279. - Ho Ho How Long Gone with Alison Roman

All right, this episode of How Long Gone is brought to you by Stateside with Kai and Carter, a new podcast from The Guardian. And they are using this podcast to slow down the news and wrestle with the questions that we all have about what's happening in the world. And they do it three times a week, Jason. Does that sound familiar to you? We don't really talk about, you know, a lot of international global news items and climates and cultures and sports and things like that. We do talk about fashion and wellness, but for everything else, Kai and Carter are a great place. All right, so who couldn't use more news? Listen wherever you get your podcast. or watch on youtube them jeans jason stewart how are you this is the ho ho how long gone christmas special how you feeling today what did you just drop on the ground dumbass hold on one second that was my phone Do you have to fix your phone? Are you going to do a screen repair right now? We just started the show. No, I'm not doing a screen repair. Sorry, our guest was texting me asking if there's a link. And I said, yeah, it's in your calendar that you clearly don't check. Maybe because you have like a staff that does that for you. That's not her. I mean, is it her fault for not training her team correctly? Who knows? I mean, that's possible. There's a lot of issues out in the world right now. But luckily for me. Oh, it's pouring rain in L.A. I'm in the holiday spirit. We had a celebratory dinner last night. I don't know. The room was heavily Christmas-themed. Okay, Chris. Because we have a guest in the food community, food media world, who I don't know if they will want to weigh in on. You know, whatever. Oh, I think they will. Criticism and commentary. Are you eating like a hairy bow right now? Oh, yeah. I'm eating a picky bar. Lauren's Mega Nuts. Peanut butter, fruit, and honey. I'm just getting a little something in the system after the jam. You know, I need some podcast fuel. I got a busy day today, Chris. A lot of stuff on the calendar today. Yeah, Jason. We can't talk about anything food related until our guest comes on. So let's just. Okay.

Well, then we'll save our Spago review for after the break. Let's take a little break. Let's make a little money. Yeah, I have a really busy day today, so I need to load up on this so I can make it because I'll be working through the break. Yeah, I have a really busy day today as well because real men work through the holidays. We don't respect Jesus' birth. The only reason we stop and take a breath at Christmas is because a girlfriend or partner makes you. On the 25th, I did see today that the gym is open from 8 to 1. So that's a gift from Santa right there. So what kind of work are you going to be doing other than physical fitness on Christmas morning, Christmas day, Christmas evening? What kind of work are you going to get done? Are we rolling calls? Are we doing spreadsheets? Expense reports for the year? What do we got going on in the docket? I'm going to be designing some bootleg Joan Didion merch to capitalize on her death. No, I know that's a lie. You don't know how to use Figma. No, RIP. RIP to the fucking goat. I don't know what I'm going to do, but I just really have a hard time when a day has nothing. I had a feeling you weren't going to do any work. On the docket. Well, there's nothing to do. Exactly, Chris. There's no one to work with. Unfortunately, I'm not a figurative painter or a musician, so I need other people to collaborate with, people like you. You need me. What else is new, right? I mean, yeah, I guess that's fair. Every artist, every creative needs a bulldog in their corner. That's you. Every creator needs somebody to get them a matcha latte from Intelligentsia, and you're the guy for the job. Chris, you're so much more than a matcha gopher. Don't you ever say that about yourself. It's nice, too, that you have a truck, so you can kind of haul stuff for me when I need it, which is kind of a cool model. That is nice. And just a reminder, after you're done recording, don't forget you have to go drop off those CDs downtown. I've actually got a plan for that. We'll talk offline about it. You have a plan for that? Well, there's a lot of people who bought our CD from our website, howlonggone.com.

And, you know, we've got to make sure that Santa gets it to him. It's not going to make it for Christmas. It's not going to make it for Christmas. But we want to make sure Santa gets it to him maybe before February. Yeah, look, I guarantee that all orders, you'll receive them by February 1st at the absolute latest. We can guarantee that. If you look into the terms of service on our website, you'll see that's a guarantee. It's a feature, not a bug. You opted into that when you checked out our Term of a Year. Terms of endearment. It's so, the rain is, I mean, how, what feels less Christmassy than rain in Los Angeles, Jason? What feels less Christmassy? Yeah, it's putting me into this zone of like, it's just a bad Thursday. I'm not, I need, you know what, growing up in Atlanta, Christmas Day, the best ones, you know, would be like a crispy. bright sun, you could go toss the pigskin with dad and the cousins outside. Wow, you have a dad? Wow, cool. So, I mean, yeah, things you're going to have to get used to when you're living a California life. Christmas, we do it a little bit differently. Yeah, I mean, I was hoping I could go down to the Venice Boardwalk and, you know. have a stroll maybe dip in the ocean but it's looking it's looking like i'm gonna have to just stay indoors and finish this emily in paris season two okay so chris is working hard over the holidays after all emily in paris season two one episode in it's already better than any show that you losers talk about season one was unwatchable i couldn't make it past five minutes but season two is better i should give it a shot i mean i don't know if you're invested in the characters the way i am and maybe i don't know if you like kind of understand the the plot line it's pretty It's dense stuff. I understand the plot line. Emily, go to Perry. That is okay. But I think what you're missing is that unlike the new Sex and the City show that I was, unfortunately, I did catch one episode of that. You guys are idiots for watching that. That's some of the worst program I've ever seen. But my point is, Patricia Field is no longer styling Sex and the City, which you can tell. Guess what Patricia Field is styling now, Jason?

Who's doing the costumes? She's styling Emily in Paris. That's right, and that's why Emily in Paris looks absolutely fucking demented insane. Wow, that's how I know Chris Black is gay. His metric on whether or not film or television is good is not 100% based on the costume design, but it's... What, 90%? I would say that and maybe location. I don't want to see anything ugly. You know, like that Three Billboards movie you guys liked? No, that's ugly. Three Billboards. Or whatever. What's that other one where it's all the Amazon workers and it's depressing? You're talking about Nomadland? Yeah, Nomadland. I'm not watching that. I don't want to see that. Chris hated the costuming. There was no wig. Nothing was slang. Nobody brought it. Nobody understood the assignment. Exactly, Jason. All these people, they're like, what, like living in their car? Like, get a fucking... life i mean i live i would live in a sprinter for like a week at a time but like not like that i mean that's just crazy yeah i mean you know nomadland oh hi we're going wine chasing nomadland nomadland i made the wine i made the wine in my toilet nomadland nomadland jail wine oh hi retreat that's a good that's a good idea no but but in the first so the first episode of of emula in paris there's something that i saw that i was really interested in Emily's client or her firm's client is Ramoa. Okay. No, no. Well, slow down. I haven't seen it yet. Some of our listeners may have not seen it yet. No, I don't care. You've been living under a fucking rock, but I'm just saying, don't spoil it for us. I'm spoiling. Anybody that likes Emily in Paris has already watched it three days after it came out, trust me. So her client is Remova? One of her clients at her agency is Remova, and she came up with an idea to put a famous designer's face on a giant Remova trunk, right? And she goes to Hotel Ducap Eden Rock. uh for a holiday with this like gay guy that she's pretending to like pretending to like as in like as a friend or romantically no in a romantic way and that's a different story but anyway she's in the lobby at the hotel ducap eden rock she's got the suit cancel her she's got the suitcase with a giant fashion designer's face on it and

Lo and behold, friend of the show Jeremy O'Harris struts out and says, oh, my God, I love this suitcase. And then he poses on top of it for photos. Oh, Jeremy. No, it gets the internet going nuts because Jeremy and the other designer actually have beef, but Emily didn't know that. My point being is we need to make a giant Ramoa trunk with my face on it. A couple of questions up top before our guest comes on. So Remova, that name, the brand was used, like the real-life luggage company. Yes, yes. Okay, so was the fashion designer whose face was on there a real fashion designer, or was it a fictitious character? I can't remember his name, but he's fictitious. Emily. Well, Jason, they can't win them all. She did have a Duolingo ad, I think, plugged into the show, which is nice. Brand inclusion. Okay. But, yeah, so if you're thinking of getting me a Christmas gift, because you didn't give me anything yet, a Remova trunk with my face on it. Make that happen in the next 12 hours. I would if everyone I know who has Remova, all they're doing is sending it to the shop. All the Remova does is break down. It's like a Ford. Look, we're not going to attack American-made manufacturing on this podcast. You know my big anniversary is coming up. I told you about this. And we're going to celebrate America until January 6th, Jason. I have a feeling one of our 2020 goals will be me figuring out what my new podcast is going to be called after FBI takes you in for questioning. Look, I did not storm the Capitol. I want to be very clear. I want to be very clear, and I think that's stupid. You're more of a behind-the-scenes guy? I'm a behind-the-scenes guy, and I do send Ariel Pink money via Cash App. just to kind of support him after his career. Look, everyone does their part. Every heist, every caper needs a wheel man. That's true. Needs a heavy. And also, the whole thing, none of it gets done unless the money guy, Chris Black, is there with his deep pockets to kind of fund the whole thing. Yeah, exactly, Jason. You get it, bro. As much as we like to keep lying to ourselves, it's time we admit that, you know.

