409. - Cat Cohen

All right, this episode of How Long Gone is brought to you by Stateside with Kai and Carter, a new podcast from The Guardian. And they are using this podcast to slow down the news and wrestle with the questions that we all have about what's happening in the world. And they do it three times a week, Jason. Does that sound familiar to you? We don't really talk about, you know, a lot of international global news items and climates and cultures and sports and things like that. We do talk about fashion and wellness, but for everything else, Kai and Carter are a great place. All right, so who couldn't use more news? Listen wherever you get your podcast. or watch on YouTube he's ready how long gone it's your illustrious co-host Chris Black coming to you live from the beautiful Ennis Hotel in upstate New York. Jason, how are you? It's a busy day over here in Glendale as I'm preparing to go to New York for, I don't know, like eight days, something like that. Jason's ready to touch down in the city, touch the stage and touch down in the city, and I can't wait to welcome you with open arms to the Rotten Apple. The weather up here is beautiful. I hope the weather in the city is beautiful. I did something new today that I kind of wanted to talk about. okay okay so this is the first time topping uh no i said talk about got it okay you said it was something new i just didn't i i thought i don't know if you had climbed that mountain yet but no no no i'm gonna take a guess this is less apple picking and more fitness related i could be wrong i did something that i never thought i would do and i've been kind of flirting with it for a while but i was able today to run um you know five miles relatively medium pace but i was wearing a uh technical turtleneck exquisite you said what that's right so so i'm here uh with tracksmith and they make like a they make a sweat wicking you know kind of like

sexier dry fit but a a turtleneck you don't have to explain what a technical turtleneck is chris i think we can all kind of do that math well it sounded like you couldn't so i just wanted to make sure that you understood and i i felt like um i know what it means but i haven't accepted it yet i understand and when you accept technical turtlenecks into your heart it could it could change you but i felt like sophisticated and warm and it was just the perfect garment for a fall morning jog and i i don't know I don't know how to feel. I'd feel different than I did before. Okay, so you're wearing technical sports gear because you're doing a run, but since there's a little bit of a chill in the air, that's where the turtleneck comes into play. I'm assuming it's not just merely a cosmetic choice. I would never make a merely cosmetic choice, Jason. I'm more of a function guy, especially when it comes to the sporting arts. That's a bold-faced lie that you just told us. No, that's right. So I did. I just felt it was like I was able to have my chilly morning coffee as I watched the leaves change. Wow. listening to folklore um and then was also able to run you know obviously i had the four inch you know split shorts on on the bottom because you know but the the the turtleneck because brendan from j crew war one in this shoot and people are like why is this motherfucker wearing a turtleneck and i also agree why is this motherfucker wearing a turtleneck but now that i've tried it i am now that motherfucker that people are going to be asking why is he wearing a turtleneck okay so you're considering taking the technical turtleneck up a notch and doing a formal Like buble-style turtleneck. No, no. You're going to roast some chestnuts on an open fire type of turtleneck. I've always loved a roll neck, and unfortunately, it's something that is hard to pull off, but I think in a fitness setting, I feel more able to take risks. Okay. Sorry to interrupt. Is there a difference between a turtleneck and a roll neck, just for a lay person listening? No, just the terminology. Roll neck is a British term. Got it. Turtleneck, of course, we have to bring animals into it.

innocent animals okay um over here so you so is it safe to say that your little ass went from roll tide to roll neck that's right that's right yeehaw bitch and country bro country chris is back on his east coast swag and i you know i i don't um i i just don't know where this is going to take me from here but i wanted to kind of talk to you about it openly because i do think that when running outdoors in the chillier months this is kind of a solve you know for that issue it's not only a solve but a salve Exactly. For the heart and soul. So speaking of country, Chris, you are sort of in liberal country, upstate New York. Oh, I don't think, upstate New York's not that liberal, to be honest with you, but there are where we are. Well, I guess maybe I should have said at one point in our lives, upstate New York was a little more on the liberal side, crunchy, woodstocky, you know, that kind of vibe, mushroom foraging, et cetera, et cetera. Of course, yeah. Now it's where you go to LARP as a racist. hill person you know it's like appalachia yeah is is there a lot of you see in some red action some trumpies some american truck vehicles gun nuts i haven't left this beautiful enclave if i'm being honest with you which is which is full of artisanal goods farm-to-table food and beautiful fall foliage so the guests are discouraged to uh to leave the grounds is what you're saying yeah yeah so there's probably a lot of similarities between our visit to san francisco recently and what you have going on there The hotel staff say, if you have to go outside, bring a friend. You never know what's going to kind of crawl out at you. But I wanted to talk about also throwing soup on paintings. Oh, yes. Because these people are going to continue to do this, and I don't know if they realize that it's meaningless. Well, we're starting to run out of paintings to yassify. Yossify with tomatoes. Yeah, I've been thinking a lot about it. Well, not a lot, but it seems like every morning you look on Twitter and there's a new priceless work of art that we've all seen a thousand times. Of course. That a German passing activist superglues the side of his head to a piece of art worth hundreds of millions of dollars. When Manz and his chick who doesn't shave her armpits put superglue on their palms and stick it to a wall.

um to kind of stop billionaires from flying private planes i don't know if that's really kind of making the impact that they want it to make you know this type of activism does little more than annoying the masses especially lovers of art and usually environmental folks who sort of already are on their side preaching to the choir it's just you know it's like museum goers and people you know like these are all people who probably agree with you it's not really uh turning anybody new and and it is getting a little bit of news coverage but not necessarily the front page splash that they were hoping it would get but well i know that you personally are offended because it's like you would eat that tomato soup you know and you're kind of like Why are you guys wasting this good Campbell's product? If Alice Waters made it, yeah. If the Sungolds were in season, I don't know what they're doing over there. But a few things that I was thinking, like whenever you, let's say you vandalize a piece of property, public or private. Now we're talking. Is the crime just like a flat? rate crime or at what point does the value of that good get taken into account when the punishment is happening so like if i deface a priceless painting to me a guy from an emo band made in a zine and i put it on my wall with a value a street value of zero dollars you know like how do you attach you know like if i if i destroyed a hundred million dollar car or a building the market dictates the price jason i have time to explain that to you but i think that these people I guess the long or the short point of what I'm trying to make is, will these people get insane jail time because they've ruined a vow? Because you can never charge them a, like, all right, you have to pay a fine. It's going to be $270 million. I'm like, cool. I have $3,000. I think it's more based on, I think it's like anything else. It's like misdemeanor is like over or under, you know, felony over or under a certain price. So I think they're going to, I think they are going to be hit with felony charges, I would guess. I mean, I don't.

