337. - John Vanderslice

All right, this episode of How Long Gone is brought to you by Stateside with Kai and Carter, a new podcast from The Guardian. And they are using this podcast to slow down the news and wrestle with the questions that we all have about what's happening in the world. And they do it three times a week, Jason. Does that sound familiar to you? We don't really talk about, you know, a lot of international global news items and climates and cultures and sports and things like that. We do talk about fashion and wellness, but for everything else, Kai and Carter are a great place. All right, so who couldn't use more news? Listen wherever you get your podcast. or watch on YouTube. Chris Black in the motherfucking building. Them jeans, are you with me? I'm with you, brother. I know I caught you in the middle of rolling calls. Are you going to be present today on this program, Chris? The only thing I roll is calls, not to be confused with calls like you and your Orange County brethren. I'm very present and alive for this phone call. My phone is turned upside down. My ringer is off. And I'm here to talk to you and, of course, an esteemed guest a little bit later. But right before... Jason, just minutes before this recording started. Every time we pod, there's always a breaking news story with you, and that's what keeps our listeners coming back. Well, it's not even breaking, but I did receive my copy of Raven Smith's new book, Men, from the delightful DHL guy and our friends over at Fourth Estate Books. I can't wait to dig in. I'm reading only gay books. I'm looking at the calendar. If the day of the week ends with a Y, that means... you acquired yet another gay book. That's right. I'm into gay literature. Gay lit. It helps if I know the gay author as well. So that's kind of where I'm at with it. Like know them intimately? I wouldn't. I mean, I think that I... What do you mean by that exactly? We have a whole hour to get into it. Just know them personally. Just know them personally. Say no more, brother. Say no more. As a friend and maybe former guest of the program, you know what I mean? But I'm...

I'm happy to dig into Raven's book. And the cover is a simple gold with a nice red text, and it really hits IRL. It goes a little harder than it does online. Just wanted to point that out for all my... So you're saying it's aesthetic AF? Yeah, that's not a joke. But I know that you are chomping at the bit. to get into this Met Gala. Before we get into that, though, Jason, I would like to say... There's a lot to get into. I like it. Congratulations on another excellent piece of sponsored content for your friends over there at Hendrix Gin. I don't drink, but if I did, I would be enjoying a Neptunia cocktail with you and maybe a nice shrimp cocktail to go with that. Neptunia, say her name. TJ Tear, another SponCon. I mean, your words, not mine. I don't know. I'll take all the praise. And if anyone who works at MC and Saatchi advertising agency listens to this podcast, you know, you heard it here first. Chris Black, most people will pay tens of thousands of dollars, five, maybe six figures for a quote from Chris Black. brand ambassadress that's right yeah you get it for free that's right that's what i do i do this for free for my real homies we do it for free that's all love that's all love baby met gala happened last night in the beautiful city of new york shout out to our friends at vogue.com for all the great coverage uh next year jason and i are available instead of lala to do the red carpet you just you guys just keep us posted how does lala keep getting these look who does she have dirt on well lala is interestingly i think lala actually friends with all the celebrities, which in theory should help her, but instead she just says everybody's outfit looks amazing and they look beautiful. Right, right, right. As soon as you become friends with all the chefs, how can you be a restaurant critic? Exactly, exactly. I sent over a quick little list of my faves and, of course, my missus. Let's be honest. We're here for the missus, aren't we?

We're here for the misses, but I just wanted to say first and foremost that I'm as shocked as anyone. I thought Pete Davidson looked great in Dior. I thought that was the best he had ever looked. Yeah, he put on leather shoes instead of Vans with his H&M suit. I thought he looked great. But my other favorite, are you familiar with Christine Baranski? No. Is she on The Office or anything? No, she's not on The Office. She was on an amazing show. I mean, she's been on a few amazing shows. She was on The Good Wife and then also on The Good Fight. Amazing. But she's just like a... I mean, honestly, she's like a... What's her name again? Christine Baranski. Christine Baranski. You'll recognize her. She's Polish. This bitch on The Gilded Age. Yeah, she's on everything. She's amazing. She's on The Good Wife, Good Neighbor, Good Show, Good Sex, No Stress. I thought she looked amazing. I am biased she was in Tom Brown, but I think she looked like a statuesque, elder beauty, really chic and put together. She's the only one who did... Did the homework and everyone else just copied the test and you could put that in the bank. Exactly. Thank you, Jason, for pushing the culture forward. You got it. You got it. So she looked good. I thought Christine looked amazing. I thought Pete and Kim looked amazing. I mean, Kim lost 16 pounds by eating only tomatoes and doing a sauna suit. For three weeks? Only tomatoes? Is that real? That's right. That's what I heard. Oh, I'm looking up. Yeah, Christine Bransky. She looked like. Honestly, I just love it. I love the look. I thought it was very good. I don't think they had Celine sunglasses in the 1800s, but otherwise, I'm here for it, Queen. Those are, yeah, good point. What kind of glasses are those? You would know more than I would. Well, I mean, she's wearing Tom Brown, so I imagine they're Tom Brown. Oh, yeah, they look great. But also, I want to give a shout-out to my girl, Lily. allen and chanel styled by friend of the show ian bradley we stand ian bradley did you have any good picks no i mean i figured that we i figured we weren't gonna have any time for my picks also you know what do i know about fashion i'm but a working man suburban night great point yeah i'm just a wife guy dad bod that's right

That's right. All right, well, then we can get into the worst then, which is no problem for me. Okay, so yeah, the best, Christine Baranski, Lily Allen, Hayley B. I want to know more about this tomato diet. I don't know. That's the only information I have, but people are upset with her for, obviously, her unrealistic body expectations. But I saw a friend of the show, Brian Boyd's response was, her body, her choice, which was pretty funny. Yeah, I mean, if I could go on the – I mean, I've done the master cleanse. That can't be – Any more fucked up than just eating tomatoes, you know? I mean, except tomatoes are bad. Even the best ones, I don't want. Even the beautiful heirloom tomatoes grown in our wonderful state of California, I don't really want to. You're a little fat-ass eat ketchup, though, don't you? Nah, bro. What's that? You don't eat ketchup? Come on. Are you saying tomato with sugar? And then worst, I have to say... Kylie. Kylie and Nicki Minaj both wore baseball hats. to the Met Gala. And I want to say that... And the theme was not the Mets. It was the Gilded Age. I think they got confused. I just don't want to see a baseball cap that has stuff hanging from it in any situation, much less one that should be looked at as formal. Future, of course, looked insane and wore a mask, which felt... stupid uh but his outfit was disgusting and let's not forget friend of the show kid cuddy uh in a blue cape designed by nego does oh nego come on nego kid cuddy always looks bad but like he really looks bad when he's given the opportunity to go formal what i i think friend of the show instagram account fit ain't nothing said kid cuddy you can't hum your way out of this one Yeah, I mean, Kid Cudi is the worst. I'm glad to see him get roasted by that great Instagram account. But overall, you know, it was fashion's biggest night. I did enjoy the red carpet procession. Oh, I forgot. OBJ and cactus plant flea market. He looked like a monk.

