407. - Chris & Jason

All right, this episode of How Long Gone is brought to you by Stateside with Kai and Carter, a new podcast from The Guardian. And they are using this podcast to slow down the news and wrestle with the questions that we all have about what's happening in the world. And they do it three times a week, Jason. Does that sound familiar to you? We don't really talk about, you know, a lot of international global news items and climates and cultures and sports and things like that. We do talk about fashion and wellness, but for everything else, Kai and Carter are a great place. All right, so who couldn't use more news? Listen wherever you get your podcast. or watch on YouTube. How long gone is here? Them jeans on microphone one. Chrisley knows best on microphone two. What's going on, bro? How are you? We just got back from SF. We just JSX'd from Oakland to Burbank, and I had lots of stuff to do when I got home, so I'm feeling a little road-hard and put up wet. We had a great weekend in the shitty town of San Francisco. I guess first, yeah, we did. The first time I've had a good trip to San Francisco since Clinton was in office, maybe, I don't know. But we did a couple of shows in L.A. Our L.A. run is done. Troubadour could have done better, but it sold out. It was a good show, but great is the word I would use for Highland Park. No, I would agree. Like you said yesterday, maybe it was our best show to date. Yeah, we were just, you know, I don't know what it was. Maybe I was hydrated. Maybe the energy was palpable in the room. We just had to pump one out. Clean the chamber. So then we're ready to go, you know? Yeah, no, of course. Clear eyes, clear hearts. Yeah, that's what I do with my revolver as well. So I kind of know the process at the range. Yeah, I mean, I don't want to talk about it really, but I didn't mean to bring it up here. But no, no, I agree. And I just, you know, the way they treat you at the lodge room, it makes you feel like a damn rock star. And that could be part of it. I think it puts, when they have a refrigerator full of Mountain Valley and San Pellegrino and they bring you cigarettes and 818,

I feel ready to perform. Yeah, it's the little things. No, it really is. It really is. And that's the difference between a four-star and a five-star hotel. I would say parking the Porsche directly in front of the Troubadour was nice, but there's also nowhere else to park, so I think that they kind of have to offer that to you. There were some spots in the back, but there was a giant, one of those trucks that's a Harley-Davidson edition that has skulls on it and shit. It was taking up like every spot. It's a three-spacer. I went to pick up. I forgot to pick up the check for that show, and I had to go back the next day. You went over, and they sent you over to Accounts Receivable? Yeah, which was in an office, and it looks like a – I had to double park, first of all. Once again, there's nowhere to fucking park, so I'm back there. It's like behind the venue. Like, oh, yeah, just come up. And I come up, and it literally looks like a fucking dorm room in there. It's just like – two cool chicks that are like super nice and it's just covered in posters and I think they probably smoke weed like in the bathroom and blow it out of the window. I got a fun job. Yeah, it's a fun job. It's a fun job. I feel like a club of that status books itself. You know what I mean? Yeah, I guess so. We were talking yesterday about the GM of the restaurant putting the laptop on the bar. There's a little bit of that energy where you walk into a venue like that and there's just a rogue laptop sitting on a bar and no one ever steals it somehow. No. You just keep, you know, you got the spreadsheets there where you're keeping track of seeing what's coming up for the next couple weeks. You know what the schedule's looking like. Making sure all the deposits are paid. Got a case of Newcastle supposed to be here by three. We don't get those on ice. We got doors at 7. If the Newcastle's here at 3, getting on ice is going to be pushing it. I mean, those things are $6. Girls versus boys is going to have a tough time without the cold am stuff. That's the one thing they asked for. Yeah, so that was great. And thank you to all the people who came out. And it was a fun time at the Burger Lords. After a party, I got to sort of sit behind the bar. Who is that a fun time for, exactly? You?

It was a fun time for me as well as my family. I call them family, but listeners of the show, you know, Orville Peck was there trying to act like he hopes nobody recognizes him. He kept calling me toxic, and I'm like, bro, you're the one that's toxic, actually, if you really want to talk about it. I don't want to get into it right now, but... Yeah, when he would get a little... I mean, I don't remember that much from alcohol, but we'd get to talking. He might get a little... Handsy? C-U-N-T-Y. Not handsy. Oh, he was getting handsy with me. He kept talking about my pecs. Is that right? That's right. Okay. Well, he was physically abusing you. He was mentally and emotionally abusing me, and I'd have to throw out a little... Orville, cut it out. It's lucky that we're not in town for his little rodeo at the Greek, or we would maybe have to storm the stage. We'd throw tomato soup on him like he was a damn. Yeah, he would get a deli container of Gelson's mashed potatoes all over that Monet face of his. I just painted your face with tomato soup. Also, at that show, fellow local musician, Rostam, right when he got off stage, he's like, I loved your outfit. It was so awesome, but maybe we... I didn't love the shoes, though. And this is... This is 30 seconds off the stage. 30 seconds after. He's like, great show. One of my PAs is putting the towel around my shoulders. Great show, boss. Great show. Still humming from that. John Early is high-fiving us. We really did it. I felt like this was the one. And Rostam's little ass in there being like, I didn't love the shoes that you were wearing on stage. Maybe next time you can put you up. Can you imagine being in the studio with him and being a superstar and he's like, I didn't really love that solo you played. I think you should try that again. It came from a place of... something i guess i'm sure a place of love but he's he's a roaster and and we are also roasters so you kind of have to take it you have to take it you have to take it in stride even if you did just leave the stage 30 seconds before yeah and he should know that as a fellow stage member i think he i think maybe it was some sort of like stage hazing type vibe oh okay like oh you thought this was cute like i do this to danielle when they get off the stage at the bowl you know what i mean yeah like whatever cold play did for whoever's a

A band that would open for Coldplay. Yeah, no, for sure. What Coldplay did for... What Travis did for Coldplay when they were first starting out, switch it over to... No, but the good part was like the next day, Rossum sent me a text saying like, I'm so sorry about the shoes. You did a great show. I shouldn't have said that. Like I said before, I loved your outfit. I thought you guys looked great. Again, I'm sorry for doing that. And then I left him on red for a day and a half. Yeah. And then I wrote back, all caps, fuck you, with five exclamation points. And he hasn't responded yet. I think that... I feel like I'm just glad that I was there to witness that roasting because it made me feel good. Keep me humble. Yeah. Now I'm thirsty for my next show because I've got to prove myself. No, of course. No, the show was good. The party was good. And I was lucky enough to take home a Burger Lords. to-go meal vip kind of treatment oh sick you know i'd have to eat the sliders i got a full-size burger you had a protein style lettuce wrap where they take lettuce and wrap it more lettuce at the vegan vegan burger restaurant i had a regular one i'm not i don't do that actually you don't do protein style no no why is that because if i'm gonna eat a burger you're a fucking man well i'm already eating a veggie burger so i'm a pussy so if i'm gonna do i can't I can't. You can't be a top and a bottom. Exactly. I can't be like, no cheese, no vegan A's, no bun. That's too much. It's just like, also Burger Lords, I feel like they do such a good job that I'm happy to like. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm going to take it how they do it. The bun is clearly pasture raised, grain finished and fed. Of course. Yeah, of course. Grass finished and fed. I'm so sorry. It's okay. I won't let it happen again. Yeah, that was great. It was awesome. And then the very next day, we did go to San Francisco. The Bay Area, a nice little JSX from Burbank to Oakland. And then we got to go to a great dinner for the Tom Brown Clothing Company. I like when you call it a clothing company. Yeah, Tom is opening a, or did open, I think it's open, a store in San Francisco. So there's a little dinner to celebrate at a restaurant called Keats. Quince. Quince?