I don't know what... I truly don't understand the point. You're saying the value of this painting was more than $900? It's looking like that, yes. And obviously... Oh, fuck. Okay, these guys really are screwed. These guys are screwed. And hopefully they'll hunger strike as well if they really want to get noticed. But I don't know where they're... I think these people are also like... They're like 18-year-old white people with dreads. The people I saw today were at least in their 40s or so. But they're definitely like... I just don't feel like any of these people... I don't know. I don't believe them. I feel like... Climate change activism is a little bit like, you know, you grew up in a nice house in the suburbs, and now you're mad about something. It just doesn't feel authentic to me. It doesn't feel super authentic to me, the way that, like, burning a furrier would. But maybe I'm just projecting, obviously, because of my background in animal rights issues. Okay, okay. No, that does make sense. I mean, obviously, any type of activism like this, you know, a lot of people will think this is, you know, something for... Rich Whitey to do to feel bad about or something like that. Obviously, climate change, I believe, is a real issue, et cetera, et cetera. But I think my 5D chess theory, this is obviously a psyop to get people to hate climate change activists and to also take away these liberal arts. strongholds, public museums. One more Campbell's Soup can thrown at the Mona Lisa and museums will stop closing. It's all going to be in the metaverse. It's not going to be worth it to stay open anymore. We can't have nice things anymore. No, we can't because this just proves this does absolutely nothing. And if you think that anyone that... doesn't believe in climate change is going to believe because you destroy a painting let me tell you what chief they already hated that painting to begin with they didn't know what it was so they're not going to be they're not going to be super affected by that but maybe there is more to this I'm sure there is I don't plan to find out because I don't care yeah but it has been it has been interesting to watch as they

Because it's happened every day for a week, I feel like. Yeah, man. I think we should do less activism like this because it... To me, it has the impact of somebody streaking at a sports game with a powerful message where nobody is going to take you seriously. They're just only going to be annoyed by you, even if they are on your side of the argument. I would say go something more of a Sinead O'Connor on SNL route. Become an amazing singer. Lauren Michaels asks you to come and appear on the program. And then very clearly rip up a photo of the Pope. That sends quite a message. Do you think that Steve Lacey on Saturday Night Live is going to rip up a picture of a private plane to kind of protest climate change? He's going to rip up a photo of a disposable camera because that apparently really gets his crawl. Oh, God. Well, Jason, we do have a guest today, an esteemed comedian. You know her from the World Wide Web as well as her Netflix special, The Twist. She's gorgeous. She has a book, Gotta Feel Modern Tonight, and she is the co-host of the Seek Treatment Podcast. Kat Cohen is her name, and she's been a long time. requested guest on how long gone so i'm glad we can kind of kind of nail her down for this and i'm excited to talk to her and get some laughs hopefully today because i just need him oh yeah you know i need i need a laugh after the day that you've had upstate you need a laugh don't you after the yogurt granola it wasn't coconut yogurt so i'm kind of like that's crazy guys um i'm kind of still reeling from that um but i'm gonna go jump on a pile of leaves real quick and then we'll talk to cat okay bye This episode of How Long Gone is brought to you by a new podcast from The Guardian stateside with Kai and Carter. This is covering a lot of our bases, Jason. It's trying to slow down. The news and wrestle with the questions we all have about what's happening in the world. And I know you particularly have quite a lot of questions. A lot of questions. But how often? Because we do this podcast three times a week and that's a sweet spot. How many times do they do? Three times a week. And I have a feeling just based on the platform and these talking points that they're maybe going to be covering different stuff than we do. That's just a guess. The Guardian is not some billionaire owned.

They're not afraid to say what they want to say, brother. Yeah, Rupert ain't sniffing around in what journalists Kai Wright and Carter Sherman are up to over there at Stateside. But yeah, listen wherever you get your podcasts. You can watch it on YouTube. It's three times a week. And who couldn't use more news? You know, especially when it's not, you know, from here, let's say. Give it a listen. Give it a listen. This episode of How Long Gone is brought to you by Squarespace. Obviously, Jason, you and I spend a lot of time on the World Wide Web, sort of our peers, our listeners, our friends, our colleagues, maybe even your parents if they're freaky. And if you're doing anything in the world... writing, taking pictures. I do topless boxing. You need a website. Exactly, a website that works, that does what it's supposed to do, that allows you to be creative but also business-minded. Jason, there's one place to go for that, Squarespace. Yeah, Chris, I'm over here. I'm modifying calculators and putting Claude inside of them so you could cheat at school. And I just want a place where I could have everything all in one place. I can have the SEO tools. So those future graduates can find me. And, you know, I'm able to accept, quote, unquote, donations for my services that might be gray area. You know what I mean? And then email campaigns. Hey, I got a new, you know, 2.3 version upgrade. Boom, boom, boom. Get the analytics going. Raise some money. You know, show your investor all of your cool analytics of what's going on. They're going to want to get in early. And we can use Blueprint AI to make your website look as professional. as your competition, if not more. So head to squarespace.com slash howlong for a free trial. When you're ready to launch, use offer code howlong to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or a domain. Oh, this is huge for me personally. This episode of How Long Gone is brought to you by TaskRabbit. Oh, baby, let me tell you something. This is not a joke. I use TaskRabbit a lot because I can't do anything. You need some art hung? TaskRabbit. You need a fucking...

Something put together, a cabinet. Got to reach that cheese grater on the top shelf. TaskRabbit. Anything you need, TaskRabbit can take care of it for you. And, I mean, how it works, TaskRabbit connects you with skilled taskers in your area. They can help you move. They can assemble furniture, repairs, yard work, mounting, and more. You can search for a tasker based on cost, skill set, availability, and past client reviews so you know exactly who's showing up and can have confidence that they know what they're doing because taskers have assembled. Over 3.4 million pieces of furniture, completed 700,000 home repairs, handled 1.5 million moves, and the numbers are just going up, Jason. Yeah, throw a little money at the problem. It's not so expensive, and that job that you really don't want to do is something that another person out in the world is very good at doing and would gladly do it in exchange for a little bit of money. When life happens, your to-do list grows. Get ahead of it now and get $15 off your first task at TaskRabbit.com or grab the TaskRabbit app using promo code HOWLONG. Taskers book up faster, especially for same-day tasks. So book Trusted Home Help today. That is $15 off your first task using promo code HOWLONG with the TaskRabbit app or at TaskRabbit.com. So are you on the road right now, Kat? No, I'm actually in New York, but I'm flying to L.A. in like three hours. I'm leaving. In about 12 hours, I'm flying to New York. Ain't that a son of a bitch? I know, because aren't y'all doing your live show? Mm-hmm. That would have been so fun. Where are you doing it again? Bowery Ballroom and then Music Hall Williamsburg next Friday. You know what? You just cut out. We're doing it at the Bowery Ballroom tomorrow and then Williamsburg Music Hall the following week. That's going to be amazing. There's a few tickets still left, just a handful, maybe a baker's dozen at the most by the time this episode goes up. There's going to be none. Why are you going to L.A., Kat? So I'm shooting this TV show, and we're shooting part of it in L.A. It's the classic tale as old as time.

