331. - Molly Lambert

All right, this episode of How Long Gone is brought to you by Stateside with Kai and Carter, a new podcast from The Guardian. And they are using this podcast to slow down the news and wrestle with the questions that we all have about what's happening in the world. And they do it three times a week, Jason. Does that sound familiar to you? We don't really talk about, you know, a lot of international global news items and climates and cultures and sports and things like that. We do talk about fashion and wellness, but for everything else, Kai and Carter are a great place. All right, so who couldn't use more news? Listen wherever you get your podcasts. or watch on YouTube. I respond to emails all the time, only the important ones that are attached to money. I know that you like to kind of get into the weeds a little bit, no pun intended. the booking emails for this podcast the one job that you have you know those ones that you don't do those are the ones i get into what i don't know i mean yeah if you send me a shitty guest i'm kind of slow to respond sorry i mean that's you know it's it's a kind of a It's kind of a priority list I have in my head. Do you want to get into this right now? In terms of that? Do you really want to do this right now? I would love to. I would love to if you want to get slicey with it. No, I don't want to get slicey with it. I do want to go ahead and apologize if there's any noise. The landscape architect and his crew is outside getting busy today as we speak. It sounds good so far. Okay. I just wanted to warn you and the listeners that these grasses are getting installed now. So there could be some noise. I don't know what tools. You're getting some grasses installed. I like that. We call that sodding off in the industry. It's not sod, though. It's like a longer kind of British garden vibe we're going for. Oh, okay. Okay. I'm curious to see the – what is the name of your landscape artist again? Daniel. Daniel. I'm curious to see what – are there any mock-ups or kind of CAD drawings or any watercolors? There are some nice – what if he would have sent me a Hockney-style watercolor? No, there's a nice PDF where –

I like his rudimentary Photoshop skills. They kind of remind me of something I would do where it gives you just enough for you to understand and approve the large expenditure, but not so much that you're like, damn, I can really see the future here. You appreciate his elementary style mood boards and mock-ups. Yeah, exactly. It's much like when a designer, I can see a sketch and understand that they have the vision without actually having to see the vision myself. And also because you don't want your guy who's out there there literally in the weeds, spending all his time behind the desk on his laptop learning. You want him to get out there and get a shovel in his hand and really get after it. Exactly. What I like about him especially is that I haven't seen him touch a shovel, but he's got four guys shoveling for him, which is a real energy that I can respect and get behind. When in doubt. Trick someone else into doing the work for you. The Chris Black method. Yeah, exactly. But no, it's nice that it's finally happening. I had a great jog this morning. I hit the flow state. Could you describe what the flow state is to our listeners at home who are too, I don't know, obese to know what that means? Sometimes when you're running, you hit a point where you... You stop feeling the pain and you kind of black out and you're just grooving. Okay. So is this the same thing as what other people would describe as a runner's high or is this different? I find the runner's high is at the end. You know what I mean? Like when you finish, you feel it. So the flow state is like that's when you're hitting it from the bike and you're like, I could go all night. The runner's high is when you finally do bust it. Exactly. And then you're like, wow, that feels really good. Thank you for putting this in terms that people can understand. You're the translator. And then after both activities, I need to towel off a little bit. Oh, I thought you were going to say. Get a little blue Gatorade in you, too. I thought you were going to say plan B, but I was like, no, runner's high. I don't really. I'm good. Chris.

I don't even know what that is. No, I'm sure you don't. But, yeah, so I hit the flow state. Plan B is for sailors. You understand me? I went a little longer than normal as I make my return to the road. That's good, man. All Chris stuff aside, did you see that Sienna Miller video of all our outfits? You want to get into the important. You couldn't wait. Yeah, I did not. I saw it in the group chat. I haven't had a chance to check it out. I was just busy working on emails. But I did see you post some nice links in the group chat. Sienna Miller's outfits are. I didn't post that, actually. Are they on fleek? I didn't post that. That was. Okay. So is Bay looking on fleek or what? She looks good, yeah. I mean, you know, she's a little. She can lean a little boho still, like her heritage, which isn't my favorite. But because she's British, I'll allow it. You know what I mean? Interesting. Okay. So if it were up to you. You might put her in a few different looks, but all in all, we'll take it as a W on the scoreboard. Of course, yeah, numbers on the boards. But I've watched the show Anatomy of a Scandal, because that's why she's doing all this press, and it's like almost good. I don't know if you've seen it. I haven't seen it. I have scandal fatigue right now. I can't take it. I'm after the Tinder swindler. I had to take a little... This is not that, though, because this is a fictional tale of some... It's like a British high court. Yeah, it's a British high court. Sienna is married to a political figure who went to Oxford and was the member of a private society where they did bad stuff. And it's about a trial. It's about him being on trial for rape. Okay, so this is a British... rape procedural. That's right. And the best part about a British rape procedural is that they wear the wigs in court. You know what I'm saying? Of course. Well, they wear the wigs when they raping and when they prosecuting. That's true. Those cookie guys across the pond over there. They're absolutely mental. Well, speaking of, Chris, we were, Bay and I, we're working on our...

2022 European vacation. I know that you guys have to be out there for some friend of the show's nuptials. We're trying to maybe plan on finding a way to align. in the valleys of Toscana. But we were going to originally have Milano as our kind of home base landing point. My favorite. Your favorite, but I think that week we had some intel inside, boots on the ground in Milano, and we were told that... That's a week where the city basically kind of shuts down. I forgot what week it's called. There's something going on where basically it's hot, it sucks, and all the businesses shut down and everyone leaves town, which I think is every week in Italy. I mean, that's every week in August. That's why I don't understand where everybody wants to go. It's like I thought that was the whole thing. You don't want to go when the locals are on vacation. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You don't want to be like, well, this restaurant. I don't want to go at all. I know, I know. Well, we have to operate with the assumption that. That is obvious, but we're living in a post-gotta-go state. We gots to go. But yeah, we don't want to just go there and look at a bunch of dope restaurants that are closed. I love dope closed stuff. It's kind of my thing. So we were thinking about Gay Paris. Oberg said it's a little bit of the same in August. It's hot. It's kind of shitty. So right now, the working landing point. Merry old England, London town. What do you say, Chris? Bro, absolutely the best choice. You know what I mean? Well, first of all, they'd be speaking English already. They already be speaking English. The food will make you sick. Claire Patak is our plug now to get into the underbelly of the culinary arts. Claire, I'll fly there just for Claire to take us to River Cafe because I want to go with a VIP. And then I'll go, you know what, if she can set that up, then I will eat some of her cakes. That's kind of the reward. She'll pay for the meal at River Cafe, and then I will eat her cakes. As a reward. If she gives them to me for free. Yeah, if she gives me the cakes for free, I will have a bite of a lemon tart. So you want to be treated...