But not the cool kind that you can buy, like, cheese from that chant. Like, he just looked. Yeah, so he had Cactus Plant Flea Market do a custom piece. It was, like, velveteen. Awful. But then it definitely could have been from the 1870s. That's true. It was. Yeah, that's a good point. You know, like, the guy who, like, lives underneath the bridge. The guy who lurks in the shadows of your town square. But cactus plant, I don't know, you can't hire somebody who makes t-shirts to make, you know what I mean? It just doesn't really make sense. Like, I don't understand, I mean. There's ready to wear and there's couture, right? Jason, thank you for that. And tonight was a night, or last night was a night for couture, I'll say it. My sweatshirt actually took 22,000 man hours to bead. You can't see it right now, but I just want you to know that. The handmade feel is beautiful. because it's literally handmade. But shout out to all the best dressed. Shout out to all the worst dressed. Shout out to all my friends at Vogue.com for all their hard work. Shout out to Anna Wintour, my queen. I saw a good tweet saying Anna Wintour was alive during the Gilded Age, and she still didn't get the assignment right. How do you feel about that, Chris? Well, the thing is, is that the theme is pointless. Like, the theme is... Yeah, should we just stop having the theme? Because nobody really... Well, the theme ties into the actual museum show, which is interesting and usually pretty good. You go every year. Well, I mean, not every year, but I try. But most celebrities, as you know, Jason, celebrities kind of do their own thing. You know what? I think these celebrities, they can do their own thing whenever they want at the fucking VH1 Awards. Exactly. Met Gala, let's get it together. The Met Gala, there should be some... Somebody at the door, it's like, yes, you RSVP'd. Yes, we invited you. But it should be like Bergheim. There should be a tall, scary person who's like, no. No, Camila Cabello. Next year, Jason Stewart doing security at the Met Gala. He sees Sebastian Stan stroll up in that full pink Valentino look. He says, Sebastian, not tonight, sweetie. Go back to the soundstage and try again. Sebastian, this is an outfit that Lil Uzi Vert would wear on a Wednesday just to go to, you know.

pick up his lunch to get his well no he would get his to-go salmon from lucian like all the other cool guys downtown this is this is like oh that's a cool look for like a cool wednesday afternoon salmon lucian look for little uzi vert and then this fucking marvel actor is like all right Gilded Age, Met Gala, white, not black tie, white tie. Let's do this. We do have a guest today. I can't wait to get his opinion on the Met Gala. Legendary singer, songwriter, producer, and the proprietor of the Tiny Telephone Analog Recording Studio. TT. Yeah, that's right. John Vanderslice is joining us today on the podcast from one of my favorite cities in America, Gainesville, Florida. Actually, San Francisco too, Chris. Your second favorite city in America. No, I actually like Gainesville. I don't like San Francisco. san francisco um but but john has relocated uh to la baby so we can kind of figure out where his spots are i think he told me he texted me he did say that his san vicente bungalows uh he did get approved so he is a member john's a member at san vicente he said so house i'm not risking my life you know what i mean he said too soon brother too soon uh all right well let's uh let's uh give uh john a jingle and find out what he's been up to This episode of How Long Gone is brought to you by Squarespace. Obviously, Jason, you and I spend a lot of time on the World Wide Web, sort of our peers, our listeners, our friends, our colleagues, maybe even your parents if they're freaky. And if you're doing anything in the world... writing, taking pictures. I do topless boxing. You need a website. Exactly, a website that works, that does what it's supposed to do, that allows you to be creative but also business-minded. Jason, there's one place to go for that, Squarespace. Yeah, Chris, I'm over here. I'm modifying calculators and putting Claude inside of them so you could cheat at school. And I just want a place where I could have everything all in one place. I can have the SEO tools. So those future graduates can find me and, you know, I'm able to accept, quote unquote, donations for my services that might be gray area. You know what I mean? And then email campaigns. Hey, I got a new, you know, 2.3 version upgrade. Boom, boom, boom. Get the analytics going. Raise some money. You know, show your investor all of your cool analytics of what's going on. They're going to want to get in early and we can use Blueprint AI to make your website look as professional.

as your competition, if not more. So... Head to squarespace.com slash howlong for a free trial. When you're ready to launch, use offer code howlong to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or a domain. Oh, this is huge for me personally. This episode of How I'm Gone is brought to you by TaskRabbit. Oh, baby, let me tell you something. This is not a joke. I use TaskRabbit a lot because I can't do anything. You need some art hung? TaskRabbit. You need a fucking... Something put together, a cabinet. Got to reach that cheese grater on the top shelf. TaskRabbit. Anything you need, TaskRabbit can take care of it for you. And, I mean, how it works, TaskRabbit connects you with skilled taskers in your area. They can help you move. They can assemble furniture. repairs, yard work, mounting, and more. You can search for a Tasker based on cost, skill set, availability, and past client reviews so you know exactly who's showing up and can have confidence that they know what they're doing because Taskers have assembled over 3.4 million pieces of furniture, completed 700,000 home repairs, handled 1.5 million moves, and the numbers are just going up, Jason. Yeah, throw a little money at the problem. It's not so expensive, and that job that you really don't want to do is something that another person out in the world, is very good at doing and would gladly do it in exchange for a little bit of money. So when life happens, your to-do list grows. Get ahead of it now and get $15 off your first task at TaskRabbit.com or grab the TaskRabbit app. using promo code howlong. Taskers book up faster, especially for same-day tasks. So book trusted home help today. That is $15 off your first task using promo code howlong with the TaskRabbit app or at TaskRabbit.com. All right, this episode of How Long Gone is brought to you by Quince. Jason, the temps are warming up. It's getting hot out there. Summer always changes how I get dressed. I need pieces that feel lighter, more breathable. And they're just easy, but still put together. I don't want to look like a slob. That's why I keep coming back to Quince. They focus on high-quality essentials that feel and look amazing. Breathable linen and soft organic cottons. Well-made basics, but without the luxury markups. That rare balance where everything feels elevated.

but still effortless. Yeah, Chris, linen season is here. I wore a linen blazer to dinner a few nights ago in the warm California sun. But, you know, you got that Italy trip coming up this summer and quality European linen pants and shirts. Upgrade that look starting at just $34. You know, if you get a nice linen suit, a little t-shirt underneath it, some chill shoes, you're looking good, but you're staying cool. The inside of your special areas are nice and dry as you turn up with your besties. So elevate that summer wardrobe. Go to quince.com slash how long for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns, even on a nice holiday now available in Canada. That is Q-U-I-N-C-E dot com slash how long. That'll get you free shipping and 365-day returns. Quince punto com slash how long. I have to say, this house, you have a lot of color going on. We just got a quick tour of John's crib. Yeah, it's sick, right? Yes, it is. I know. But you do have a lot of color in your life. The walls are painted. bright colors there's different colors going on obviously your hair is often appearing in different colors i think that my general maybe frustration with like uh situations is that no one's kind of like doing like set decoration you know what i mean like you i went to a friend's party a couple weeks ago in some ways that they're they're really good at putting music like setting the scene but the lights in the house. We're on full blast. They're doing forensic criminology or something. This is a fucking party, man. People are lit up. It is such a scene killer. You know what I mean? When I walk into a place, I just want... If someone comes to my house, I don't have any LED bulbs. It's all incandescent bulbs. A lot of low lighting, tons of candles. I just think that those things...