We actually do film a lot here. Yeah, I've heard that. Hollywood, California, I couldn't resist. Well, you know, it's interesting to meet you guys because I'm really not connected to Los Angeles in any way, shape, or form. So the fact that I'm talking to you who are, in my mind, so L.A. on the day that I'm going is really beautiful. All right, so you think that we're very L.A. In my mind. Okay. But what do I know? I just work here. No, you're not wrong. I'm born and raised in SoCal, baby. Born and raised. He's a southern guy, though. Chris, where were you B&R'd? I was B&R'd in Atlanta, Georgia. Oh, my God. I'm a southern belle, too. Where are you from? I'm from Houston. Oh, okay. I love Houston. It's actually a special city that I really like, and I like Texas in general, and I think it gets a bad rap. I love it. I mean, it definitely ruined my life, but I don't think I'd be the amazing, I start crying, the amazing woman I am today if I didn't grow up somewhere that I hated it. Was it the crawfish, the drugs? What was it that ruined your life down in Houston? How did you know? Even though my dad's Jewish, I went to a very evangelical... like schools and camps that taught me my body was the opposite of a wonderland. In fact, a prison. And that is why I can't stop talking about sex publicly for the rest of my days. So you're saying that you were oppressed and now you let that out via sex talk. Yeah. Constance ST sex talk. Yeah, I was oppressed by society. Ever heard of it? And it's been an uphill battle ever since. But honestly, I hear you because now when I go back to Houston, my parents still live there. I'm like, oh, my God. It's the food, the culture. What a vibe. I love it. Yeah, they have Indian food there now and all kinds of crazy stuff. Don't do that, Jason. Your hero, Anthony Bourdain, told me that that is the most diverse city in America. There's 4 million people, I think, who live there. That sounds very diverse. That's a lot when you think about it. Did you know any people that weren't white growing up, or did you kind of stick to your own? No, of course not. No, I did know some, but I went to a very...

I definitely went to very white Christian private school vibes. Did you wear a uniform or were you just hot naturally? Of course. No, I absolutely wore a uniform that was like... It was a uniform that makes me not understand why uniforms are hot because it was like this long, like plaid, long, long skirt. We had to wear them long. Bathsheba-esque. Yeah, exactly. We had to wear the Bathsheba uniform to keep the boys away. So was it touching the ankles? Like we're not even getting a little calf? No. I'd rather have something touch my ankles than like the top of my knee. Do you know what I mean? I see. You're saying it's either got to be short, short. I like either short, short or long, long. I live in extremes. I'm a hedonist. That's actually crazy. Top of the knee is like Phoebe Bridgers in the Tom Brown skirt. Is that what we're talking about? Yeah, that doesn't work on my form. That doesn't work on my shape. So when did you learn what skirts worked on your shape? Because I think that I'm still trying to figure that out because I was trying to squeeze into one last weekend and it wasn't working. Oh, what happened? It was just too small for Jason and I. We don't usually share clothes, but last weekend we kind of were forced to. Well, Chris still thinks he's a two when he's not. Sisterhood of the traveling male skort. It's bulking season, so unfortunately my hips kind of wouldn't slither in there. Totally. I'm trying to think when I learned how to dress. for the body I deserved. Um, probably not to like after college. Cause even like, even like my first few years in New York, I remember like going for like a low rise, going into the American apparel store and like desperately trying to squeeze my hips into these pants that like so much of my life was just being like, Oh, can I have a bigger size? And they're like, Oh, that actually has never existed. There's never been someone as big as you. And you're like, okay, cool. So that's my journey. I'm sorry, ma'am. Can you stand here? I want to introduce you to my child. We've never seen someone like you before. If you could just stand there quietly. How did you get in this store? You shouldn't be here, ma'am. American Apparel acted like I was Guinness Book of World Records. To be fair, those clothes were a lot tighter than them. We talk about that era as maybe the ugliest era of our lifetimes. Right. Do you think? I mean, did you have the gold lame bodysuit or did you kind of keep it low-key? I had the gold lame bike shorts.

put me in jail really bad. I actually kind of unearthed them during the pandemic, and my friend came over and saw me wearing them, and she's like, what the fuck? She's like, you look sort of naked, but worse. Because they're like almost my skin color, but shiny. It's metallic nude. Metallic nude. Love it. Look, I think those are bad, but Jason and I both owned a purple zip-up hooded sweatshirt, so you can decide who loses. Barney does improv. It was giving very much MGMT kind of thing. So when you were in your COVID mental health zone where you felt, today's the day I wear these. gold metallic bike shorts like what what was going on up top the covid mental health zone that was i was like off the richter at that point that was not i was someone so you weren't doing so hot you weren't doing so hot oh not to be unique but it was one of the worst times of my life really because you just miss socializing so much and like going to the gym or because you had to do the drive-thru movie theater stand-up shows you didn't want to do zoom comedy i mean i just i really felt like 2019, I was like, okay, I'm the most successful person in the world. And then every opportunity I have was like, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you. And I was like, wow, I guess I can't control things, which is something I'm still sort of grappling with. But I was always someone who was very, I'm very, I'm hypochondriac vibes. And finally, 2020, I bit the bullet and I was like, just give me. Give me the antidepressants. I don't care what they do to me. Okay, so you're on antidepressants. I thought you were going to say you asked someone to give you COVID to kind of get it over with because you haven't caught it yet. Can you give me a shot? I did think about that. So side effects, be damned. Let's get this Zoloft going. Well, Buterin? I was like, there's got to be. I'm randomly on Pros, which is so vintage. That is very 90s. That's a nice TBT. What are some of the best, like, top three side effects from Prozac? I'm bigger than I've ever wanted to be. I can't cum, and I don't know if I like myself. So I'm a walking advertisement. But I do notice that when I go off it, I kind of feel really bad. So it's a drug.

Got it. Okay. Yeah, do you guys like anything for drugs? I like drugs a lot. Yeah, I don't take any of them except supplements, of course, a handful a day. No, you don't. Yeah, I take hella suppies. You don't? What do you take? I don't believe in that. You don't believe in that, but you believe in these life-altering pills? Yeah, I'm addicted to doctors. Okay, I haven't been to the doctor in a long time. I just take regular supplements, you know, vitamin C, a probiotic, you know, just a handful of things. Nothing. Too crazy. Jason, are you pro-vitamin too? No, not really. I take wellness formula every morning. I take that too. I am a wellness formula girl. So I don't get sick. And whenever I'm about to travel, then I'll up the dosage. Okay. But otherwise, no, not really. I mean, I get everything I need from beef liver that I eat raw every day. That's awesome. Yeah, thanks. I think it's psychosomat. Yeah. He does the thing where he tans his asshole as well. He's kind of seen a lot of benefits. The dogs don't like it. The dogs don't like it, but it's kind of helping. What do they call that? Is there a term for that? There is a term for it, but I don't know it, but I read a term for it recently. It's not earth-walking, like earth-holing, sucking, sun-sucking. Earth-holing is a great hardcore band. Sun-bottoming. That's good. Can you mix the ganja with the Prozac, or do you have to keep it? you know kind of like natural wine only i'm honored that you think i could enjoy weed for even a second i have never had fun on that drug ever do you think that you're you have any hope whatsoever no i've enjoyed it every now and then for a little sleep but i love this and this is an interesting sentence i love to drink and that's more my speed okay so so so you're just having like a vodka soda at home while you watch TV? Or like, what do you mean? A little ranch water for my real housewives? Yeah, are you? I mean, I go through phases, but I'm definitely like, watch out boys and a little bit of a whiskey girl. Oh, no. Are you? Get over it. Get over it, you two. You're freaking out. I've been tangled with a whiskey gal in a while. You're screaming at me on your podcast. So you're saying that you would go to the bar and like order a beer and a shot or just the whiskey? Both. Not afraid.