So quince is the name of a fruit. We've probably seen a quince paste on one of your little charcuterie boards. It's a great way to offset some of the rich fattiness of some of the pork products. That's why I'm less familiar with it than you, maybe, because I've never ordered a charcuterie board in my entire life. But I like your Latinx possible pronunciation of quince as a quince. That was your... abbreviation for someone's quinceañera. Yes, that's kind of where my head goes because I've kind of attended. We are on the eve of Dia de los Muertos and Chris, of course, is wearing his sugar skull makeup and that's kind of why he's here and there's some of it on his arm and his shirt. Thank God I have a sugar skull on my arm to remind me every year about this. This is a video podcast. Special time. Yeah, we switch over to video just for this. Happy Halloween. Do you have one of those tatted on you? Of course, bro. Oh yeah, I forgot about that. Of course. I forget about it, too. It was a serious kind of tasting menu, but I really liked the room. I thought it was cool. Quince is a literal three Michelin star restaurant. And usually it's like the best ones are one, and then the sort of excellent crazy ones like Noma, those are two. And then the ones that are three are usually some weird sideways shit, like restaurants that haven't changed since 2004 type of thing. White tablecloth. fussy kind of vibe. I found this to be like... I don't know. I thought it was going to be fussier, to be honest. It didn't give me the heebie-jeebies like some of those places do. Sometimes it's just like, you guys got to fucking calm down. I'm saying the server would joke with me and shit. You know what I mean? It wasn't like... I have my top button buttoned, and I do not acknowledge you. But I think that's because we were at the cool fashion clothing company event and not, you know, my two-top for my grandpa's birthday type shit. Yeah, that's true. That's true. But they had these crazy wine distribution. Yeah, yeah. They're called the Porron, or it's like a very long decanter. But it looks like the thing they do the ouzo with. Yeah, that's a Porron.

Oh, it is. It's the same thing. Kind of. This is a hybrid. This is a decanting poron, but I think it's just one of those dramatic things. We're charging $400 for this dinner, so we have to have some fucking flashy shit. Did you ask for him to do it in your mouth, and he kind of said no, or did you just say, glass is fine tonight? I mean, the wine that was being paired with our four-course meal, a little light, Tom, but you know. It was like bottles that were 30 years old. Oh, it was. A couple of them were like 1989, like Loire Valley type shit or something like that. So it was like some big dog wine that deserves a decantation. Okay. And they did open for Hatebreed on, I think it was 98. There was a split 10-inch, actually. I do remember that. I do remember that. My local distributor had a hard time getting that one. Yeah, and then the dinner was closed out by a friend of the show, Maggie Rogers, which I have to say, bro, doing... Getting up in front of a seated room and playing an acoustic guitar and singing songs is tough. I could only imagine, yeah. I have to say, she sounded good. She sounded amazing. No warm-up, no practice, just kind of like... Okay, this one's called Ring. Yeah, I was impressed. And then just belting it out. Yeah, I wonder about that sometimes. You hear podcasts with comedians talking about horror stories like I did a corporate. Yeah. You know, like I had to do the Procter & Gamble luncheon in 94 type of shit and blah, blah, blah. But the ones that people say are the worst ones is when like the rich person. has, like, the party at his house for 24 of his friends, and they're all smoking cigars and drinking 1942. And let's get a comedian here to kind of roast us a little bit. All right, so we're going to start with Amy Schumer, and then Rude 5 is going to come right out and do a couple songs. Adam, what's up, bro? Good to see you. And is that, you know, wipes on the ice? Salt Bae's here now? Oh, fuck. It's like that. Bro, this is the best party ever.

All right, this episode of How Long Gone is brought to you by Quince. Jason, the temps are warming up. It's getting hot out there. Summer always changes how I get dressed. I need pieces that feel lighter, more breathable, and they're just easy, but still put together. I don't want to look like a slob. That's why I keep coming back to Quince. They focus on high-quality essentials that feel and look amazing. Breathable linen and soft organic cottons. Well-made basics, but without the luxury markups. That rare balance where everything feels elevated. but still effortless. Yeah, Chris, linen season is here. I wore a linen blazer to dinner a few nights ago in the warm California sun. But, you know, you got that Italy trip coming up this summer and quality European linen pants and shirts. Upgrade that look starting at just $34. You know, if you get a nice linen suit, a little t-shirt underneath it, some chill shoes, you're looking good, but you're staying cool. The inside of your special areas are nice and dry as you turn up with your besties. So elevate that summer wardrobe. Go to quince.com slash how long for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns, even on a nice holiday now available in Canada. That is Q-U-I-N-C-E dot com slash how long. That'll get you free shipping and 365 day returns. Quince punto com slash how long. This episode of How Long Gone is brought to you by Squarespace. Obviously, Jason, you and I spend a lot of time on the World Wide Web, sort of our peers, our listeners, our friends, our colleagues, maybe even your parents if they're freaky. And if you're doing anything in the world. writing, taking pictures. I do topless boxing. You need a website. Exactly, a website that works, that does what it's supposed to do, that allows you to be creative but also business-minded. Jason, there's one place to go for that, Squarespace. Yeah, Chris, I'm over here. I'm modifying calculators and putting Claude inside of them so you could cheat at school. And I just want a place where I could have everything all in one place. I can have the SEO tools.

So those future graduates can find me and, you know, I'm able to accept, quote unquote, donations for my services that might be gray area. You know what I mean? And then email campaigns. Hey, I got a new, you know, 2.3 version upgrade. Boom, boom, boom. Get the analytics going. Raise some money. You know, show your investor all of your cool analytics of what's going on. They're going to want to get in early and we can use Blueprint AI to make your website look as professional. as your competition, if not more. So head to squarespace.com slash howlong for a free trial. When you're ready to launch, use offer code howlong to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or a domain. Oh, this is huge for me personally. This episode of How I'm Gone is brought to you by TaskRabbit. Oh, baby, let me tell you something. This is not a joke. I use TaskRabbit a lot because I can't do anything. You need some art hung? TaskRabbit. You need a fucking... Something put together? A cabinet? Got to reach that cheese grater on the top shelf? TaskRabbit. Anything you need, TaskRabbit can take care of it for you. And, I mean, it... How it works, TaskRabbit connects you with skilled taskers in your area. They can help you move. They can assemble furniture, repairs, yard work, mounting, and more. You can search for a tasker based on cost, skill set, availability, and past client reviews so you know exactly who's showing up and can have confidence that they know what they're doing because taskers have assembled over 3.4 million pieces of furniture, completed 700,000 home repairs. handled 1.5 million moves, and the numbers are just going up, Jason. Yeah, throw a little money at the problem. It's not so expensive, and that job that you really don't want to do is something that another person out in the world is very good at doing and would gladly do it in exchange for a little bit of money. So when life happens, your to-do list grows. Get ahead of it now and get $15 off your first task at TaskRabbit.com or grab the TaskRabbit app using promo code