I mean, on a level above Sienna Miller, it seems like royalty. Well, I consider myself to be the Prince Harry of West Hollywood, so it's not out of the question for me. Like if Prince Harry was somehow gayer and balder, then yeah. Actually, Prince Harry is balder than me, I think. And I know that sounds crazy, but give it a look. No, you're right, you're right. Prince Harry is balder. By the grace of God, balder than you. You're balder by the grace of the clipper? Exactly, yeah. If that makes sense? Yeah, I saw my guys at Barbershop Friends yesterday. Still have never spoken a word of English to each other, and I wouldn't have it any other way. Wait, the name of your barber is called Barbershop Friends? Yeah, it's fire. Can adults get their haircut there too? It's only adults. Is it just tots only? I'm the only white guy in there I've ever seen. It's only Mexican. They all speak Espanol. They love me because I show up on time for an appointment and I pay in cash, baby. I've earned my right. I only get my haircut from the owner. What's the owner's name? Will. There's no... There's no mustaches. They're playing awful music loud as fuck from TVs. When you say awful, does that mean Mexican? Not even. Just like really offensively kind of loud. Like black-eyed peas? Yeah, it could be black-eyed peas and then followed up by the Spanish version of black-eyed peas. Ojos negros. Exactly. Yeah, I just like that they don't offer me like a scotch. You know what I mean? There's no vibe at all, and it's so refreshing to be in a vibeless place where the quality of the service is good, and it's just a great, quick exchange, and everybody's happy. It's perfect. Will doesn't even know what an iPad is, let alone how to set up a POS system on it, right? No, yeah, he doesn't care. There's no thing where you hit a button, and then it says...

Wow, 25%. Exactly. You must love us. Yeah, exactly, exactly. I hand him cash, and he says, gracias, we dap, and I'm out. And it's no problem for anybody. Yeah, it's great. Damn. I can't wait until you get the quinceañera invite at your Will's house. What if I got the quinceañera invite? Oh, damn, I would turn up to you. I don't think I've ever met the Mexican homie named Will. Maybe that's wrong. They've got to exist out there. I mean, it could be a short form for something more elaborate. If you're a member of the Latinx community named Will, send me a DM. Please give Jason a jingle and let him know. If you're a Will gone wild. But, yeah, I'm excited to go. Because, number one. I've never been to London before. No, I know. You're going to absolutely lose your mind. I'll connect you with some of my mates that can get you the best Charlie, and you guys can hit that. I can see you right now after work. Your tie is loose. You're having a couple of pints with the boys on the street. Oh, yeah. Because pint culture, I feel like, could really work for you. Yeah, I've been a member of it for decades. But you really haven't until you've done it there. I was thinking actually about going to the countryside. for which countryside the the the british countryside the british countryside yeah a friend of the show uh russell who has a company called song conditions i've worked with he he moved there he has this he has this nice pad out there and he's always like you know come check it out and he lives in the town where glassonbury happens so they give him free ticket he's like you get free tickets because the town is fucking shut down and he's like i've guessed i'm gonna go like i'm gonna take my kids to see paul mccartney because i can walk home damn i'm like that's sick that's sick i know it's so sick i was like what a difference because like here in you know in america if you live next to a festival like that Then it's like you're a you're like a meth head who's trying to make 20 bucks to charge people to park in your drive. Yeah, park like 14 cars in your one car driveway. Blow it all on fentanyl.

And over there, they're like, oh, yeah, we just wanted to give you free tickets. Come enjoy the show. Now, Russell might. Russell's a hustler. He might be charging $25 per Chelsea tractor. Right, right, right. You know what I mean? In the lot. He's not above it. He's a businessman, first and foremost. How much for the rover? How much for the bloody rover? That's going to take up two spots. So it's going to be $50 for you. I'm excited. You know, the marijuana is shit over there, which we've learned from. Friend of the show, snail mail, but the cocaine is good. Can you vouch for that, Craig? I've shut down a couple pubs and closed the blinds and did my share of Charlie in my time, and it's fine. I mean, look, they do nightlife better than we do, I think. So I would imagine the drugs, the ketamine is definitely better. I mean, the ketamine, it's in the water over there. It's true. I feel like it comes from Germany, so it's a little closer, it's a little fresher. You don't want that kind of extra powdery. You know what I'm saying? You want it just powdery enough. Locally sourced. Yeah, I want my artisanal ketamine, please. I mean, artisan ketamine, literally music to my ears. But we have a guest today. Molly Lambert. Molly Lambert, friend of the show, longtime L.A. resident, kind of an L.A. historian, I would say. L.A. historian for sure. I've known her for a long time and her brother. She's a fixture in the L.A. world, a writer for many years. I think I first knew about her when she would do Mad Men episode roundups, I think over on Grantland. Real fans of the show know I'm a Mad Men head. So now she has a new podcast called Heidi World, which is a fiction – well, not fictional. It's a dramatization. It's not a documentary-style true crime podcast. It's actually acted out by people, including Chris and I. We have a small character actor VO piece that we can add to our resume. You guys love my British accent so much, and Molly obviously does as well. That's why I have two lines as Billy Idol, which I did study some Letterman appearances, and I think I...

didn't nail it but you know i did what i could with what i had right i mean nobody's expecting you to really bring you know you've always been anti-improv and impressionists you know so that's not true you've heard my kermit the frog don't do that you know that my kermit my kermit I stand corrected. Your cartoon character works when you love what you're doing. You know what I mean? Look, I imagine myself as Kermit, and I just really get to a place. You're the Kermit of podcasting. I, of course, am voicing known philanderer and drug abuser Charles Sheen. And I love an impression, as we all know. How did you do? Probably not that great. Sheen is a tough. Tough one. Yeah, there's real stuff. Because the problem is everyone knows Sheen as like the animated like tiger blood winning like cocaine addict kind of. Yeah. You know, like just maniac shit. But if I'm if I'm playing him like in 1991, he's probably just it's just regular Sheen. Regular Sheen. Yeah, it's less fun. The impression work for the greats. It's the words you don't say. It's not the words that you say. You know that, right, Chris? That's right. The restraint, the restraint. All right. Let's give Molly a call, and we'll find out all about how bad we sound. This episode of How Long Gone is brought to you by Squarespace. Obviously, Jason, you and I spend a lot of time on the World Wide Web, sort of our peers, our listeners, our friends, our colleagues. Obviously. Maybe even your parents if they're freaky. And if you're doing anything in the world. writing, taking pictures. I do topless boxing. You need a website. Exactly, a website that works, that does what it's supposed to do, that allows you to be creative but also business-minded. Jason, there's one place to go for that, Squarespace. Yeah, Chris, I'm over here. I'm modifying calculators and putting Claude inside of them so you could cheat at school. And I just want a place where I could have everything all in one place. I can have the SEO tools.