They go so far. I agree. And just like the color scheme, there's only three colors in my entire house that are used over and over and over again, recycled in different ways. List them off. List them off, buddy. There's one that's kind of like a mint toothpaste color. It really is beautiful. The color of it is really beautiful. And then there's kind of a deep red, like a blood red, like dried blood. Our listeners are sliding off of their seats right now here in these. Toothpaste and dried blood, go on. This guy, are you moonlighting at Crayola? Because this is too good. You're hitting us with some stuff. So what's the third? Tie it all together. It's kind of like a dreamy deep blue. And those colors, they just work everywhere. They're positive. They're also kind of weird. You think? Wait, what did you say? You think? Yeah. Well, I mean, especially now in a world where everyone is like, do we do white or cream or eggshell? You know, that's it. It's a snooze, man. It's like you can't be boring. Well, there's some similarities. I mean, obviously, you know, you're known for being the analog guy, and it seems like that has gone from the musical preferences into your lighting preferences. Yes. No fluorescent, all incandescent, candles. I'm sure you have a couple oil burning. lanterns or something in there shovel and coal i mean i like it but chris is a huge lighting guy yeah his mood depends on the light and the scent and that's true and my life partner who i live with her mood fluctuates so heavily based on the lighting in a room like it's it's it's It's life or death for her, just like you. It is life or death. I love it. I get it. Yeah, I do have a vegetable oil-burning lamp, and that is some seriously good shit. Did you ever have one of those old Mercedes diesels that you converted to run on French Ferrari oil? Kind of the same vibe. My next-door neighbor did, and it was in immaculate condition. He was Ukrainian. It was really sick.

So you just relocated to L.A. How are you feeling? I love living in L.A. I lived in the Bay Area. I heard you say right before I got on that San Francisco sucks, and it does. It's like that really – Like a sexless – Let's go, Banderslice. Let's go. Yeah. I mean it's like a nightmare place. It's like a sexless hellscape. But I thought you were the – I mean you're closely tied to San Francisco. Some would say patron saint depending on what scene you're in. Did you have any emotion leaving or were you just like this place is torched. I got to go. It was like torched. I got to go. would have left there a lot earlier and listen it's not san francisco's fault i mean it was like a lovely weirdo town in 19 you know like 89 when i showed up there you know like from like probably 10 years ago until the history of san francisco it was a magical place i think only probably in the last 10 years did it get fucked out and ruined yeah you can't pump like trillions of dollars of capital into like a little peninsula and have it be like a normal place it is so fucked up there i mean it even has john vanderslice saying the word capital you had to get out of there it changed you john it changed you it changed well i you know we have a we have a friend jonah who has a very popular newsletter called blackbird spy plane and he likes to scold me because i group oakland in with san francisco but my oakland heads want to reiterate that oakland is a very different place it's much better Do you agree with that? Do you disagree with that? I disagree. I disagree. Oakland's fucking stupid too, bro. Yeah. It's like the thing that ruined San Francisco is in some weird ways is worse in Oakland. Like so many tech companies slid over to Oakland. And the disparity in wealth in Oakland is just one of the most shocking things you'll ever see in the U.S. It is a completely – there's like all this new housing that's going up in Oakland, and it reminds me of all that Amazon housing in Seattle. It's like completely dystopian.

It's absolutely separate from the city. Like it has nothing to do. That shit could be on Mars. You know what I mean? Like it doesn't, it doesn't, it's not integrated in any way into the city. They plop it down and people move in. There's no like, and those people lower their blinds and they're fucking weirdo, like spectrum people that just want to code engineer and they want to get hella rich and get the fuck out. You know, so they don't, they don't, it's like a cop living in Simi Valley, man. They're like, they're driving through LA. fuck these people i wish i could go target practice you know what i mean like they don't they they hate where they are they're not like ambivalent necessary it's necessary take that shit to austin and denver that's what i say yeah yeah exactly you've done you've done extensive touring in your life i mean what is what if you if you had to leave california where are you settling well that's interesting because my girlfriend and i talk about that all the time just because she's like a new york person who would love to move back to new york and and she we also both have a very kind of intense draw to old Rust Belt cities in the U.S. So, like, your Kansas cities, for instance. You know what I mean? Oh, okay, okay. Like, there's some magic in these places, you know? Like, I just have never had a bad day off in the Midwest in one of these towns. I just haven't. I have fun there. A coastal elite changing in his old age. Who would have thought? You're horny for Pittsburgh? I adore Pittsburgh. I've had great, great times in Pittsburgh. I am really fucking soft from living in LA as far as weather goes. That's right. I am outside 350 days a year, so that would be difficult. You know, there's a lot to say about the food and coffee and alcohol culture in these cities where people can actually afford. You know, if you're a weirdo chef and you want to set up shop, you're probably not coming to California. You know, you're going to go to a place where you can actually deal with the city. You're hitting Cleveland where you can afford to do what you want to do, like how San Francisco used to be. Yeah, there's probably more innovation in Cleveland and Cincinnati right now in Columbus than there is in L.A. L.A. has been.

completely wrecked with covid i mean it's it's insane how many restaurants like mid-level restaurants that were killing it have just shut down because they can't staff covid has just fucked everything up and like i don't know there's a there's a point where we talk about like it would be amazing to have like a you know a house that was built in like 1910 and have like some space and a life where we weren't working seven days a week to sustain this California shit. Yeah, but what are you going to do out there? It's fucking boring. You know what I mean? Well, we just buy drugs on the dark web and have five friends and listen to records. John, that was the coolest response you could have ever done to that question. Okay, well, I guess you've got it figured out. I mean, it sounds like to me, you guys can hit Kansas City anytime. Okay, so John, how much Bitcoin did you have 10 years ago, and how much do you have now? How much did you blow on some of that A1 Perico? You know what I'm saying? Well, you know what's wild is that, like, for me, what happened to me as far as losing Bitcoin, it was always, it happened to me three times where I had, you know, I had probably, I mean, Bitcoin's gone down, but I would say that, like, The markets were better in the beginning, right? So Silk Road, Silk Road 2, Middle Earth Market, these markets stayed up, and I would just leave money in my wallet. I wasn't getting fished. It wasn't a big deal. It was kind of before things got really hectic. Starting two years ago, it was like a massacre. Your favorite markets went down. You didn't have to lock your front door. You could buy an AR-15 from a stranger. I left my wallet unlocked. Nobody even took anything. No one even took my Bitcoin. I lost money repeatedly because the FBI and Interpol were seizing sites. That's where I fucked up. I would leave Bitcoin in my wallet.

And the most I ever lost was $600 at the time. I mean, I would have just bought drugs with it. So I wouldn't have like, I never invested in Bitcoin, you know, but like that, that $600, if I would have left it there and forgotten about it, it would probably be worth like three or four grand, like nothing crazy now, you know, but like, I bought Bitcoin, I don't know, two, I was on Mount Gox, you know what I mean? Like I was early as fuck on that just because I was buying drugs. Like I didn't care about. To me, this is what I thought about crypto in the beginning. The US dollar, especially the $100 bill, is the international drug currency. It's been propping up the dollar since the beginning of time. Do you know what I mean? It's like the US has benefited from the global drug trade on many, many levels. And when crypto came out, I was like... oh shit, like Bitcoin is going to blow up simply because it's going to be the international drug currency, you know? And so I should have probably like tapped into it, but I also am very averse to like things like investing. And I mean, I'm an econ major and I kind of, it's all like makes me sick, all of that world. You know what I mean? Like I just, and I'm not like a, I like being poor kind of guy because I really would love to be rich. You know what I mean? Like I'm. I don't have this theater thing I need to do because I'm a left winger. I don't need to appear rich. I mean poor. I could be rich and be very happy. So I never invested in Bitcoin, but I definitely knew better. And I just like didn't bother. I need you to walk me through buying drugs on the dark web because I've only bought drugs kind of the regular way. The best cocaine I've ever done in my life by a long shot was from Silk Road. Yeah, I agree with that. I would say that once you start doing like. Once you start doing coke from the dark web, you can get, you know, the first time I bought drugs, I bought a gram of opium and I bought a gram of cocaine. And the cocaine was from Germany. It was from this guy named Sukay, S-U-K-A-Y. And he had published all of these lab reports of his cocaine. And I was like, whoa. Yeah. And I was like. So he pulled up the Carfax. Yeah, exactly. And I was like, I was like this motherfucker, man, like this is the shit. It kind of like.