How long taskers book up faster, especially for same day tasks. So book trusted home help today. That is $15 off your first task using promo code. How long with the task rabbit app or at task rabbit.com. So like, and those are the ones that are the tough ones where it's just like 20, 20 people who are really rich and important looking at you like this better be good. Dumbass. Guess what? It's not going to be very good. No, it's not going to be good. I don't care if, you know, look, Bono, I'll give you guys a million. I'll donate a million to charity. It's still not going to be good. It's still not going to be good. But I found the setting to be nice. Maggie sounded good. And then Maggie and I were able to build about my new love of Delaware. Because she went to high school in Delaware, which I didn't know. And she was like, I saw that you were in Delaware. You know, what did you think? And I was like, fuck, I loved it. And now I'm looking at kind of, you know, at least opening an office in Delaware to kind of offset some of my expenses. And if you want to work there sometimes, let me know. Get the Porsche registered there. Well, you know, I just think that I think Biden's got like a family office and there's some extra space in the back. So you might finally have the Nepo baby surgery that you've been talking about. I've been trying to get Nepo baby top surgery for months and the waiting list is long. For such a small little state. You know, I could stand on one border and spit and hit the other one. So much Nepo baby come out of that little town. I loved it. Something in the water. I mean, I didn't... I think it's Arian dollars. Is that what it is? I didn't know. I didn't know. But no, actually, I think Maggie is from Massachusetts, but somebody went to high school in Delaware or something because it's all so close. I summered in the where. Yeah, the where. For those in the know. That's the new Dime Square reality show. Yeah, but when... I was very impressed by her live performance because just her and the acoustic, and then halfway through, I don't know if she would want this to be publicized, but she basically had that moment where you have a terrible cough, an itch in the back of your throat. We've all been at the movies or a school assembly or something like that, and you just...

You just got to cough, and there's no way around it, and your friends are looking at you because you're doing the mouth-closed cough. And they're like, just get it out. Just open your mouth and do a big old cough and get it out. And she had that in the middle of her set, and she just had to stop playing guitar. She was like, sorry, guys, I got to cough. She coughed. She took a sip of water and was like, all right, where was I? Good honesty. Yeah, and I liked the fact that she said, sorry, y'all, I got to cough. Only somebody, like when the killers had that little mishap and then three, four, and then go straight back into that. Exactly where she left off. That exact spot that was not necessarily on the one. It was like 30% through verse four is where it happened. It's not just like, let's do the chorus again. It was cool to see that. It's precise. No, I agree. But yeah, overall, it was a great night. And I think that the. that little part of San Francisco was very charming. Like, wherever we were, it was very nice. Yeah, there was a one-block radius of San Francisco that did not smell like human piss, and that is where you put the three Michelin star restaurant. As much as I like to demean and destroy San Francisco, I have to say, since the last time we were there, which is about a year ago, it feels night and day improvement. Like, positive from where it was. I think they just moved to West Oakland is the problem. Well, I was in West Oakland, so I'm all set. But I just mean like when I was there, I was there twice last year and it was both like, get me out of here. It is the most masks I've seen in public in months. Like you still see the guy in the G-Wagon with the mask on alone. Yeah. You know, that type beat. But other than that, I mean, you know. It's weird because when you're in San Francisco and like you're in the two or three little epicenters, like in New York, there's like here's Times Square, but Times Square is like multiple streets and multiple blocks. the spillover creates micro climates around it, micro YACO systems around it. But in San Francisco, it's like this street intersection only. And then you drive two blocks in the other way. And it's like, you know, air raid sirens are going off level. There's one person, you know, there's a single person and they're like dragging a wheelchair.

backwards on its side, and that's it. The vultures are circling. It just felt a lot less depressing than it did last couple times. I don't need to go back. The economy is bouncing back after COVID. Inflation is doing bomb. They kept COVID going for an extra year, so that's why they're still catching up. I always forget that it's so much more like New York than it is like L.A. which I do appreciate. Yeah, I never feel like I'm in California when I'm in San Francisco. Yeah, definitely not. But you know where I did feel like I was in California, Jason? Beautiful Berkeley. I thought you were going to say beautiful Barry's. Oh, well, we can start there. Yeah, I did hit Barry's Saturday morning. Boot camp? Barry's boot camp, San Francisco, FIDI, a quick 12-minute walk from the hotel. I was instantly put off when entering because it was just like, something's off here. Everybody behind the desk was ugly. Shit wasn't feeling right. They did, because it's the Barry's 24-year celebration. There's a 24K challenge going on. They had a blow-up. They had this blow-up structure that you get inside, and there's like... gift certificates flying around you know you try to try to grab it really yeah so there's like these dorks so they got supermarket sweep going on exactly okay but they're like guys like that are that's what never happened at my knocks the problem with berries is if you take a shower right after you're still sweating so there's guys like still sweating in jeans and on runnings like trying to grab pieces of paper it's just really embarrassing but the berries in san francisco was the worst crowd at a berries boot camp i've ever seen globally Globally. Globally. Like in Milan, they're not trying and they're smoking cigarettes and they're wearing Emporio Armani. You know what I mean? But this was like, where did you fucking gremlins come from? Like which fucking Twitch office did you crawl out from to come to Barry's? And like they, it was clearly like something they, they all knew what they were.

People that go often, like they knew the program. Right, right, right. This wasn't their first time. No, no, there was one first timer, I think, in the class. And I was just looking around and people were, you know, trying. It wasn't like a total failure. And I was just like, berries is supposed to be hot. That's the whole thing. Like, you know, and everybody looks good in the red room, but the light wasn't saving them over here at berries. Well, this is a problem. It's kind of like what we were talking about with Chris Ayer, where it's like, how do you. How do you legally and within the current guidelines of our liberal and woke politics or whatever, to abide by all that, how do you control the crowd? How do you restrict people from entering your public business? That's the beauty. It's not about race, creed, or color. It's just about are you a fucking dork or not. And there's nothing illegal about gatekeeping the dorks. And this is a sweet spot, and it's a loophole in the system that we're going to have to take advantage of as much as we can until somehow the world figures out how to make that unwoke. Unfortunately, though, I think the issue is San Francisco runs on dorks. They have more power there than maybe anywhere in the world. So they're kind of running the show. A majority dork vote. Yes, and the instructor herself, first of all, she came out. And we were all in the lobby, and she climbed onto the fuel bar. The fuel bar is a... The smoothie area. Okay. Petrol station. Yes, exactly. She climbs onto the bar and kind of starts telling people what's going on before we go into the room, which is... I've never seen this before in all of my years. And then we get into the class, and she's playing like... This is a classic thing that happens. Hip-hop from her party era. So it's not new, and it's not like stupid old. It's not like, yeah, Run DMC, hell yeah. It's not Golden Era. No, it's not Cool Herc, but it's like... It's not Yeet, and it's not Run DMC. It's Skrillex Rick Ross. Great song. Don't get me wrong. It's a great song, but I'm just like, interesting. Okay, okay. You know, like that era, and she's like... So then that would put her at roughly what age in your musical memory? 34.