So those future graduates can find me and, you know, I'm able to accept, quote unquote, donations for my services that might be gray area. You know what I mean? And then email campaigns. Hey, I got a new, you know, 2.3 version upgrade. Boom, boom, boom. Get the analytics going. Raise some money. You know, show your investor all of your cool analytics of what's going on. They're going to want to get in early and we can use Blueprint AI to make your website look as professional. as your competition, if not more. So head to squarespace.com slash howlong for a free trial. When you're ready to launch, use offer code howlong to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or a domain. This episode of How Long Gone is brought to you by a new podcast from The Guardian stateside with Kai and Carter. This is covering a lot of our bases, Jason. It's trying to slow down. The news and wrestle with the questions we all have about what's happening in the world. And I know you particularly have quite a lot of questions. A lot of questions. But how often? Because we do this podcast three times a week and that's a sweet spot. How many times do they do? Three times a week. And I have a feeling just based on the platform and these talking points that they're maybe going to be covering different stuff than we do. That's just a guess. The Guardian is not some billionaire owned. They're not afraid to say what they want to say, brother. Yeah, Rupert ain't sniffing around in what journalists Kai Wright and Carter Sherman are up to over there at Stateside. But yeah, listen wherever you get your podcasts. You can watch it on YouTube. It's three times a week. And who couldn't use more news? You know, especially when it's not, you know, from here, let's say. Give it a listen. Give it a listen. All right, this episode of How Long Gone is brought to you by Quince. Jason, the temps are warming up. It's getting hot out there. Summer always changes how I get dressed. I need pieces that feel lighter, more breathable, and they're just easy but still put together. I don't want to look like a slob. That's why I keep coming back to Quince. They focus on high-quality essentials that feel and look amazing. Breathable linen and soft organic cottons. Well-made basics but without the luxury markups. That rare balance where everything feels elevated.

but still effortless. Yeah, Chris, linen season is here. I wore a linen blazer to dinner a few nights ago in the warm California sun. But, you know, you got that Italy trip coming up this summer and quality European linen pants and shirts. Upgrade that look starting at just $34. You know, if you get a nice linen suit, a little t-shirt underneath it, some chill shoes, you're looking good, but you're staying cool. The inside of your special areas are nice and dry as you turn up with your besties. So elevate that summer wardrobe. Go to quince.com slash how long for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns, even on a nice holiday now available in Canada. That is Q-U-I-N-C-E dot com slash how long. That'll get you free shipping and 365 day returns. Quince punto com slash how long. Not unlike the comedy work of Bill Maher, Molly likes to puff a little bit before she goes on a hot mic. Is that right, Molly? Yeah, I'm just like Bill Maher. I just saw he has a new special and that it's called adulting. Yes, it is. I actually caught a little bit of it yesterday. No, not no, Bill. No, Bill. Don't worry. He's making fun of people that say adulting. He's not an adulting supporter. I don't care. You shouldn't name it that. You shouldn't name it that. It's misleading to the customer. Every time I see it on the HBO app, it makes me just close the HBO app. The HBO app shuts down. You can't help it. I mean, there's a lot of, I mean, obviously Bill Maher is Bill Maher, but there are some similarities of what Chris and I complain about. I think the line with adulting is like, people will say like, I made a dentist appointment, hashtag adulting. Just doing normal kind of menial chores throughout the day has become something that we have to congratulate ourselves for. No one should ever say adulting, including me right now. Of course not. Of course not. I should get air horned off the show for even saying it out loud. We, you know, it's my gym that I go to. There's a coffee shop that's owned by the same people. It's in the bottom floor and the gym is in the top. And there was a sandwich board outside that said like.

get yourself a coffee hashtag adulting for a while. I think that's because babies shouldn't drink coffee. I guess that the caffeine is probably not great for children or toddlers, but it really would put me in a mood, and I think it helped me take it out on the weights. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, you were like, I'm going to put on my big girl pants today and drink. Coffee? I'm going to have a pistachio milk cortado and really put some weight on the board. That was my plan. That's fire. That sign consistently changes, and adulting is not the worst thing that it said. So they're going to scrape the adulting away in just a couple weeks, and it's going to say something involving May the 4th be with you, I'm assuming? Yes, exactly. Nobody likes May the Fourth be with you, right, Molly? We got Cinco de Mayo coming up right after that. You know it's about to be a movie on the sign. Oh, yeah. I would kick it. That makes me want to kick a sign over. I mean, unfortunately, I know the proprietor, or I would do some light vandalism. Hopefully the proprietor is listening to this podcast right now, and they're kind of sulking over to the chalkboard and kind of solemnly wiping that message away. I mean, it's probably some... Poor coffee drone who's, you know, the manager's like, hey, I've got a funny idea. And then some poor schmuck has to go outside and write. Which one of you pussies has the best handwriting? Exactly. Yeah, there's definitely people that work at this coffee shop that are taking improv classes. I can't confirm that, but I feel it in my bones when I walk by. Oh, of course. Oh, I mean. I mean, you're at a gym in Hollywood. I was going to say, are you in Hollywood? Then, yeah, your barista has a UCB. Class, they'd like to sell you. Did you ever barista, Molly? No, but I worked at Trader Joe's. What? Oh, yeah, I forgot about that. How long ago was that? Wait, the one across from Gelson's? Oh, yeah, the one. The one and also where there was that infamous police chase shootout. Yeah, where the cops killed my friend and sister.