got me in this mode that i've never gotten out of which is like i want to see the science like i want to see it tested i want and so his coke i think it was eight you know coke taps out about 89 and that's as that's as pure as it's ever going to get because you have like impurities moisture junk like that so his coke was at 87 i got a gram of it and i i couldn't believe The dissonance between what I thought cocaine was and what it was, was just like what you were saying. Once you do pure cocaine, pharmaceutical-grade cocaine, it is very subtle. There's no drip. The glow of it, the arc of it is so beautiful and purposeful. highly social highly connective it's much closer to an mdma experience than than like methamphetamine which is like street coke is predominantly methamphetamine and levamisol and like some nasty ass shit so i think that like everyone is rewarded by learning how to buy drugs on the dark web and you will never ever deal with like some bullshit signal dude i This sounds, you're really making a case for it. I feel like, Jason, this is something you could get into. I feel like this is not that far from your realm. Selling drugs on the dark web? And then publicizing that? Purchasing. No, purchasing. Yeah, purchasing. I feel like it, because it seems like the barrier of entry is pretty low. Yeah, I mean, I've been around it. You know, no further questions, no further comments. I just don't fully understand. How is payment exchanged? Chris, it's just like buying an NFT. It's Bitcoin. It is, okay. My whole thing is I would encourage everyone to not be paranoid because if you look above you right now in the sky, there's... You know, 100,000 envelopes of drugs crisscrossing the sky sent via USPS. It can't be opened without a warrant. No one fucking cares about your personal drug use. You know, so like I think you don't worry about washing bitcoins or really, you know, all bets are off if you live in one of these psycho states where they actually prosecute this shit. But like, you know, in California, a DA, I don't even think the DA in LA would prosecute me if I got a huge package of.

of fucking heroin you know what i mean like i don't think they care my friends you know always tell me like aren't you worried i'm like i don't know it'd kind of be good for my brand honestly you're like i don't have a ton of priors you know slap on the wrist but just think about what it'll do for my pr yeah i mean yeah i could do a little time if i had to you know what i mean if there are some benefits to it yeah i'd come out a hero did you ever think you'd see the day when all this would would happen because you know back in the day it was you know smoking pot on the street would get you a ticket or arrested you know and now you know now you can bring an ounce to the airport and and tell the little german shepherd to suck your dick yeah i really really didn't and i remember when i was in you know i started smoking weed before i was in junior high school so i was like an old head at this shit and i remember being in eighth grade at back when a dime bag costs a dime yes exactly and i was at montgomery mall when i was in eighth grade and we were you know, out in the back of the kind of like the loading zone of the mall. And we were smoking weed out of a out of a glass pipe. And a security guard came at us like we were about to detonate a fucking bomb. Do you know what I mean? And like, I remember the fear that day of running from some fucking rent a cop. Like, you know, I was about to go to Guantanamo. You know what I mean? Like, so, you know, I had real, real fear. in those days about getting busted for weed, for sure. So are you still a little kind of cock-shy around it, or are you kind of comfortable with it now? I don't really, yeah. That stuff is gone. I mean, I rarely, I love weed in theory, and I kind of dip into it once in a while, but it's not my drug of choice. You know, I probably only do edibles or smoke weed like... 20 times a year. Okay. So mostly just the cocaine then? Yeah. My drugs, the drugs, yeah. I mean, honestly, I do coke probably way more than that. Damn. You're my kind of guy, John. I got to say. Listen, I think coke is like highly underrated drug, honestly. I really do. I think it's like a phenomenally useful drug for...

For small social groups, people are blown away. But I'm a huge fan of MDMA. I think that crystal pure MDMA, 120, 150 milligrams, change your life, change your relationship, change your attitudes and your connections with your friends. It'll make you a better friend. It'll make you a better person. And I really, really like... ceremonial drugs. I really like ayahuasca and peyote and San Pedro and stuff like that. That's kind of where my heart is. I love that stuff. Do you think this encourages creativity? Are you actually able to do stuff or does this just unlock something in your brain and then you access it later? You know what's funny? I think about this all the time. This is my hot take. I think it decreases creativity. I really do. I really do. And the reason is, I think that it's like when you're creative, it's almost like you're desperate for a little action. You're desperate to get fucked. You're desperate to get power. You're desperate to get money. You're desperate to get clout or love or out of your own fucking misery. And the thing is that when you start having fully realized experiences with ceremonial drugs, it almost takes up so much oxygen and is so creative in itself. that you come out exhausted you come out fully satisfied you come out as like a god and like those kind of people don't make art you know what i mean they just like the weeks the weeks after i do aya i'm just like in my house petting my cat and like sitting in my backyard you know what i mean i don't i mean i think of like the greatest records i ever made were in periods of like abject fucking suicidal ideation and misery like you know what i mean it wasn't it wasn't like a joyous you know place you know and like i have a really funny attitude towards like like art and the validity of of creative action like i really genuinely feel it's like the most sacred expression of being a human but i also feel that it's fake as shit you know what i mean like i i look

So much of what I've done in my life, it's like an extension of just ego stuff. And it feels very dark and contaminated. And I'm not tortured by this stuff at all. I mean, I make records all the time. I have a fun time. In general, I'm very happy in my own life. So I don't have a complicated thing to work out here. But these are just thoughts that I have that have been going on for a long time. I definitely think that I really do feel this way. That's good. That's good. And that's an interesting thing that really only kind of comes with some age, you know, with some miles on the odometer where you can start to see those patterns over the year. And you're like, I'll grow out of this. And you're like, no, I haven't grown out of it yet. This might be a real thing. Well, I think like you were saying, when you're doing like an ayahuasca thing or. a real, like, heady ceremonial drug experience where, you know, it is like a workout. It leaves you exhausted afterwards physically and emotionally. Do you think that that's sort of giving your mental muscles time to kind of relax and rest and recuperate so they can come back stronger and be creative? Yeah. Or is that just, like, a nice idea? No, I do. I do think so. And I think that, like, Aya has been shown to wreck. your um your kind of neural pathways so i think it's kind of like a forest fire in your brain and so after i you know you're you're kind of like rebuilding like this neurogenetic landscape again which is why i think that it might be extremely good for brain health and why it might be good for things like dementia alzheimer's and like just like the general stupidity that old people generally fall into you know because you know your brain just gets like tired and old and like it's just like covered in plaque from like stupid thoughts your whole life you know which we all have you know so so not unlike you know working out a physical muscle where in order to grow and strengthen it you have to tear it and and have it heal itself a hundred percent a little bit stronger and better you got to run on tired legs you know it's like i i run five days a week and like i really

