they get – I'll get an Amazon package at 10 p.m. Oh, okay, okay. But they're like – it's just weird. Like the mailman used to come once a day, and that's what it was. Now it's kind of more of like a – yeah, we come on Tuesdays and Thursdays. Catch his catch can. Yeah, but it's fine. Like I don't have a problem, but it's just – Is this a Biden thing or a Fauci thing? I mean I can blame both those guys for everything. Whoever – yeah. Between the Supreme Court, Biden, and Fauci. We got problems and it's not just the USPS. And it's fucking up your doorstep. There has been a lot of erratic package deliveries. Mail coming multiple times on a Sunday. It's a little jarring for a boomer like us. Sunday used to be like, come on. I got the golf on. But I was going to have a nice tuna sandwich. Yeah, like I'm sitting down to breakfast after church and all of a sudden there's a mailman outside. Once the sun goes down a little bit, probably get the car wash. All right, Jesus Christ. How long gone? Bye. Bye.