Yeah, shit, I forgot about it. That was like years ago at this point, or no? It was maybe like three years ago. It was a few years ago, but just time has also collapsed into nothingness. You know, I like kind of, I'm good at like a service job. I like being like, hey, how you doing today? I was great at the Trader Joe's thing where you ask people about themselves. Because that's like a mandate, correct? Yeah, and it's really funny to me because people are always like, well, the Trader Joe's person just really wanted to know about my shirt. You can tell when it's faking or not. Right, well, it's just like, oh, do you think the strippers are in love with you? Yeah, it's the same. The produce chick at Trader Joe's is really into me. Not unlike a stripper, Molly, have you ever maybe had a crush on a customer and texted them, hey, Come see me tonight. I'm working tonight. You know what, though? I'm giving out some coffee samples. I kind of thought, I think, because that was like when I thought I would meet somebody maybe working at Trader Joe's. But then you forget that people don't treat you like a person when you're working a service job. They're kind of like, you are a piece of furniture that I give money to. But also, married people and people in serious relationships go to Trader Joe's. before they have their little, like, picnics. If you want to meet single people, you have to go to Vons at 9 p.m. Single men go to Vons at, like, 9.30 to buy a rotisserie chicken. I'm going to get you an Albertsons at 8.45, motherfucker. I think the rotisserie chicken at 9 p.m. set. is kind of single for a reason. Yeah, there's some other red flags there. There's some other red flags. It's a good meal, actually. It is a great meal. Oh, of course. I've been loving Yvonne's Pavilion's rotisserie chicken. This is an attack on low... America runs on that, not Dunkin'. This is not an attack on low-grade rotisserie chickens. This is more of an attack on the kind of person that's buying that alone, dinner alone at 9 p.m., I think is the issue. Well, that's the meat market. Oh, I see what you did there. I mean...

Trader Joe's does seem – I'm not into it. It's too cheap for me. But I do – I do – I've been there. I've honestly only been to Trader Joe's a handful of times in my life because we didn't – I didn't – Atlanta, where I grew up, we didn't have them. And it was like a novelty because I was like vegan in high school and like in my early 20s. So like when I first came to L.A., I was like, holy shit, this is crazy. But I know everybody has their favorite Trader Joe's in-house brand products. I want to know where Chris shops that Trader Joe's is to. He was down there at Publix, Kroger's. Publix is number one in the South. The Kroger that I live near was unfortunately nicknamed Murder Kroger because of some shootings. Because they killed it on customer service? Exactly. And then they also had a Disco Kroger. uh in atlanta because it was it was the original location that's like our rock and roll ralphs right molly that's what i was just gonna say yeah exactly yeah exactly and then no but in la i shop at air one and whole foods okay well that's what i would imagine for you but just so you know a little bit of trader joe's customer service coming back in trader joe's is cheap because it's all in-house brands you're cutting out the middleman you're cutting out the middleman that's their slogan it's like you they don't have to pay for the trucks that bring food, and that's the reason food gets marked up at other grocery stores is because they have to pay someone to take it to the grocery store. Supply chain issues don't affect Joe. Molly, you know, I expected a lot of things from you. Women's planning supply chain is not one of them, and I appreciate every second of that. That's good information. I come here to talk condescendingly down to male podcasters. That's my brand. That's obviously what gets us on Chubb, as they say, Molly. Well, you know, speaking of Trader Joe's being very inexpensive, I literally went there yesterday to buy some ice cream. This is a real thing that happened. They rang me up and I looked at the price and I was like, oh, wow, this is fucking cheap. And then the cashier goes, oh, wait, I accidentally rung your ice cream up twice. What? It was, I mean, Trader Joe's, if you're used to shopping at Whole Foods or Erwan or whatever, like.

Trader Joe's is alarmingly cheap. It's like half the price. And also, a great place to buy flowers on the cheap, too. I knew that. I knew the flower thing. What kind of ice cream did you get? It was just like a pint of plain vanilla. Oh, nice. He's a purist, Molly. You know, these foodie types, they kind of like to break things down to their initial elements. But I love when a foodie is like, actually, vanilla is the best flavor. Everybody likes it for a reason. Of course, that's his dumb ass. That's me. Haagen-Dazs vanilla is the ultimate. If you're a real foodie, the best omelet, butter and salt. Let's see what you can do with that. I don't want you to hide behind your fucking manchego, you know what I mean? Wow, spoken like a true tall white guy. Oh, you know the thing everyone likes? It's the best, actually. Why do you say that? That's false. That's false. I mean, how many people go to fucking Baskin-Robbins and are like, mmm, vanilla? Everyone gets a flavor. No, you're right. You're right. You know what? Vanilla is the unsung hero flavor. I just had a piece of pie. I went to Philippe's and got the pie there, which I've never gotten, and they gave me, like, they were like, you want the ice cream? I said, of course, yes. They gave me the biggest scoop of vanilla ice cream, and I was like, you know what? This is perfect. I wouldn't want a different flavor of ice cream on pie. Exactly. Now, Philippe's is the French dip restaurant, correct? Yeah. Okay, so is the pie also a well-known dish there, or is this just you had a little sweet tooth? We were just going to meet somebody, and then I was like, oh, pie, because I didn't want a French dip. I'd already eaten dinner. Did you have a cup of coffee with that pie, or did you just go water? No, I just went water. If I had a cup of coffee at... 10 p.m. You strike me as the type to have a night coffee. No, I'm like a naturally nocturnal person, so the coffee is extraneous. No necessito. Yeah. I famously wasn't allowed to have soda after 8 p.m. when I was a kid. You'd be too lit? Too hyphy. Doctor said I'm a little too hyphy, unfortunately. Yeah, doctor diagnosed me with excessive hyphiness.

Damn, we need to get her to the ICU. She's too hyphy. Dr. E-40. Yeah, Dr. E-40, come to the emergency room now. What kind of pie was it, if you don't mind me asking? You can tell Chris hasn't eaten dessert in a few years because he has a lot of questions about this pie. They don't sell it. gelatinous pie at Erewhon? Oh, they do. It's $14 a slice. The blueberry is quite good. I like their gluten-free carrot cake. It's not warm. And if you want ice cream, it'll be an extra $10, maybe $15, depending on what you choose. Is it like raw pie? I got cherry, obviously. Classic. Does Philippe still have sawdust on the floor? I mean, it feels like it does. There's like a room that is... Circus themed. There's a room that's like, over here, the clowns and train room. Okay, I'm listening. The last time I was there, Chris often on this show will complain about dogs in general, especially dogs, you know, dogs on the plane, dogs at the restaurant, blah, blah, blah. I don't disagree with him in a lot of ways, but one time I was at Philippe's and they had the sawdust all over the floor and there were these two kind of big, lassie-style sheep dogs. And they were just kind of rolling around in the sawdust as like 100 people are eating lunch. And it was at that moment where I was like, I get it now. Like, this is so fucking wrong. I had so much dog. When the dog hair is in your mouth and it's long, it's like a five incher. Yeah, that's not great. I mean, I don't understand. So the French dip, I don't eat meat, Molly. I haven't eaten meat in a very long time. So the French dip. It really appeals to me. It really looks delicious. But what are you actually dipping it in? You dip it in gravy. Technically, it's an au jus, which is a gravy that has... It's kind of a nude gravy. It hasn't been set with flour or a cornstarch or something. Oh, thank you for knowing that. Yeah, it's like a thin gravy. It's not a thick gravy. It's lighter. Yeah, it looks like a little bit... It's just meat juice. You know what? I feel like if you made a vegetarian French dip...