Guns and stuff, they cost money. I've learned that guns cost money. And speaking of, I mean, do we need to protect ourselves in L.A.? I mean, I'm hearing, obviously the police said, don't come here, we can't protect you, which is funny. Also, that guy that you were signal boosting, some bad stuff came out about him. He's in like a... He's killed many people. He's in Irish racist gangs. Who are you talking about? The union spokesperson who was talking about all that. Oh, so he is a bad guy. Yeah, it turns out the policeman, it was a bad guy. Yeah, that's not a surprise. Sometimes it'd be the cops. You know what I mean? Sometimes the cops are bad. Every once in a while. Yeah, every once in a while. There's a couple good apples in the bunch, but not for a while. No, there's not, bro. I don't know. If I get pulled over, I just put my hands on the dashboard and hope my gun isn't in the car. We're wading into some treacherous waters up top on this ho-ho-ho holiday food podcast, aren't we? Yeah, that's true. I'm sorry. We should talk more about just the beauty of the holidays and how the tree is decorated. Our guest today, famous chef, content creator, New York Times bestselling author. The woman who made red fingernails next to food, very popular. Former guest of How Long Gone. Yeah, DJ chef Allison Roman is on the program today because... We thought it would be great to have her back. And also just, you know, entertaining is on the brain. And I know she doesn't like the word entertaining. She, like, has been on record as that. Oh, I didn't know that. But this bitch, yeah, this bitch be entertaining, though. And I don't mean on her Instagram stories. I mean, like, you know. But not, not. Not, not. But she has people over for one of her, like, messy but chic dinners. You know what I mean? At the upstate house or maybe at the Brooklyn apartment. I don't even know. I've never been invited to one. So sometimes you might roll up the sleeves of your. sweater and i don't know crack open a lobster i don't know it's random you know luckily for us she's here to share all of her holiday wisdom um i i think though she is a jew we're gonna find out but that doesn't mean she can't celebrate christmas for money uh that is true so this is a ho ho ho holiday not a christmas special isn't that right chris

That's right. That's right. And that was all Chris's idea, not mine. I was pretty steadfast on saying Christmas only because of my faith, of course, but in a rare un-Chrissy move. Yeah, I mean, unfortunately, I think that I wouldn't want to exclude anyone from celebrating this time of year. But don't worry, Jason. Jesus' birth is always top of mind for me. I just want to end the episode or end this segment right there. So that's it. As soon as you say Jesus' birth is always top of mind for you, it's going to go. Oh, this is huge for me personally. This episode of How I'm Gone is brought to you by TaskRabbit. Oh, baby, let me tell you something. This is not a joke. I use TaskRabbit a lot because I can't do anything. You need some art hung? TaskRabbit. You need a fucking something put together? A cabinet? Got to reach that cheese grater on the top shelf? TaskRabbit. Anything you need. TaskRabbit can take care of it for you. And I mean, how it works, TaskRabbit connects you with skilled taskers in your area. They can help you move. They can assemble furniture, repairs, yard work, mounting, and more. You can search for a tasker based on cost, skill set, availability, and past client reviews so you know exactly who's showing up and can have confidence that they know what they're doing because taskers have assembled over 3.4 million pieces of furniture, completed 700,000 home repairs. handled 1.5 million moves, and the numbers are just going up, Jason. Yeah, throw a little money at the problem. It's not so expensive, and that job that you really don't want to do is something that another person out in the world is very good at doing and would gladly do it in exchange for a little bit of money. So when life happens, your to-do list grows. Get ahead of it now and get $15 off your first task at TaskRabbit.com or grab the TaskRabbit app using promo code how long taskers book up faster, especially for same-day tasks. So book trusted home help today. That is $15 off your first task using promo code howlong with the TaskRabbit app or at TaskRabbit.com. This episode of How Long Gone is brought to you by Squarespace. Obviously, Jason, you and I spend a lot of time on the World Wide Web, so do our peers, our listeners, our friends, our colleagues, maybe even your parents if they're freaky. And if you're doing anything in the world,

writing, taking pictures. I do topless boxing. You need a website. Exactly, a website that works, that does what it's supposed to do, that allows you to be creative but also business-minded. Jason, there's one place to go for that, Squarespace. Yeah, Chris, I'm over here. I'm modifying calculators and putting Claude inside of them so you could cheat at school. And I just want a place where I could have everything all in one place. I can have the SEO tools. So those future graduates can find me and, you know, I'm able to accept, quote, unquote, donations for my services that might be gray area. You know what I mean? And then email campaigns. Hey, I got a new, you know, 2.3 version upgrade. Boom, boom, boom. Get the analytics going. Raise some money. You know, show your investor all of your cool analytics of what's going on. They're going to want to get in early. And we can use Blueprint AI to make your website look as professional. as your competition, if not more. So head to squarespace.com slash howlong for a free trial. When you're ready to launch, use offer code howlong to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or a domain. This episode of How Long Gone is brought to you by a new podcast from The Guardian stateside with Kai and Carter. This is covering a lot of our bases, Jason. It's trying to slow down. The news and wrestle with the questions we all have about what's happening in the world. And I know you particularly have quite a lot of questions. A lot of questions. But how often? Because we do this podcast three times a week and that's a sweet spot. How many times do they do? Three times a week. And I have a feeling just based on the platform and these talking points that they're maybe going to be covering different stuff than we do. That's just a guess. The Guardian is not some billionaire owned. They're not afraid to say what they want to say, brother. Yeah, Rupert ain't sniffing around in what journalists Kai Wright and Carter Sherman are up to over there at Stateside. But yeah, listen wherever you get your podcasts. You can watch it on YouTube. It's three times a week. And who couldn't use more news? Especially when it's not from here, let's say. Give it a listen. Give it a listen.

Allison Roman, are you coming to us live from the worst borough in the world, Brooklyn, New York, or are you upstate? It's not the worst borough in the world. What metrics are you using? Just my own personal kind of metrics that I don't really have a lot of data to back it up. It's more opinion-based, actually, is kind of how I approach life. Yeah, yeah. No, I'm in Brooklyn. It's Boreham Hill, specifically. Yeah. Oh, my God. You know, I used to call Boreham Hill Boston because that's the vibe I get. Wow. In what way, Chris? In what way? The working class people, the racism, the shelf? We love the Celtics. Seafood? What is it, Chris? A lot of Asian girlfriends? What's going on? A maritime vibe or what? Yeah, it's a maritime vibe. No, I don't know. I just used to joke about it with a few people and then I started really leaning into it. And I just noticed that it really made the residents upset. Yeah. So I kept perpetuating the lie. I've been in New York for almost 12 years. I claim no pride over a specific borough or even neighborhood. Like I feel passionately about New York in general as like a place to live, but I'm not like Boreham Hill. What'd you say about it? Like I, I, I don't care. So you're not, you're not, Roman's not going to come to the screen and slap the taste of a mouth for disrespecting boredom Hill as we in the business. Okay. It's actually, most people call it boring Hill. Boredom Hill is a stretch, but, but I feel like it's fine. Like, In my opinion, I like Boreham Hill because it's boring. I don't need to live in fucking Soho. Speak for yourself. I'm trying to live in a loft above Uniqlo. I get that. The upstate house is like, people are like, oh yeah, it's so nice. I'm like, but what do you do up there? You don't be in New York. Well, I guess it also depends on what you enjoy doing, how you enjoy spending your time. Yeah, I enjoy spending my time in high-traffic public areas with retail stores. That's kind of where I am. Specifically above Uniqlo. He likes buying home goods and then walking around and see if there's anyone that will talk to him for five minutes. Yeah. And that's tough to do up in Beacon. Yeah, okay. Well, then Upstate is not for you. Neither is Borum Hill, although I am.

