931. - Monica Padman

All right, this episode of How Long Gone is brought to you by Stateside with Kai and Carter, a new podcast from The Guardian. And they are using this podcast to slow down the news and wrestle with the questions that we all have about what's happening in the world. And they do it three times a week, Jason. Does that sound familiar to you? We don't really talk about, you know, a lot of international global news items and climates and cultures and sports and things like that. We do talk about fashion and wellness, but for everything else, Kai and Carter are a great place. All right, so who couldn't use more news? Listen wherever you get your podcast. or watch on YouTube. How long gone is Chris Black coming to you deep in the woods? primland here in virginia jason just 12 000 acres of of land here for me to explore um i'm Touching grass, as they say, taking in the mountain air. And what browser are you going to use to explore while you're there? Exactly. It's Chrome. It's the usual. Don't worry. How much of that 1,200 acreage have we covered on foot so far? To be fair. How much are we knocking out per day? To be fair, yesterday I did do some ATV driving, and we covered quite a lot of ground. And I got my barber extremely dusty to the point where I had to sort of take it. a rag to it afterwards is that is that a waxed barber it's a wax barber yes the classic it's the classic bedell the one i always wear but it was um i wasn't they were like you're gonna get a little dusty i'm like yeah all right i'm look i'm from the south i get it and then i got off and i looked like a fuck there's like a body barber boy you're gonna get a little dusty just the best part was so there it was it was me i was driving one car and there was there was another group behind us and there was like a leader and it was two per person and the leader was kind of a surly

broad type. You know what I mean? And she told us before. Barnacle Dyke, we call them. She was like, I don't like tailgating. And then a couple of the other guys that worked there, a couple of the guys that worked there were on their cigarette break and they were both like, she don't like tailgating. And I was like, alright, I got it. She doesn't like tailgating. Alright, fine. I got it. Bitch, who does? Exactly. So I'm following behind her. I'm the first car, I'm the first ATV right behind her. And I sort of get a hand signal in the air. at one point and i thought it was because we were taking a hard right and kind of going straight uphill so i thought she was like warning me where are you able to describe what this hand signal is kind of dtf st louis style i don't know that i mean i know that show i don't know the reference but she's lifting her she's lifting it features a a sign language oh i see okay she lifts her arm and not super aggressive but in a way that was meant for me to notice you know what i'm saying so i notice and lifts her arm not in like a see hile kind of way you're talking about is it more like a delta team six kind of thing exactly it felt like it felt like it felt like we were all right company moved to the left or whatever you know that's what it that's that's what it felt like to me exactly giving tropic thunder ben stiller tropic thunder because we didn't have we didn't have walkie talkies or anything charlie's in the bush we can only communicate via hand signals so then we get to the we get to the and i've i've i want to be clear i my my passenger is a woman named elliot and she was like do you think you're tailgating? I'm like, I don't think so. I'm at least 10, you know, I'm back here. She's like, yeah, I don't think you're tailgating. So we get off. Good enough for Elliot. Good enough for you. We stop. We get out. We're all dusty as fuck. I'm thirsty. I got fucking dust in my nose. And she was like, should we get out? The first thing she says is going to take my helmet off is you're a tailgater. She just wasn't. And I was like, I really didn't think that I was tailgating. And I was like, can we agree at least that tailgating?

It depends on the person. There's no law. You know what I mean? There's no tailgating guide that we can follow. And I did break her down. Similar to pornography. Know it when you see it. Exactly. Know it when you feel it. She did come around and agree with me that, yes, in fact, tailgating is up to the person to decide. And that if I thought I wasn't, then technically I wasn't. So it was a good, but I'm glad we got to the bottom of it. Oh, wow. Your Honor, I don't believe I'm a murderer at all. Exactly, Your Honor. I didn't kill nobody, Your Honor, but after we finished potting. I got to respect those vibes. After we finished potting, I am finally hitting the river with Coggins and our guide to do some fly fishing. So if you see a picture of me holding a little fish later, you'll know it came by. I came by, honestly, it's not clawed. Oh, okay, okay. Nice to know you have a new pick for your Raya account, perhaps. We'll get into that with our guest. I forgot that's such a popular dating app. The fish pick is so popular. We hear that from women a lot. Ladies, I'm good with my hands. I was actually talking to Coggins yesterday. We were scheming in the DMs, and he was saying, you know, it's nice to see Chris kind of come across that Mason Dixon line. and be sort of re-acclimated with some real kind of surly southern Appalachia folk, folks who might not, you know, have as much of a... a level of patience for your city boy antics. That's right. Yeah, there's there's definitely a level. I mean, luckily, I'm I was raised. I was raised here long enough to know when my antics are not working and to kind of walk those antics back because I don't want to get you know, I don't want something bad to happen to me. And that's why that's why I said a re acclimation, because I know it's been in you since you was none but a boy. But it's been long enough that you've been living in. Trinatown, New York City. So I think this is a good refresher course. You know what I mean? I think it is a good refresher course. And I think it's the perfect combination because it's literally this beautiful, insane resort.

But then there's still, like yesterday, the kid driving us around is a 19-year-old who's kind of searching. The beauty of the good Auberge Resort family. We love you guys. Searching for something. I was like, man, I'm having this great heart-to-heart with a 19-year-old who's driving me to the ATV station. It was, you know, it did remind me what life is all about. You're trying to get your little Bruce Weber on, weren't you? What do you do, kid? His hair wasn't fully right for that. But, yes, I mean, I'm always looking to get my Bruce Weber on. How old are your digitals? Can you update your digitals? If you're looking to travel, we have options. Are you sure we're 6'3"? When I was talking to Coggins, I was saying Chris is going to come across a lot of these characters in the story of Black, in the good book of Black, and I was letting him know, you play your cards right here on this fact-finding mission as well as self-finding mission. You're going to get a chapter out of this trip, I think. Yeah, I mean, honestly, I've learned so much from David about the sportsman lifestyle and things that I've never thought about, like pheasant shooting and other things that he's well-versed in. Pheasantry. There's an information exchange going on. I did not get into the... Geese article was not out yet yesterday on our drive from the Greensboro Airport. How many game birds are we going to cover from the pheasants to the geese? Exactly. I'm feeling gamey, TJ. What can I say? But there's a wired story that's making the rounds today. That's something we've talked about here on How Long Gone. I mean, we've mentioned this a couple times over the last month about this sort of new age music marketing that involves sort of technology to really pump the numbers. And I'm just sort of like. Like we were talking about earlier in the group chat, I mean, I think that this is a new version of Paola that's a little... harder to parse because you're not buying a head radio programmer and his family a vacation to the Bahamas for a week. It's a little harder to trace. It's a little more peer-to-peer. Well, I think the real issue is it's all above board, and that's what makes people so mad, is that it's sort of like there's nothing illegal or wrong about this unless your morals lean that way, whereas paying someone off feels very immoral to most people. Yeah, and the pros and the cons of having a monopoly.

media tentpole like radio where it's like, you want to, you know, we are your one and only marketing and outreach tool for the artwork that you've created. So we have to work together. And, you know, now because of the internet, you can just say like, no, we're good. I mean, I'm just going to have a Indonesian clip farm. I just feel like I can't decide who. Yeah. I mean, I wonder who's really pissed off about this. I think that like we said, also, we said this earlier, but I think that geese that I mean, it wouldn't work if it wasn't good. Like, I don't think you I don't think you can fully like the Internet is only so powerful. Like you can't make something out of nothing. Yeah. Yeah. There can only be so many pop crave competitors tweets. You know what I mean? Literally. There can only be so much. That was a bad example. I support KP. We all do. I still don't understand Slater, but we don't have time to get into that. You wouldn't. You're not ratchet enough, Chris. Are you ratchet enough, though? At one point in my life, I enjoyed ratchet pussy, to quote GCJ, but I never myself would identify as somebody who is... on that level of ratchet tree although you know growing up on on peaches or whoever the proto version yes yes yes later would be you know a brash in your face chica who really doesn't give a f what you think you know it's it's teetering on the edge of you know hot topic uh post irony but yeah a banger is a banger and sometimes we have to rage it seems to be doing quite well too juicy j style If you say. It seems to be doing. Let's rage. Remember when you said that in the song? Sorry, go ahead. Is that a Kid Cudi song or you're saying that's a Juicy J song? I think it was when he was on the Katy Perry song. Of course, Katy Perry. Friend of the show. Dark Horse featuring Juicy J. Katy Perry, come on the goddamn, come on how long gone. It's time. She's had a month, huh? She's had a good six months. But we're Katy cats at the end of the day. And that's what I'm trying to say. Like, I'm a Katy cat. Katy has bangers. These hoes wish they could compete with Katy musically. And to be fair, Stick Woman. I mean, Orlando Bloom. Generational hunk.