Yeah. You know, there's a 34 year old motherfucker. She's wearing a flat brim snapback. She's like, you know, singing along to Lil Wayne. You know, she wouldn't consider herself a dubstep listener, but elements of dubstep have sort of slipped into her. I mean, it's just the drop is sick. Like when I hit that, I'm like, PR is happening. 13, five becomes 14, 14. We got 35. We got a 10. But yeah, it was just a very, it was a very weird experience. And I was like, am I crazy? And Alex was like, oh, no, that was a dork city. Yeah, it's weird to go up. What were we saying? It was like on that movie. Hey, freshman fucking bitches. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Exactly, exactly. It was just a real hazing feel. It was a real loser vibe. I guess that's also how like if you get on a Southwest flight. Yeah. And their intercom ain't working. Intercom machine broke. Hey, you get up on the counter. Hey. y'all want water you got two uh two posters that you hit together fire sticks the problem the other the other problem is is that all every single person in that class has a higher net worth than either of us and that's the part that hurts the most is it like i can call you a dork all you want and you can buy you can buy and sell me until the day you die yeah but they're too scared to have us paid or have us killed that's true that's true i guess i guess that works but yeah i mean look they could hack into my metamask wallet good fucking luck oh you want to keep using slack we'll see about that chris you don't even have enough money in there to buy a new macbook air so it was that was an interesting but then we did have a beautiful meal last night at shea at shea panice which is even as a person who doesn't shea panice is actually the perfect combo for me and you because it's a beautiful Classic place. And the food is also good. A beautiful craftsman home in Berkeley transformed with subtle Japanese touches. There's a Japanese flair. You feel it. The maple was obviously in full bloom as autumn is upon us. So the oranges and the reds were mystifying. And it's also food from the 90s. Perfect for me. So you love. The one thing that you probably didn't love was when you go to the restroom.

There are two restrooms, like most businesses. One of them used to say man, and one of them used to say women. Sometimes it'll say, like, man, woman, and then, like, a picture of an alligator, and, like, we don't care kind of thing. I don't care if you're black, brown, or purple. You can come on in here and change your baby. But this one was women and then all gender. So the men have been erased. Why would they both not just be all gender is my question. Because it's in the Bay Area of California. Okay. Because I just, I mean, if a bathroom's a bathroom, they just make them all all gender. I don't understand. So the all gender, I mean, I guess if you make both. bathrooms, all gender, then you have to buy an extra urinal. And that's kind of, there's a financial wall there. Yeah, they're definitely worried about money over there. I can tell you that. I'm sure they're like, Ooh, that urinal is going to set us back. What's that? $384. We just bought, we just bought a thousand acres to grow tomatoes, but this, this. So, I mean, obviously I don't actually care and it's, it's all good, but like, you know, women don't want to use. I feel like women are never going to use the all-gender bathroom because you're going to have to sit on a toilet. While staring at a urinal. While staring at a urinal, yes. Yeah, no one wants to look at a urinal. Nobody. Fellas are not. No, no, no. No one. All genders don't want to look at a urinal. Yeah, but I will say that that was one of the prettier restaurants I've been in for sure. Can't believe this is the first time I've ever been there. Yeah, no, I know. It was a celebration of Little Gem lettuces. Jason was literally joking about how many salads we're going to have Little Gem, and the first thing on the menu was a Little Gem salad. And, of course, we ordered it, and it was delicious. And we did discover there's some 90s food trends that I think how long gone is going to take from Chez Panisse. Thank you, Alice. And we're going to kind of put those out into the ether, and one of those things is a goat cheese salad.

Yes, an herb-crusted goat cheese golf ball on a plate. It was more of a mini puck. It was a mini puck. You take the golf ball and you squish it a quarter inch. 18 centimeters, 18 millimeters, something like that. I got out my kitchen ruler before. And then a little just lightly dressed freezer on the side. You know, let's call it $18. But that's the epitome of 90s. Truly. You know, mixing the bitter greens with the cheesy fatty, whatever. Actually, and I'm a goat cheese hater, but I found that. It was quite nice. Once you try some goat cheese from Dirty Girl Ranch Farms. Of course, yeah. Sleepy, hollow girl farm. Why are farms, why do people try to get so creative with the farm name? Because they feel like they need to create a brand that sets them apart from something else. Because if it, you know, like. If every pear tastes the same from every fucking orchard in the area, whoever has the sickest name. No, of course. To people who like to buy apricots. You've got to kind of set yourself apart. At full freight. So what was your highlight of the night? The highlight? I mean, for me, well, first of all, we were all high when we went, except for you. That's right. I sort of pressured our party into taking edible drugs, and I thought it worked out well for me. Yeah, it worked out great for me. Did it? Did you notice a big difference in terms of conversation? No, I don't expect much from any of y'all anytime. So we all pretty much sounded normal. Dinner is no different. Dinner was no different. But also, if you're in Berkeley eating at Chez Panisse, I feel like you should be a little zootied. Bro, the setting couldn't be more perfect. It's a 6 o'clock res and, you know, perfect. Magic hour lighting. Sun is setting. The windows are, of course, stained glass. Yeah. It was just like a warm little hug, like a Nancy Meyers movie kind of vibe. The only issue I was having was the table behind us with two children who were throwing bread on the floor. But that's any restaurant these days. You know what I mean? And they were local lesbians that probably eat there a lot more than we do. So I give them the right of way. Yeah, that's fine. Even though Andy Bargani hooked us up, we...

We have one star next to our name, not three. Oh, no, no. We are not triple A. We are single A. They're like, these guys are paying full price. You know what? Let's hit them with the – I know it says 70% on the check. Let's hit them with a 19% gratuity included. Yeah, I don't think we were super welcome there, but what are you going to do? I think the best things on the menu there are the most simple for sure. So I gravitated towards tomato soup. The whole ethos and philosophy of that restaurant is just take the best ingredient. Don't fuck it up. And that's it. And listeners, I don't want to disappoint you, but I did bend from my strict rules of no soup. It's just hot water because I was pressured. Chris was contact high so much that he fucked around and asked for a bowl of soup. They said, why don't we do two orders? We'll bust it down into four bowls. I said, okay. And the tomato soup was heavenly, I will say. And it wasn't even like I needed to warm my cockles. It just had a nice flavor. I think there was a little pesto in there. It was good. It was quite good. So that was a great example of a quality dish. And then also the bowl of fruit at the end is sort of the epitome of that style of cooking. Just a metal, a chilled metal chalice, cauldron type of thing. It was giving like medieval. It was giving medieval, the type of thing that the king of Versailles would be served table-side as you're peeing into the little chamber pot that someone is holding for you. A couple fig leaves or some type of olive leaf or something like that in the bottom, and then sliced pears with figs and dates. It's like when you're listening to or watching Behind the Music, and it's got Mick Fleetwood, and he's like, we laid down rumors and blah, blah, blah, and everything's sounding so good. And then Mick Fleetwood grabs all the faders and brings them all down, so all you can hear is the hi-hat and the background vocals. We're isolating. They bring it all back. They take it all away, all the bells and whistles and tricks and tips. Thank you for that excellent metaphor. It was a bowl of fruit.