Five short minutes from Uniqlo. Because sometimes we have a fashion emergency and we've got to get down there. Isn't that right, Allison? Hold on. So you're saying if you... I don't live above it, but I live... Pissing distance to a Uniqlo. And that must be nice. What's up with your plant, Jason? It looks a little sad. First of all, thanks. Up top. Nothing is wrong with it. I guess you just don't like the way it looks, Allison. But it is healthy. It's just a little sad. It needs water. Or some attention. You know what it looks like? Doesn't it kind of look like him a little bit? Doesn't it kind of look like him? It's the owner starting to look like the dog. It's like the opening of 101 Dalmatians where you see them all matching. Okay, so I look sad and I look like I need a little bit of water. Well, let's put it this way. One of you is chugging out of a gallon bottle of water and it's not you, Jason. I have a 32-ouncer. That's not bad. This is the third one of the day. Feels not like not enough. Allison, what's your water intake looking like? Because I feel like right now during the holiday season, you might need to balance out some of that wine with some of the other thing that God provides us. Yeah, I don't love the implication. I'll have you know that. I haven't had any alcohol in a full week. Thank you so much for asking. I was hoping you were going to say today and I'd be like, very cool. No, and it's because I got COVID. Yeah, it's fine. I haven't had COVID, which is like insane. But does it make you not want to drink or is it just better for you? I feel like any illness, if you're not feeling well, like don't drink alcohol. I mean, yes, I love to drink wine. But has it taken away your appetite for the sweet elixir? Yeah, it kind of did. Okay. Because also I'm not the kind of, I never drink alone. Even in. Quarantine, not quarantine. Because if you did, oh, brother. If we did, yeah, things would be a lot worse. I'm just going to clean the gun. I'm just going to clean the gun, you know? Jesus Christ. No, not because I'm, like, afraid of what would happen if I did. It's more that it's not that interesting to me. Drinking is very social, so. That's funny. That's how I feel about eating, but go ahead. Yeah, I also feel that way about eating. It is definitely fucked up to, like, I'm going to pour a glass of scotch and watch Friends. Like, that's.

I did it once where I was like, I'll pour myself a glass of something while I watched a movie and it was like, I think I made myself like a vodka soda and I was like, this isn't me. This just isn't me. You can't do a vodka soda. No. Well, I didn't have any wine. That's why God invented chronic, baby. Ooh. No, vodka soda at home is twisted shit. It's dark. It's dark. Well, I was like, because I wanted, what I really wanted was just like sparkling water with like... little bit of alcohol in it of course so like that's where i was going it wasn't like skinny girl yeah exactly yeah the solo vodka soda it's like then you pour another one for your cat and then you make the cat cheers you and like i'm not drinking alone whiskers drink with me too and her name is margo and i would never do that to her i'm not that kind of cat the dog that lives in my house not my dog but my baby mama dog also named margo oh nice aux OT or what? OT. OT. Okay, guys. Are you AUX? Are you AUX? Yeah, she's an AUX. She's French. Oh, fuck. But Margo with G-O-T, that's not French. Also, I will say that most people don't even know I have a cat, which to me makes me the best type of cat owner. How long gone? I'm not like me. Margo and I are like, I feel like I keep it. No, I didn't know that you had a cat named Margo. She's my pet and I like, you know, not my best friend. And I think that's okay. So you're saying that you don't celebrate Mother's Day with Margo? Today, mere hours ago, I did refer to her as my daughter. Well, well, well. In a text message. Okay, I guess if it was private communication, we'll let it slide. It was a joke. It was a joke. But you don't need to make a big thing about it. You're not posting it on social media all the time. No, because also nobody cares. telling anybody about your dreams. Like, guess what? We don't care. Nobody cares. I'm a big, I'm a big dream hater. Big dream. And there's like one person in my life who I'll tell, like, you know, my boyfriend, if he's around, he hates it too. Okay. So if, if it's so stupid, then why do you still feel the need to tell your partner about your dreams?

Good question, but I only do it when I find that it is like tied to something else we were talking about. Okay. Or it's like a callback. Don't do a call. So now you're not only a cat mom, but you're also a stand-up comedian. I said I wasn't a cat mom. You're a stand-up comedian and a cat mom. This podcast is going left quick. Wow. I appreciate both kitties and callbacks, Roman. So you have an ally here. Like for the dreams, it's like literally if I've just woken up and I am. sort of still asleep and I'll be like, and then there was a, like, I'll like sort of half tell the dream, but then I let it go. I'm not like, let's unpack that dream. Like, we're not going to talk about it ever again. Since you're rich now, do you put it in your Louis Vuitton dream journal or your Hermes dream journal? I don't know which one. I don't know which one. Since I'm rich now, who told you that? That's so cool. I'm just inferring because it's, you know, from one low-key rich person to another, Jason doesn't really understand kind of where we're coming from. So I was just, I was trying to have a little, you know, unspoken kind of wink, wink. I can't even afford to water my plants in my house. Jason hasn't paid his water bill. L.A. went and shut him down. So I'm going to have to give him $100. And Chris can't even afford a window. It's tough out there, isn't it? I see that. I'm in jail. I'm in jail right now, actually. No, I don't. I'm very glad that you don't drink at home alone. I'm great to know that you have a cat. Look at all the things you're learning. So when you tell your boyfriend the dream that you have that was so fucking loco and involves your life intertwined in multiple levels, what does your boyfriend say? Is he like, Dan, that's crazy? Or is he like, oh, awesome. Somewhere between. Is he like kind of sincere about it? Or is it just kind of like, yep, that's a dream. No. it doesn't even matter if he were to hear me, because I think part of the exercise is for me just to say it out loud so that I can, like, kind of process it. Because, well, when I was a kid, like a child, I had a notebook next to my bed stacked on top of a dream dictionary. And every morning I woke up, I would wake up and write down my dreams, and then I would, like, look into the meanings of it all. Like, I was, like, 11 and 12. What does this dream mean? Yeah, like, I dreamt about X.

Like that must mean I'm searching for like, you know, and I didn't luckily carry that with me into adulthood. I'm just saying on rare occasions or the other only other time I'll tell somebody about a dream is if I've dreamt about them, but I'll never say what they were doing. I'll just be like, Hey, you were in my dream last night, checking in and saying hi. You cannot text some dude that you don't really talk to anymore. Like, Hey, you were in my dream last night. No, of course not. And I don't do that. That's it. It's over. You were in my dream last night. Oh, that's crazy. Was I hitting it from the front or the back? No follow-up questions are allowed. Just like you were in my dream last night. I just want to let you know. No, you got to read the fucking room. You're not going to do that to somebody that used to bang. It's like, oh, like an old co-worker or like a friend or a family member. Sure. I don't know. I believe in like, I don't know, like if people come to you in that state, then just like say hi. You're thinking about them in some way. I support that. Have you been to a psychic before? Absolutely. Are you joking? Did the past 15 minutes give you nothing of my personality? No, I'm just, no. Look, I'm familiar with the personality. I read 10,000 words about you this week. I'm really familiar with what you're doing. But no, I'm just, I just think that a psychic, I just don't, I don't believe it. I just really don't believe it. It's just, I can't. Nobody does, Chris. But no, but I think people, I think people believe in it if it's good news. I think they don't believe in it if it's bad news. think of it in kind of like taking vitamins like i don't know do they work i don't know like maybe but like i i feel like they're giving you something i don't know i maybe bad allergy but i i or like women that like put like or not even just women any person who's like really obsessed with skincare i've talked to so many people that are dermatologists or skincare professionals that are like honestly just moisturizing you sunscreen it's like what about the 48 serums it's like a lot of it is psychosemantic

Same thing with reading your astrology chart. Same thing with going to see a psychic. Same thing with any of that shit where it's like sometimes you just need somebody to kind of like show you stuff to get you thinking about the things you are already thinking about. Yeah, you're right. And I would be willing to pay $100 to an Armenian chick smoking Marlboro golds, you know, to tell me to tell me that. That sounds great. Exactly. And if they're like, yeah, you should really be thinking about money lately. And you're like, damn, I should be. And like if that gets you to like do something, then I feel like it's a net positive. I don't. I don't know. I don't believe it in as, like, a fortune-telling apparatus. I think of it more as, like, let me sort of, like, clear the cobwebs and, like, shake up whatever's already going in there and see what reveals itself. Shake up that big old jar of vinaigrette you got inside of there. Ow! Is that all I am to you? That is such a cheap shot. What you are to me is vinaigrette, and of course the oil and the vinegar has separated, and you've got to shake it up. Well, if you are familiar with my work, Jason, you know that I don't even believe in vinaigrettes. Oh, God. You're going to come on this show and publicly attack big vinaigrette? Because verbally, it's different. Like in the written word, one of your little Bon Appetit articles, it's different. So a salad will have vinegar on it and olive oil on it, but it can't be touching. I don't believe it in touching. Just like the peas and the mashed potatoes can't be touching on the Thanksgiving plate. I believe when you're making a salad, you season it with your acid, your lemon juice, your vinegar, whatever, maybe your shallots macerated in the vinegar. Oh, not shallots again. Jesus Christ. I thought we were going to go. Let this woman speak. Don't silence her. I'm sorry. You're right. You're our guest. You're our guest. Go ahead, Allison. I apologize. Wait, does the salt go down first pre-acid or no? No.