from skeet skeet to trudeau exactly how far can one woman go i mean exactly and i think in trudeau i mean look he you know he looks he looks like a politician which ain't a you know ain't a movie star but he's pretty good looking for a politician like for keeping it a whole buck yeah he's giving gavin nuisance a run for his uh mogging money right yeah those two those two motherfuckers their little heads of hair need to fucking get back to governing yeah trudeau and and gavin It's a who's going to what in the threesome. There's no losers. You know what I mean? Who's going to what? Do you want the north side or the south side of the Eiffel Tower? Either way, it's a beautiful view. It's a beautiful view either way. The lights are sparkling. It's a beautiful, stunning view. The lights are sparkling no matter what. Oh, man, that's beautiful. I'd love to hear it. Like a little more chub in the cheek, like more of a gaunt look. Take your pick, guys. Yeah, best of both worlds. Yeah, I'm 150 pages into the Lena Dunham book, and it is very good. But she's getting a little heat for some of this Adam Driver stuff. Because she basically just tells – it's funny because there's a variety story I saw about it, and then I literally just read it last night. And I was sort of like, that's not really how it was framed exactly. You mean the variety may have misconstrued some words from her memoir to create some sensational headlines? I'm saying the things that she's saying, like they seem very – like straightforward she's not putting a lot of sauce on it in a way that's like she's not saying this hurt my feelings or this did this she's just saying this is what happened sort of and i think that it's very easy to frame it as negative when a guy throws a chair against the wall of course but i'm like he threw a chair at the wall next to me in rehearsal but she's saying that when she says that completely matter-of-factly in a book I think it's very easy for it to be a headline and look crazy. Yeah. Because nothing, I mean, you know, it's like obviously throwing a chair against the wall in rehearsal is not great, but nothing bad. I mean, nothing happened. You know what I mean? There's no way. So Lena Dunham says Adam Driver was being verbally aggressive on the girls' set, hurled me around during our first sex scene, and threw a chair at the wall next to me in rehearsal. So how is Lena the one who is maybe getting...

getting some pushback on this and not him. Because people are mean. But she does have one defender, which is interesting, is that Anna from Red Scare... wrote a poetic tweet yesterday about Lena Dunham that I have to say was, was people, she was like, it was, it felt out of character. I think some of her, her racist clock is right. Twice is what you're saying. Yeah. It's honestly, it was a really interesting, it was an interesting take. I'm not, I don't have it in front of me. I'm not going to read it. I'm not going to, I don't care that much, but the book is, the book is very good. I have to say I'm, I'm really, I read a hundred pages on an hour flight. I was taking it in. Yeah. I mean, how, how do you not let me see? I can find this. I can find this little tweet from her if it is just that good. It's sad she felt this way about herself, but it couldn't have been any other way because she wouldn't have been such a great artist otherwise. She's more beautiful than any hot girl Nepo baby influencer with lip filler and Ozempic bird chest because she's a rare sort of person and not a moral loser. People will think I'm trolling or mentally ill or doing some evil. Inter... intrascene female competition thing, but if you really think about it, you know it's true. Internis... internecene? I'm not familiar with that word. Now I look like a real loser. But yeah, poetic and nice. Poetic and nice. All right, we have a guest today. And turn the scene destructive to both sides of a conflict. Okay, we're good. Got it. Sorry, for whatever reason, I was in the mood to fact check on today's episode. I don't know what it could be. Weird. All right, hold on. Monica Padman is joining us today. You know her from her work on the... Oh, wait, what's it called? Armchair Expert. I was going to say Dax Shepard. Armchair Expert podcast with Dax Shepard. She's an actress as well, but more importantly, she has a 678 area code. She's from Atlanta, Georgia, as am I. I can't wait to get into your favorite, you know, kind of local coffee houses in Stone Mountain and stuff. Top 10 brunch spots in Duluth. Let's get into it. If time allows. If time allows. All right, Monica, what's going on? How are you?

This episode of How Long Gone is brought to you by a new podcast from The Guardian stateside with Kai and Carter. This is covering a lot of our bases, Jason. It's trying to slow down. The news and wrestle with the questions we all have about what's happening in the world. And I know you particularly have quite a lot of questions. A lot of questions. But how often? Because we do this podcast three times a week and that's a sweet spot. How many times do they do? Three times a week. And I have a feeling just based on the platform and these talking points that they're maybe going to be covering different stuff than we do. That's just a guess. The Guardian is not some billionaire owned. They're not afraid to say what they want to say, brother. Yeah, Rupert ain't sniffing around in what journalists Kai Wright and Carter Sherman are up to over there at Stateside. But yeah, listen wherever you get your podcasts. You can watch it on YouTube. It's three times a week. And who couldn't use more news? You know, especially when it's not, you know, from here, let's say. Give it a listen. Give it a listen. This episode of How Long Gone is brought to you by Squarespace. Obviously, Jason, you and I spend a lot of time on the World Wide Web. So do our peers, our listeners, our friends, our colleagues, maybe even your parents if they're freaky. And if you're doing anything in the world, writing, taking pictures. I do topless boxing. You need a website. Exactly. A website that works, that does what it's supposed to do, that allows you to be creative but also business-minded. Jason, there's one place to go for that, Squarespace. Yeah, Chris, I'm over here. I'm modifying calculators and putting Claude inside of them so you could cheat at school. And I just want a place where I could, you know, have everything all in one place. I can have the SEO tools so those future graduates can find me. And, you know, I'm able to accept, quote, unquote, donations for my services that might be gray area. You know what I mean? And then email campaigns. Hey, I got a new 2.3 version upgrade. Boom, boom, boom. Get the analytics going. Raise some money. Show your investor all of your cool analytics of what's going on. They're going to want to get in early. And we can use Blueprint AI to make your website look as professional as your competition, if not more.

So head to squarespace.com slash howlong for a free trial. When you're ready to launch, use offer code howlong to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or a domain. Oh, this is huge for me personally. This episode of How I'm Gone is brought to you by TaskRabbit. Oh, baby, let me tell you something. This is not a joke. I use TaskRabbit a lot because I can't do anything. You need some art hung? TaskRabbit. You need a fucking... Something put together? A cabinet? Got to reach that cheese grater on the top shelf? TaskRabbit. Anything you need, TaskRabbit can take care of it for you. And, I mean, it... How it works, TaskRabbit connects you with skilled taskers in your area. They can help you move. They can assemble furniture, repairs, yard work, mounting, and more. You can search for a tasker based on cost, skill set, availability, and past client reviews so you know exactly who's showing up and can have confidence that they know what they're doing because taskers have assembled over 3.4 million pieces of furniture, completed 700,000 home repairs. handled 1.5 million moves, and the numbers are just going up, Jason. Yeah, throw a little money at the problem. It's not so expensive, and that job that you really don't want to do is something that another person out in the world is very good at doing and would gladly do it in exchange for a little bit of money. So when life happens, your to-do list grows. Get ahead of it now and get $15 off your first task at TaskRabbit.com or grab the TaskRabbit app using promo code how long taskers book up faster, especially for same-day tasks. So book trusted home help today. That is $15 off your first task using promo code howlong with the TaskRabbit app or at TaskRabbit.com. Okay, so Monica, are you a tech forward person? Are you... into it more than you used to be maybe now as a professional audio podcaster I should be I'm absolutely not I'm bad at it