It tasted pretty good, but the other desserts were better, I would say. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I just can't get a chub for a pear, no matter how fresh it is. The presentation was immaculate, though. It was immaculate. And the service, it's like, I said this to you, the thing I noticed the most is that there's no visible bullshit. There's no visible POS system. No visible POS. Like, you don't see somebody typing. They're not bringing a toast. fucking thing over to the table and typing in your order and making you sign for it it's like a it's like an actual restaurant nobody has a card on the little uh keychain zip retractable thing yeah slide in it's like it's very sophisticated in that way like they've hidden everything which i think is is very very nice and that made me feel very good yeah it comes from an era of restaurants and cooking and a generation where you just sort of some things aren't discussed some things aren't shown and the menu was actually on paper They didn't have a piece of plastic that said, scan this code to see our menu. They're the last restaurant in San Francisco that's got a QR code base entirely. I mean, yeah, look, it was an A-plus experience for me. And the food is great, and I left feeling good. You know what I mean? I would say the halibut was my favorite, and the halibut was really good. Beautiful. The halibut was very, very good. If you want to taste food from the 90s, That's just simple and pure. Do an edible and go there. I don't know. I just don't understand why we've moved so far away from God's light and that style. It's like I just don't know why. Well, I think it's because every chef, every musician, every whatever, artist, graphic designer, you have to put your own stamp on it in order to get recognition. put yourself out from the rest, and the whole ethos of that restaurant is do as least as possible to it. If you have perfection, just the more you manipulate it and put your stamp on it and sous vide it and smoke it and blacken it and cover it with burpa peppers and finger limes and blah, blah, blah, then it just turns into some bullshit, you know? Yeah. No, no, no.

I'm glad we went, and I would like to go back. Thank you, Andy, for the plug. And we asked them about you, and they were like, oh, yeah, he's cool. We're glad he's gone. I'm happy for all his success with his, what is it, a book? That's nice, but we cook here. Yeah, I saw some of the videos from the BA universe, and I have my thoughts. I don't really, I kind of cook for memory or for my mom's notebook. I don't watch videos for that. One thing I noticed when we were driving around in the Bay Area, they had the few areas, like similarly to New York, the public parks are sort of an unspoken sacred space where like you can go to any public park in the city and it's kind of well kept and clean and safe, right? You know, like you'll walk down the sidewalk and it's just like, So you've never been to Tompkins, I guess. I'm thinking more of like the tiny kind of corner parks that are more for children to play at and less like the big expanse of grass fields. But I've always noticed like, oh, like I'm navigating human feces and garbage and condoms and spent bottles of fireball. Don't forget needles. Come on, bro. Needles as well. And then you go and there's a park and it's like. Looking pretty damn clean. And there's like one-year-olds walking on the floor and stuff. It's nice. But when I was in San Francisco, I saw a couple parks that were also like that. And I was astounded by how clean and nice they were compared to their immediate surroundings on the other side of the fence. A stark difference. But the parks were not called parks in San Francisco. They had a different name. It was a three-word name. You want to take a stab at it? This is just a park. You know, about the, you know, let's say a thousand square foot square. Like public land space or something. You're on. You're on. You're the first step. Give it to me. Give it to me. Urban alchemy oasis. Bro. I could have never come up with something that's stupid. That's insane. And it's literally a patch of grass.

No, no, no. It's just, like, a sandbox with, like, a slide and a couple of, like, jungle gym type of stuff. I'm sorry. Can you repeat the... Urban Alchemy Oasis. And it sounds like a great place to get a pour over. Yeah, it does. Yeah, it does. So, do you guys have a matcha lemonade, or is it just hot? Yeah, it's a fucked up name. That's interesting, too, because it doesn't even have a catchy acronym. It's so wordy, and U-A-O does not flow. No. No, I mean... Wow. Wow. That's San Francisco for you, man. What a weird place, dude. What a weird place. But we loved Berkeley, I will say. Yeah, Berkeley is fun. I mean, Berkeley just feels like a college town, but with really rich people. Yeah, it makes me want to, like, be a kid in the 80s and ride a bike around. Yeah, not very much. I mean, I've never been there before. I'm never going to get abducted there. We saw Jonah and Aaron Blackbird spot. They were at the Tom Brown dinner, and they live in Oakland. And he's always explained to me these other areas are so much better. I'm like, I'm sure they are, bro. And when I make it out there, I'll let you know. And I finally made it out there. Yeah, it's like, let me show you my Glendale. Let me show you my bae. Yes, it's the same thing, yeah. You take them to the one Persian restaurant in a Ralph's Fresh Fair, and you're like, all right, bro, it's pretty sick, right? This is a very good Ralph's. I think I get it. No, I know there's eight of these coffee places in L.A., but this is like the one with the most Armenians and the nicest car. So, like... Nicest car. It's sicker. I mean... Yeah, they... Well, actually, when we were on the airplane coming home, I noticed that, like, you get the special pleasure when the snack cart comes down the aisle. I was a couple seats behind you on the JSX flight. But when, you know, the snack cart comes by, this is a basket. They had the little snap pea crisps. Yep. 100-cal pack. Not bad. They had little kind of cheddar straws, like a gourmet version of a Cheez-It and like a little brownie or something like that. And the pleasure and the self-satisfaction that you get out of shunning the snack person, it has an air that you are offended that they would even consider that you would be the type of person to eat such a... I mean, to even eat on an airplane, period, but to have...

such a peasant's meal touch your lips no no no is that the vibe you were getting or is the vibe that i'm sensationalizing for this podcast but i was i mean i was like you know i i was no i was not high but i was watching you and like every person she would drop the little basket and it was like when the basket and like the mom opens the door on halloween and the kids like You know, wiggling his fingers like, oh, I'll take one of these and one of these. Full-size Butterfinger, don't mind if I do. It's like the one moment of happiness on this 54-minute flight is the one time when you get free food. See, the thing is, that's the problem, is that people in this country, in this world, like free stuff too much. And they take it whether they want it or not. And if those three snacks, it was the same three snacks on the flight there as it was in the return, those snacks don't interest me. Those are not good snacks. The Harvest Crisps, that trend is over. It's like a kale chip. It's done. They're not bad. No, I think the Snap Pea Crisp has legs because they're a green Cheeto. Good point. No, that's fair. I don't disagree with you. I think they've waned in popularity since their release. Oh, yeah, yeah. They're definitely... But it's an airport staple. They're not hockey sticking on the... It's the CNBC store at LaGuardia. They always got those stocked in all the flavors, no question. But I just don't... I think that the people on an airplane... Obviously, it's lawless. We've seen the behavior, even on JSX, anywhere. And even if you're flying private, you call ahead and you're like, I want turkey clubs and Lay's, fucking Coca-Cola on my... Lawless. People just do insane shit. I haven't been on a flight in three years where the stewardess didn't get punched in the face. That's just what happened. You will eat a snack because you think it's fun and silly to just try what they have. No. You weren't hungry. I was feeling peakish. Did you have any breakfast? No. You know what? We need to talk about our assault, actually, that happened before we got on the plane. It was after we got on the plane. No, no, no.