I'm trying to be a good runner, and it's war. It's ugly. It's horrible. And it requires, like, destruction of your body on a certain level. Isn't that the best feeling? I'm feeling it right now, and I love it. It's the best feeling. Running on tired legs is a phrase that I've never heard before, and I really enjoy it. It's terrible. And then once you finish your run on tired legs that you never thought you could do. You're king of the world. You're king of the world. And like, you know, what's amazing is that when you do it or queen, you do like a long run at like, you know, like 11 a.m. or noon. And I know from that point, if I do like a six mile run in Elysian Park, which is pretty nasty and it gets hot. There's just like there's this feeling of like of like when that's over and you know that you're taking a day off tomorrow and you know that you get to go home and have some fucking tacos. You know what I mean? And then you get to work on some music or whatever. That is probably my favorite feeling. Everything else is just Kate. I like that you're the kind of guy that you've been living your lifestyle for so long that you just run at 11 a.m. and there's no consequences for that. And that is something I really aspire to. As I was out there trudging down Melrose at 7 a.m. this morning, you're just waking up. shit what were you what were you doing at 7 a.m i was running because i have work to do john he's he's sober john that's why i'm also sober i'm also sober but no i had work to do so i had to get in early but but i do understand The noon, your body is awake in a different way. I do think sometimes you can perform better at that time. I did a workout an hour ago. I had two cups of coffee in me. A little time to stretch. A little time to do a couple emails. Post about some great brands on Instagram. You're killing it, Jason. Everything after that is just icing on the cake. It's icing on the cake. So you run in Elysian Park, which is dangerous, so I'm praying for you. If you run on tour and it's in a beautiful environment, do you feel yourself being better or do you like the grunge? Okay, do you want to hear something terrible? I've never once run on tour in my entire life. Ever once. What? Yeah, never once. You're that hungover, bro? You've been touring for 25 years. What are you doing? I've actually never had a drink or done drugs ever on tour either. What? Yeah. What?

Never. Okay, now that is the most fucked up thing you've said. So you're saying you just have group sex every night after the show. No. And there's no drugs. I've actually never had sex with more than one person either. So I'm like oddly vanilla mixed in with like some crazy shit. Yes, yes. Man, so you're telling. So you've been touring. You've literally been touring for a very – I mean you've been doing this for a very long time. And you've done it at every level. I feel like you've probably done some really wild big shit. You've done tiny clubs. And you're saying you do this stone cold sober. I've never – and I'm not being like just funny or just stretching the truth. Like I've never even had a sip of alcohol on a day off even. Really? And so I'm going to – I'm touring Europe in – But at the end of May, so I leave here on the 20th, and it's for a month. And I'm opening up for Nada Surf in Europe. I'm in their bus, and it's like – it's kind of – it's a good – I mean I've done a couple tours with them before, but this is like – It's nice. There's no UK, so you don't have to deal with, like, Brexit stuff. It's, like, Switzerland and Germany and France and Spain and, like, Belgium. Chill countries. It's a very high quality of life kind of tour. So maybe two weeks before I leave, you know, so, like, any day now, I will stop doing any drug or alcohol because I'm getting ready for a tour. So I just go into, like, pure rehearsal mode, and I'll be, like, just focused on the tour and then the day you know the last night of that my girlfriend's going to be coming in to see the last show is in brussels and then that night we'll go out and like get some beers in belgium so after all that you just get some i mean i would i would have my chick fly in i'm like all right this is where you inject the heroin into my eyeballs i'm not gonna go out for a schnitzel and a couple cold ones yeah what are you So is so you're saying that you're just is it like a focus thing or is it just like you compartmentalize this stuff in your life? It's a focus. I think that we have an ethical kind of agreement with the audience to be at our best every single night. And playing shows every night is incredibly hard. Alcohol is notoriously brutal on your vocal cords. And like I also have a theory of like.

You do less drugs so you can do more drugs. You have these long swaths of not touching anything. You leave everything. Think about it. When I was touring all the time, there were years when I would drink alcohol maybe 20 or 30 times the entire year because of this schedule. So it kind of forces you into these very disciplinary periods in your life, which you have to have because when you tour, All you see, you don't even see drug addicts. You see alcoholics. That's all you see around you is alcoholics. You tour with them. They open up for you. You open up for them. They work at all the venues. They work at all the venues, the bartenders. It's like that's kind of the payment for being on tours that you get to start drinking at like 3 o'clock in the day, every day, as much as you want. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I guess just knowing what a bar smells like. At sound check at 2 o'clock in the afternoon. It's crazy. That can be a sober thing. Crazy depression. So it sounds like you're just edging with alcohol and drugs, kind of. Yes, exactly. Okay, love it. Exactly. I like a little edge play myself, John. Yes, it's like the best. So when you have that beer in Brussels after whatever, six weeks. Nothing tastes weird. It's magic. Yeah, it's magic. Like the foie gras from Chais Panisse. Am I right, John? Yes, yes. Yes, a place I used to work at. Yeah, you used to work there, didn't you? Yeah, it's in my wiki page. Speaking of cocaine, you used to work at a restaurant. Yes. So what years were you at Chez Panisse? Sorry, we were both fans of restaurants and things like that. Oh, yeah, me too, man. So I was at Chez. It was like late 90s, 97, something like that? Yeah, I want to say 97 to 2003 was my full-time era at Chez. I was starting to tour a lot, and that's why I left, but, like, they were very, very gracious with me coming and going, and, like, they were incredibly supportive. Support the arts over there. They really do, and they feed you exactly what they feed the customers, and that was the draw for people working there was that you just ate like a motherfucker. So you're not getting, like, the trash family meal where somebody makes, like, pasta. You're getting the same dishes. Oh, yeah. I like that.

The same exact dishes. And that it's very, very common that you work in a nice restaurant and you really are getting this like you're getting the stuff they need to get rid of in a big old bowl. You know, salmon's about to go. Yeah. What now? Now, what what station were you on? What was your responsibility? So I started as a as a busser and then I was a waiter and then I was a bartender. I bet you were doing pretty well with the bartending, huh? Tips looking good? Actually, it's a European system. It's all included, so you don't get tipped. The tips are included in with everything. I don't know how I feel about that whole thing. As a hard worker, I want to be tipped for my work. I don't want to share it with the other slackers. Well, how did that work out for you? The pay was very low. So it didn't work out super well. Yeah, but it's kind of like a socialist empire. So when I was a dishwasher, I think I made like $11 an hour. And I think that when I was a waiter, I think I made like $11.50 an hour or something. You know what I mean? You don't really get that much. You get paid sick days. You get good health insurance. They really take care of you, and they wouldn't lose. And there was probably people lining up to take your job. Oh, my. They would put a hood on you and just dump you in the bay for your job. I mean, it was a good job. And also, like, amazing people. Like, an incredibly good group of people work there. Walk me through some of your celebrity encounters. You know, a little Bill Clinton or something like that. Well, Bill Clinton came in. So I never saw him, but he came in multiple times when I worked there. I just was never there. David Bowie came in when I worked there, and I wasn't there. That's crazy. How pissed were you when Bowie came in and you were off that night? I was bummed at that one. The Clinton thing I didn't care about. Yeah, that's what you say now. That's what you say now, I'm sure. Well, Bill didn't write Diamond Dogs, but he had a few good ideas, right? Bill didn't write Diamond Dogs. He did not.