I don't know. I mean, okay, well, to be fair, when we started the podcast, I was like, oh, I can figure that out. Dax was like, I want to do a podcast. I was like, oh, I think I could figure that out. And I immediately was like, we need to bring in an audio engineer. That's good to know. I would have been upset if you were techie. I don't think that's it. I think it's a bad trait in most people unless they hide it and then it comes out when you really need it. Is it hot when a guy is like, secretive about his tech knowingness and then he like mounts your tv in your living room and you're like oh fuck yeah i mean yes it is i have to say handy is hot okay okay what about what about if you're able to pay for someone else to do it and maybe you're not totally capable of it yourself interesting question is rich hot also monica i mean I can't say it's not. Okay. It's a positive box. You're a fruit lover, and I'm saying apples or oranges, and you said, hey, I'm a fruit lover. Chop them up. Put them on the plate. I'm good. I'm good to go. Where do you live in L.A.? I live in Los Feliz. How far away do you live from Duck Shepherd? I live mere steps away. That is okay. That is a choice. Now, I'm sure you were familiar with the neighborhood. You know what I mean? Obviously. But did you at least did you at least look at other? You know, did you maybe kick the tires on Santa Monica or, you know, head over to maybe I should reframe it. Did you have the choice of where you wanted to live or was it chosen for you? No, I have agency and free will. Thank you. Thank you. Hell yeah. I did make this decision on my own. Yeah. No. I was familiar, as you said, with the neighborhood because of them. And it's a very special neighborhood in Los Feliz. And so I was keeping my eyes out for houses that were going to maybe come on the market. We're talking north of Los Feliz, right, honey? No, actually. Step your money up. What's up? Come on, Spotify. We're not at Spotify anymore.

Great research. What's the other company that gave you tens of millions of dollars? I forgot. Yeah, Wondery. We thank them. We thank them. Amazon Wondery. No, it's Wondery. It's W-O-N-D-E-R. Love those guys. Love my Wondery team. Yeah, they're great. We're proud to be part of that team. I'm sure you are. I'd be proud of it, too. Any team that pays me, I'm proud to be a part of. That's kind of a little I've been before. Okay, so are you hitting all-time? You're hitting Maru? an Albertsons Chica or a Lassen's Gurley? Um, I... I'm a Lazy Acres girl. I love Lazy Acres. Wow, see, a secret third thing. Now, I'm familiar with the Lazy Acres brand, and I know they opened the one in that general neighborhood. It was a decrepit Walgreens or whatever for 10 years. Drug adult Walgreens. What is the Lazy Acres brand promise? You know what I mean? Like, what am I getting at Lazy Acres that I can't get somewhere else? I think it is a little less granola than last year. which I appreciate. You can get some things there that are more standard. Okay, so you can get a six-pack of Coca-Cola. I believe you can. You can get, like, I think you can get, like, Cheez-Its there. Did you know that I like Cheez-Its? Are you pandering to me, or do you like Cheez-Its? No, do you? I love Cheez-Its. Oh, hell no. What kind? Regular. You can take the girl out of Georgia. Regular. Regular. People try to be like, have you tried the extra crisp? I'm like, bro, get this shit out of here, bro. We only want... We don't do puffs over here, bro. Cheez-Its, OG. Wheat Thins, OG. I don't want any extra shit on them. That's it. What flavor? Salt, bitch. Salt. Yeah. Yeah, don't mess with what's not broken, you know, that good old phrase. Yeah, it's worded a little differently, but we got there. Okay, well, we'll just fast forward through that part. So you're saying, all right, so you pull the SUV, you pull the Bentley truck up to Lazy Acres and load up, or are you getting it delivered? I'm getting it delivered. You guys are really putting me on blast. I'm getting self-conscious. I live in Los Feliz. No, Los Feliz is one of LA's great neighborhoods. I know. It's not a...

cheap neighborhood i've i've i've lived in los filas uh that was the first neighborhood i lived in when i moved to la all the way from he had roommates but it was still nice i mean it wasn't i had roommates maybe someone slept in the living room as instead of a bedroom and maybe some of our kitchen furniture was borrowed from fred 62's beautiful outdoor alfresco dining arrangements We're going to put it back. We're going to put it back. That was back when they just have Heinz ketchup in the glass bottle on the table at four in the morning. How do you not steal it? They're asking for it. It's a take home. Are you sad that McCall's has left? This is what we're going to bond over. I feel bad that we're alienating everyone in the world who's listening who doesn't know all the specificities of the Los Feliz neighborhood. I know. It moved close. I live in Glendale, so now it's in Atwater. Better location, closer to me, but the parking over there is a nightmare. The Los Feliz one, they had a little lot in the back. Zip in. Obviously, you had yours delivered up the hill, but I had to drive my car there. No, I walked to McCall's. So I used to live in Los Feliz on like... off Los Fields Boulevard and Commonwealth. So very close to McCall's. And I would walk to Hilvers, walk tomorrow, and do all those things. So I do miss that little walk in general, and I definitely miss McCall's. So now I have to drive to McCall's. I don't get it delivered. I should. You're like, is that an option? What am I doing? I don't know if they offer delivery, unfortunately. That would be too dangerous. Yeah, exactly. I wouldn't want to. tally up the cost of that at the end of the year if I was doing that. We don't talk about that. Is McCall's that expensive? It's not cheap. It's one of those places where you just go on a Saturday afternoon and accidentally spend $128 on some bullshit. But it's all really good. Just like, ooh, these crackers are $17 and I need it. We've been talking on the podcast.

There's breaking Silver Lake news. There's a $16 cold brew in Silver Lake, Monica. So I'm trying to – I'm coming to L.A. on Wednesday. Loquat. At Loquat, and I'm trying to get – if you're around, I would be happy to buy you a $16 cold brew. I'm trying to spend – Wow. I'm trying to spend $100 on cold brew, you know, just a crisp – Whoa. Cold squad cold brew. Let me get a round of cold brews for everybody in here. But there is – are you the type of person that's able to enjoy a pure cold brew with no – Anything in it? No sweeteners? No syrups? No banana cold foam? No. No chai protein foam? I'm kind of a coffee baby. What does baby need to put in the coffee? You have a little baby. Okay, what does baby have to put in the coffee so the medicine can go down? I mean, just milk, but like a fair amount of it. What's the percentage? My wife, she's hitting like, she's hitting 35, 65. milk to coffee we're going to 80 no um like latte or cappuccino but i have to like if i'm getting a cappuccino i have to say to myself this is going to be coffee heavy like prep prep your brain this is a tea this is an english breakfast tea right now and it has um okay Okay. Okay. British vibes. I'm drinking tea right now as well. I'm, I'm trying to drink less coffee. So I'm drinking green tea. It's better for the body in many ways, but it doesn't give you that real kick in the, in the keister that you get. And I was Googling yesterday. It said that like a cup of green tea is roughly three or like a cup of coffee is about three cups of teas worth of caffeine. So I just put three tea bags in my mug now, and you get there. So try it with the breakfast. Oh, wow. Just double bag it. Green tea makes me sick. It makes me nauseous. Oh. I think it's my body rejecting how boring it is. You're too white. You're too white. Yeah. It's like you're not Asian enough for this. No, bro. Fuck both y'all. He ain't Asian. He just likes Asian women. That's not the same. That's not the same. I have a more international stomach than you.

cheese it head one of those permeations we say that wabi wabi on our podcast is married to a beautiful filipino woman well she's half i think and then so somehow rob is like a quarter like we've done some because he has kids oh his kids you see it does start to get kind of complicated i do i do have a uh definitively white palate, I'm not going to front. But, you know, I'm not like offensively, I'm not like a total pussy. No, he's had guacamole. Yeah, I've had guacamole before. I've had brown rice. I've had all the spicy stuff. Like, I'm not crazy. I'm an adventurous eater. He's had various brown rice samosas. Varietals. Lots of lentils. So you're sensitive. So you're not tucking a zen in that lip when you fire up the on-air sign? Me? Yeah. Oh my God. I was like, Oh, what are you talking about? No, no, I am. I am not doing any dipping. Uh, I've never smoked a cigarette in my, all of my days, but I do. Um, I, I, I'm a, I drink, I have a drinking gal. Okay. So you're an alcoholic. Thank you for sharing. I didn't want to say it like that, but it was a euphemism drinking gal. I'm a drinking gal. That's the name of my Facebook group where we share different DUI strategies. No, go left. Go left for sure. They're never down there. I'm a drinking gal. Look, I'm glad that you do have a destructive outlet of some sort. I do. I have advice. Because I was worried about you, Monica. I was worried that you were a little too straight-laced. We didn't want you to be too teacher's petty. I'm glad that you... sort of need alcohol to live instead of enjoy it. That's why I had to say it. I could sense you guys were getting some false ideas. Well, what's your Jaeger bomb intake like? I mean, how crazy are we going? I mean, like. Listen, I've graduated to martinis. Okay. Yeah. Those are heavy alcohol content. It's basically, you're just drinking alcohol. It just says espresso in front of it or is it a regular one? Regular, okay.