Like, we'll dress the leaves with the acid, then salt and pepper. Like, basically make it as tangy and salty and peppery as you want, and then drizzle it with olive oil. I'm just saying, because if you dress the leaves first, then you're only seasoning the vinegar, not the lettuce. You know what happens, Jason? Right, you know what happens, Jason, is most people make vinaigrette. Let's get into it, honey. I really feel strongly about this. No, no, no. If you're passionate about it. Chris, I know you don't give a shit, but let's do this. Chris, you can go full to Mondria. We'll be here for a while. Yeah, Chris, you're done here. Thanks so much. No, this is the last I'll say. I'm saying. How many times have you been over to somebody's house and they're making a salad and it's like wet and heavy and kind of tastes a little tangy, but it's mostly oily because they're tasting their vinaigrette until it tastes like something they could drink, like fucking pistachio. And that's not what the deal is. Like people are putting way too much oil in their vinaigrettes. It's making the salad heavy. Then they're adding more because like, it's just not acidic enough. It's just not acidic enough. They add more vinaigrette. The salad is then like heavy lettuce. It's bad. Season it first with the acid and then sizzle. I want my lettuce like I want my women. Skinny. You know what I mean? I don't want that shit heavy. No, hell no. Yeah, it's the vodka soda of salad preparation. We're trimming the fat all around. I'm also a very staunch salad spinner slut. I wash the greens. I spin it. A big spin. 45 seconds. That's just one. Then we dump. Back in there, it gets two more spins. There can't be any water. Wow. Does water and oil mix, Allison? No, because you're a dry daddy. You're a dry daddy. Yeah, he's a dry daddy. Just like his plant, he's a dry daddy. He's a dry daddy. He's on brand. I wish he could be here in the office. The trunk looks great. The leaves are green and healthy. It's just this style of plant has a droopy little droop. Look, I have one right there. See? Look how perky it is. It is a little more perky. Her shit's like standing up, Jason. I'm saying I have the same plant. So it's not like I don't know the plant. I've got the plant. Damn. This bitch pulled out the receipts. She's on the attack. She came on this podcast. She said, fuck Jason. Fuck vinaigrette. I mean, I don't even know. No one's safe, Jason. No one's safe. I need a CBD patch. I don't feel so good now. Allison, Allison, Jason, Jason and I last night to celebrate.

such a year of giant successes with this podcast. You've seen our meteoric rise in 2021, right, Roman? Oh, my God. It's been wild. I was just talking about you with somebody the other day. Go on. No, it's really amazing because I feel like what you've built from literally nothing has been really beautiful. Literally nothing. Thank you for that vote of confidence, and we appreciate you. We were verified on Twitter before. do you guys ever talk about like who had the more like oh me of course it's understood that it's me but jason brings brings a lot to the table behind the scenes and i like because he's likable because he's likable and people like him i meant more that i meant more than he edits the podcast but yeah he's also likable yeah he's also really like you guys are too like i feel like me as a single person have like a bit of Chris and a bit of Jason, but you two have the benefit of having two people to bring that together. So you have us trapped inside of your head. Get out, get out. It's hell, it's hell. I bet. I feel sorry for you. Yeah, Chris does need a counterpart that people actually like. There's a good point that you brought up, Allison. But people like to hate people too. So it's good that Chris is around, you know? That's right, exactly. I don't mind. I fall on my sword if the check is big enough and that's kind of how I live my life. And I think that that's okay. I'm willing to die for this shit. You know what I mean? I leave it all on the mic every fucking day. And I just don't, you know, I don't think people realize the sacrifice that I'm kind of putting. No, you don't get into the New York Times by not leaving it all on the mic. He only replies to five emails per episode while he's interviewing somebody. He leaves it all on the floor. I don't, Jason, if I don't respond. His head is always in the game. If I don't respond to emails, then this fucking train goes off the rails. You know what I mean? And thank God. It's true. Thank God for it. But Allison. And somebody who wrote a book about pants might not come on our show one day. Oh, I'm sorry that I booked a full celebrity today. Give me a break. I mean, sorry. Who was it? You. Oh. Yeah, I booked a celebrity with multiple cookbooks and a high profile. Yeah, that's you.

Thank you. I feel like real quick, because I feel like you guys won't bring it up and maybe this isn't important, but I just want to clear the air because I received several messages from people on the night of your live event at the Bowery being like, can't believe you bailed. Can't believe you didn't, can't believe you were up doing some other dumb stuff. Like instead of being, and I was like, listen, these assholes texted me being like show question mark. And I was like, sure. When like, give me any detail. And then they're like, see you tomorrow. It was a whole thing, and I felt like you dragged my name. First of all, I can do nothing to you. My dragging through the mud, you're good. You're good. You're Teflon. That's true. I did not know about any of this, Roman, and I feel. I feel appalled. We got to get a group text because obviously the communication is inefficient. It was more just a funny thing to say that you were upstate, you know, doing some foraging instead of joining us. It was more just a little jokey for us. I said that you had to make kimchi out of ramps, and that's why you couldn't come talk to us. So that joke landed better than the Baldwin joke, sure. Well, it's clear that it was a joke because ramps aren't in season. Oh. Oh. Oh, God. Don't take this to a nerdy place. But, no, I'm glad we were able to clear the air on the record. Yeah, anyway, we can move on. I just wanted to, like. Well, we had a, Jason, so, yeah, we had a big dinner last night. Oh, yeah, where'd you go? What'd you do? We went to Wolfgang Puck's Spago in Beverly Hills. Oh, you went out and dined in a restaurant. We only go out and dine in restaurants. That sounds fucking luxurious. They don't have restaurants in Boring Hill? No, I've been inside for 10 days. Got it. You have COVID. I get out tomorrow. There's one good restaurant called Roman's. That's the only restaurant there that's good. Isn't Roman's in Boreham Hill? It's in Fort Greene, sadly. But it is walkable for me. That's the beauty of Boreham Hill. Is Rucola in Boreham Hill? Yes. Okay, that's a good restaurant. All right, so Allison, when you walk into Roman's, does the guy walking there go like, oh, oh, and points at the sign and points at you? No, I wish.

That would be cool. It's like when they say the name of the movie in the movie. It's like fourth wall broken. It's like wearing the shirt of the band you're going to see, which is why I don't go there anymore. That's true. That's why you can't go Roman. Yeah, I'm like, if I go there, it's kind of like, I feel gross. You're too big for it. No, I'm not too big for it. You're too big for it. It's going to be like when Santa Claus goes to the mall, you're going to have to, all these people are going to take pictures with you, sit on your lap. They're going to be like, yeah, like, look at, yeah. But have you been to Wolfgang Puck's spa go before? Never have I ever. I grew up in L.A. and I never went. 818, baby, let's go. That's right. They've built like a Christmas village almost to dine in that is so well constructed that you're literally inside, but it's like plastic instead, you know? They set up like a – it looks like if you – what did I say yesterday? If you turned a hockey rink into a bat mitzvah, that's sort of what it looked like. Oh, so it's like outside. But inside. So it's out. It's literally on the street and the asphalt in Beverly Hills. They build a big tent. Yeah, we have those here. But it's like a huge tent. This is the biggest one I've ever seen. It's crazy. I'm sure it's great. I'm just saying we have them. But I'm sure it's great. Where? Where do you have them? I don't think so. In the West Village. But you know what? They're individual. So they're like. Oh, yeah, no, I hate those. First of all, we should ban all of those outdoor dining. We've got to get rid of outdoor dining in New York. It's ruined the city. It's fucking ugly. I'm part of the movement to get rid of the sheds, and I'll sign any paperwork that's required of me. live here you don't even live here chris is a shed allison i keep an apartment and i do dine you know i don't cook oh wow he keeps an apartment yeah i keep an apartment that's right instead of buying a house upstate that i have to renovate you know what i mean i don't have a garden or anything i just go there and then go to balthazar and i'm good you know but i i can do that and have a house upstate oh damn okay yeah but you have to and i still get to live in new york yeah but when you come to la you gotta stay in love

In the valley with your parents. Not that I wouldn't stay in the valley with my parents. My dad would love it if I did. I simply can't handle the traffic. I've become such a little baby about sitting in my car for too long that I don't know how anyone thinks that when they move to LA it's going to be a good idea. It takes an hour to do anything. It's so inconvenient. This is why we all smoke weed and listen to podcasts all day. You have a lot of time to do that. I get it. Yeah, I feel like for me, I'm the kind of person like if you look at Google Maps and you're like, OK, I'm going to this place. Is it a half an hour in traffic and it's two miles or is it 40 minutes and 10 miles with no traffic? I'm going 40 minutes, 10 miles. Oh, yeah. Same. Every time like I need to be in motion. We call that avoid highways. Yeah. And I do avoid I do avoid I do avoid highways mode quite often. Yeah, we call that the San Fernando Valley shortcut. It took 32 minutes to get to. spago last night so wow so and it took 32 minutes to get to spago in this episode that's the only thing we're going to talk about okay so we go to spago legendary restaurant of course of course classic a little bit known uh as being an outdated spot perhaps you know kind of 90s ish i prefer iconic me too yeah as i age i want to be referred to as iconic not yeah i've been to indochine twice in the last month like i i get it well no wonder you got covid okay continue I got it. Thanks so much. Do you know where you got it? Pinpoint location? No. There's like four candidates. What were all these guys' names? Wow. I don't even have... My defenses are so down right now. I haven't been attacked like that in such a dumb way that I don't even have a good answer. Your immune system is broken down and you got nothing. It could have been Balthazar or another party. A dinner party. Or like an art auction. An art auction. Snuck that one in. Yeah, that was nice. Thank you. I appreciate that. YouTube checks are hitting. I like it. I didn't buy any. Actually, that's not true. It was an auction. It's called Artists for Artists. Yeah, Artists for Artists, where it's...