The assault that happened was when we were getting out of our car at the airport. And I want to just put this out there now. I'm not going to stand for white men being attacked by POCs. And that's what happened. That's what happened in Oakland today. And I didn't want to – it's hard for me to talk about, but it needs to be said. Yeah, so we're in the – In the Uber, XL, black, whatever. This is an Uber black XL. It's a new Escalade. Yeah, an Escalade, you know, one of those cars. Big black SUV, and they come with, it's the most expensive Uber or Lyft tier that you can order, you know, whatever, a hundred something bucks to go to the airport. And they come with a professional driver. Sometimes they'll be wearing a suit and tie. Yeah, it's the closest you can get to a real car service while using a ride share application. That's right. But the issue, I just want to point out, we're good. We're well behaved. We're not drunk. We're not hungover. We get in the car. Our luggage fits. We're polite. We've showered. Nothing crazy is going on. We take the ride to the airport. We're having a lively conversation. Nothing that would spark interest. from a driver, you know, like that's not, it's nothing that we're talking about, you know, catty drama and the fashion industry. we're talking, we're talking bullshit as usual. And, you know, we get to the airport and we're not even in a rush. You know, we've got plenty of time. You only have to be there 20 minutes before we're all good. We're getting out of the car. It's four people for, you know, multiple bags, et cetera. And I had finished an Essentia in the car. that i brought myself this driver did not provide any ball of water in the door so i just want to point that out and let the record show your honor let the record show uh and i i guess forgot to bring the bottle with me which is and As a person who drinks as much water as I do, I'm very aware of bottle disposal. And I always like to take it with me because it isn't the driver's job to throw away my trash. I think that's rude. And you know me to be that kind of person. Sure. You know my character. And also, you didn't really... He didn't give you enough time to maybe... Check. Look back. Yeah, because you got up out of your seat and then you kind of went to the back of the car because now it's time to unload all of our luggage. Yes. And then...

He got out of the driver's seat and went into your passenger door, which was right behind him, to move the seat up so that the people sitting in the back could get out. And then your water bottle was there. And so it was a half a second. There was no time for me to course correct. Jason, on the passenger side, captain's chair, his door is open. And I'm opening the seat in front of me as well. The attack. Because I was in the back unloading the luggage, his job, just saying. And I want you to kind of, in your own words, describe to the listeners how you were assaulted by the Uber driver today. Sure. So he's pulling the seat forward so our ladies can leave. I'm pulling my seat forward. You know, you hit a little switch and it kind of pops back. And he sees your spent essentia. 32-ouncer. Thank you for being specific about the size. That's important because it's a bigger bottle. Could do more harm. Yeah, yeah. The same way when a Hummer crashes into you versus the Kia Sophia. It's different. It's different. They'll have torque behind it. So he sees this bottle, and then he sees red. He was so offended by this. Now, did he say anything? Or did he just physically assault? Was there any warning? Not a single word was said. Okay. He picked up your water bottle, and then he threw it across the car from the driver's side to the passenger's side, you know, four feet, as the crow flies. Yes. As the essential flies. Throws the water bottle at me. And does the bottle strike you? And if it did, can you please point to where it struck you in your body? It struck me in my torso area. I mean... Internal bleeding is an issue that I don't want to take it off the table. I don't have any physical bruising on the outside yet. But he could have taken one of my ribs out. Sometimes bruising takes some time to develop depending on the severity of the attack and the wound. So the bottle strikes.

uh in the torso falls to the ground he kind of knew it was going to be a kidney shot yeah okay so he he aimed for a kidney an important organ that that we all need a dastardly move dastardly i don't i would never do that in the octagon below the belt he hits you with the essential bottle it falls to the ground you're of course in shock because what what is what have i done wrong this isn't even my bottle I thought we had a relationship here, driver, passenger. There's a mutual respect. Of the thousands of Lyft rides I've taken where I've more or less puked in a car. I've done every bad thing in a car. A driver has never thrown something at my body. I mean, same. And when we tried to confront him, he just did not respond. Yeah, I was like... Is there a problem? I said, did we do something wrong to offend you? And he said, yes. And I said, what did we do? And he just said, nothing. And I was like, wait, seriously, like you just threw a bottle at me. Yeah. What's going on, bro? Like if we did something wrong, we're sorry. And he just would not reply. And I think it was really he was just so mad that we left the bottle. Yeah, we left the bottle. So now we had to hit him with a one-star review. I had to hit him with a one-star review, which I hate to do, but we are kind of pursuing. It's a Sunday. I'm not going to bother our legal team, but it is something to think about. I can't have you. You're valuable to this company, and we have public appearances next week, and if this caused you any physical harm as well as discoloration, any sort of disability, this could be something that we could kind of run off the flagpole. Yeah. You know, whiplash is hard to detect. Because I noticed you touching your neck while we're recording. I'm sensing some pain there. So Jason is still reeling from this attack. I need some help getting out of this chair. I witnessed it and I'm still a little bit. You know. I thought of all the times I've been with Chris where I thought he was going to fight someone. I was like, damn, is he really going to fight him right now? I did get. I was like, I kind of got a little angry because I was like.

Bro, if you're going to do that, you've got to say something. You can't do that and then sit there and act like we're crazy. Yeah, I know. I mean, I guess it could be a language barrier. He was Japanese and his English wasn't so hot, and maybe he wasn't able to articulate his frustrations in a way that we could understand. But I don't know. I guess in that situation, don't throw a bottle at a stranger who's giving you money. Use Google Translate. yeah use google translate to translate your frustration he did have a samsung that could have been more difficult i took kind of stock of the whole situation as we were writing i i felt something was off so i kind of did a mental check of the surroundings and who knows what he could he could have had the peace on him in atlanta you get in the uber we got the uber to leave and i was like look and the motherfucker had the Really? Well, he had the holster on him, but the gun wasn't in it because it's probably in the glove box. I'm like, thanks, bro. I keep it in the trunk. If you're going to wear a holster, you might as well just put the gun in it because we know the gun's here somewhere. Look, I feel naked without it. No, the sticky has to be on my hip or I don't feel comfortable as well. It's been a long day after witnessing that, and I'm glad we could share that with you guys. Yeah, it has not been easy, but we do this to podcast. We'll even go to a Tom Brown dinner where the gluten-free options were better than the regular options, and that's the sacrifice I'll make. Jason's willing to eat a very high-end beef and talk about it. Yeah, so, I mean, we're at the table. Gluten-free options are replacing the regular options, of course. This is the first time I've ever been to a restaurant where the gluten-free options, every course was better than the regular option. My second course was a pasta, like a small little bowl. I love that pasta. That was my favorite thing. Okay, it was pretty good. It had black truffle shaved on top as a little green annulade. Very cute little purse presentation, like kind of a rich cheese sauce. What was the gluten-free option? Gluten-free option was a fully composed 12-inch dish filled with lobster pieces and all these other accoutrements. And we had...