It is a regular martini, lemon twist, no vermouth. So it literally, it is just jit. Oh, shit. Monica, that is my martini order as well. Dry as a bastard, lemon twist. Sometimes I like a little rinse of vermouth, just to spray, a little droplet. Yeah, I used to do that. i'm over bro imagine this guy say imagine this guy saying rinse of vermouth and me trying to keep a straight face guys bro you can't be doing you can't be saying rinse of vermouth i mean it's always insufferable to do it but it gets so much worse you know when you like there's that um i think it was on industry a guy ordered a martini at like a one of those british high fans highfalutin bars and he's like martini coldest space yesterday you're like when you when you order it like that you're like all right Which is like a serious, like if you were on a date with a guy and the martini order was a little too showy-showy like that, is that a turn off or do you like taking control of your cocktail? That's a, oh gosh, that's a good question because I've never been in that position because I do order, this is my order, Hendrix Martini Lemon Twist, no vermouth, bruised. Period. I am doing that a little bit. So you're the bad part. Yeah, I am. Can I ask, the only bruise I'm familiar with is sort of when I run my knee into the wall or something. What does the bruise mean when you're in the martini land? I'm not familiar with this nomenclature. It's not like a domestic. Yeah, this is giving domestic abuse vibes. So Chris only knows shaken or stirred, and now you're saying there's a secret third thing. basically is shaken it's it just means very icy okay so icy vigorously shaken with with hella cubes okay i've in all of my years to be fair i've been sober for a while but in all of my years hey thank you thank you it's much better where you are but you know here we go uh i i don't understand the okay bruised i jason have you heard that before i have heard it yes

Okay, I have not heard that before, and I like it a lot. It actually makes a lot of sense. It's a fun descriptor. It's letting you know I don't want it to be stirred. Exactly. I want you to grab it like Adam Driver grabs Lena Dunham and shake the shit out of it in a hot way. That's right. Okay, but last question. Do you strain into the martini glass, or do you like crunching down on those little shards of ice? Kind of like a little shard on top. No judgment. Some people go either way. Yeah. My wife's a cruncher. I like it strained myself. Okay. A little shard is never bad. It's so bad. I think it could be a placebo of making it feel even colder. It's food. Also good for my eating disorder chicas out there crunching on those ice chips, baby. Oh, I'm so full. Yeah, exactly. Don't worry. I'm eating with this. No fries for me. I'm just having shards. Yeah, Alex chews her smoothie. Like, she drinks her smoothie in the way. Canadians. I'm sucking it down, but she's chewing it. She's making a meal of it. And I'm like, oh, that's smart, actually, because it does have a toothsome, depending on how many, you know, bananas and dates are in there. Texture. It's all about texture, you guys. You gotta get into that texture. I agree. I mean, what's the difference? I mean, one of your backyard bowls, Chris, that's nothing but a thick smoothie. That's true. Monica, have you been? to Backyard Bowls is the best restaurant in LA. I don't know if you've been there. I do like Backyard Bowls. I haven't been in a while, but I used to love it. What's your order there? Power Bowl, no chia seeds. Or no, excuse me, Power Bowl with chia seeds. They do get in your teeth, unfortunately. What a rollercoaster ride. They do. Sorry, I didn't mean to take you guys. Yeah. They get in your teeth a little bit, so sort of it depends on where I got to go after. Are the chia seeds, are they still hard and crunchy or have they been soaked and activated? I would say activated. I don't get a distinct crunch coming off of them, if I remember correctly. Thank God. I'll get back to you tomorrow. I'll get back to you tomorrow after I dig into one. Please do. Wait, Chris, so you're in Atlanta? No, no. I live in New York, but I'm currently in... I'm at this Aubert's...

hotel in virginia called primland oh i love our bears where people go to sort of like really do this is where people southern people go you can hunt here you can fish you can atv you can you know you can do it all i mean not for me but for you guys you're not you're not an outdoorsy type of chick Um, no. I'm not either. So both of you guys both hanging out and growing up in the beautiful bluegrass hills of Georgia, and we're both just on AOL Instant Messenger all day? Yeah, aim. Okay, we're all aiming all day. Where did you grow up for real, for real, though? Are you OTP, or let's get honest here? No, Duluth. Oh, you really are Duluth. I thought Jason was just making a really clever joke. No, he did a great, that was great. I was like, damn, Jason's been to Atlanta quite a few times, so I thought he might have picked up on it. Duluth also is sort of a food hotspot in Atlanta. Well, it's grown a ton also since I've left. My parents are still there, so I go back, and it's gotten so cute. Okay, so you're saying your kind of industrial suburb has become, you can go to a place that has brunch with fake flowers around the doorway? Yeah. Yeah, dead ass. I know, I know. My dream. You can't get that down in Glasscock County, can you? That's a place. You can't. Okay, so did you go to high school in Duluth? I did. Duluth High School. Oh, so you're just a, okay, you're right. Look at my shirt. I see. This is a Georgia shirt. I went to University of Georgia as well. Go Dawgs. Go Dawgs. Also, she was a cheerleader, Chris, so she was a real all-American girl. Hold on, hold on. You were a cheerleader at high school or at college? In high school. I was a competition cheerleader. Two-time state champ. Okay, but were you a flyer or a base? Flyer. How dare you, Chris? I know. Who do you think I am? No, I'm sorry. Follow-up question, Monica. How much did you weigh in high school? That actually is a great question. I was probably like 95 to 100 pounds. I was very small back then. Did you just love doing this? Did your parents force you to do it? Was it so you could be close to football players? What was the goal? Because cheerleading doesn't have a big upside at the end of the day after a college scholarship. You know what I'm saying? Oh, man. It's just so fun. I mean, the idea that you threw in that my parents forced me, they were like, what is this? Like, why?

Why are you doing that? This sounds like an epic waste of time and money. Yeah, correct, yeah. But, no, it was the cool thing. The cool girls did it, you know? Of course, of course, of course. And I had to try to be a cool girl. I was trying very hard to be accepted and popular. I succeeded, by the way, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But you weren't pulling boys in high school, though, were you? No, I wasn't. They didn't like me. Are you claiming this is racism or are you saying this is something else? You know what? It can be a little bit of both as well. I used to, I used to, I think it was both. What was wrong with you in high school? I mean, look, I just explained. I was a 95 pounds. Guys hate petite cheerleaders, by the way. And I was a cheerleader and I was smart. So, you know, you tell me if it's racism or not. The problem, no, the problem, the problem is smart. That's where you fucked up. That's where you fucked up. A 17-year-old tight end doesn't want no smart shit. He likes the titties. He likes the cheerleading. But once you try to talk to him about class, he's out. Join the science club. Okay. I wasn't, like, leading with, like, my science project or anything. But we had – there was a group. So you think the other cheerleaders are dumb. Wow. Yeah. That is interesting. No. We – you know, my first – one of my very first memories – we do talk about a lot on the podcast that it's kind of, like, nauseating. point but what there was i liked this boy this was middle school those things were getting real hot and heavy for everyone you know and um he told my friend my friend said why don't you ask monica to be your girlfriend he said well i would but i can't like her parents worked at dairy queen which they did not work at dairy queen i know they didn't work at dairy queen i know that yeah i just but not everyone understands as you do because You understand that a lot of Indian people would franchise out the Dairy Queens there. I'm glad it wasn't a more sinister euphemism. My parents own 12 of those. They don't work there. That's different. I mean, nowadays, exactly. I'd be like, I wish we'd be living in a much bigger house. It's very lucrative. Anyway, all to say, he couldn't date me.