people donate things so it was like i got like a sketch for 200 affordable art fair type beat yeah exactly i'm familiar with that i am familiar with that posted posted on the instagram stories straight into the trash can let's go baby no no i'm charitable and this is trash thank you so much i love giving back this is bad yeah not even good enough for the bathroom oh yeah so we went to spago I got to say it was a big letdown. Really? What a surprise. But what isn't a letdown for me? Right, Allison? Yeah. Jason hates restaurants more than anyone I know. A gourmand such as yourself. Well, that's because most restaurants are bad. I have to go to a restaurant where I already know the food is bad just for the vibe. Like Balthazar, I'm sorry. The food is objectively not very good. And someone's going to fuck me up for saying that. But it's just true. I know. Great oysters. Pretty okay shrimp cocktail. The steak is whatever. I agree wholeheartedly, Allison. It's not very good. But as soon as you make peace with that, and then you go knowing that you're going to have food. But I will die there. I will get COVID for Balthazar, and I might have. I may have gotten COVID there. I don't think that food is that good. is the reality. Like, food doesn't make... Period. Well, it just doesn't make me feel things the way it makes them. Like, I'm not going to be like, oh, my fucking God, it's so... I'm just like, yeah, this is good, or this isn't good. Well, that's because you're allergic to earnestness, and I think inherently enjoying food is, like, you have to sort of allow yourself to, like, really... Allison, I think you really got to the root of it, the crux of Chris's issue. Well done. Thank you. I let myself enjoy plenty of stuff, though. It's not like I don't have those feelings. If you know what I mean, am I right, guys? I'm sure. I'm sure. No, no, no. Do not do that. Well, Chris, she didn't say you can't enjoy stuff. She said an allergic to earnestness. Yes, but she's saying I think enjoying anything requires some earnestness. No, I feel like you're contrarian and not like the things that you get pumped about. I don't know. I need to workshop this. Maybe the next time I'm on the pod.

So let's say Roman and I, we're eating a little, ooh, this is a little perfect bite, a little Batarga shaving on top, whatever. The eyes roll back in the head. Oh, chef's kiss. Orgasmic bite. Oh, this is so good. When do you ever do that? for what is your version of that does it happen when you put on one of your replacement songs on cd basically yeah basically is it when you go to barry's boot camp and there's no one there to look at your dick in the locker room like what what happens where you have this like oh The only thing that has ever made me, the only art form, because if we're going to classify, since Allison's here, I'm going to classify cooking as an art form. Thank you. It's more than that, but yeah, okay. The only thing that has ever made me feel anything is music. I don't care about movies. I don't care about TV shows. I don't care about food. The only thing that has ever made me be like, damn, this is really doing something for me is me. I don't know. I mean, maybe I'm damaged. So you're like a music junkie. I wouldn't go that far, but I'm, I don't. Yeah. But I don't even like, I just think that that's the only thing that I've ever been like, wow, this really does something for me. Whereas for both of you, food is that too. Yeah, I don't think that I've ever been, I can count maybe on one hand throughout the course of my life where food made me feel as good or intensely as like a great song or album has done for, or even like watching a certain movie where like I like find myself crying at the end or I'm like, wow, that really stayed with me. Food doesn't do that for me on the daily, but I do often cook something, and I'm like, fuck, that is fucking good. Where I'm like, damn, that was really pleasurable to do. But it doesn't stay with me necessarily. Yeah, I know what you mean. You know what I mean? Whereas a song where you're like, I've got to listen to it again, or a movie, you're like, wow, I'm still thinking about it. I feel like food, it's more about a time, a place, and the food together. It's an amalgamation of other things in addition to the perfect tasting food. That's true. But, Chris, I guess going back to the earnestness allergy, like if you're at a concert, Chris, let's say you're at LCD Sounds Day 19 of the 22-show run. That is not where I would be, but continue.

go to any of the shows, by the way. Thank you, Allison. Thank you for your support. I'm surprised. Oh, you're surprised? I'm a little bit surprised that we lobbed that one to you because I wanted either a confirmation or denial. I think Allison has better taste in music than that. She does have better taste in music than that, but I also think that's the kind of thing that if you're in New York for the whole month, somebody just invites you and you go. Yeah, and I was invited a billion times and I was just like, I don't want to go. And by the time I was like, okay, fine. This week is Kind of free. They're still playing. Sounds fun. Then COVID happened. I was like, okay, well, now it's just not. I'm glad that you just said, I don't want to go. And you didn't make up an excuse. I didn't want to go. And neither do we. But so let's say, for instance, you're at that show. Maybe you take a little Molly and they're playing your favorite song. It's building up. Are you the type of person who's going to just like jump up and down and just lose yourself and just go crazy? Or are you too allergic to earnestness where you just stand there and just be like. That was awesome. I'm allergic to men dancing, as you know. As a concept. What about jumping up and down? No. Because people don't dance at LCD. They just move their hands up in the air. There's like a lot of fist pumping. Jason, you've seen what I do on Molly. You've seen what I do on drugs. I go stand in the corner. You've told me. You've talked about this. You know that I'm not going to get excited. But, I mean, I think that. I don't even think the music, I don't think that live music necessarily does more for me than recorded music, to be honest with you. Oh, Christopher. Yeah. So Oasis is playing Madison Square Garden. You're sitting in the floor seats. I'm on the stage. I'm on the stage. I'm side stage. Champagne Supernova's ripping. What are you, you're just sitting there with your legs folded on a chair, side stage, like. Great job, Liam. I would nod my head along with the beat because, as you know, I have incredible rhythm, but I wouldn't feel the need to... Do you mouth the words? Oh, of course. I'm a big singer. I'm a big singer. You probably can tell from my podcast voice, but I have a nice singing voice, I would say. As long as he stays in the lower register, it's passable. Anything above it.

Oh, it starts breaking up like our Wi-Fi connection. But no, I think that I, yeah, I think that, I mean, I've seen some crazy shit as far as live music goes and it's good. But yeah, I don't, I mean, I don't know. Like when I saw the Rolling Stones, I was like, yo, this is fucking wild that these guys are doing it. This is amazing. And then I got home and I was like, yeah, I'm glad I paid $600 for that. And that's kind of the final thought. Did you, did you whisper to yourself, this is fucking wild? Or did you like grab the person next to you and shake them? Like, no, nobody, nobody does. Nobody does that, Jason. Do you do that? If I'm watching Radiohead and I hear the opening notes of my favorite tune, I go like, this is the... I mean, I just don't think that... I think that's something you do when you're 13 or 14 years old because you've never had that feeling before, maybe. You know what I mean? But as an adult, like I know, I don't know. Yeah, like have some self-respect. Self-respect is exactly when we come back to dancing and men. Have some self-respect. Have some self-respect. So, Allison, is it a turnoff to see guys dancing? It's a turnoff to see a guy that doesn't have any self-respect. Okay. So I feel like to that end, like I love to go dancing. Like I think it's hot when guys go dancing. Like, you know, if there's like a place, you're at a club, there's music. You're there to dance. I agree, Allison. But the fanfare of going to a rock band and some guy's rocking it. No, that's a hard pass for me. But I think that's a general. Hard pass for us as well. But I don't know why. Maybe I'm also allergic to earnestness. Maybe I'm afraid of vulnerability. Let's take a break. We'll be right back after these messages. So, yeah, Allison, Spa goes bad. What are some bad restaurants you've been to lately? Some bad restaurants I've been to? Yeah. I try to own. go to banger restaurants i try i feel like at this point but what if sometimes you have to figure out if a restaurant is a banger or not the hard way yeah that's true and but i also think that recently when i've gone out to eat i'm sort of like needing something from that restaurant and it's not the time to gamble i'm not like oh i i went to a new restaurant uh a few weeks ago that i had a great experience at it could have gone poorly but it didn't um and other than that i go to restaurants that like