The bowl plate, that's 12 inches in diameter. But then in the middle, there's like two and a half inches of actual bowl, and then the rest is just decorative zone. And two daddy-sized bites, and this thing is done. The gluten-free motherfuckers are navigating. Oh, here's my mission fig that's been smoked over. It's hard to even build a bite. Yeah, I didn't realize it, but the dessert was the biggest. And then we're not at dessert yet. Then there's a mid-course bread course. Yeah. where I get some kind of little, you know, they're very whole wheat focused up in the San Francisco area, and they're little dinner rolls, rollettes in the shape of a golf ball. I had like a pretzel thing that was delicious. I'm sure it was great. And it wasn't gluten-free. I had a glutinous golf ball-sized dinner roll that was nice, but it was earthy-rich flavors with a little canela butter. It was nice. And then the gluten-free people get biscuits. I tried the biscuits. Not as good. You're not helping the story. I'm sorry. I'm just telling you, in that case, you're wrong. The biscuit was bad? No, it's gluten-free bread. It's dry as a motherfucker. It's the Sahara. I have to eat that garbage all the time. This is better than what you're going to get at fucking Vons, but it's still gluten-free. It looked delicious, though. Yeah, it did. And then the dessert course, the last one. Souffle. I'm at a table, and the dessert comes, and it's like a spoon. of like ice cream or something like that. And then there are these little kind of, they look like tortilla chips, but they're, they're a sweet, not a savory. And in between there's sort of like stewed fruit of some kind, like little, I don't know, some like stone fruit that's in the jammy paste. And there's like layers of this fig jammy paste and making, you know, whatever. And I'm eating it. And then the gluten-free motherfuckers get a chocolate souffle in a, in a copper pot. Drop to the table and everyone's like, ooh, there's like lava in the center. And all those people get different, better wine pairings as well. I was clocking each wine pairing. Interesting. There are more interesting and thoughtful pairings. I need to look into this. I'm starting to wonder if Tom himself might be gluten-free. There seems like there's an agenda here. I agree. Where there's smoke, there's fire. Maybe it's just like they know that hot people don't eat bread. So they're probably just like, look. Well, it was like the first course when the lobster came out.

I was like, I'm clocking this. And then the rolls, I didn't say a word because I didn't know. Maybe the biscuits were bad. Thankfully, they were. But then my table also, it was some other folks at my table who were maybe starting to notice it, but they would never vocalize their frustrations the way I did. And then when the two chocolate lava cake souffles dropped, I was like, what the fuck is going on? You're like, oh, hell no. And then there was three people at the table. They're looking at it. They're like. Yeah, man, the gluten-free shit is better. And I was like, we got these damn tortilla chips, and you're eating a chocolate lava souffle. I have to say. And then when I said tortilla chips, the whole table was just like, yeah, man. It was like I had them in my power. It was a mutiny, a three-star mutiny. So what did you guys do at your dessert? We just berated the gluten-free people at the table. Hey, let me get a bite. For a while, yeah, yeah, yeah. I was able to share the souffle, but the dessert you're talking about with the weird tortilla chips, I did – desserts like that, I'm always like, why does this exist? I don't care. I want chocolate. I have to say it was pretty good. It was pretty good. Yeah, it was good. It was good. But, I mean, how do you compete? Yeah, you can't. No, a chocolate souffle in a damn copper pot is big. See, that's a big boy. That's for two. It's all good. All the food is good. Yeah, exactly. But when you go to Chipotle and they're like, here's our tasting menu. Oh, here's the gluten-free option. Here's the regular option. One of them is just like a carne asada burrito with guacamole and sour cream. And the other one's like, here's chips and salsa. And you're like, I like the chips and salsa. But come on, bro. You got carne asada. This is crazy. I'm going to put my little teethies into. But you did. We didn't mention that you did get the size 17s. Oh, yeah. Tom Brown was nice enough to lace me with some. What are those shoes called again? The classic Tom Brown brogue in a black pebble leather. Black pebble leathered brogue. It felt nice to have them on my feet. It was cool to wear them. It was weird. Whenever you have dress shoes in that size, or I guess anything with a heavier sole, like a thicker rubber sole or a real actual sole, Timbaland as well, the weight is just so gnarly. It's different.

Skipping leg day. It requires some real leg strength to lift those fucking things. It's so heavy. I put the crazy Vibram sole on those. Like the thick for winter. And it's like, yeah, it's a whole thing. But I also stepped outside of my box and did wear a three-piece suit instead of the regular. Which made me feel a little bit like Guy Ritchie. but not in a bad way in a cool way you liked how it fit kind of i kind of did i don't know if i would choose that like i don't know if i would like wear that be like oh this is my suit it's like a little it's a little fussy but i did like the way it looked because ryan o'connell had the three-piece short set without the jacket yeah he had the he had the vest and shirt yeah they love the vest over there ryan was there for the show lauren si was there um i mean it was it was it was fun yeah it was fun and i they i was so excited because they sent over A skirt. Oh, I forgot. Yeah, how could we forget this? They sent the skirt for Jason. The long skirt, the Russ Westbrook joint. Yeah, yeah, yeah, the long one. I have the legs for a Lee Pace style skirt, but they said niche niche. But I put on this, you know, Bathsheba style pastoral skirt, leaving everything to the imagination. And I don't think Tom got my measurements. First of all, it's a classic uniform gray pleated skirt, probably mid-calf. I don't know if it was that pleated. Yeah, it is. It's pleated. It was pleat adjacent. When I think pleated Tom Brown's skirt... I'm, I, I, you know, those are ironed creases. No, no, this is pleated. It's pleated. Yeah. But since it's longer, it's different. No, I know what you mean. Yeah. But I think you could have pulled it all. I was, I'm glad cause Jason, I was ready to be the face. Jason made when I'm like, show skirt on main. I'm like, they sent you a skirt and he was just like, I saw him take it. Yeah. Every, I experienced all the emotion. All of us were like pain. You got to wear it. You got to wear it. And they tried it on. It was a little, it was a little small, but it was very small. I couldn't even get the first button buttoned.

The problem is, I think... I took photos of Chris wearing it. They're on the Patreon. The problem is that you can't... I don't think we realize how high a skirt is supposed to be worn. That shit is high up. It's not like where you... It's where your belly button is. So if I went above the hips, maybe it could have worked? Well, if it could have gotten over the hips, yes. But that's the issue. I don't think it could have. That's the issue. I have children to bear. Do you understand? I understand you have twins on the way. Mama! But it normally would go that high, and that's the thing. It's weird. But even the pants on the suits go that high. I mean, when you're 6'9", there's never been a high-waisted anything in my entire life. Everything is always low-waisted or else I'm, you know, what's it called? High-watering? Yeah, but we're going to get you. I think that we're going to arrange something, get you kind of a proper fitting for a suit. I wouldn't mind skirt. When you wear the skirt, is there a different underwear story? Do you wear sort of a slip? No, no, no. A male slip? No, I believe that there's... I think a lot of... Don't tell me it's a skort. No, no, no, no. You just wear regular boxers or whatever, but there's the whole thing where the... Who wears the skirts all the time? Irish? Scottish. Scottish, sorry. Scottish. They don't... Like, real ones don't wear underwear at all. Free ball. They just let it hang. Okay. They let it swing. And I'm sure there's many people who've worn a Tom Brown skirt that do let it swing, just based on the clientele and who I know. Now I'm wondering... I have to say, though, it's... Imagine the freedom that you get from wearing a skirt and no underwear. No, just wearing a skirt at all is, honestly, it's very comfortable. It's amazing. Okay. It's really nice. But I can't be... I have to be... Like, if I'm going to do Scottish style and wear no underwear under the skirt, I have to be in a Highland-like scenario around grass and stuff like that because I can't be walking down Market Street. I can't be walking down 4th and A because then the steam from the subway come up Marilyn Monroe style and I'm showing Hole on 4th. That'd be really something.