with my my my brown skin and you know what that that really set me on a course okay because you're saying you have trouble in the dating arena i do and i have a i'm very i have a very hard time accepting like anyone likes me you're so you're saying if a guy's if guys you know whatever like obviously showing that he likes you you're saying you don't believe him or you're saying like bro chill this makes me uncomfortable well now i mean look i'm in I'm so mature now. You know, I'm of course. Yeah, we can tell decades of therapy. She's finally come around. I've come around. But there, you know, there's just mainly like, oh, I like this person. I like this person. Then they like me back. And I'm like, never. Then you're. up there's something wrong with you oh so you're saying once okay so once you once third date comes around you're like actually you're you like me if you like me you have a problem it's the the classic rodney dangerfield quote i wouldn't be a member of a club that would have me as a member that's right but i don't think it's rodney but that's a but yeah okay I think that is one of those classic quotes that is miscredited to Rodney Dangerfield. To, like, everyone. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's Groucho Marx. Sorry, my bad. That's a problem, and I know that you're working through it, but I feel like because of your position in the space, you're meeting a lot of eligible, you know, whether, I mean. All these guys, all these big actors and musicians that come on the podcast, they've got people that work for them. You know what I mean? They've got eligible assistants. Not even assistants. I'm saying they've got full staffs. They've got guys that run production companies. They've got agents. They've got publicists. There's a whole... Because you don't want the problems. You ain't trying to fix Ben Affleck. You know what I'm saying? I know. Well, he is one of my number one crushes. Affleck's top three? Matt and Ben were my first celebrity crushes, and they remain. I mean, I think Ben is actually such a... brilliant I wish people would give him the opportunity to talk more actually oh he's so smart I think he's so I think he's he's really because he's such a stick man and he's been so prolific with women I think people forget you can be smart and do that and I think men you know I think representation matters exactly yeah that was huge for me yeah

You know what? I'm here to take one for the team if he wants to call me. Sure, sure. You're willing to. But I'm saying, so where, okay, if you're striking out, where are you meeting these guys, though? Because I think Jason and I, you know, we're in our 40s. I feel like we could give you some advice. Oh, I'd love your advice. We're experts in being men. I know that you had a podcast. You did a podcast sort of about this with a friend about your dating woes. I did, yes. And, you know, you were on Raya and things like that. So you're doing the standard. But I'm not anymore. No more Raya. What happened on Raya? I just don't like the apps. You don't like hot guys that surf? User interface is a little clunky. You should try the surfing stuff. Why is surfing tough? Because they have to be so close to the beach. I live on the other side of town. That's actually very practical of you. You're saying, I don't need you to get up and drive your vintage Tacoma. But in Los Feliz, you take the 134 up to Malibu. You put a couple of your sticks on top of the Land Cruiser. It's vintage. No worries. He's back eating a breakfast burrito before you're awake. That's pretty hot. That's fine with me. I just feel like a lot of surfers like to live by the water, which I understand. It's part of their whole vibe. But I just bought this house. I'm not going anywhere. You're not trying to go. You can get a bicycle. Are you trying to keep it in your general age group? Or are you trying to go a little older? What's the search parameters on that age? 18 to 55? Oh my god. I generally like a little bit older. All right, this episode of How Long Gone is brought to you by Quince. Jason, the temps are warming up. It's getting hot out there. Summer always changes how I get dressed. I need pieces that feel lighter, more breathable, and that are just easy but still put together. I don't want to look like a slob. That's why I keep coming back to Quince. They focus on high-quality essentials that feel and look amazing. Breathable linen and soft organic cottons. Well-made basics but without the luxury markups. That rare balance where everything feels elevated.

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Older is easy. Older is so easy. Now I'm like, you know, I'm looking at Dakota Johnson and role model and I'm like, God, should I be looking in the other direction? You trying to look for some role? I just wonder if I should also be looking. Look, the reality is most people older than me are married. Yeah. So I kind of wonder if at this point I got to like go back. I got to go back to the new. OK, well, how low will you go? Because I know because you're probably you're younger than Dakota. But and rolls what? I'm older than her. Oh, really? Yes. Okay, so their age gap is what, like six years or something like that? Six or eight years? I don't know. Probably. I haven't done my research. Which is normal. Nothing crazy when a woman does it. A man tries to do that. Get crucified. Something to think about. Do you get crucified? You're like Leo and you just keep dating hot young girls. I think you get crucified when you're Leo. Unfortunately, the crucifixion doesn't really reach your AirPods. You know what I mean? Yeah, he doesn't care. And he shouldn't care. And when you're Leo, the crucifixion feels kind of... good actually i'm actually sort of into being crucified it's like training for a role he's just like getting you know he's just prepping yeah i mean younger i think younger i just don't i don't know i think that sometimes that can be a recipe for disaster but if you find the right one of course anything is possible my wife has talked about this she works in fashion and she meets a lot of young guys and women in your similar situation yeah and and a lot of her friends who are you know mid-30s are dating younger guys one part because that's all there is out there And number two, younger guys are a little bit more emotionally, you know, in touch with themselves, a little more, you know, less chauvinistic and misogynistic, unless you get some of them. Boring. All right, so you want a pussy that don't even drive you? But you need that perfect balance of all of those things with a little bit of edge, right? No, Monica needs a little misogyny, I can tell. You need just a little pinch. You said it, not me.

You know, I'm joking. I'm joking. But I do think that there's like a. Yeah, there's a fine line. Yeah. Well, I think I think some of these young guys may be too emotionally mature to the point where it's like, yo, relax. We'll turn off. Yeah. It's like we don't have to talk about everything. Well, I talk about I talk about this sometimes because I and you're I mean, you're in a similar position to us career wise, but we're sort of paid. to reflect constantly yes like you have to think about yourself all the time and what you how you what your opinion is or how you feel about this thing which is deeply unhealthy and and flawed i would say as a as a premise yeah it's it's narcissistic really sounds cool to me and beats having a real job i mean that's that's fair but i think young i think young people like that's the default like i think the default is like i am the main character i didn't think about myself all the time i know i'm saying it's bad for us but at least we get paid for it you know i mean it makes it there's a small upside yeah small upside well bigger upside for you but there's an upside yeah i i know i think that's right again there's like all these trade-offs where it's obviously good to not be repressing all your shit but then yeah i think you could also be like very soft and very sensitive to the world which is you know can be a little like uh i can't carry this for you as they say the pussy just dries up at a certain point well yeah I think I have a few more years before that happens. Are you talking about the first episode of Friends and Neighbors where Amanda Peet's going through menopause? Because it's on my mind, too. It's on my mind, too. You got Pete on the brain. Menopause is scary, you guys. Well, Amanda Peet, she talks to her friend. It was just a funny... It's basically like it... The rage that you get, I guess, is really, like, basically, it's like she's going to kill her neighbor for the dog shitting in her yard. Yeah. Hormones. Y'all got it bad. Hormones. Well, on the topic of menopause, I was thinking about egg freezing. Ah, you really have done your research. I don't know how egg freezing pertains to you, but I guess somebody in their mid-30s with money, I'm sure you've got a brochure or two.

And I was thinking, you know that phrase, Mr. Steal Your Girl, Chris? Yes, yes, I'm familiar with Mr. Steal Your Girl. From a rap song, and I was thinking, like, the younger guys are going to almost volunteer to freeze the eggs, you know, with you versus you having to sort of, you know, pry them and sit them down and get them, you know, have the egg talk. Oh, yeah. So guys are, you know, like a Mr. Freeze Your Eggs, Captain Save-A-Ho kind of thing. These young guys are going to come in and be like, I would just love to freeze eggs with you and see what happens. That's a new line. They're going to say, yo, baby, I just love you so much. Let's go ahead and make some embryos. Exactly. I would freeze with you, honestly. I know it's only been six months, but I'm down to freeze, real talk. Wow. Yeah, I love them. But when you hear that from a guy, the fine line is like, whoa. Or just like, oh, my God, I found my forever person. I think it depends on, again, your age. Like me now, if I met someone and I thought they were really great and they were like, you know, if you want to go ahead and just like freeze some embryos, I would be like, yeah, let's do it. I think. Actually, I don't know. Even me just saying that, I was like, would I? I don't know. I have frozen my eggs twice. But those are just eggs, you know, unfertilized. So those have a lower chance of, you know, being a little baby. A lower chance in the formed embryo. And you did thaw them out and refrost them? Or these are two separate freezing sessions in eggs? Two sessions. Okay. And so, yeah, like embryos are a better thing to freeze. So I don't know, though. I'm also pretty paranoid. I'm like, we need to do a lot of, like, I need to learn about your history. I need to know before I'm making memories. Any red flags that come up, like, biologically. Well, what are those things that you're looking out for, you know, beyond criminal record and FICO score? What are you looking for on the DNA side of things? 6-3, white, what else? That's it. Honestly, that's it. Those are my only requirements.