I love it, especially when it's cold. You know, I love the cold weather, so especially when it's cold, it's a little burr. What's your drink? What's y'all's drink of choice? So Chris is sober. That's why. He liked drugs so much that he had to stop. Oh, so you don't do any drugs anymore. Or do you have, can you have weed? Are you polysobe? No, that's a fallacy, and I don't participate in that. But I did smoke weed when it wasn't cool, and I'm glad that I got out before seeing what's become. Well, then, Chris, how do you feel about, ready for this, Demi Lovato's shroom room? Can you tell me more? We love Demi on this podcast, by the way. Oh, absolutely. I was watching her, their home tour, and she goes, She's like, just because you're sober? Because she's she again, right? Yeah, she's gone back to she. And she also was like a big sober person. That was like her identity for a while. Right. So she goes on the interview, just because you're sober doesn't mean you can't feel like you're on shrooms. And in this room, I'm on shrooms. And it's just like a really colorful room. And it's really, really spooky. It's really scary and sad. We need to get her a conservator. Oh. Oh, no. Yeah, she needs to get Britney 5150'd. She does. The thing, I just don't understand. I mean, this is why, obviously, Demi Lovato is famous. This is the problem. The absolute undying compulsion to make every little thing the public's business when it just doesn't. It's like I don't care anything. No one cares about you at all except your fans. We don't need to know about your shroom. But here I am telling you about it on your own podcast. Very Demi Lovato-esque. Who's her man? She's got a man, right? Does she have a man? A person? I think she went through a phase where she was smashing only MMA guys. Slay. I know. I think of all the people I know, all the fellows I've known who have had like a mushroom room in their house, not necessarily to simulate the effects of it, but like, here's the room that we do drugs in kind of vibe. All those people have been sort of me too'd or canceled in some way. So I feel like having the shroom room in your house is a little bit of a flag. Have you built with Demi before? Have I what? You know, to politic, perhaps. What does that mean? Broken bread.

Hung out with? Broke bread? Never have I ever. My fingers are up. I have not. Have you ever kibitzed with Demi Lovato? No, but I'm open to the idea. Okay, so now that, like, after you had your Netflix special come out, what type of celebs, blue check. And by the way, thank you. By the way, thank you. Yeah, check it out. No problem. It's on Netflix. You did that thing. You did that special, and it was special. Thank you. I love it. I got to say, I have a double question for that. What are the blue check celebs coming out? Like, is Chrissy Teigen sending you the DM? Like, yes, that was so sick. Do you know what? If anything like that happened. I'm openly sharing with you that no one cared for a single second, and I was ready. My DMs were wide open, quivering, dripping wet, ready. Gaping. Gaping DMs. And not a single celebrity felt comfortable really supporting me. You're not saying an NFL player tried to hit or anything? Not even for a second. And I would welcome the opportunity. No, it was mostly... I got some very sweet messages from women in the Midwest. who felt hashtag seen, which every time I got one of those, I would be sobbing. And I don't mean like Bo Burnham, like real celebrities. I would, okay, I think it's, I'm going to publicly say, why hasn't Bo Burnham ever called me on the phone? He's like, Kat, I like your stuff. I'm ready to collaborate. You want Bo to direct your shit because that's how you get, that's how the hockey stick growth happens, right? As a young comedian. I adore, I've adored Bo for years. I'm ready to, I'm putting in, I'm manifesting. Well, Bo definitely does not listen to this show, so. We can't put that call out there. Bo knows that I'm not a fan, so I don't think he's ever going to listen. I don't get it. I just don't get it. Well, I guess instead of celebs, maybe a lot of younger comedians, writers, people that are doing the same thing you're doing, musicians, performers, watched your show. I hope so. I think so. I love it. What do you think? I guess they would want to know, how does your life change after that Netflix special drops? We have learned that no celebrities contact you whatsoever. So it seems like we're not off to a good start. But like, what does it feel like to like open up Netflix on your TV and be like, that's me, motherfucker. I can click on me. Is there any benefit? Did you lose? It sounds like you may have lost money on this. Yeah. Did they take you out to a dinner at Carbone to sign you at least or not even that? This was all it was also like this all happened.

It was supposed to tape in 2020. So it was very like years of being like, how are we going to do this? So I was just so, so happy that we were able to tape it. Like I was sequestering myself for like a month and the night that we got the tape, it was like the best night of my life. And that was that. And I threw myself a huge party. That was really fun. My life hasn't really changed at all, except that I have a picture of myself next to a billboard of myself, which is all you could ever want. I love that they throw everybody a bone with the billboard. It's such a cool Hollywood movie. I said, if I don't get a billboard, like I would look at who did get bilbs, and I was like, if I don't go bilb, I'm going to pass away. So I briefly went bilb, but I want to be open about this. It was not super cool. It was a rotating one, so I had to wait for myself to come up. Oh, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. I don't mean to, if this kind of causes something, I apologize. It wasn't digital, was it? I can't hear you. You're breaking up. It wasn't digital. It wasn't. You're breaking up. You're breaking up. Next question. You are breaking up. And so I can't hear you. What about you? How did y'all, how did y'all's lives change after my Netflix? I watched it when it first came out, obviously on marijuana, so I forgot a large swath of it, but I refreshed myself and watched it last night. Oh my God, that's so nice. It's hard to sit through some things, but I think it's really good. It is hard to sit through a lot of comedy on Netflix, but I sat all the way through yours. I was more so overwhelmed by the amount of hard work and shit that you did beforehand. to make, like, a seamless production. Oh, thank you. That was quite impressive and something that I don't know if I would ever be able to do. I need you to do the exact, my exact show. No, that was, it was, like, probably five years, all in all, of working on it. Five years? Of it evolving. Because there's, what, like, five or six songs in it as well as stand-up, right? Or storytelling? Lots of songs and then jokes that would just, like, I just, like...

Yeah, I would do the show sort of like monthly for a year or two and add things and take things away. And then I kind of – honestly, I forgot it all. But thankfully, I had a recording of my show that I listened to after quarantine so I could like remind myself who I was. Is that hard for you to do? That's very hard for me to do. Is that hard to do? To what? To watch the game tape. Oh. No. That's very healthy. When you hear Norm MacDonald telling old stories and old jokes, every comedian seems to have a thousand different jokes just in their mental Rolodex they can pull up at any time. And I've heard and told thousands of jokes in my life, and I couldn't... recall two of them oh i don't know i definitely forget things i mean i write i write stuff down and once you do once you repeat something a lot then it sort of lodges in there like a song yeah i mean it's like riding a bike baby i saw you i saw you sing live uh at susan's show oh my god that was such chaos though because they were so So it's sort of humiliating to do what I do because sometimes you have to walk into a space and ask if someone can play a karaoke track for you. And the people at that venue were not pleased with me. And I was in this Gucci dress with my tits like fully out. And I was like, can you play my track? That was fun. And they're like, I fucking hate Fashion Week. Yeah, it was chaos. It was fun. It was fun. But I'm like a known on the record, like I don't like comedy kind of guy. Oh, I support that. I honestly. open-heartedly support that. It's really horrible and toxic and damaging. And when you got up there with the boombox, I was like, oh, here we fucking go. And then I have to say, you really won me over. I really loved the song. You don't have to say that to me. No, trust me, I wouldn't, because I've definitely not watched your special. I'll accept it. What song did she do, Chris? Oh, I don't remember. I did a new one. Oh, okay, okay. It's not like it's a Janet Jackson cover. I wasn't sure when you said a karaoke track if it was a... It was an existing song. Here's a worse phrase, an original karaoke track. You're blazing new trails with original karaoke music. Now, where do you all stand on Taylor Allison Swift? I didn't want to talk about this. We don't have to. I just didn't know where you stood. I wanted to know how safe I could feel. I think she's the most, she's like the least genuine celebrity we've ever had.