I know and love. And sometimes I go where the food and the vibe are equally great. Sometimes I know the food's going to be shit and you go for specific things and enjoy yourself otherwise. Like it's a good restaurant experience is so much about managing expectations. And that's why I generally don't read like hot new restaurant, whatever, because I believe it's all built on lies. And I don't really trust anybody. I agree. This system is built on lies. I'm fed up. So how do we figure out if a new restaurant is worth your trouble of going? Oh, it's like word of mouth. I feel the same way. So like the people that you trust have to say like, yo, I went to blah, blah, blah. It really was actually fucking good. Exactly. Yeah. And like people that will be honest about something. And you're like, really Aziz? Are you sure Aziz? And then it's really fucking good. But isn't it a shame that we have to lower our expectations, lower our horizons before just be like, there's a bunch of new restaurants. We're going to check them out. They're all good. And now it's just like. well, don't go there unless you only want to order the burger. And the burger is like, okay. And then like the service is bad. Of course, there's no parking. This is my life. This is my life. Yeah, there's no parking. And I was like, why are we even doing this? Why does it have to be all so bad? Yeah. Or am I just too good? Well, as I've always said in this, I mean, I don't know if you agree or care, but I think that LA is a better food city, but a horrible restaurant city. And New York is a great restaurant city with like a less good food city. We agree. agree we align we align on that and there's no there's no right or wrong or good or bad yeah no no that's not meant to be negative and it's like there's such a place for both but i think that yeah like to me being like i know i'm gonna get a great meal tonight is more about the energy and the vibe than it is about the actual food um but there's a lot of i don't know there's a lot of great restaurants i just tend to go to the same ones i'm pretty boring we're talking uh recently i had a theory

restaurant eating theory, you'll float it by you, see what you think. I think that it's a fool's errand now moving forward to order any main dish. One should, instead of ordering a main, just order more apps. What say you, Roman? I've been on that train for years. That's how I live. That being said, there are certain restaurants I'll go to where I, like if I'm at Via Corotta, I will always get the whole fish to share for the table, and then everything else is going to be small. That's a nice order. And, like, certain restaurants, you're like, okay, I know their chicken is fucking perfect. Or I know, like, we're going to get one steak for the table or whatever. But I do not play in the main zone. I just, I'm not, I don't. Playing in the main zone is a foolish game. I agree. For some reason, I just never feel like it's worth it. It's too much of one food. Because the commitment, not the price. It's a commitment issue. No, price is also included. Well, Jason's cheap. I don't know the last time I've ever gone to a restaurant and, like, ordered a main dish for myself and, like, ate it myself. Like, it's always to share. That said, I just think it's, I don't know, I think you can be a lot more free, a lot more interesting, a lot more varied in, like, a small format. presentation. We went to John and Vinny's the other night, and Jason knew somebody there, and so they sent out a lot of additional dishes. Of course. Can you even go to a restaurant anymore without getting additional dishes sent, or do you think somebody might be spitting in the food? How does it feel? It's 50-50. Allison, how does spit taste? Because you know more than almost anyone. Oh, wow. if my food has been spat in, I've never been able to detect it. So jokes on jokes on you. So, so you're not a super taster. Confirm. No, I just, I also, I, I don't know that like, I don't know. I don't think the people that hate me work in restaurants. No, they don't. They know they don't. They definitely don't. Like that's not where they're lurking. You know, they're not like line cooks. They're like, Oh, I know what they are. They're the same people that hate us. It's fine. Yeah. Yeah. This is a very safe space.

they're not listening but jason but jason did i mean those mozzarella sticks tasted great and i didn't have to pay for them and it felt good baby and if there was a little yeah and if there was a little spit in there i don't really care the marinara covered it up no it's nice to get a gift i think that it's you know it's always very nice when that happens i think that most people in restaurants now though like sort of understand they're they're a lot more thoughtful when they send food out like i feel like five ten years ago it was like When I worked in restaurants, if there was a person in the house that was like a VIP or whatever, we're like, all right, let's – I remember the chef I worked for would be like, let's crush them. And it would be like, okay, let's send them everything on the menu and like give them extra everything and like a fog rock. And you're like, that's disgusting. And nobody wants to eat that way. No one wants that. Let's send Diddy in the corn dog tower. She's not even going to be able to finish one. Yeah, but it's like a – dick measuring contest to be like how much like we're gonna crush them with like just i don't know it's like so they can show off to the diner but it's not actually thoughtful for the diner yeah and i think nowadays things are a lot more measured where it's like oh we like sent you this additional little thing that because i always order as if i'm never getting anything additional so which is and i'm already probably over ordering that's not a ceo mindset but Something you should work on for next year. Always factor in the freebies. I have a lot to work on for next year. I'll add that to the list. It's sort of like when you give somebody a pet tiger for their birthday. You're like, this is really amazing. It's exotic and expensive, but now this is a problem for me to figure out. Who is this for? There are some people who give gifts for them and some people who give gifts for the recipient. It's like cycles back to that, like the tiger. Who's that for? As a selfless person. Maybe chefs out there, when we're crushing a VIP on table 13, we need to crush them more sustainably. So we don't need to send out the tomahawk as well as the veal schnitzel. So I think it should be more of like a big old plate. Salad.

No, no, no. Well, that's part of it. But, like, instead of sending out 15 dishes to crush them that takes up the booth next to you and the booth next to them. Yeah, it's not fun. Just do it, like, Ethiopian food style. One big old plate and then just, like, or, like, panchan at a Korean restaurant. Yeah. Just a little bite of everything. That's not sexy. That's not letting the chef show his fully realized vision for each dish. No, really, a smart chef would be like. I know what you ordered and I'm going to give you something that either isn't on the menu. That's very small. That will like accompany the things that you're getting. Or like if honestly, if I had a restaurant, I'd be like, I'm going to give you a perfectly dressed like herby green salad to go with everything else that you ordered because you need that on your table. And I would, I would eat that as a diner and be like, wow, I'm so glad the salad is here. And, like, what a beautiful gift. Like, wow, I went to Allison's restaurant. She brought a gifted table as a bowl of parsley because she thought what I ordered needed more contrast. Wow, what a sweetheart. I was hoping to get a Basque-style cheesecake, but no. That's thoughtful. Yeah, I mean, listen, I'll send a cheesecake to table 13 as well. But I'm saying, like, to me, it's like you have to think about what they're eating. Right, right, right. You put together your puzzle pretty well. Here's the two missing pieces. Or I would just comp something that they ordered. Don't give me anything extra. Just take something away. You're speaking Jason's language now. My paycheck. Yeah, I like it when they comp it with a little wink, just like we gave you 11 glasses of wine and I'll charge you for like, I don't know, like three. Yeah, like we took care of a bottle for you or we took care of the first few glasses, whatever. I don't know. It's like, oh, that's such a nice gesture. That's so thoughtful and like often less stressful in the kitchen. Low is your food cost. No food waste. We've got some old Prosecco where the bubbles are all gone. Let's send that over to 13. I love when you guys use your little food terms. It really gets my fucking willy. Sorry. Okay. We've got to include this. No, no. I love saying something's dying on the line. That's one of my favorite pieces of nomenclature that I picked up from Jason. Yeah.

Crush, I do realize I've heard it before in my life, but I appreciate that you brought it back around because I think it's really – It has some chef's night out toxic energy to it, doesn't it? Yeah, absolutely, which we've really lost the past few years. We have to figure out ways to bring it back in a non-toxic way. I feel like I'm the only one who's waving the flag. A wink to toxicity. I'll just do one bag of Coke tonight, not two. Well, I'm sorry. had a bad experience at spago but i don't think it was a i don't think it was a bad experience necessarily service service was bad i mean you go to a place like spago because they got the service they got the career servers they've been there for 30 years they're pro like oh i used to fucking wait on pacino blah blah why did you who chose it and why i had i had always been wanting to go i've never been so i it was a little bit of a bucket list but we went to we went to muso and frank's and then spago back to back and neither is anything to write home about, but the service at Musso and Frank's was incredible. It's also such a pleasurable experience. Even if they are brusque, even if they do forget something, it doesn't matter because everything is great. To me, Musso and Frank is like my keens in New York. I'm a little bit... I think that... You know what? I want to talk portions because it's a little... It's too much. I think it's... I would say it's more wasteful than crushing table 13. Well, if you... I've been to Keen so much at this point that I have my order down to a science for four people. I know exactly how much food to order. I know exactly what to get, how to order it. Zero waste. Everybody's happy. It's like a formula. Alison Roman says she's sustainable on how long gone. I already have the clip. We have a lot of listeners in New York who would love to hear your Keen's order. I don't know if this is a paywall thing on your sub stack, but let's break the wall. Most of the content on my sub stack, by the way, free like the idea is like somebody was like oh great just found out about you now i have to pay for it i'm like not really brenda like it's mostly all free like suck my dick brenda i definitely don't i definitely don't subscribe or give you any money and i'm i feel like every day there's a new beautiful email from you a wonderful recipe a video thank you exactly i said this girl's giving it away okay