She's like, I'm going to do a deep forensic dive on how tall the boys in your family are. Yeah. I need some average heights. Average heights would be really good. How white are you? Like, is that Ireland? Or, like, what are we talking about? You want to go back. You want to get some lineage. You don't want to go, like, Danish clear, motherfuckers. But let's, you know, we don't want. Arctic white, maybe a little eggshell white. Yeah, I'm just, like, worried about, like, some cross-contamination. Yeah, get into your pharaoh ball bag, Jason. That was nice. That was nice. I saw what you did there. I saw what you did there. We're kind of rejuvenating the garage, so I've got paint on the brain right now. I feel like you, but you're not, so you, have you gone through the friend setup phase already, and that hasn't panned out? Ish. Like, I will not. that many people have done setups i am in a very insular friend group that like everyone's married and also where i grew up too same situation like all my friends from home married their high school sweethearts so we're just like traveling in this pack of all these people you get to see all of it on facebook i just yeah i'm just like yeah i'm on facebook all the little fat kids no but you know when you're in a group of people that are coupled up It is not the best scenario to go out and meet people, but I, I love my friends. And so I'm always choosing that, you know, I'm kind of always like, yeah, I'd rather just hang out. Monica, Monica, maybe it's time to choose you, you know? Oh, wow. That part. That part. Okay. So are you ever like at all time at like a six top and there's a cute guy and then all of your married drunk friends are like, we should go talk to him. Like, do they try to get you to. do stuff like that or they let you do your little thing? They kind of let me do my thing. That's not helpful. Yeah, they're actually... I would say that my single friends are 30-year-old guys who are good-looking but just kind of, you know, like...

They're just not motivated, let's say, the way that I think Jason and I were in our younger days. They're motivated more by other things. Yeah. And I think there's been a societal shift. I was motivated to ghost back then, but that's kind of about it. Oh, ghosting's fine. I'm saying, like, they're not even motivated. They're not even, like, they're like, I'd rather just hang with the fellas. Like, they don't care. Yeah, like, they don't want a partner. Yeah, so what motivated you two? Like, why were you different? I mean, because I used to be fat, and then I wasn't fat, and then I was doing coke, and I was like, this is sick. There's chicks around. Very simple equation, really. I just mean our generation. I'm 43. Jason's a little older than me. It's sort of just like... the thing you you went you chased tail and you did drugs that's what that's what your 20s were about and there was no there was no yoga there was no like thinking about what you were doing there was no and it was like debaucherous but it wasn't that you know it wasn't that crazy really you know what i mean it wasn't like actually that crazy i mean until it got crazy but until it hits yeah yeah but i just mean in general that was sort of what our generation women too i mean that's that's like what the generation have a five-year plan necessarily more so like What's going on tomorrow night? Where are we all going to meet up and get drunk? Especially when people are no one had like a real job. I mean, most people hung out with didn't even have aspirations for a real job, quote unquote. So there was years of Peter Panning available to you at that at that stage. And now I think that's not even it's just not even I don't think it's frowned upon. I think it's just like different. I think you're right. Society wise, like even if you think about celebrity, I mean, like the time we're growing up, it was like you would see celebrities leaving nightclubs every night, like fall down. drunk like that was the entire culture that we were raised on was like us weekly pictures of lindsey in paris like look pretty fun eyes closed leaving the viper room yeah i know i i i do find it a little like i shouldn't but like what is going on with like the younger generation they're they're doing all these things at a much lower frequency like they're drinking less they're having less sex they're having like it is

it kind of goes back to what we were just talking like there's like very healthy things about that but there are but then there's twitch and then it gets a little spooky you know yeah and then there's isolation my issue is like what are you doing exactly if you're not doing those things yeah but what are you doing then and i think the answer is Scrolling in some form or another. I know. It's not good. It'll snap back, I think. I mean, everyone has all the – and then there's the scrolling. There's the being afraid of having a photo of you posted online of you making a fool out of yourself. Yeah. Everyone's really afraid of that. I guess I'm not that afraid of it. Well, that's because we're not afraid of it because we literally – say dumb shit three hours a week but we've we've had the trial by fire we've had the photo of us you know cross-eyed drunk posted on some social media and we had a laugh and and had some advil and and moved on with our lives versus it's driving us to suicide yeah yeah yeah chris and i our age like we're old enough now so people are like Tell us stories of what it was like in 2004. You know, like you're saying you're saying it was popular and you could do coke and there was no fentanyl. Like this is this sounds sick. I know. Oh, well, that obviously that's a huge piece, too. Yeah, no, definitely. I think that is. I do think that's real. But also everyone is like when I guess when we were in our 20s, we had a everything is going to work out probably kind of thing. And kids nowadays are like, I don't have time to socialize. You know, the housing market is shit. The job market is shit. Yeah. The impending. The world is going to blow up anyway. Like there's a lot of pessimism. So like we don't have time for any of this tomfoolery. I need to, you know, get my 401k going. I need to start, you know, thinking about what happens when the global economy collapses and my bunker has enough Libby's canned fruit in it to last me through winter. God damn it. Exactly. What would you do without it, Jason? What would you do without it? And alcohol is freaking bad for your cortisol receptors and your circadian rhythms. I know. It's like, stop telling us these things. But then Andrew Tate is getting his dick sucked with a bottle of tequila on his lap. And they're like, so how come he can do it? But I can't do it. My brain is scrambled. Time to shoot a school. I finally read a good story about all that.

that Manosphere stuff, but I can't listen to it anymore. I can't, I can't like hear about it. Did you watch the doc, the Louis Theroux doc? Yeah, well, we talked about it. We watched it and I was just sort of like, I mean, if you're online, you, like, sort of know all of this. Like, I think the most interesting part was how they interacted with him because they were, like, sort of scared of him. Yes. That was the biggest takeaway for me. Yes. That they sort of turned the swag down when this, like, dorky British guy came around. Like, they didn't know how to handle him, which is a testament to how good he is. I think that's, like, the whole point is to disarm. He's so good. But, yeah, I don't. I mean, you work with a toxic man, so I'm sure you deal with this all the time. I'm sure you deal with this all the time. Through this conversation, what I'm realizing is I work with you. You don't listen, it sounds like, but you're him. Oh, we've all listened. We're not. Come on. We all listen. There's definitely a narcissism of small differences in play. Look, we're going to be honest with you, Monica. We get a little jealous when the people that do exactly what we do, but they make a hundred times the money. No, it's not personal. I'm happy for you. Thank you. I'm happy for Dax. I appreciate that. I'm happy for the whole family. Actually, you're not the problem. Smartless is the problem. That's the real problem. I'm going to stay quiet. No, no. I'm saying that for us. I'm saying I have nothing to do with you. Yeah, I get it. Are you guys still beefing with Smartless? Why do you want to stay quiet? Oh, we never. You don't have to beef. You don't have to beef down. That's the key. That's when you're on top. You don't got to beef down. That's right. That's right. Here's a follow-up question. Do you think Dax's arms have become too big for the chair nowadays? Oh, him and I, we talk about this all the time. He's enormous. He's just enormous. He knows it. It's not that he's blind to it. He knows it because he's trying to look like that. Yeah, yeah, exactly. Look, all of us who have body dysmorphia know it. I love the idea of him being like, wait, shit, I'm like huge. Monica, why didn't you tell me? He said he's like, I think I'm ready to like, you know.