which is like a crazy record to break. But like, I think that it's just like every single, every single thing that gets like debated about her lyrics and shit is just like her absolutely being like, Oh, you know what? This time I'm going to make these idiots think I'm gay. Oh, the gay, the gayler stuff is out of control. I just don't believe, I don't believe anything she says. Like, I think she's a full robot. But I also just don't think the music's been good. I mean, like, when it's a hit, it's a hit. I just don't think this record is good. It's kind of boring. I was more enthralled by folklore and Evermore, but I'm enjoying my, you know, I don't, I don't like, here's what I'll say. I don't like sports. I don't like Star Wars. It's really fun for a brief moment in time to like something a lot of people like. This is your foray into the Marvel universe or something. This is my, this is my Marvel. Yeah, because I can't stand any of that. That's a good way to look at it. And I feel like I do that. I participate in things like that where I'm like, oh, everybody likes this. It's fun. Ooh, like what? What's your favorite thing that everyone likes? I like a lot of dumb shit that everybody likes, like music-wise. Jason knows. I'm trying to think of something, but like, you know, like... Harry Styles. Harry, yeah. I love Harold Stylish. Brooks Brothers clothing. He's really, really grating me these days. Because his pretend gayness is worse than Taylor's? Yeah. But see, the difference is, I think Harold has had a dick in his mouth. Oh, I can see that. It's a beautiful image. I think that Taylor's probably had a titty in her mouth as well, Chris. I don't know if she has. Bro, which Haim do you think Taylor hooked up with? Why am I not in Haim yet? It doesn't make any sense. Look at me. It's fucked up. What instrument can you play? I can play instruments. Honestly, you opening for Haim would make a lot of sense. For like a stadium tour, what say you? Okay, I want to say this, is that my cousin, who also looks like a Haim sister, I'm going to say this phrase, made me go with her to the Haim concert. And the whole time I was like drunk on Save the Vodka Sodas yelling, why don't they know about me? Why don't they know about me? I left halfway through. I'm sure they know about you. Did you leave halfway through because you're not a huge fan of the music? I have to admit that. Yeah, I'm not a huge. Okay.

Is that bad? I actually came around on Haim and I saw a show and I was very impressed. I was like kind of... Didn't know what to expect, and I was very impressed with the show, and that's something popular. The show was really fun. Yeah. The show was really fun, but it's not, I've never, I enjoy the music, but I've never been like, I have to go listen to that again. Now, the real question is, following up your Taylor question. Are you mad that I just, did I drop that bomb on your podcast? No, it's okay. Have you already dissected it? Have you guys already dissected it on a recent? No, we don't really talk about Taylor Swift, because it's just kind of like, I just don't think it's that interesting. I'm just like, it's all the same. As much as we love to gay bait. um there wasn't enough real fat for us to chew on with the new taylor release it's just kind of like it came out and i was like some some of these melodies are pretty nice in a taylor way where you're like sounds good but like what's that song about what is she saying how does it go i don't remember any of it but when it comes on i'm like that's a nice melody i also think i also think that she's a virgin um i hear that but i i don't agree okay i'm just gonna put it out there i just don't know these actors these like actors that are famous in europe or whatever you know it's like what are these guys do you think these guys are knocking the bottom out of t swift i don't think so do you think she's barbie barbie sealed oh 100 a hundred percent i think that my question and this is this is for for both of you of course but jason i know is a major fan but i'm pretty sure this rihanna song that's coming out tomorrow is going to be a snoozer really and I'm calling it now massive dud. Well, she so doesn't need anything from us. You know what I mean? Like, she's untouchable, you know, without flaw. Yeah, I think I'm a little pissed off that the first time we're getting new music from Riri in some time, it's a movie soundtrack song. It's never good. It's tough. She contractually has to, like, have one line in verse three about how, like...

the bad guys are going to lose and from them you know it's just gonna be some bullshit like that yeah i hear you but there's we've reached this new pinnacle in our crumbling society where basically you have to like it you have to like rihanna you have to like taylor swift you have to like beyonce and if you don't you're gonna get you're gonna get doxxed they're gonna like release your mom's social security number or you might just get killed You know, I don't know. I agree. It's just like, I don't know where we go from here. Like, it's okay to be like... I'm currently tied to this office chair. What did you say about BTS? I know nothing about BTS. Except that, sort of, that's what BTS is. Or listen to us at home, there's a gun pointed right at her head. She keeps... Kat keeps blinking for some reason when BTS comes up. What is it? See, you back at home, you'll never understand what a funny moment we just had because we're actually all on video together laughing so hard. You'll never understand. We were doing some type of Braille-like signing. I was really, yeah, I was really deep. I was briefly really deep into a TikTok conspiracy about a mother and her daughter being locked in an upside-down room. Anyone? Like as a prank or like a real thing? Like a real thing where they would dress themselves up as dolls and making these videos. But everyone's like, if you look in the corner, like the room is sealed with like a dead bull. And if you look at their hand signals, like, are you, is that part of your world? No, no, no. We don't look at TikTok, but this sounds sick so far. You don't look at TikTok? I was actually wondering about that about y'all. No, we're both straight, so we don't really have any use for it. It has less to do with my sexuality and more to do with my age. Like, I just can't. engage with that. I feel like it's a bridge too far. Do you all have a shred of bi or are you full straight? I have a shred of bi. I don't know about Chris. I love it. I have like a really small shred, but yeah, I'm mostly straight as hell, bro. Fuck off. I'm fully straight, but every now and then, what I say public is I really like when big tits are pushed up against a shower wall. There we go. That's cool, isn't it? I'm sorry. That's something that we can all universally agree upon. Yeah, that's my shred. Shower titties.

shower tits forever live laugh and live laugh and love we all have our thing but tiktok is i have to tell you guys it's a little bit important i believe that so i've heard but it hasn't been important to my life yeah but also as a podcaster it is sort of important to our life because we're all content creators here on the digital platform and and there's been i prefer i prefer digital storyteller okay you're a digital world builder just like i am but i mean The thing that I get pissed off about it is we create long-form content. You had an hour-long special. You do hour-long podcasts every week. So do we. But everything has to be clipified for TikTok now. Every joke you do has to be a video of you talking about this joke on your Zoom thingy or every little thing has to be a clip. Every stand-up show, it's never any jokes. It's always crowd work of like, look at this guy. Where do you stand on the clipification? Is it something you like to do or is it something that you resist? I think it's a necessary evil so as to draw more people. I actually hired an amazing woman to cut together clips of mine and post them for me so I don't have to do it because it's a very tedious task. But I like to think it drives traffic to what I do care about, which is the... It's cool that you gave a woman a job, though. Congrats on that. Kudos. And you said you like to think that it drives traffic, but does it? Does it drive traffic? Does it actually work? Do you feel like you are getting a value for the money that you've paid this female creator? This up-and-coming woman in media. I don't know. I'm not focused on that. Okay. I'm not super focused on my growth right now. How often do you look at your bank balance? One time a day or like five times a day? My bank? My money bank? Yeah. How often do you open the Citi National checking account on the app and kind of just smile?