But I waited on Debbie Harry. Like, you know, I was part of the crew that waited on the Dalai Lama. I mean, there were heavy fucking people. Wow. Yeah, I was just going to say. It was every day people were running. And then the other thing was like the cooking world. They just got crazy chefs coming through there all the time. So it was like, you know, because they were like really the Bay Area hub for any chef in the world coming through. Yeah, if you come to town, you got to go to chef. Yeah. And it was like an amazing kind of social hub too. I don't know. It really changed my life actually. Love it. Yeah. I mean, what is your relationship to restaurants now? Well, so I have a restaurant map in LA that has about 350 restaurants in it. All right, Jonathan Gold, calm down. Damn, bro. And I, I, yeah, I really like food. I think about food all the time. My girlfriend's a very good cook, but this is the problem. And you guys are going to agree with this, that like LA before COVID is different than LA after COVID. Like even in my, my neighborhood, I live in Filipino town, which is a very small neighborhood. We've lost some of the best restaurants that we had just shut down with COVID and they're not coming back. So that there's definitely been like some real. Like baller places. Like one of my favorite restaurants was that Israeli restaurant Nezah, M-H-Z-H, which was on Sunset. Silver Lake, they shut down with COVID. Like there's just been kind of like a, Hey, look, just incredible. All the, all the, all the ghost kitchens and wing places on Melrose are open. So the major thing I'm dealing with is a couple of Fauci murals that I can't avoid. But overall, overall, I feel like, no, no, but you're right. You're right. I think that I like forgot about that restaurant and it was the hottest restaurant in LA two years ago. It was so fucking good, man. And like the other thing too, is that I think that like food delivery, completely wrecks restaurants. I think that when you plate onto cardboard, it's like it's over. Like, it doesn't matter. There's no incentive to use good ingredients or to have good cooks. It's like, it's over. And so I think that food has just tanked. And like, what really, I started going back and forth between Mexico and then spending time in Oaxaca and Mexico City and then coming back to LA. It was like a bloodbath.

I mean, it was just so unfavorable to compare those places where you have like a lot of family restaurants and like really, really good taco tents and like very, very modest, stylized restaurants in Mexico City where they're all in. And you come back to L.A. and you just don't find the same level of obsession or dedication or even like will. John, I agree with all of this a thousand percent. And I know that you are a bit of a conspiracy theorist. Theorist. Do you think this was some type of plan? I mean, I'm not saying the entire pandemic, but is it a coincidence? This is my spitball. I don't know anything. I'm just a schmuck. If there was a gun to my head and then I had to spitball, I would say that like COVID is a accidental lab leak, right? Like that we're working on like gain of function shit. I mean, the NIH has a lot of contracts with the Institute of Virology in Wuhan, right? So it's like, you know, it's not just, it's not China. It's not like just China or just the US. Every superpower is doing bioweaponry shit. They have to. And a lot of countries are doing gain-of-function stuff, which is like you're literally conjuring up demons at that point. You know what I mean? You're really fucking asking for it. Can you give a brief explanation or kind of cliff notes of that for our listeners who might not know exactly what you're talking about? So the Wuhan Institute of Virology is like... They've had so many strikes against them for sloppy lab procedures. Of course, you probably have people making the equivalent of $10 an hour that are dealing with some really, really nasty shit. Some world-ending stuff. Yeah, some world-ending stuff. The U.S., we have admitted we are on record for defending gain-of-function research.

And that's where you're basically, you know, you're helping something like COVID jump species. Right. So it's kind of like an Occam's razor thing where it's like wet market or like something just like, you know, exiting out on the like, you know, in the nasal cavity of like a lab worker who wasn't like being 100 percent, you know, like careful. And then I think that once COVID hit. I think that if you're like Bill Gates or if you're hella rich, the first thing you're going to do, unless you're an idiot, is how do I make tons of money off this? Who doesn't do that? This is how capitalism works. This is how humanity works. Make the best of a bad situation. Yeah. Just look at this testing industrial complex that we have. Oh, baby. People are rich. It may not go away. And like, and also the kind of like the controls that you can get, like facial recognition or whatever, like there's just like things you can start to push that like, again, if we were like dictators, we would be like doing this. Like, I don't think this is the realm of evil people. I just think that this is like what you do when you're given opportunities. So I think that like at the it's a major fuck up is what that's how I kind of see it. I don't see it as intentional because. I think you don't let something like COVID leak if you're China or the U.S. because it's too unknown what's going to happen. Do you know what I mean? It's created chaos in a way that is just like – the financial markets don't like chaos. So that's my kind of argument against a pandemic. How many times have you had COVID, John? I officially have never had COVID. Wait, are you, are you, are you a not tester? Cause that's the only way to never have it. No, I, I, I've tested many, many times because one, I've like left the country. So, and then, but the thing is, is that I've never, I'm like an odd bird because I'm like crazy pro vaccine, but like seriously anti-mask.

my man i think that's that's starting to become more and more i mean that's the better that's the better way to be than the opposite you know what i mean like it's being the opposite you're just i mean five billion people have received at least one fucking shot like if you're seeing you take genetic mutations and like heart palpitations i'm sorry but you would have like a lot of people fucking sick right now. You know what I mean? So I think the vaccines are harmless. I have four shots. So like I, that's a little too much, John. I mean, you got four shots, bro. Have you checked? Do you have anything growing anywhere or you feel good? No, I feel good. But I never, but I also was like very loose about wearing masks really from the point that I, I mean, I didn't really give a shit in the beginning, but like from the, from the, from the, cause listen, if you're, if you got like mega vitamin D, in your system and you're skinny as fuck like me, then the numbers dictate, even with my, I'm 54, even running the numbers game, you're in the 0.0 realm of me time. Do you know what I mean? Like I'm a math person. I just look, I enjoy math. I like, I believe numbers. So you had the spread, you had the spreadsheet open and you're like, I'm good to go. I really felt like, I was like, I'm not really fucking worried. I'm not, you know? So, and once I was vaxxed, it felt like the numbers were just like, Statistically irrelevant considering I'm doing fucking fat caterpillar lines of cocaine. You know what I mean? Even with the caterpillars taken into the equation, it was still 0.00. Oh, shit. Oh, not the caterpillars. Some risk is okay, right? We've got to have some risk in our life. No, we have to. Life is merely a calculated risk. Yes. You know, life is merely a calculated risk. Everything we do. And if you're obese and you're like 65 years old, I would probably live in a fucking cave because you're going to die, man. You know what I mean? Like there's some numbers that like. It's going to get you. It's going to get you, man. It's not looking good. It's not looking good for those. Yeah.