You'd be the richest man alive, I think. I think you can get there pretty close, Chris. I had no idea that you fantasize about a seitan or a tempeh-based French dip. I can easily whip one of these up for you, big fella. Honestly, I don't know why. It appeals to me more than like... The smoked meat, like Jewish deli sandwiches that are stacked too high. Like that does nothing for me because it just looks, it's just too much. You don't like an egregious corned beef on rye. Too high. I mean, how do you eat that? It's honestly crazy. I'll tell you how you eat it, Chris. Very carefully. Yeah, it's just like when the burgers got so out of hand. I'm like, you can't even, you can't eat this. There's too many toppings. The umami burger era. Oh, shit. Shit. You know, RIP to Space 1520. It has finally closed, Molly. I know you've got to pour one out for that. Oh, yeah. Well, Mommy Burger, what a simpler time, right? Oh, my God. People lining up around the block not knowing a pandemic is coming. Great flashback. I mean, you're not willing to die for an umami burger? That's on you. I don't know if I ever... I definitely ate there, but I remember the veggie burger wasn't... It's like Shake Shack. The veggie burger's bad. Oh, yeah. I don't like Shake Shack in general. I know that's like slander to East Coast people. I also... Hell, yeah. I agree, Lambert. Shake Shack sucks ass. I also think In-N-Out's a little overrated. I was going to make my argument. I'm also... I don't eat red meat, but when I did, I think Fat Burger is the best. And I like Tommy's. I'm a big Tommy's guy. Okay. I'm with you on the Tommy's. Tommy's is the one near Larchmont? There's just like a million of them. Oh, there's a million of them. Okay, okay. I'm sorry. Oh, you're thinking of Astro. Tommy's is known as the In-N-Out, but it got chili on it. If In-N-Out had chili, that's what Tommy Burger is. And a lot of true LA heads agree with you that Tommy's is kind of low-key. The one. Yeah, there's more of them, so it doesn't have the In-N-Out thing where you have to be in a super long line forever, but... There's not more Tommieses. Come on. Yeah, there are, because In-N-Out is, like, purposefully scarce, so that you have to wait in a line. Purposefully scarce is nice. It is purposefully scarce, but I think there's more In-N-Outs in the greater Los Angeles area than in Tommies. But that's a different podcast altogether. Look, what I'm saying about Tommies is Tommies...

puts chili on everything as a default. If you don't want chili on something, you have to say it like five times. You have to be like, give me the thing, but no chili, and then you might still get chili. The same way that Kush is my cologne, at Tommy's, chili is their ketchup. It's just implied that you're going to get it. Damn. That's a heavy – that's a nap-inducing kind of vibe. I've never eaten Tommy Burger anytime before 3.45 a.m. That's right. That's the only time – like whenever I drive by and I see like construction workers eating it for lunch at 11.45, I'm like – You have to use a port-a-potty for the next 11 hours of the day. You've got the rest of the day ahead of you. Nothing good is going to happen for eating Chili Fries Chili Burger. I have dragged him into this high-end world. Erwan is my roach coach. I have dragged him into this high-end world of podcasting. If it wasn't for me, he would be fixing your garage door right now, and he would be happy about it. Yeah, once I met Chris and started podcasting, it was like the first time you get a Chanel bag or something. You're like... oh, fuck, it's like a whole world, you know? Oh, you went up in lifestyle? Oh, that's right. Yeah, exactly. He realized how good life could be, and that's something that I don't really get thanked for enough, if you ask me, but it's fine because, you know, I love him and it's okay. I just want him happy. We're working on it through different therapy options. BetterHelp, stuff like that. Yeah, check out BetterHelp. Ketamine therapy. Molly, are you a big chiefer? What does that mean? I think you know exactly what it means. I mean, you smoke hella kush. Oh, yeah. Yeah. I was like, am I a fan of the Kansas City Chiefs? Kansas City Chiefs. So you like their logo, Molly? No, I, yeah, I'm a big stoner. I do not really drink alcohol, not for any particular reason. I just, I get sleepy. Right. But are you like waking and baking or are you only chiefing after dark?

I'm a little bit waking and beaking. Oh, okay, okay. I smoke like a very low THC. Pussy. Like all day. Oh, okay. I'm back. All right, Snoop. All right, Snoop. I do the hippie speedball, which is... Oh, that was my favorite back in my day. Old brew and weed, but it doesn't get you that high. It doesn't really get you high. And I'm just like a high-functioning stoner, so it's like I overpower being stoned with my brain. There we go. There we go. I always tell people that who are like, oh, I can't smoke. I smoked once. I got paranoid. I'm like... You know, nobody benches 500 pounds the first time. You have to push through. That's right. That's right. You know, it's a challenge. And then once you pass that, you get to enjoy the spoils of your labor. This is how you get people to do ketamine therapy with you. You're just like, just a little bit. And then you just keep going. I'm not a big subscriber to just a little bit. So you said that you smoke specifically a low THC strain. Is there a... Is there an exact strain that you order and purchase by name? Oh, no, I just buy the cheap shit. Oh, okay. So do they know you at Cookies, or does the security guard dap you up, or do you have to show your ID still at Cookies? Oh, I have to show my ID. So do they call you Midi Lambert instead of Molly because you're always smoking that mid? Yeah, exactly. That's my nickname. You're an idiot. Do you find, like, as a big schmoker, do you miss the days of calling a classic drug dealer? Or do you like going into your local store that looks like an Apple store? I mean, it's so much easier. I'm not going to say I don't sometimes think about when I had to drive to Encino and wait at a gas station for a guy dressed like Eminem. It's cute. Tell me some weed. There's pros and cons. I mean, I don't like it when I'm driving down La Brea at 10 o'clock and there's the guy wearing a bulletproof vest outside. Yeah, I don't love the weed store aesthetic because I hate the Apple store aesthetic, so I don't love that weed stores are like Apple stores. It should be more like a Cracker Bell.