I never, I don't look at it. That's a big no-no. You don't look at it because you're just spending crazy. I'm doing bad things with my Apple Pay. What are you copping? Coconut water? What are you copping, gear? No, no, no. I do spend a lot of money on takeout, which sucks because what a boring thing. Yeah. Clothes. I'm really bad for the environment. So clothes, DoorDash, Deliveroo. Ubers. Okay, but when's the last time you took a regular UberX? As opposed to what, the fancy one? Yeah. I always go regular. I'm not. Oh, honey. I'm relatable. Okay, Kat, question for you. Speaking of Deliveroo, speaking of seamless. Calling an UberXL is. I mean, you're just a regular chick. I can't let myself go there. I'm not. I'm not ready. What if you have a group of four girlies? You need to be private, but also... Oh my God. I missed that. I haven't had a night like that in so long. That's such a fun vibe. I know, right? Maybe we can do it in LA. Yeah. Huh? Okay, so Kat, here's a seamless question. You're both screaming at me. I know, sorry. Kat, shut the fuck up for one second. I have a question about seamless. So you go out with the girlies, Uber XL, amazing night. You go to the box, Bossa Nova, et cetera. You're hungover the next day. Amazing night. What are you ordering on Seamless? I know you have a go-to hangover. Oh, I'm a ramen. Really? You're slurping in bed? Wow. I slurp. What I do is I sit in front of my couch so that my chin is almost at the coffee table. And then I sort of lean my head back. Like a cat with a saucer of milk. Yeah. This is a thing women do. That style of sitting where you're on the floor, back on the couch. It is my female privilege. Men don't do that. Oh, my boyfriend, he can't sit on the floor for a single second. He looks so, so pained. Because he's a real man. He knows he can't get down to that level. Yeah. Ladies really do be eating soup on the floor, and I am not mad at that.

It honestly is one of my favorite activities. I feel so relaxed eating soup on the floor. Do you have a smattering of other beverages? Do you have like an iced coffee, a Diet Coke, a water, a coconut, a kombucha, and the ramen? Well, one of my favorite questions, you know what I'm saying? You haven't said the question yet, but yeah. But Chris looked like you knew what I was saying. If you had five fingers on this hand, you have a drink on each one for the rest of your life. Oh, fuck. What would it be? Okay. That's good. So for me, I'll start just so everyone feels comfortable and safe. Number one is going to be, and no one freak out, room temperature Evian water. I fuck with that. Nice. Number two, ice cold DC from the can. No ice, just from the can. No straw. No straw. In the can. Okay. Sacrilege. If you're in full beat, you don't really want to get your lipstick on the can. If you're in the industry, you would know, but what's your third finger, sweetie? Sweet. Hold on, sweetie. I was talking. Third finger is hot black coffee. Don't care if it's fancy. I didn't need something to go through my system just at all times. And then, okay, okay. Let me think. Just throwing coal in the fire. Now. Okay, yeah. This is where it gets tough. Ring and pinky. Ringy and pinky. Well, I'm going to stick to my guns. One is going to be like Jameson. And one's going to be dirty. Kettle, vodka, martini. Do you call it J-Mo at the bar? Yes, she does. Not until today. Let me get two J-Mos. J-Mo for my real friends. Lame-o. for my jam friends. You're fired. So the fifth one was a dirty vodka martini. That's for when the weather's warm. It's a vodka martini. And then is it a blue cheese olive or a regular olive? I'm going to tell you all this. Blue cheese is the one food I can't ever, ever eat. That's the one. It tastes bad. It's nasty. Everyone's lying. I like blue. So for me, it's golden milk latte, golden milk latte. Come on. No, tell me for real.

No, I mean, it's got to be, I think, I love an ice-cold sparkling water. Nice. Do you have a SodaStream? No, no, no, no, no, no. Good, thank God. That SodaStream is broke boy shit. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I can't do it. Plastics? No, you have to Instacart eight cases of plain LaCroix once a week, or you're doing it wrong. like a fun Gatorade Arctic blast, like a blue, like a half blue spritz. Oh, I love that. Too nice. I agree with you on the plain black coffee in the morning. If I don't have my Java first thing in the morning, I'm a real grumpy guy. I love orange juice. And then maybe the last one. Oh, God. It's probably going to be a martini for me as well. VOD? VOD, but I cycle. Summertime is with Lemon Twist. Wintertime is with Blue Cheese Olive. Oh, that's great. I support that. Thank you. Last thing I have to say to you guys before, last thing I'll say in my entire life, do you know what's so good? Red Gatorade. Like fruit punch flavor? Fruit punch. That's just fruit punch. It is. Do y'all have red? Now, do y'all have the red one? When I had it, I was like, oh, my God. It's so good. Blue is good. It's sort of like expected, but when you go red, it's so classic. It's 90s. It's like you've been hiding under me the whole time. I only do like lemon lime. What do you feel about the electrolyte, like the thick kind of syrupy, seminal cousin of Gatorade? What's that? Have you seen like the Pedialyte, like baby formula? I don't support that. That's not my culture. You're not a breeder? Pedialyte? I can't even say it. Pedialyte? If you have a dehydrated infant, it's sort of like this thick, extra electrolyte-enhanced water. But they started making sports drinks because hungover people began drinking the Pedialyte because it's like 10 Gatorades in one. It's very dark. Check out the coconut flavor if you have food poisoning down in Mexico City on one of your girls' trips. It's a lifesaver. I know you think that I'm always chitting off with my three girls, Charlotte, Carrie, Maranfa, and Sandy, but I haven't done that in a while.

Is that my vibe? What's the second one's name? Starlet and Camanta and Candy and Matanta and Sinky. Sinky. Sinky and Marentha. We're all going to go to Mexico City and find our friends is going to stay on the whole time, you guys, because it can be tricky. Wait, first of all, I don't want to get sidetracked because I need to know Chris's drinks, but who do you find your friends with? I've never used that feature in my entire life. I don't find my friends. My whole family uses it 24-7 nonstop. My mommy and daddy, they know where I am. Find my friends. I guess as an adult male, you don't really need find your friends. You don't really need friends. That's right. That's the key. Less friends. I think I've only followed a friend as a prank, and then I quickly unfollowed. But, yeah, I've never. Yeah, that's never really entered my mind. And I understand the privilege that I have for not needing fun, my friend. Okay, okay, relax. I don't really like, I don't really like the, I don't even like to drop a pin. Like, fuck you, dude. I'm going to text you an address. I'm not going to drop a pin. Yeah, dropping a pin is very music festival chaos. You spend the whole time looking for someone not actually having any fun. Do you know how many times I've dropped a pin next to the monster tent at Warped Tour and my friends still couldn't find me? It's just haunted me forever. Dude, if I had a nickel, dude. Do your mommy and daddy text you every once in a while? What in the world are you doing that? Actually, no. I think if they weren't so fucking cool about it, they were literally cool about it. If they weren't cool about it, I would have had to turn it off. They don't really think. They don't get mad when you go to the Soho house. like meat packing you know i live right right right there should i not say that no i think it's fine i'm already tied to this chair mind you you're not you're not going anywhere i'm west i'm west village but i'm uh Meatpacking rising. You hear that, Jason? She lives in the worst neighborhood in Manhattan, so she's definitely making money. I'm the happiest girl in the world right now because I live here. I like the West Village, Chris. What are you like in Manhattan? I'm an East Village girl. I do love the East Village. But, you know, it's not, well.