I mean, I think that, wow, you've really, you're an expert on quite a lot of topics. Well, I'm a blowhard man. I don't know anything. Well, what are you not knowledgeable about? Like everything else that we're not talking about. If you ask me any other question, I wouldn't know. You're a big sports guy? You know, you're a big sports guy? I'm a crazy, crazy NBA fan. Really? Like insanely locked into the NBA. Like the NBA has been like the major love of my life. So cool. Damn. All I wanted to be was an NBA player my whole life. How tall are you? 5'9". Oh, sorry, bro. God had different plans for you. He said you're going to be a short king. He handed you a Yamaha and said you better learn to play this. So 5'9", you're in the category where you might walk up to a tall person at the airport and ask him for a couple inches. Is that a question for you? My girlfriend's taller than me. She calls me short king, so that's why I say that. Well, you're having a renaissance. It is short king summer. It is. I don't know who coined that. I can guess how tall they are. They're midgets is what they are. We're not allowed to use that word anymore, John. You're from a different generation, so you can kind of say whatever. You know what I mean? You can kind of say anything you want. When you're preparing for this tour now, are you doing this – are you bringing a band? Is it just you? It's just me. I just play solo, and I take – so I like unmediated art. I think that I take questions. I answer anonymous questions. I play – it's electric guitar with a drum machine. It's pretty weird and abstract, and I just will – I don't have a set list. I'll kind of just like – Really? Yeah, I'll change the songs every night. I'll play songs based on what I want to hear. Sometimes someone will request something. They're really big in Europe. I mean, I toured with them right before the pandemic, and some of the shows were like 3,000 people. So it's kind of nerve-wracking to stand up there alone with a guitar and not have just this blank, I'm a performer and I'm leaving the stage after I play my 11 songs without talking. I'm really...

completely vulnerable to the audience you got no safety net none yeah that is an interesting approach and i'm also wondering if the fans like this i agree no because not a surface not a surface one of those bands that that's so that era where it's like their music is actually good, but they're known for one song because it exploded. A lot of those bands have pretty big touring businesses, especially in Europe, because I think Europe probably has a different connection to them than we do in the U.S. For instance, I'm on Not A Surf's bus, so they're actually allowing my girlfriend to go on a lot of the tour, like most of the tour. So really, there's only so much... It's a big no-no where I come from. Tell her not to do number two in the bathroom. I'll tell her. It's kind of one of the rules on the bus, you know what I mean? That rule comes right after don't bring sand to the beach. And then, like. But, yeah, you're a quintet. Yeah, go ahead. And then, like, you know, just to, you know, you know how the music business is, like, the money is draining out so fast that, like, whenever I see a band, whenever I go to a show. And I see more than one person. I'm like, man, how much are these lovely people losing tonight by playing a show? Don't listen to Brockhampton. It's going to make you crazy. They've got 15 guys. They're losing money every night and stuff out there on the road. So you're basically saying you've optimized your touring business to keep the pockets lined. Because I'm too small. If I were bigger, it would be really fun to have a rotating cast of people. But the economics of touring, it's totally brutal to actually really... I mean, bands are pretty good at deluding themselves about that they're making money or not. But I think to actually make money on tour is really, really difficult. And you have to be huge if you have any personnel to pay for it. Because a good drummer on tour is like $1,200 a week. And then they also need lodging. So it's like...

That's real money. When you're staying at the Four Seasons every night, you've got to get two rooms. This is fucked. It's absolutely fucked. When we have musicians on the podcast, we like to talk about sinks. Speaking of income, I feel like you've made a little bread from maybe a Mitsubishi commercial in your time. Is that true? It's weird. The most that I ever made on a sink deal was with Gilmore Girls, and it was $28,000. And when that happened and it was I know it's not bad, but like but I have friends that have made like, you know, I have one friend that made like a million dollars licensing a song to a bank. So like twenty eight grand compared to that. Now, remember, you split half of that money with your label. So like all of a sudden you got 14 grand. That's right. Hopefully this was a self-release tune. Yeah, that would be sick. Did Ben Gibbard make $14,000 off of you or is it somebody else? That would be sick. Actually, you know, what's funny is that Ben is the guy that told me that you have to run on tired legs because, you know, he's doing like. Oh, he's a big marathon. He's a big marathoner. Yeah, he does like a hundred mile runs all the time. Sober King. Sober King. Yeah, Sober King. So, so you. You know, okay, so when I made that, so I remember I got the call from the licensing agency for the $28,000, and this was like 2010. Well, just for inflation. Yeah, just for inflation, and I remember thinking, this is the beginning of me being a rich person for music. Like, that's how diluted I was. I was like, this is the beginning of me becoming a rich person. It was very good. And I was like, I better get another phone line here because I'm going to get so many phone calls. Your first thought. I got call waiting installed, babe. I hope you don't mind. That's really funny. So giver gets half. Uncle Sam gets the other half. Yeah. I mean, I cheat on my taxes, so I probably didn't pay that much tax. I'm not being funny. I really do. No, no. I believe it. I would hope so. I mean, I'm a scammer. How would I survive otherwise? Have you ever done – so you're kind of like –

You're the cockroach. You're the rat in the gutter. I'm a rat. Try to step on him. You can't kill him. Yeah, I'm definitely a rat. I don't think I'm a cockroach because when I see rats and I look at rat behavior, I'm just like, man, that reminds me of me, honestly. When I study rat behavior, I see myself. I see myself. What are some... Do you have an example of a rat trait that you found yourself attaching yourself to? Well, I mean, I, like, I, I mean. Obviously, this is void of anything involving the snitch or, or, or being dishonest or disloyal to your, to your mafia. The thing is that I don't think that that, like calling someone a rat for like snitching. I don't think that rats, like if you look at how rats behave. It's offensive to rats. Yeah, like, like it's offensive to rats. Like, you know what I mean? Like, like rats are probably crazy loyal. You know what I mean? Like they probably like just gang up on you and, and like kill you. More loyal than any fucking gabagool muncher from Jersey. So I've been running like, you know, low level scams for, I mean, I do. Yes. Yes. My friend said the other day, like. I have a lot of good life hacks, and I was just like, life hacks? These are definitely not life hacks. These are scams. These are grips. You couldn't put them in a BuzzFeed article. Don't gentrify scamming. Don't gentrify scamming. John, we can put this into a book because I live a similar life. I'm less on the scamming and tax evasion and more on Whole Foods barcodes, skipping, and things like that. Minor shoplifting. So maybe we could combine you do the highs, I do the lows. You do the federal prison, I do the state and county. Yeah, this is a dynamic duo. I'm being replaced live on air. Yeah, do you have any of these quotes? Life hacks? Listen, the Whole Foods thing has probably changed my life. They're kind of drifting from Whole Foods. Let's get into it, brother. My brother. I mean, the top level is just to do exactly what you're saying. You cover the UPC symbol and slide it over. I mean, that's where the action is. And then it's choosing which... I feel like I'm listening to... Chris, what's the... That's where the action is. This is like if Gary Vee lived in Riverside is what I'm hearing.

You have the confidence of a head of state, but you're speaking about minor shoplifting with this conviction that I love. Yeah. And really, it's below the level of where LA County would actually prosecute you. So it's like, according to the state, it's irrelevant what you're doing. And according to any employee who works there, who hates their job and probably steals himself. They don't care. They love Bezos, but they're going to let you slide. Well, internally in Amazon, they actually... You're not allowed to stop a customer from stealing. And the reason is, is that it's a huge liability issue, right? Because like, let's say that there's like any kind of physical touching, you know, and I like fall down, quote unquote, and like, you know, and that's why security won't stop you. It's like, they're going to just let you go. It's just not worth it for that jar of wellness formula for Edgar to slide tackle me. And next thing you know, my head hits the curb. 25 to life. Yep. 100%. Or you say that you got a neck injury from, like, my neck and my back. Yeah, yeah, that's dangerous stuff. I'm glad that you and Jason are on the same wave of building here. Yeah, John and I just operate every day of, like, who can I convince? To like settle out of court with me. Yes. I'm not going to run it all the way up the flagpole. Yep. I'm easy. I'm fair. You need hundreds of low-level scams. I'll give you another one. This is like very low-hanging fruit. Please. Especially in Los Angeles. Give me all of them, brother. So what you do is you get a Metro Express Lanes transponder for carpooling in Los Angeles. You keep it on the plus three click, which means that you have three people in your vehicle. And 24 hours a day, it's free for you to drive in any express lane. That's good news. That's good shit right there. That's good shit. So you're blazing. So you're going down to like, let's say like Rap Beach or like Palos Verdes. You're on the 110 and you're just blazing at 75 miles an hour while it's a parking lot in the non-express lane side of the highway. And this is just you go to the city and they give one to you for free, right? Yeah, it's free. You go to MetroExpressLanes.com or whatever the site is.