when they first opened weed stores, some of them were very much like just a scary door, you know, like a terrifying. I remember I went to get like a, when they were still making you get a doctor's note, there was one where I like went into this like terrifying, just like metal, you know, locks behind you door downtown somewhere. And then it was just like, they pulled up, they pulled the person up on like FaceTime. They're just like, here's the doctor, and it just pulls him up on a screen, and he's like, okay, yeah, you can have some weed. I love it. It's like the doctor on the Simpsons. Very much, yeah. You're anxious, right, Molly? Yeah, okay. We can bless you with this. I had never been into a legal weed store until like a couple weeks ago because I had to purchase some vittles for my girl's dad who was visiting. it just it just it just shocked me like it was fucking popping with like tourists and like it was all so pro and like the woman was so like i didn't the woman was so confused that i knew so little she was like i was like asking her questions and she was looking at me like yeah you fucking idiot we've got like 40 of those like which one do you want was the vibe you know and i was just i was just like i don't i don't appreciate being treated like this But then when I went to check out, I didn't think they were able to take cards. I thought the whole thing was it was cash only. Oh, it depends. Depends on the store. Okay. Okay. Yeah, I learned that. So I paid with a card just to see. I was, of course, prepared with cash. But I paid with a card just to see what the vibe was. And they did this weird thing where they round up. And then give you the change in cash? Oh, yeah, yeah. That happened to me yesterday. Do you know what the purpose of that is? Oh, I'm sure it's shady. Okay, yeah, I liked it. I liked it. I thought it was cool they gave me $1.65 back. Yes, under the table slightly. You get that $1.60 to go spend on some malt balls for your girl's dad.

I was able to get a single Diet Coke with that, so thank you to Sweet Flower. Oh, nice. Yeah, and there must be some kind of weird backdoor thing where when you pay with card, it's through some type of different payment system. I'm not exactly sure. Yeah, there must be some weed-trepreneur. Yeah, there's a green-trepreneur workaround kind of thing. I mean, I'm cool with that. I mean, I was fine with it. I just didn't. I was like, why are you giving me money? I don't understand. But the whole. We don't have this in Georgia. Exactly. Back where I come from. Exactly. I had to meet you at the Citgo. Yeah, I was. I just think that the whole thing has gotten too crazy and that people will. I mean, it's too easy. That's the problem. Or I think that we would see a return to the classic drug dealer. But I've heard the prices have gone crazy. For regular drug dealers or for... No, I was told that legal weed prices get kind of high and people are like, I could just... Well, they do get high. They get so high that it makes you be like, should I just get a regular drug dealer? I do know some people who just grow weed. I do think there will be an artisanal return. To regular weed dealers. Because I saw it. Jason and I were privy to a drug menu recently that a friend shared with us, a drug menu that he was given. And it was, I've never been more triggered in my five years of sobriety. I was absolutely vibrating with excitement. something to buy that I can't get. Exactly. Exactly. It was the supreme effect. It was just, but it had like details that aren't necessary, but that make you want it more. Wait, also like what kind of drugs are we talking? Every drug you could think of Molly. Chris was probably, it was bittersweet because he was like, I can't do any of these drugs, but. you were also kind of proud maybe of drugs and drug dealers in general of like how far they've come. Because it was just like a nice, like well-written kind of outline email copy of just like, here's the Xanax we have. Here's the farm it's being sourced from. Here's what we fed it.

here's our ketamine it's from this country with this region with this extraction method yeah and you're like wow holy shit like i don't know what any like a wine list for kind of honestly kind of and it was just i guess i shouldn't be surprised that exists but yeah i would also even though i don't do ketamine i would be very You would be on Chubb, as Jason would say. Yeah, I'd be on Chubb. That somebody thought I was cool enough. I remember actually one time my pot dealer, my last pot dealer ever, was like, you seem like you know where to get pills. And I was like, wow, I don't really, but I love that the sketchiest person I know thinks. I'm the sketchiest person they know. He's like, you're Jewish, right? What antidepressants can you get? So you have a line to that Wellbutrin. My guys are kind of fiending out here for that. The streets are talking. They need it. Well, Molly, the streets are also talking about hats. We were talking earlier. You proclaim to me that you believe that kind of just. Kooky, funky, fun hats are making a comeback. Is that fair to say? Boy, are they. I mean, it's mostly a Gen Z phenomenon. Have you read this, Chris? Have you read this on GQ or anything? I've seen it, and the knitted ones are very popular. A knitted hat? Like a beanie? No, Molly, you know what I'm talking about. It's kind of like a pussy hat adjacent. It's like a crochet hat. Yeah, it's definitely worn by pussies, if that's what you mean. Oh, Chris, come on. Oh, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I got confused. there i noticed it i went to a show in highland park well that's your first mistake okay yeah i just noticed an uptick in hats i saw just people are coming back out and it seemed what i've noticed is that it's like norm core i think is over people are no longer wearing your generic baseball hats now they're wearing like kooky silly hats statement statement hats if you will statement hats i will say they're splashing out splashing out like the

The Silver Lake classic sort of like stupid idiots wearing a big cowboy hat type thing is fully back, fully back. I think that's the ultimatum effect. I don't know if you watched the program, but a gentleman named Colby was wearing a cowboy hat on the show, but that was based in Texas. So I think it feels more endemic to those people. But you're saying that we could see a Father John Misty type strolling down. strolling down Silver Lake Boulevard in a 10-gallon. Yeah, absolutely. Well, I think that's the thing, is like the Silver Lake hat that you're talking of, it's not exactly a cowboy hat. Yeah, it's kind of like flat. I don't know what to call it exactly. Oh, no, that's called, yes, yes, that's called a big stupid hat, as you said earlier. Yeah, well, my friend Liza Dye calls it the Silver Lake lesbian hat. Liza is a legend in her own right, but unfortunately, I believe that hat actually belongs to brooklyn first wow wow how many lesbian showrunners live in brooklyn yeah they run other stuff i feel like it's very it's like the pharrell hat and then it just kind of disseminated the pharrell hat the pharrell hat was vivian westwood i think i mean yeah you're gay phenomena yeah the big the big silly hat it's kind of it's like a cross between a cowboy hat and and promoter beanie Because L.A. really perfected the promoter beanie vibe, you know? That's true. What's a promoter beanie? Molly, that's the saggy beanie. You know, like in 2011, you'd see like a Wilmer Valderrama type wearing a beanie that's really big and it kind of flops in the back. Oh, the condom beanie. Condom beanie. We call it the Reservoir Tip. The Silver Lake Res. Yeah, that's my Silver Lake Res. Yeah, I mean, when the promoter beanie comes back, that's when I'm going to sell all my Ethereum and just move to the Maldives because it's over. Well, okay, the thing that sparked this is that I, Zebulon, the other night saw a guy wearing, swear to God, a Piro hat, which is the hat that like a mime wears. Do you know what I'm talking about? Yeah, that's wild, man.