go down a little bit or whatever lean out exactly but um this is the problem i see it every time we have a male guest every time they the first thing they say oh my man you you are what are you doing like and look the truth is if someone if every time we recorded the woman was like oh my god Like, what are you doing to your skin? What are you doing to your hair? I'd be like. I'm never changing. I have never changed. This is a really great point. So when Brad Pitt sits across the room from you and compliments your body, why on earth would you ever do something different? He's getting all the validation. And if Haley Bieber is like, Monica, please tell me your skincare routine because you're absolutely glowing, you wouldn't change a thing. Not a thing. This is very logical. I'd be like, I'm doing life right. Put the sperm salmon on auto-subscribe at that point, probably. This is very logical, actually. I had not considered this at all. He says this all the time. He's like, having a body like this or muscles are working out. He's like, it's for men. Oh, we say that. Men work out for men. Women don't care about that shit. Yeah. I don't. I disagree. You work out for ladies. He's different. He's big in a man way. But if you get big in an actor way, it's gay. Yeah, I think it applies to shorter people. I'm 6'9", so I've never felt the need to impress men. Oh. interesting i'm not saying i'm trying to impress men i'm saying that women are not impressed exactly yeah well it's kind of no that's false that's so no it's 100 they don't i'm saying like maybe from an optic but i'm saying they don't women would much rather you be rich than have a fucking eight pack 100 i mean luckily we don't have to make that ab decision i don't i don't personally but there might be somebody out there that i never will have to deal with that but there's some people i think women enjoy a man with a good muscular body and i don't think that's ever going to go out of style chris i think i know i think they do but i think what i'm saying is that the way women dress for women

men dress for men work out for men is what i'm trying to say it's like a status thing amongst you guys but i agree that like in in both ways like when you see a woman like who didn't clearly didn't brush her hair for the past like eight days it's like ah like well i don't know i'm not gonna speak for you but my guess is you're gonna be like oh no um and same with a woman seeing a man who maybe has not taking care of himself i think the taking care of him i think you're right taking care of yourself and being like an absolute freak creatine trt yeah that's different but it is time for me to tell you i did start taking creatine it's it's popular for women now thank god i it's actually for my like neuro stuff yes cognitive i'm firing monica which sponsor get which sponsor sent you this Um, Thorn. Okay, great. Good idea. Thorn. Actually, they're not a sponsor, but I really wish they would be. I take Thorn creatine as well. It's good. You guys taking the, oh, y'all taking the startup creatine? Y'all taking the podcast creatine? My Hubies, my Huberman pow pow. Does he make his own? No, but he, I mean, I'm sure he probably has his own line. He's a Thorn advocate. Yeah, he's spoken positively about Thorn. I mean, it is, it's the expensive one that looks scientific. I buy that shit all day long. Yeah. Good packaging. Sure. I love good packaging. But yeah, I think you present your body and your hair and your clothes and everything subconsciously or not to attract who you want to attract. And I just happen to be into women. So that's who I'm dressing for and adjusting my body for. All right, bro. Pull out that leather vest you bought for a second. Show it to Monica. Let me just move my purple Air Max out of the way. Oh, wow. And do you pair those two together, hopefully? On my OnlyFans, yeah. This is what I'm trying to say. That's so funny that you had that there. I thought you'd gotten rid of it by now. I'm glad that really works, Monica. I didn't know if you had it, Monica. You know when you hang up that dress that's too big for you? I mean, too small for you as like little inspo? That's good. I do that with my vest because I have a little like under titty fat that pokes out because it's too small for me. Okay. So as soon as the under titty fat stops poking out, I'll be happy with my body. Monica, you know how it is. You know, you've never been properly fit.

for a bra, and then you finally get it, and you're like, oh, my God, I can't believe how well this fits. This is crazy. I had no idea. Change my life. You should do ads for, like, skims. That sounds perfect. We do. We actually do do ads for skims. Skims is great. I can't wear it. I can't. It's really well done, and I love the stores, and I love the whole thing, but it's a mental block. Yeah. It has nothing to do with the product. Oh, really? The product is good. It doesn't feel masculine enough. It feels like a little... still too lingerie or women's workout clothing coated? Well, it's very easy for a men's brand to introduce women's. You know what I mean? To me, in my mind, it's a much easier way to go. I think most men think of Skims as stuff for their chick who watches Keeping Up with the Kardashians. But the product is good. It's fine. They're doing just fine. But I just mean I think it's harder to go that way than the other way. Yeah, you're right. I'm seeing some through lines with your thoughts on we present our body who we present our body for chris i i don't just something i don't i'm perfectly clear on my statements and i won't be walking any of them back and i never you know i never walk my statements back i don't want you to walk them back i just want you to see the through lines of you thinking that you you have your nice muscles for men and men only but you don't want to wear the women's coated masculine underwear i see no i would just bro i just wear a thong but that's maybe still about men he doesn't want men to think he's like a little like um fairy no Monica, no, they all think I'm gay already. There's nothing I could do. There's no amount of underwear I could wear or not wear that would change the narrative on my sexuality, for better or worse. Wait, so you're 6'9". Tell me about what it's like to be 6'9 in the world. Well, I would say a lot of doors open up for you being really tall, but it is also a handicap that nobody has sympathy for. Buying clothes, shoes, sitting in cars, airplanes, 99% of the time, whatever.

situation i'm in is uncomfortable for me so hitting your head on doorways sitting on couches that are made for regular people washing your hands at sinks that are knee length okay things like that that's really hard i know it's so hard it's so tough but then men want to be you and women want to fuck each other kind of you all evens out on the wall unless you're like really ugly and stupid right i bet even still We'll make it work. We'll find a way. You got to get points on the board even still. I do think Jason suffers in silence. I'm glad that How Long Gone has given him a platform to talk about his struggles. It's a good place to be vulnerable. He hasn't even mentioned how he lives on stolen land. We're going to get into that in an hour or two. It's a little hard. It's tough for him today. Luckily, I have... some native blood so I don't have to. I'm the one that people acknowledge too. The acknowledge is incoming, not outgoing. I want to talk about how much you prepare. when you because we don't prepare that much that's sort of our whole thing jason prepares more than me i'm i i will if it's a book i would read normally i will read it if it's a show i would you know what i mean if it's something i'm interested in i'm gonna i'm gonna do it because i would do it anyway what is what is your policy and does it or does a producer hand you some cards you're ready to rock no so we're kind of you know we do a sort of weird thing so dax is the host and i co-host but not in like not in an even way like it's his show And I commit. And so he does a lot of research all on his own. And I kind of chime in as the audience in some ways. So like, you know, I'm like, this doesn't make any sense. So I'm going to ask or just whatever if I have an organic question. But I'm not coming in with any. necessarily prep questions sometimes i do but i'll tell him ahead of time like i want to ask this because something no but it's sophia coppola i have to ask her well for real it's like okay this is a fashion person like where you got i it's my turn like we're talking but he does have like kind of an arc you know he has like a thing so you know we discuss that a bit so it doesn't like go completely off the rails if

But we're also – we kind of – yeah, we do it. But he does a lot of research. He does a lot. Is the arc that you're talking about sort of the very popular arc that a lot of podcasts do, which is Let's Start From The Start, Life Story, Where Did You Grow? They stole that from us, just FYI. So you guys invented interviewing people about their lives? We invented Starting From The Start. Let's just start from – okay, so where were you born? It's funny because I – hate that part of anything like any book about childhood i'm like skip those chapters i don't give a fuck about this like let's start when it gets interesting and i i feel like i'm really in the minority on that because i think most people's childhoods are pretty mundane or tragic two things i'm not super interested in hearing about you know what i mean oh i'm pretty interested in hearing about tragedies because you because you think it informs the well exactly and it does i mean it does yeah and you're a true crime shorty too so give you a little darkness you like that probably yeah yeah i mean i want to yeah i want i do think people want to know like why why is this person who they are i mean that's sort of our whole premise even when we have experts on um we'll start there but because really it's like what made you get go to school for 85 years like not most people don't do that so there's a reason you know and I do think we start at the start, but it pretty quickly goes to like, so what's your relationship with your dad? You know, like it's, it's not. Yeah. We want it. We want the good stuff. But people, I think people come in, people come in ready to bust it wide open. They do. I mean, I think you're prepared. Kleenex already. We get some. But when you get a dud, how do you push through? Yeah. So there does have to be a lot of like pivoting because some people just. don't want to get personal at all some people no some people suck it ain't about getting personal some people are just bad at it well I think some people suck but also some people are like I want to come on a podcast like you know Amy Poehler's or whatever where we're gonna hang out and laugh and look at internet videos and you're gonna compliment me and you know I'm gonna go get lunch and that's it versus the the trope of like