You don't need to go on the train anymore because no one's going anywhere. Am I right? Zoom, zoom, zoom. But back in the day, I didn't want to live east because there's no train. That's not true. If I need to go to beautiful Williamsburg to pick up a pair of jeans or a salad or something, I can just hop on the L. Wrap your harvest bowl on a pair of denim. I take my 501s and make a little purse for my salad. We'll be sure to get your email at the end of this and make sure Sweet Green sends over some credit for your harvest. or a cashew account if you like. They're one of our partners. I haven't had a sweet green in a while. I'm sort of over it. We'll edit that part out. We're about to change that. They have an all-new menu that you might be interested in. Winter's upon us, as you know, Kat. The things that they've been doing with sweet potatoes lately, knocking fucking socks off. Unbelievable. I OD'd. I OD'd on sweet potatoes and Brussels sprouts in 2016, and I haven't gone back. I'm glad you're here to share with us today. Like Matthew Perry and Vicodin. I can't touch them anymore. Chris, five beverages. Chris, what are your drinks? Well, Kat, I will say this. Chris hates... hypothetical games like this. Oh, okay. That's not true. He seems okay. It seems like he's having an okay time. Yeah, sure. I'd love doing this. He's horizontal. He's fully lying down. I'd be in bed, though. She's presenting. No, I would only, all I need is coffee and water. I truly don't need anything else. Those are the only two things I truly drink. He said, chop all my other fingers off. I don't care. Is food fuel? Is food fuel? If that. I mean, I think you can live without it, honestly, if you try hard enough. 30 days, probably. Yeah, no problem. I'm going to, like, to protest. climate change, I am going on a hunger strike. I'll keep you updated on that stuff. While we're ranking and we're talking about antidepressants, usually when we have certain guests on our show, we'll ask them to list top three recreational prescription pills. of all time in your personal life. Oh, really? Was that ever a thing that you used to enjoy in your life, abusing prescription pills, painkillers, etc.? Before you answer, you look like a Zanny chick to me. Billie Eilish. It's all good. I'm a card-carrying good girl, so I don't really do a lot of drugs, but I have a shit ton of Zanny and Ritalin.

that I like to enjoy medically and sometimes for fun. Okay, so you don't like to do drugs at all, but you do a shit ton of Xanax. Shit ton. I just have a lot. It's such a good feeling when your psychiatrist asks if you need more and you actually already have enough, but you just say yeah, and then you just have it and you feel safe. Like a squirrel hoarding the nuts and the cheeks. Why the hell not? Did you read, I'm just really kind of on this Matthew Perry story. It's really giving me a lot. I haven't read it yet. My dad sent me the article. Well, the only two things you need to know is he took 55 Vicodin a day and he spent $9 million trying to get sober. What? $9 million. That's so sad. It really is. It would be sad except that he deserves it because of how bad Friends is. If you think about it, it's kind of fair. You know what I mean? Oh, my God. What goes around comes around. That's crazy. What do you mean 55 Vicodin? Like, every day you have to have 55 Vicodins or else you, like, shit yourself and, like, cry. But that's, I mean, like, usually, like, I've heard of Xanax users reaching that as well. Oh, my God. The bass player in Guns N' Roses, I think he was doing 70 bars a day, like, to get out of bed. What? Isn't that insane to think that the tolerance of the body can get to that level? He said, you can tell by the way I looked what I was doing. He's like, when I was fat, I was drunk. When I was skinny, I was on pills. And when I had a goatee, I was really on pills. Oh, my God. Which really, I really liked that breakdown of his look. Because he told a story about... how I guess the biggest scene on Friends was him marrying Monica. Spoiler. He was in rehab. They let him leave for a day to shoot that scene. Then he went right back to rehab. That's insane. And his weight fluctuated 100 pounds during the course of Friends. On his lowest, like 125, and his highest, like 225. Now that I can connect with. I'm serious. Pre and post-pandem.

I'm like, who is she? Why, what do you, what do you think, what do you think happened? Were you just chilling too much? When I'm like, when I was like single and dating, like I was always too hyped up on like adrenaline and stuff to be, and fucking around to be like eating and stuff. And then when, when I got into a relationship, everything just kind of in a good way, you know, it slows down your Zen, your calm, you're having a lot of fun meals. And then that plus then I'd stopped moving for two years. Um, you know, and then I was drinking a lot and then. Now I'm almost back, but yeah, it's been a journey. Maybe we need to do a sober October, sober November. Yeah, what month is it? Who even knows? Don't you dare. But if you replace alcohol with marijuana, the pounds just melt right off, honey. That's true. But marijuana makes me feel bad. Push through, bitch. Nobody wants to work. anymore. That's true. Running a marathon would probably make me feel bad too. Kim Kardashian was talking about you and weed when she said women don't work anymore. She was talking about you specifically. I knew that. I felt singled out. What is the show that you're doing in LA? What kind of character are you playing? Who are all the stars? What's it about? I'm playing a funky. It's based on a memoir called What I Was Doing While You Were Breeding. It's about a TV writer who who you know as all her friends are settling down getting married having kids whatever she's like fuck it kind of blows up her life and starts traveling the world so it's very eat pray love okay and i play the lead is this actress named chelsea fry who's like my best girl and then i play like her bestie who is wild party girl but then well i don't want to i've said too much But it's a total dream because we get to travel. Oh, so you're going to India to get some henna done and stuff. Essentially. I just got back from Iceland two days ago. Oh, you did the Reykjavik trip? We did the Reykjavik trip, and then we're going to Argentina next year. Wow, this is cool. This seems like a good job, and they're paying you for this, right? I'm paying to be a part of it. No, it's a total dream. What's the Icelandic scene report? What's going on over there? I've never been. I've always wanted to.