But, yeah, I mean, I think we could get you there. We'll eventually get you there for sure because it exists. I think it was just like there's so much they have on hand. I mean, this was like a 30-31 waist or something like that. That's not even LeBron. Well, sweetie, we don't do. It's 1, 2, 3, 4, 5. We don't do. Okay. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5. Do you know the inch equivalence to those sizes? No. I know that I'm a 3. If I want to sit down, I'm a four. You know what I mean? All my stuff is a three. I wore a four in the double breast, and I have to say the pants were a little big. If I want to sit down, I'm a four. Sorry, Mr. Black, we're going to be seated for our first course now, and you're like, fuck you. Fuck I am. Not me. I'm going to be standing at the barge. Bring my shit over here. I won't be seating tonight. Thank you. No further questions. Don't. Okay, so if you want to sit your little fat ass down, Then you're a four, which is, there's only one more click. Yeah, bro, but I'm a big, like, Sam Hine is a one. I'm just saying, like, for a person whose BMI is on the lower side of things, there's not much wiggle room for the people who have some more LBs on them. No, but I think that, I mean, they make custom, I mean, it exists. I think it's just, like, with the uniform stuff, which is what I wear, it's like, that's what I understand. If you want to be above a five, you got to get your bread up. Well, just give us a call. You know what I mean? We'll check you out. We'll check you out. Come over here. We'll do some measuring. It depends on how many followers you have. Of course. That's the rule of the world these days. So does that mean do other clothing companies have their own proprietary sizes? No, no. That's like a style of sizing. That's not that crazy. There's European sizes. Even British shoes are different sizes. No, I know that. But the 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 is more of a Japanese. Got it. Style. At least from what I've seen, I could be wrong. Because women have the zero, one, that kind of sizing. But I think the Tom sizing, that style is across both genders. This must be captivating content for some of our listeners out there who are more into NASCAR and college. I think that what we do here at How Long Gone is try to educate you on things you both know and don't know about. And that's kind of how I live my life as a curious person.

Insatiable appetite for info. That's what we have, and we hope that's what you guys yearn for. That's right. We're going to be going to New York at the end of this week. We've got a couple shows. The 28th at the Bowery Ballroom and the 4th of November at the Music Hall of Williamsburg. On the 2nd of November, I will be doing a DJ Them Jeans live music set at the Ludlow House in New York City. Over there, you guys have all gone there for some meetings that didn't turn out to be much. You know what I mean? Maybe you've been on a first date there and the guy made you split it. But on November, what day? The 2nd? November 2nd, DJ Them Jeans is going to be manning the CDJs, playing only the best stuff. and maybe some bad stuff as well. It is a private club, so you will have to join Soho House before November 2nd if you'd like to see me in action. I don't make any money off of any new sign-ups. That all goes to the Soho House Corporation. If you go to Soho House and try to give them a code, jeans, they're not going to kind of honor that. If you are a close friend of ours enough to know our phone number and you aren't a loser, if I didn't give you your phone number drunkenly one time and I shouldn't have done it. You can send us a text, and we'll probably have a guest list that we can put you on. I haven't decided if I'm going to be there or not yet, just based on scheduling. But I feel like I'm contractually kind of should appear. It will be past your bedtime, I'm assuming. We'll have to get up the next day and fly to Athens for the day. So it's going to be a packed week for me. I didn't know you were going to Greece. The Athens of the South. What for? I'm doing a... speaking engagement with a photographer named Christy Bush at the University of Georgia Photographic Center. I'm sorry, Jason. It can't all be fun and games. Some of us have to do things that are... I get it. Get the bag, brother. Get that check. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I heard college gigs pay well. Yeah, they do. Bro, my agent was like, I got you something. I feel like you'll do anything for a trip down to Athens.

Did you have to pay for the flight yourself? No, no, no. I'll do anything for... I mean, Christy and I are friends. I love the work, and it'll be fun. And I also like anything that's institutional. When it involves a university, as a person who didn't make it there, it's nice to kind of... Go down to Athens. During the college football season, the leaves are changing. I can go to the 40-watt, smell some beer. It'll be great. It's going to be sick. And I'll be in New York the whole week. October 28th, Bowery Ballroom, Allison Roman. There's still some tickets. November 4th, Hari Neff, Music Hall of Williamsburg. There's a few tickets for that as well. Low ticket alert for both shows. And both of our LA shows ended up selling out. People were sitting on the floor and shit. We had people sitting on the floor like it was a damn... Some of them with a lot of followers. Yeah, yeah. Interesting choice. But some people like to really earth, I guess, at the How Long Gone shows. And some of our friends who we put on the guest list decided to never leave the backstage. Just sit backstage and watch the show. And we need to give a quick. We need to give a big shout out to John Early, who came straight from LAX and really did us a solid. He was really funny. And I just feel, all joking aside, and I hate to be earnest, but I do feel very lucky that we get to. share the stage with people that are so talented and it's just kind of like sometimes i can't believe it to be honest like comedy is joe mandy as well as comedy is john early no joe joe we got fire and ice no we really do have fire and ice i texted joe a picture uh of olivia wilde wearing a hacks dad hat and he hasn't written me back yet interesting choice yeah i thought he would like that you know since we talked about merch but yeah so Speaking of merch, the How Long Gone merch is going to be available online today, Monday. The hoodie Gone North America is designed by Index, which is Benjamin Edgar and Max Lakin. That is a Champion reverse weave hoodie. That's why it's more expensive than the other hoodie last time, but it is obviously the thick.

cozy, perfectly yummy hoodie. I wore it on both of my JSX flights. So snuggly. And then the two t-shirts. One has a nice little illustration of Jason and I's face. Looks like it's done by crayon, but it was done on Figma. And another design that's an S. Those are both by a friend of the show and long time, how long gone creative director Sam Jane. We're putting that online tomorrow. That'll also be available in New York next week. And we also have hats. Oh, yeah, the hat. Available in a color story not unlike our Boston Red Sox. Yeah, we did a – to celebrate Ben Affleck's marriage, we did a little nod to the socks. Yeah, chuck it up for Beantown. All my MIT goners out there, we finally have a hat for you. We got so many requests from the MIT student body that we finally just bent. We did it. So just go to howlonggone.edu. That's a cop. No, no, no. Howlonggone.com. And then, you know, there's a little cute sticker that says shop. And hopefully we made enough to make sure everyone can grab them. But, you know, in a few days they'll probably be sold out. If you can, that's fine too. And if you want to talk about stocking stuffers. Oh, baby. The holidays are just around the corner. Nothing that your mouth-breathing brother needs more than a How Long Gone t-shirt to impress his friends over there. We have a piece of merchandise for almost every day of Hanukkah. Dig deep. Dig deep. But no, thank you guys for listening. We'll see you in New York next week. And we're also, don't get it twisted. We're not taking any days off. There's more great podcasts next week as well. Oh, yeah. And if you are listening to this podcast because you came to us from Chapo Trap House, you can listen to it.