Quickly, you're one of those people, and correct me if I'm wrong, but don't you not capitalize the subject line? Oh, Chris. Are you on your Taylor Swift swag? You know what I mean? Are you on your Taylor Swift swag? That's the cringiest thing I've ever heard in my life. No, I capitalize. Okay. I see the emails come in, and sometimes I'm like, is she lowercasing me? And I can't. I just want to make sure. I wouldn't put it past myself, but the two. The last three I've sent out have all had proper capitalization. I appreciate that. We just didn't know if it was from your emo upbringing where you put a period on the end of a word. It's just roast chicken with a dramatic period at the end. Roast chicken like X. I think the subject line might actually be lowercase. I don't know. the least consistent person I've ever met. That's random. I disagree. You're cranking out the content at a nice clip. Oh, yeah. I just mean like one day I might capitalize properly one day. There's no real rhyme or reason. Let me ask you another question to really get to the psyche of Roman. In your phone, does everybody have a last name or you got some nicknames and just first names or are you nice and organized? Interesting question. Almost everyone is first and last name. Nice. See, me too, because we're alphas. That's why. We're type A's, baby. Interesting. You think that's why? Yes. If you're about your money, you got first and last names in your contacts. Chris, if you look at your phone and you don't have somebody's name, say first and last government name capitalized everywhere, where on your body do you cut yourself? Usually right above my knee because you don't see that in the winter. Yeah, inner thigh. Classic, yeah. Inner thigh is a classic for me. No, I just think it makes things efficient. Okay, so Spago's bad. Do you have more stuff to talk about, Spago? Because it's like the eighth time you've brought it back. Oh, wow. All I wanted to do was rant about it on this episode, but I think the spirit is gone. The spirit is gone. But speaking of food, the holiday spirit is here. That's right. And this is the ho-ho-holiday, so we need to know what your ass is cooking this holiday season. Literally nothing anymore. I had this big party planned. So are you going to do a solo Christmas morning? No. And actually, I'm free.

tomorrow from my quarantine and i'm i'm healed so just in time to celebrate but i there's a chance that this is a christmas miracle i know there is a chance actually that there are several people in my orbit that all have also just gotten covid who are all vaccinated and boosted and all just got covid basically from like the same new york bullshit and there's a chance we might gather that's smart i feel like we can yeah yeah yeah i think that's i'm not a doctor but i feel like that's okay like i wouldn't jeopardize anyone who hadn't yet had it yeah of course so you're all you're all positive yeah covid positive so you're like fuck it we might as well have some brioche well yeah assuming we've all then tested negative i don't think we're gonna There's no chance we're going to, like, get it again, right? I don't know. Listen, don't quote me on that. We haven't. Unfortunately, Dr. Fauci has not responded to our invitations to come on the show, even though he went on. I think you can get it multiple times for sure, right? I don't think you can get it back to back, though, like that. Yeah, I don't think so. What is the medical exact specific time range of bike to bike as it turns out? I don't know. But I think I'm going to go to Wu's Wanton King tomorrow. Oh, because, yeah, are you Jewish? I always forget. I am Jewish, yeah. Yeah, yeah. I also have a Christmas tree. You're our Christmas queen for some reason. I crowned you the Christmas queen, and I was like, wait, I think Roman's Jewish. Yeah, but I'm a Jew who celebrates Christmas and always has. Like, my dad is Jewish. We've always had a Christmas tree. My mom is pretty much non-denominational, and we always celebrate Christmas. So I have a menorah. I light the candles. I have a Christmas tree. I put lights on those. I love lights forever. I want lights all around me. It's a light issue. Because Jason's complaining on the intro of this episode about all the cooking. He's making two lasagnies. He's making his famous TJ's jam dot cookies. He's making this. He's making that. And it's like he wants me to feel sorry for him. But I'm like, bro, this is a choice you fucking made. Absolutely. I don't cook shit. I just give somebody a credit card and things happen. It's much easier this way. Yeah. I think that generally speaking, that attitude about cooking, like either.

decide like people are like oh my god it must be such a pain for you like everything's giving you i'm like what do you mean i have to like i get to i like to i want to it is my pleasure truly to do these things and like the second that it becomes unenjoyable for me you absolutely better believe that i will not be doing it anymore wow okay so let's talk about youtube cooking then okay has that ever become a not so enjoyable slog this is a job don't like it as much um no when we first started making home movies, we were putting them out every week and we were still filming them in batches. Like we would do like anywhere from four to six videos in a one to two day period. And that felt like, okay. At the beginning. And then somewhere in the summer, I was like, this is, I think it was like August. I was like, this is no longer sustainable for me because it's like, and also honestly not sustainable for our producer and our editors and everything like that. It's just too much editing and too much. back and forth because like they look at it they edit it down they send it to me I give them notes like it's like a full thing and then like you write a newsletter you format the recipe you like do the thing and it's like I also started asking myself like does this need to exist like I think the videos are great but like could we survive with one fewer or two fewer a month like probably could I make like Would they still be fun? Would I still enjoy them? And I think in order to avoid burning out, we just pared back, and now we just do them every other week. Okay, okay. I could tell that it was going to become not fun if we had continued that cadence. Pull out when you know. I mean, I think that the cadence of this podcast is something that we, unfortunately, are extremely married to. Really? I just think it's something that actually sets us apart. You know what I mean? In a way, in a nice way. And it's like, I don't know. I'm just, once I decide to do something like that. We're like the mailman. We're always there. Rain, sleet, snow. You are simply always there. Well, I also think as soon as you two figure out other things that you're doing, which I'm sure you have a million things lined up for 2022 and beyond.

You might decide like, okay, we're going to start moving more into this space, which means like maybe we do scale back here, but that's like a net positive for your brand building. Look, Roman, once we sign the HBO deal, the podcast will probably suffer a little bit, but that's something hopefully we can avoid, you know, depending on the bandwidth of our team. Yeah. I have too many other things going on. And if I had nothing else going on, I would still be doing them once a week. Maybe even more than that. But it was like, okay. Yeah, but it seems to be going quite well. And that's not just because David Cho's involved. It seems like you're really leading the charge. Well, everything he touches turns to gold. So, yeah, a lot of it is because of him. But, yeah, it's going really well. I think also we all sort of had really low expectations. And we're like, we're making these videos because we like to. And they're fun. And we have a really good time doing it. Like, on set, we have an absolute fucking blast. trying to make them every other week we no longer want to kill each other um but we're proud of them and we think they're fun and they they add value like we're i i find them to be educational but also entertaining and I find them to be like a good thing to put into the world. Like they're not just like a nothing. You're Alison Roman LLC now. You know what I mean? So things hit. Cause you, I mean, you had, you traditionally, you had jobs, you know what I mean? So it's like, yeah, I'm sure it feels good to see the fucking Zell's hitting and knowing that you're responsible for it. And it's like, yeah, you decide when it comes out, you decide what the content is. Like it's, it's power. I've just, I, I've never really had a job, but it seems really powerful. No, but I mean, for real, to be like, oh. Must be nice, Chris. It's great. Honestly, it's great. I was poor for a long time. Honestly, it shows. Some of us have never had a job. Thank you. But I mean, I just feel like the payoff, like when something works and it's your entire responsibility, I'm sure that is a very satisfying thing that I could never relate to for that reason. You know what I mean?

You had to go, no, but you had to go through the dauntlet of all these idiots weighing in on what you're doing. You're like, I don't fucking care what you think. And now it's like, I make the decisions and the response is good and it's growing in the right way. And that's nice. Yeah, that does feel really good. I think the other end of that and I, you know, comes when you actually aren't sure or you're like, I've gotten no, like you get feedback, but you're like, is this good? Is it working? Could it be better? Like I am the kind of person who really enjoys being pushed creatively. I love being edited. I love like... Edit me, daddy. Yeah, exactly. I've actually said that before. I've already made that joke. But no, like I enjoy being challenged creatively. And I enjoy, like, I think it makes me a better writer, a better cook, a better whatever it is that I'm doing. And working alone, you get less of that. And so you're kind of relying on yourself. And so then you become like the biggest asshole in the room. And you're like, well, is this good enough? And everyone's like, yeah, it's great. Trust us. I'm just like, well... I don't even know because nobody's telling me it's bad. It's like, okay, well, maybe it's good, and that's why. And, yeah, and also the other end of that, obviously, is when you fuck up, you're alone. It's on you. But, yeah, for better or for worse, yeah. Faster alone, further together, as they always say. Yeah, but it is a good feeling. Luckily. You've diversified your real estate mogul now. You have a lot going on. I'm sure your crypto is booming. It's a slow and steady drip, yeah. The Alison Roman NFTs I saw selling very well, so that's nice. I don't have any of those, by the way. Thank you. I don't think that you're an NFT nut. I don't think you're going loco over it. If someone presented to you just the sickest idea for an Alison Roman NFT, Would you, would you put it out into the world? I think somebody would have to be like, here's what you have to do. Here's what it means. And here's how much money you would get. That's me with every single deal in my entire life. Exactly. Same where I'm like, how much is this actually putting an effort? Is it something that already exists that you're turning into an NFT? Am I losing money at all? Like, do I only have money to make? Are we losing money at all? So just to be clear, we're not losing on this, right? Well, like, it's not like, oh, it's like a.