It is so... Have you been, Chris? I haven't been, but it's very popular for New Yorkers because it's so close. Like a lot of people go. It's so breathtakingly gorgeous. There's just so much open space. You just feel like an idiot for living where you live. I hear the food's bad. I don't like cold fish. You know what I mean? I hear that, but I do like cold fish, and I enjoyed it. I'm not talking about sashimi. I'm talking about some other shit they got there. I know what you mean. I love anything like pickled, smoked. You like a herring? You like a weird trout? I had a very good lamb stew. They're known for Icelandic lamb. That was really good. Okay. What were the hot spring looks over there in Iceland? Did you have flair or were you keeping it pretty chill? Oh, in the hot spring? I was doing understated elegance wearing like a simple black Old Navy bikini. embracing my American roots. You need to let those Icelandic-ers know that Old Navy is still holding it down in this beautiful country. I love Old Navy. I haven't been in a long time, I will say. What are you getting there? I just think, you know, you go to these stores and you see the basics and they're just so overpriced. You go to Old Navy, you're like, okay, this is for the people. I don't need to spend $300 on a t-shirt. Do you know what I'm saying? I can go to Old Navy. Did you have a job in high school? I briefly worked at a boutique. What kind of boutique are we talking about? Overpriced treats for moms. Treats, you say? Jewels and scarves. Not edible treats. What about y'all? I worked at Anthropologie. That's a vibe. That's absolutely a vibe. I was in the fitting rooms and then cashier. You know what I call Anthropologie? A store for moms who don't have kids. Do you think that's true? That makes perfect. Or maybe store for moms who have maybe lost a child and they need to fill that void with a candle from Hawaii. Oh, no. I'm actually always worried when I... Sorry, guys, but like the doorknobs and things. Are you moving? What's with the moving boxes? That is merchandise for our shows that have been sent over to our home. And this is a big old boxes full of them. And then...

That, of course, is my sauna. What? Really? Yeah, you heard that right, Kat. I just saunted right before we potted. Damn. You look, you're glowing. Thank you. I find merch culture really, it's actually really difficult to make and sell merch. Do you agree? No. Okay, well, I'll be in touch. Most people do have a hard time with it, especially in the comedy world, podcast world. There's a lot of websites and companies where you just send them a logo. and then they print it on a shitty shirt in a shitty way, and they send it to your shitty customer. I guess we do things a little differently, and it has been working out well for us. Have you dined with us before? We do things a little differently. We're happy to help run your merch empire if you're looking to shake things up. Yeah. Over there at Cohen Industries. I feel like people want to buy, like people want to support you. People don't want to support us and we still do pretty well with it. Oh, that can't be true. People adore you. I mean, I think they listen to the podcast because it's free, but like I'm saying, you know, like. They adore us, but they don't want to give us money. They don't want to patronize us. It's two different things. I actually. But if you want to change my mind, honey, please go ahead. Make my day. No, I just think you guys have some rabid super fans, it seems. Who are out and about. Do you know any of them? My friend's boyfriend really likes your podcast. Okay. Hey, did that make your day? I had a fucking dollar every time I heard that. I've never listened to it, of course, but my cousin's friend from high school, he likes it a lot. He's on the rowing team. You know, it's funny because even though I have a podcast, I do find it hard to listen to a podcast ever. I mean, I'm sure you guys can concur. Yeah, I tried to listen to yours, yeah. I honestly, it's impossible to listen to. I completely hear you and I see you and you're heard. You're heard and you're seen. I go in and out of tolerance levels for listening to other podcasts. There's some where I'm like, oh, this was good. You have to really be in the mood for it. A lot of planets have to align to really enjoy a podcast episode. It happens so rarely. What's everyone's sign?

Virg? Don't freak out. We're both Virgos. Really? You know, all my shit's Virg. All your shit's Virg? What does that mean exactly? Except for my son, all my stuff is in Virgate. Okay. So we're all three Virgos? Is that what you mean? No, I'm just sort of trying to connect. Okay. So we're actual Virgos, but your stuff is Virg. Okay. Yeah, whatever. Take from that what you wish. Do you gravitate towards Virgos? Yeah, I do, actually. Look at where I am. Do you like our controlling nature? I want to be so in control, but alas. It feels good to be out of control sometimes too, cut. Does it? That's why I do drugs. What drugs do you like? Just marijuana. Oh. That's not true. That's not true. He likes MDMA. I've never done that. I mean, you kind of are MDMA, so it might not work on you. Why? Because you're just such a bright. being of happiness and light oh my god you know what i am really happy yeah but i don't think you need it but imagine if you did i'm worried about the crash it's not that bad look the crash is not that bad compared to others like alcohol gives me the worst hangover out of out of hard drugs like coke or mdma i would say the fentanyl crash is bad but i think that molly you could you could survive That's scary. Life is scary. Sometimes. Almost all the time if you zoom out. From a macro level, it is very scary. If you get macro with it, it's a horror film. Stay micro, my new catchphrase. Stay micro, that does have a nice ring to it. What are you going to do in L.A.? Well... Besides your little TV show. You going to Little Dom's? Actually, I'd love... I have to say I've never spent more than like two weeks there, so I... I'd love to know what you guys enjoy. Snowboarding. Know what? Snowboarding. I don't know what I'll do. Thankfully, I'll be working, so hopefully I'll be busy, and then I'll just be... Do you have a rental car? I actually... This is the first time I'm going to have a car, and I'm staying at a friend of a friend's house, so I'm going to have the whole LA experience.

which I've never done. Okay, that's good. You're going to need a car, so that's going to be good. Is your Equinox membership New York only, or can you go to other locations? How do you know? I can go to a mall. Oh, okay. You have a passport membership. No, let me tell you this. Cut to me last summer walking into... The Kensington Palace one in London. I say, excuse me, I'm here to work out. They go, no. No, no, no. They don't work. So I love. They go, you wish. They go, you wish. They said, I go, but I go, I have the all access. They go, you don't have the global. I've experienced this exact same thing. Humiliating. Babes, this is Kensington. I'm going to have to do my squats in another room. Without weights. There's nothing that kind of tears me down more than being all dressed and prepared mentally for a workout and then being told no by some twit. Absolutely. Well, a good rule of thumb, any Equinox location that has the word blank house in it, whatever it is, you won't be able to get into it. That is so true. If the gym is a house. I've never been to the famous printing house. Who has? Prince. That was my anchor membership, actually. Is it nice or something? Who cares? There's a pool. Is it like Soho House Pool where it's like one lap? No, I've never been. I don't know. Oh, okay. But I believe they do have cocktails, though. So I think that is kind of a... I don't support that. I'm not going to go... drink at my gym. My God, we have to draw the line somewhere. Well, you never went to David Barton, I guess. Oh, I used to walk by it. David Barton, there'd be a twink jogging with a vodka soda on the treadmill. That's no joke. That's no joke. Tell me more about this place, Chris. They're like, we do things differently around here, and it's like truly crazy lighting. I only went once as a guest because I didn't live in New York yet, and I was like, oh, let me go here. And it was a fine gym, but it was just like It was just truly people drinking at the gym. I don't know who David Barton is. I don't know anything about him except he had a gym, but I think he was married to someone famous. I think he maybe was a bodybuilder or something. Yeah, I would hope so. Which is one of the scariest things you can be. It's giving GT Daves, not to bring back kombucha. It is giving GT Daves a little bit. I would agree with you. All right, Kat.

You're over me? Yeah, we've had enough. We record for an hour, but I still have to... I've got to edit and get this episode up. I love it. I've got to pack and go. I've got to be at the airport super early. Oh, my God. It's one of those marathon days. Thoughts and prayers. Thank you. Thank you guys so much for having me. Oh, it's our pleasure. What a treat. It was so fun. So nice to talk to you. And, yeah, have so much fun at the New York show. We shall. Have fun, eat, pray, and loving for money. I'm jealous. And if you need any Cali recommendations, lunch spots, dinner spots, I got you, bro. Please send them my way. You have my contact info. Let me know. I'll tell you which grocery store to go to on which day. I love it. Okay, thank you guys so much. Bye, Kat. Bye.