I'm the podcast host. You're doing me a favor by coming on my show. I'm going to make money off of you. Here's a microphone. Tell me your life story for four hours and me and my co-hosts are going to be like, wow, that's crazy. I mean, I think that we do a good, I hope, a good job of a mix. It's a lot. It is mostly conversation. In fact, sometimes I think it's too much. It's like we got to get back to whatever. Like we're talking, we're off the rails or we're too much on us. Like, you know, we talk about us too. Like it's very back and forth. As you should. The problem is that's what people actually want, at least in our, I mean, to some extent. I think there's a little bit of like the guest is sort of. Yeah. Do you consider your show to be a talent driven show or a host driven show? That's a good question. Okay, Jason, come in here. All right, relax. Jason doesn't work for Spotify. He sounds like the feds. Well, I mean, you guys do episodes without guests? Well, no. Our fact checks don't have guests, but everything else has a guest. Oh, I mean, we have a show on Fridays where we talk to listeners. I guess I would say it's host-driven then. I think the fact that also we have such a loyal audience that they don't really, care who it is we'll get extra people obviously for the people that are you know but our our audience yeah yeah come i do think you're right maybe he comes for they'll listen to jen aniston and jenny garth and the downloads will be about the same obviously aniston get a little bigger bump but that does mean that you are hosts led if people will listen to it sort of regardless of who the guest is. I think that's the biggest misconception about podcasting is that the guest is such a, it's like, it's fun for us because we get to talk to them and it's like interesting for us and we try to have fun with it. But the audience, it's just the audience. I don't think it based on numbers, the audience cares a little bit. Right. I don't think that's the majority of the reason that they're tuning in a couple of times a week or whatever. Well, I also like as a listener of podcasts, I, I like.

tuning into the hosts like i'm not there for a guest of a podcast often the ones where people are just two people chatting the whole time those are my favorite it's like under it because that's the parasocial piece you're gonna love how long gone monica i gotta say you gotta check out how long i'm gonna have to check it out check it out look i've listened to your fucking podcast listen to mine yeah this is bullshit why are you even here what the fuck is the problem we've all listened to your you know what i heard i heard one of you on um on lauren sherman's podcast okay are you are you a shermanator yeah you're a fashion person i love fashion okay so you listen to lauren shout out to lauren okay you heard one of us on lauren's show but you've never listened to hell i'm gone you're just aware of the name of the show well right because when you guys were someone was on there and i was like oh yeah And so they must be. She anointed you. It's like, well, they must be cool. OK, I'll take it. I appreciate the honesty, actually, because if I mean, I don't listen to anybody's shit. It's fucking boring. You know, I mean, listen, I also edit our show. I am like I am. I don't have time. I just I can't. Oh, I didn't realize you edited the show. I edit our show content edit. So I make, you know, I'm in charge of what. stays and what goes okay so when dax has got his third needle in his ass in the morning you're fucking yeah on the computer make it all happen so like you you are physically editing like in i used to edit an audition now that we're on video um i i get the video made and i make time stamp on frame io um edits frame frame.io yeah we're familiar we're familiar with okay well yeah i mean i edit this podcast And we are starting to dabble in video, so I'm trying to teach myself Adobe Premiere right now. Not as easy as audio, but we're getting there. Monica, I didn't know that. That's cool. Thank you. Well, I just want to be clear that you're earning your keep. You know what I mean? Thank you. You were underselling yourself as this, like, oh, I'm just because. Honestly, you're doing, like, the hard work. Well, yeah, I also produce the show. Yeah, I mean, I don't, like, there's.

There are three of us. It's Dax, me, and Rob. We and we do the whole thing. I mean, that's kind of us. I mean, me and Jason basically do the whole thing. It's kind of the same. Yeah. It's a lot of, I mean, it's a full, we have three shows a week and it is. Same, Chica. I didn't expect to find the, I didn't expect to find so many similarities. I have to, I have to. Just a couple of Eastside LA podcasters making three episodes a week. You, you hit a thousand episodes not too long ago. We're at like 930. So we're. We are more alike than we realize. So if your podcast is the Ted Lasso of podcasts, sort of earnest maxing, what would you say we are? I don't love that, but okay. It's not my favorite analogy. Ted Lasso is a very popular, critically acclaimed, award-winning show. It is. But okay. Go on. What are you? Based on how, you know, the last hour of conversation. Oh, I think. Are we DTF St. Louis? Oh, great show. Are we Mad Men Rewatch? You know. Who are you guys? Friends and neighbors. I'm giving ham, right? You're not giving ham. You're not. He's so much shorter than you. That's right. That's the only main difference. It's a huge difference. Yeah, you guys are gritty. You are not afraid to put people in weird positions. We didn't put you in any weird positions. No, no, I'm kidding. Also, but I do this. We do this. We talk about everything. No, we could append your last of the wall if we wanted to. We chose not to. Wow. We chose not to. Do you do that to people? Are you mean to people? If they deserve it. I mean, occasionally, I just think that if somebody's a dud, they're sort of choosing to be a dud, and therefore they deserve a little ribbing. Yeah. A little bit of, yeah, you come into the square and you are a dud or you're an asshole or you just have a bad attitude. We're going to, you know, do a little public flogging of you on the...

on the spotify world stage jason i always say this we'd be doing this with or without you so you can either get down or lay down like i like right get with the program and let's have fun or you can leave it's like what's the what's the point for everybody at that at that have you ever had anyone on who you feel like you guys are walking you're like oh my god like i'm nervous like this is a big guest and and like we do need to make sure we're doing something a little has that ever happened other than you not really nah not a while i mean i would say there's certain musicians that i have a great reverence for but i wasn't i wasn't like It was like a respect thing. It wasn't like a nerves thing, if that makes sense. It's like this thing. XYZ has been part of my life for so long that this feels like a real full circle. Johnny Marr from the Smiths or, you know, we're going to have the same conversation probably. But like there is a little bit of, you know what it is? I think that like that level of person has no idea and doesn't care who you are, which I appreciate. Whereas when we're talking to some of these like writers and media people and fellow, you know, there's a little bit of like. tit for tat like i know what you guys are up to whereas with with fucking richard ashcroft he's like what time is it where am i but oh what's up guys yeah and then he can just be real yeah yeah whereas lord is like she knows what we're gonna do and how we're gonna try to get her and then yeah a lot of people a guy from yeah pavement is just like What is this? The what is this is kind of a perfect situation for us, honestly. The what is this usually works in our favor when it's all said and done. Actually, I thought of one or two of them recently, two recent episodes where I got a little excited and I want to make sure I do a good job. Rachel Zoe and Nicole Richie. Oh, that's great. Two queens. But they were both too easy, sort of, because they're actually cool. Yeah. That's awesome. Super awesome, Monica. Well, thank you for taking the time to chat with us in our busy podcast schedules. This was fun. Yeah, we appreciate it. We really do. Thank you. And go Dawgs, et cetera. Go Dawgs. Go Duluth. Okay, that's enough. Go Backyard Bowls. Go Backyard. Now we're talking. If I had a team, it would be called the Bowls.

Do you ever get the chocolate chip cookie at Lazy Acres? I have had it. Why does it taste so good? It's so good. They have it on a heating tray 24 hours a day. The cookie is always warm. The chocolate chips are always gooey. Oh, I didn't know Lazy Acres was 7-Eleven. During their open hours, there's always warm cookies plump for the taking and a great selection of dairy there. I'm with you on that. Chris, you've got to get yourself – after you get your $16 – Well, bro, I could get a chocolate chip cookie and kind of top it off. Oh, that sounds like a delight. Big Eastside day. Yeah, and the hot bar at Lazy Acres will have some nice little tofu curries and some – Kind of more elevated vegetarian offerings for Chris. He's a vegetarian. I love elevated. I love elevated offerings. You know that. I had a tofu curry last night. That's why it's fresh in the brain. Monica, we appreciate you. Thanks, guys. This is fun. Thanks, Monica. We'll see you later. Have a good one. Bye. How many discounts does USAA Auto Insurance offer? Too many to say here. Multi-vehicle discount. Safe driver discount. New vehicle discount. Storage discount. Legacy. How many discounts will you stack up? Tap the banner or visit usaa.com slash auto discounts. Restrictions apply.