X dollar buy-in to get... I don't know. I don't know how NFTs work, obviously. I like that you're talking about it like it's poker, though. What's the buy-in on NFTs? I don't know. That shows how little I know about NFTs. I'm a little cash poor right now, so I was just making sure. The house always wins with the NFTs, girl. Are you doing another book? Yeah, I'm writing another book. What's it about this time? What's it about this time? He says that to every authoress that comes on this show. Oh, you got a new book? What's it about this time? Author-esque. Wow, I like that subtle misogyny, Jason. I didn't say author-esque. I said author-esque. Yeah, the pronunciation does make a difference. Yeah, that's true. Not a difference, a huge difference. After you, my lady. Chris, the lady has the floor. This is so humiliating. It's a dessert book. Oh. Oh, no. That doesn't really work for me. I've cut out desserts. Chris is a dessert person, but he has to abstain. I've cut out desserts. I'm sure. Just like drugs and alcohol. Really? Why is that? But you also don't like food, so what the fuck do you care? What's it about? Good point. No, but the only food I really liked is dessert. I mean, that's the thing. I'm a real sweet tooth guy. It was just time. It was too much. Like, I was eating dessert every night. Yeah, you're really... You're like, I like this too much. Get it out of my fucking life. If I were anyone close to you, I would start to question whether you liked me that much or not. Because if you did, you'd probably want to get rid of me. Nope, I don't like any of them that much. And luckily, I can't OD physically on people. But if I could, I would have been in the hospital a lot. You know what I mean? But the problem with Chris and being a staunch remover of desserts is, you know when the alcoholic kind of starts taking a little hit off the mouthwash when no one's looking? He's sort of... Dipping his toe back into the dessert pool, as it were, and he's begun eating breakfast foods. You know what I mean? Like granola bars? No, more like a chocolate croissant. Like, oh, people eat croissants for breakfast, right? So this is not dessert. Not a chocolate one. Never a chocolate. I had a bite of the almond one at your house, and you're going to fucking vilify me on mic for that? And I thought our relationship was stronger. There's been some other moments where...

You know at John and Vinny's, they have the little red and green mini Italian cookie cake thingies? Yeah, the rainbow cookies, yeah. And he's like, this is breakfast, right? You dip those in espresso, I thought. I didn't know that that was it. But that's not the point. The point is, what kind of desserts are we looking at, Roman? Cakes? Pies? Yeah, there's cakes, there's pies. It's basically desserts for people who don't make dessert. You know who doesn't make dessert? Spago. They call that a tart to tan. Okay, the tart to tan espago, short crust. No. Not a puff pastry. It's got to be puff pastry. It was a fucking travesty. Or I could see pie crust, but not a short crust. Got to be puff. Cool thing to say. Got to be puff. So can you give us a preview? Can you tell us about one that you're so excited? Does the book have a title? Yeah, the title is Sweet Enough. Oh, I like that. That's good. I like that. I like that your book title is also a Billie Eilish song. It's perfect. That's perfect. Well, the older I get, the older Billie Eilish gets. So I feel like we will, like, eventually. Good point. She has been aging lately. Yeah. Is there a recipe that you're just, like, you really want to nail, like a dessert recipe where it's, like, this is important to you because you have a personal connection with it, perhaps? Nailing that perfect key line. I already nailed the perfect key line. Okay. Maybe a house made pop chart. Well, I will say that the challenge of this book, the challenge being the first two books I sort of put in what I thought were definitive, easy to make desserts for those two books. And now I'm obviously not repeating any of those. So I have to kind of think, okay, but this is also. its own version of like it's not like a beginner's book it's not like how to make dessert like there's no it's not like an instructional vibe and it's also not for real pastry heads like if you're heavy into desserts and you bake all the time you might be a little bored by this but not bored but like you might be like oh I want something more to me I am the kind of baker and dessert person I was a professional pastry chef for many years and so I learned how to do stuff but I never gravitated towards it it wasn't like

like the thing that I wanted to eat. So for me, I'm always like, I just want the best version of something. So what's going to be the, let's get, let's cut to the chase. What's going to be the hit. You know what I mean? What do you feel like this is, this is going to be the one that takes over Tik TOK. I feel really good about this. Like we're putting this shit on the cover. Like, you know, not a cookie, not a cake. Like, well, that was what I was going to get to is that I've had to really examine. And this goes back to gift giving the tiger, et cetera. Like, is this book for me or is this book for other people? In that, like, I realized that, like, I'm not actually that into cookies. Like, if I'm making dessert, if I'm eating dessert, it's, like, fruit-based. I don't really like chocolate that much. It's like a cake or it's a pie or it's a tart. Fruit-based? What is wrong with you? Fruit is delicious. I'm with you, Roman. I'm going fruit over chocolate all day. But we can't just have 300 pages of different galettes, you know what I mean? No, and it's not. Allison? I find that I leaf through a lot of dessert books and I'm like, that sounds good, but am I ever going to make that? I can't imagine the occasion when I would ever want to make that. I'm trying to make a very useful book. I'm not going to get the Alison Roman's peanut butter bomb or anything out of this? No, that's not me. They're all things for all levels of pastry, baking, making, but it's really for the person who enjoyed the first two books. Oh, all the desserts I made in those books worked and I never bake. Right. And so I wanted sort of a whole book of those things that would even if you want to bake once a year and most people want to bake once or twice a year. Right. Otherwise, like. And this book is for them. Well, it's more than me. I'm looking at zero. But the Sweet Enough. That's because you hate joy. Sweet Enough, I do hate joy, except during the Christmas season. The Sweet Enough is a good-ass title, though. I really like that. Thank you. I appreciate that. There's, you know, double meaning. Yeah, there is something to unpack with that title. Yeah. We'll be with our therapist on Zoom next time. Yeah. But, yeah, that common theme that all of your books have, which is, like, you were just looking at it, like, this is what I would like.

In my mind, nothing crazy, just the best version of it. Yeah. I know a few little tricks. That was like a little something different. Yeah. A couple little tweaks. I picked up a little methods along the way. They work for me. Maybe they'll work for you. And your track record really speaks for itself. Every time I see a Roman recipe, I'm like, this isn't going to be fucked up. Like, it will be good. Yeah, that's the idea. I want someone to be like, oh, here's a full book of dessert recipes where I know. regardless of your skill level or enthusiasm for dessert because oftentimes we're also baking for other people usually almost always yeah like i don't know i i want the recipes to work and i want them to be fun and interesting and like not bore people i think dessert books like people who tend to be into dessert or focus on dessert as their like main thing are so heavy into them that it can be alienating to other people and i'm sort of i think coming at it from a different perspective which makes me actually very insecure about the book because i know that i'm not the best at it whereas like cooking and like fun easy dinner recipes I'm like oh I feel very confident in this arena and we're dessert I'm like there are so many better bakers than me out there that are making books today and like I'm not that person yeah but they don't have they don't they don't have the roman touch though that's the difference baby that's why you're don't worry about pastry twitter coming for you no i'm not most of them can't afford iphones and the phones they do have they're so filled with flour and it's true there's butter in there who needs who needs you know expert pastry skills when you have a star quality that's what we care about you know what i mean i don't give a fuck i'm on this podcast exactly stars only uh actually yeah allison roman we appreciate you joining us Another episode of How Long Gone the Books. The ho-ho How Long Gone Christmas special. Really a branding opportunity for us. So people can subscribe to your popular sub stack. They can watch home movies on YouTube. And Sweet Enough is in stores. When do you think? Can you give us an estimate? Oh, like 2023. That's how long books are taking to make right now. That's why I'm not talking about it. It's like there's really nothing to talk about yet. Supply chain issues going on. It's wild. They're like, yeah, it's.

It's insane to me right now how long books are taking to me. And you're like, do you know who I am? And they're like, yeah, even for you. Yeah. Well, I used to famously turn in all my manuscripts like so down to the wire. And my agent's like, yeah, no, we can't do that anymore. I was like, yeah, but like, you know, it's always good for it. She's like, yeah, no, we simply can't do that. Time to grow up. It's time to grow up. Yeah, exactly. No, we appreciate you joining us. It's always a pleasure. So happy to be here as always. Thank you. I hope you enjoy your Christmas. We love you, Roman. Thank you. And I you. Thank you. It's a true honor. Thanks for spreading this Yuletide cheer with us, Allison. That's right. Bye. Thank you. Bye.