crazy and i was watching them during the show and i was like it has to be a beanie it has to be a beanie and it's just like keeping its form somehow and then i got closer and i was like no it is a clown hat this guy is wearing so it's kind of like a felt dunce cap that has some little poofs on the top like uh like an old beanie would have a little kind of knit ball yes it's like a structured beanie that's like pointy on the top. Something else. This is something else. Was it in the classic black and white two-tone or was it a different color? No, it was blue. It was blue. Well, was this person... This could be a next merch item for us if this is an emerging trend. Well, then I was like posting about it and people were telling me other hats. They were like, Zebulon has been just like the ground zero for the hat wars. It's the Wuhan of hats. Where it all starts. And somebody was wearing a... Somebody said they saw a guy wearing a chainmail hood. What the fuck? Which I think is cool. Chainmail dick is some good dick is what you're saying, Molly? That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying. What do you... The carpets match the curtains. What do you... The curtains match the drawbridge. What is the... Don't bring motes into this, Jason. What is the... So of all these freaky hats that you've seen, which do you plan to adopt yourself? Or is that a bridge too far for you? I mean, it made me think. No, but it reminded me. It's like I had this one silly knitted hat that whenever I would wear it around Providence, people thought I went to RISD. But I think this hat thing feels like a return to pickup artistry. to peacocking, if you will. We've been seeing a return to the pickup artist on this podcast, actually. We've had a few references to that recently. I think it's coming back, but you know how he wore a big furry top hat? Of course. And the reason was so that a woman might talk to you about it, might be like, hey, look at your hat. And then when the hot chick comes over to you and says, wow, this is a crazy hat, can I touch it? And then you say, nice shoes, do they come in your size, bitch? And then...

That's when they start taking their underwear off. That's called negging. That's called negging, and you're a master of it. Yeah. Jason has mastered it, but he does it with such a nice grin that it's hard for the recipient to kind of pick up on it. I go, hey, that's cute for you. I got negged the other night. Remember Jason by Scott Sternberg, and you were like, oh, I think that's kind of pickup artist vibes. Exactly. Wait, how did they neg you? He said to me, I love that sweater. Who is it? Like, you know, who made it? And I said, La Mer. And he said, have you ever had sex with a man? He was basically saying that I am gay for wearing this sweater and implying that that would kind of allow me to have sex with a man. That doesn't sound like negging. That just sounds like he was being helpful. You're just suggesting. Chris is in a dark room and you had a helping hand to kind of guide you the way. He's not saying. I see. He's like, if you like the touch of this sweater. You might enjoy a man's touch. Who knows? The touch of a man. He's saying, you know, it's not a matter of if. It's when. You'll ever suck a dick. It's just when that'll kind of happen. That was actually definitely the vibe from him. That's exactly what it was, Jason. But I think that the. Have you read The Pickup Artist, Molly? Yes. The game, the Neil Strauss book, I have totally read it. Fellow podcaster, Neil Strauss. Fellow podcaster. And during COVID, I watched all of the VH1 shows. Oh, shit. No, no, no, no. That's too far. The Pickup Artist? See, that's the Molly Touch. Only Molly would do something fucking twisted like that. I appreciate that, but also I'm praying for you. It was a good show. I wish there was more of it. It was like they teach. Losers, how to talk to women. I picked up a few tips on the show. Well, it's funny because it's like there's all these things that are like, you know, wear a stupid hat and like ask them this question. You know, say no instead of yes. But a lot of it is just like. Treat them like they're a human being. Basic stuff. So do they tell guys to learn to DJ, or did Jason kind of skip a step and kind of teach them something? Chris, if you're a DJ, you don't need the mystery method. Yeah, they're more like learn to do close-up magic. Which is essentially the same thing as DJing. That's true, but you can't bring Rihanna into the close-up magic.

Can you explain to me kind of what close, is close-up magic like a card trick or like pulling a scarf from behind an ear kind of thing? Yeah, stuff like that. Stuff you can do in the club. Sleight of hand. Sleight of hand. Do you think that actually works on women? It does when they're on a reality show. Sure. I think it probably did in the 70s. I don't think magic is good to seduce women, probably, unless you're like at the Magic Castle. That place is crawling with Strange, isn't it? I mean, that place is crawling with like old dudes on dates with like... You know, sugar babies, for sure. I'm sure Copperfield cleaned up. Yeah, that's the thing. It's like stand-up comedians. There's certain ones where it doesn't make that much sense, but they do very well with the opposite sex. Chris Angel? They're sliding off the seats over there. How is Chris Angel, like, is it because he looks like the bass player? He could be the bass player in, like, Stone Temple Pilots? No, I mean, I think women love a skill. Okay, so you're saying DJing, magic, whatever. Yeah, yeah, DJing. Chris, whatever you do, being good at buying sweaters. Yeah, men like that a lot. Unfortunately, I don't think women like it quite as much. Just to be a master of a craft, any craft can be alluring to the fairer sex, as they say. Yeah, podcasting. Yeah, that really works. Ladies love podcasting. Yeah, what I'm saying is I would go on Joe Rogan. Hell yeah. Would you have Alex Jones on your podcast, though? That's the question. Oh, yeah, for sure. Smoke a Fatty with Alex Jones. No, I don't know. I would have any of the podcast men. I have actually this long-running fantasy about destroying Adam Carolla on a podcast. Not Carolla, the OG. Like owning him? Yeah, just like they're all radio guys from Southern California. It's like they're all the guys who were on K-Rock. So the fact that they're all like... Public intellectuals now. Public intellectual is a very generous way to refer to Adam Carolla. For sure, for sure. But I do think it's also like one thing about podcasting is like a lot of people do just kind of want to hear a dumb guy talk. Thank you. But why do you think that is, Molly? Why do you think that is? Because they're like, he's just like me, for real.