Do you have a promo code, John, that we can give you a shout-out? Yeah, have a couple shekels in your garage. Slash Vanderslice at checkout for 20% off. Thank you guys for listening. Just show some love. Keep the lights on over here. What are you doing down in Palos Verdes? Coke dealer lives there. His Coke dealer summer is there. There's really, really good hidden beaches down there, and there's really good coastal hiking in Palos Verdes. I don't access any, like... I don't think the food or anything is, I don't think anything's really good down there, but I think that, like, Rap Beach, I think, is very special, which is just the beach just north of Palos Verdes. I love that beach. It's a really lovely beach. And PV's got a great golf course, too. That Trump course is tough on that back nine. Am I right, John? Wait, isn't that weird? Tiger Woods got into his car accident, right? That's where Tiger flipped the all-new Genesis off perks. Yeah, he had 80 on the dash and 80 milligrams in the mouth. Are you serious? He was on a bunch of pills. No, he claims he wasn't. I think that's the whole thing. I think that's why he got away with it. I mean, I guess he got away with it because of a single car accident. When I got pulled over by the cops, I claimed I wasn't either. That's a good point. Usually you do say you're not. But I feel like when it's a high-profile assailant. They like to check this stuff. Yes, yes, yeah. But if you're Tiger Woods, you probably got prescriptions for everything. Yeah, yeah. You got scripts. I mean, I'm sure, John, you've done some doctor shopping in your time. Well, you know what's weird is that I... Yeah, what's your relationship with pills, John? I'd like to hear some more. I would... This is my feeling about drugs. I think that, like, drugs are best kept when there's a ceremonial aspect to them. Like, I really did, like... the ceremonial part of smoking weed when i was growing up i love that you sat around a table and like rolled a joint with five of your friends and you put on like presents you know and you kind of like connected through this like this thing and a friend of mine yeah we did this every night in front of my parents house we smoked weed in my car we nicknamed it the dank tank yeah of course and my friend beavis he had this amazing stoner epiphany is like half the fun of smoking weed is

smoking the weed hundred you know it is the ceremony it is the process of getting excited yeah to break up that little eight ball it's that process of knowing that you have that molly in your pocket you're gonna do it when tiesto goes on yeah whatever the situation is hundred percent and like so i think that when you when you like really keep it locked into that one ceremonial use even if it's completely like Like it doesn't have to be about transforming your, you know, like, oh, wait, stop sucking. Let me hit this joint really quick. It'll make it better. I mean, and then the other thing is that I think that like drug use is best. And this is the do the do less drugs thing to do more is the idea that. Like you don't normalize drug use. You don't do anything every day. In fact, I would say that like I wish somebody I wish I wish somebody would told me that before I met Oxycontin. But thanks for the tip. I would have kept you. I would have kept you safe. I really would have kept you safe. I would have been your better angel with drugs. John knows the difference between use and abuse. And also pills are, as you know, Chris, like. Pills are easy, and I also don't – I like the rattiness of a drug. Like, for instance, I would have said you would have been better off smoking opium than doing oxys. It's funny you say that. I have smoked some opium in my time, and it's fantastic. Yeah, that's basically grass-fed Oxycontin, right, John? It's artisanal. It is, and it's a better high. It's more complicated. There's more going on, and it's more functional. It's more full-bodied. I can't toss eight of those back and wash it down with a smart water after a bowl of cereal. You know what I'm saying? What was the most like that you ever think you did in one day? I was doing – at the peak, I was probably doing 10 oxys and like five muscle relaxers at the same time. Did it feel like kind of amazing though, right? Hell yeah, it felt amazing, bro, until I OD'd. Yeah, it was sick. Fuck. And then what happened when you OD'd? Well, I woke up in the hospital and I was fine. And then I went home and I kept doing it for a couple more months and then I decided to stop doing it. Whoa. Yeah. That's a lot of discipline. Yeah, well, I'm very disciplined now and I believe that I was also very disciplined about taking it every single day. And that was the problem. I was too disciplined.

I was too disciplined about my intake. The blessing and the curse of being a disciplined person. Yeah, it comes at you in different ways. But I think that your outlook is very nice to hear about because this is what I think a lot of people aspire to. I think Jason has a little bit of this in him as well. I don't want to, if it's that easy, to quote Tupac Shakur the late. Yeah, but for someone like me, I just don't have it in me. I have no, it's either pedal to the metal or nothing at all. Some people have to find that out the hard way. If you're Chris's life partner and you're listening to this right now, add a little edging into the lifestyle and see if anything ticks. Yeah, just a little edging. I think the major takeaway from this podcast is a little edging never hurt anybody. That's right. Earn it. Is there new music out as well? Yeah, I have a record that came out on April 16th. It's a record that I put under the name of Orange Purple Beach. That record's called Death Bug. And then I have a record coming out in September called Crystals 3.0. Okay. So I make a lot of music. You do make a lot of music. No, I love your output. I love your output. And I got to say, John, you were a great podcast guest. Hang the jersey in the rafters, John. Yeah, John, you might have to. You might have to come back on How Long Gone, like quarterly. And also, this music shit, it's no good for you, John. Get into podcasting now, and then we'll go Bentley shopping this time next year, all right? That would be sick. I know you love those guys at Spotify. They cut you checks. You know what I mean? The checks could get bigger if you start podcasting. You have a studio already, John. You have a studio already. It's in the stars. And also, you're one of the only guys who can do a fully analog podcast. Of course, you're going to have to upload it at some point and digitize it. But, you know, 320, of course. Yeah, we need to do a collaboration where maybe you cut an episode of How Long Gone direct tape. Yeah, I would do that. We'll put it out because we're with Jag Jaguar. We have a little record deal. So I think we could maybe put out a 12-inch full analog. I think that's a good idea, Jason. Something for the gear sluts out there. Well, John, no, honestly, it's been a pleasure. Thank you so much for joining us. And you guys, obviously, John's got a deep catalog of music available on all streaming services.

Uh, and catch him in, if you're in, uh, Brussels, you know where to find him with our boys at, at, at not our boys, not a surf over there. And also lastly, um, you, you did a podcast like a limited podcast series with true and on where you kind of did a narrative podcast about your, your life and career story and everything like that. If you like John in the podcast form, go find those episodes on the Truanon podcast. Yeah, it's called Keep the Dream Alive, and it's a five-parter about the history of Tiny Telephone in San Francisco. It was produced by Young Chomsky of Truanon, and it's really, really well done. I'm shocked at how good it came out. So I think that's highly entertaining. Just like this podcast, it's really well done. I totally get it, and I understand. We're kind of in the same league as those guys, so no problem. No problem for us to talk about that. Pleasure, John. You can find John online anywhere. You can see John on stage. And, yeah, we'll see you soon, man. Also, John's a great shit poster on Instagram. Go follow him. I actually posted some crazy shit today. So, yeah, I'm on Instagram. All right, great. All right, John. Thanks, man. Have a good one. All right. Later. Appreciate it, man.