But also the parasocial thing is just very real. People are like, that's my buddy. Yeah, that's the realist thing, I think. That's like the realist podcast listener takeaway. Which is a good thing for us. Do you listen to podcasts? Because I don't. Jason does, but I have no interest at this point. Yeah, I do. I listen to True Anon is my fave podcast. But it is also one of those things where it's like... If you like the hosts, you'll just listen to whatever they have to say. It doesn't really even matter what the topic is. Like how this podcast that we're doing right now, tens of thousands of people listen to us, spend most of the show talking about pie and Trader Joe's. They love it. Happy as a pig and shit to hear it. Because everybody likes pie. We could have been talking about miniature golf or AIDS or anything. As long as we're all having fun like you guys are my friends. Those are the two most 80s things you could have said. Jason weirdly loves AIDS. I don't know why he loves it. You know, the topics of the day. Two epidemics that plagued our world. It's anyone's guess which one was more damaging. Well, I'm just saying, if you guys did be like, oh, now we're going to do like a 10-part very serious series on the AIDS crisis, like people would still listen to your show, you know? I'll give it a shot, yeah. Jason, that's a good assignment for us. You guys just start making like... like really prestigious, like serious content. I fuck around and get on my Peabody shit. I'm going to fuck around with me on Peabody. Yeah, I mean, but we were talking today about your new podcast, which seems like a, I mean, you had some help, I know, but that seems like a lot of work. You really, it seems like to me you chose maybe the hardest route possible. I mean, it's fun though. It's like if it's something you're interested in, it's fun. And I, Love to get obsessed with something. I don't know. It's not like doing a research project where you're like, oh, I have to do this because it's like you chose it. You get to get on your Taylor Lorenz and really investigate something that you enjoy. Yeah. I'm blocked. I'm blocked by Taylor. Are you?

I'm trying. Yeah. I mean, now that she's at the Washington Post, you know, I don't know. I'm blocked because I liked a tweet once making fun of her for not knowing anything about Los Angeles. And she auto-blocked. Oh, that was a great tweet. That was a great tweet. She auto-blocked everybody who liked the tweet. Wow. I am blocked. I'm blocked by her and I'm blocked by Nancy Jo Sales. Not Nancy Jo. I know. So just like Alexis Nyers. Those are my two big blocks. Damn, I'm sure I have countless that I don't even know about. Molly on the front lines of change. Not Jason. She wasn't at the insurrection. Don't say that. I do feel like this was, so my podcast is about Heidi Fleiss, the Hollywood madam. I think that's all the time we have today, Molly. It's been awesome to happen with you. No, no, no. Yeah, it's called Molly World. I've listened to both episodes so far. It's not called Molly World, but it is. It's called Heidi World. It's called Heidi World, but it is Molly World also. Why did I say Molly World? I guess it has maybe an even better reason to it. Because you got Molly on the brain. Yeah, it's called Heidi World, and it's about Heidi Fleiss, who was a Hollywood madam in the 90s. What I found out is that nobody younger than me has ever heard this story, which I thought was really interesting, because everybody older is very familiar with it. But just when there was all this stuff about the OJ trial, I was kind of like... Oh, that was like the exact same time as the Heidi Fleiss trial where they took her to court for selling sex and it didn't make any sense. And yeah, I just thought it would be an interesting thing. It didn't make any sense? Well, it's just, yeah, it didn't. It didn't make any sense to me at the time. I remember being like, well, why does she get in trouble? But like the guys who bought sex don't get in any trouble. And that's kind of what the podcast is about is why does anyone get in trouble for buying and selling sex? Consensual between all partners. I mean, it's definitely also like I chose this topic because it was an excuse to sort of like recreate late 80s, early 90s Los Angeles. Yeah. If Molly Lambert has her thumb on it.

I'm assuming Los Angeles is going to be a supporting actor or a supporting role in the story. Yeah. I mean, I just like, I love that kind of like eighties turning into the nineties thing too. Just like the long eighties and then, you know, grunge and stuff just completely dive bombing it to hell. The long eighties. You know what I'm talking about. I know what you're talking about. No, I mean, cause we're, um, I'm reading the, the, the Chuck Klosterman. 90s book right now because we're going to have him on the pod next month. Oh, nice. And he kind of talks about like when the 80s ended and the 90s started and it's kind of unofficially like Berlin Wall and 9-11 as like the two kind of book end points for the 90s. Yeah. You know, the 80s kind of stopped. In 92 or something like that? Yeah, that's how I feel. I've spent a lot of time thinking about like when did a decade really begin? And it's never because of the calendar. Well, that's what I was going to ask. What are the signifiers for the beginning and the end for you? Is it just like a vibe or are there like specific? The vibe shift. Is it a specific thing that you see and feel? I mean, I think with the 90s, the 80s into the 90s, it's like. uh yeah you know nirvana fiction stuff like that like cultural cultural signifiers hair metal's gone grunge is here that was obviously a huge one yeah i made like a mix for the podcast and i spent a lot of time just kind of listening to hair metal listening to like the progression of hair metal you know where it starts out kind of like it all sounds like motorhead and then it just gets more and more glam and more and more produced and then like i didn't realize but like Warrant Cherry Pie is like 1990. Yeah, that's kind of crazy. And if you watch, I mentioned in the pod, but Penelope Spheris' Decline of Western Civilization Part 2 is like the best capsule of the very end of that era. But it's also great because it has all these guys and bands that haven't made it yet that are all like, this money train's never going to end.

Hair metal is going to rule forever. I think that hair metal might be my least favorite genre of music ever created. Wow. Well, you should definitely bring this up with Chuck Klosterman. I just don't. It's so aesthetically ugly. The music. I mean, I get they can write songs like they got hits. Obviously, there's no denying that. But Chris, when you were when you were like a little kid, you didn't like any of that. No, the exact opposite for me, because that was just what played on the radio and on MTV all the time. So that was just it was in my skull. We listened to Miracle. Carrie and Janet Jackson and shit like that. Boys to men. I mean, I guess that's a little later, but I don't have memories of hair metal. You liked adult contemporary. I still do. You've always been mommy's special little man. Yeah, you liked adulting. You were like, I'm going to have to go do some adulting. Mommy, more Whitney Houston for your little adult. Unfortunately, nobody told you that, Chris, these guys are all on cocaine. And soon... You will be too. Yeah, they're cool. No, but I just don't. I just think it's truly one of the, like the way that Indy Sleaze is really ugly. I think hair metal is maybe the ugliest. That's the ugliest time of one of the ugliest times we've ever lived through. I have so much more affection for hair metal than... Really? I don't because I didn't really live through metal. But I think that's probably why. I think if I had lived through metal, I would be like... It was uglier, but it was the most fun, I would argue. I mean, those people are just having... Every single night is just a cocaine party where you just have sex with 11 people and they're all models. Everyone's on coke. Everyone's having the greatest time in the world. You just happen to look ridiculous. That part is cool. I also love seeing who the hot girls were back then because it's a completely different kind of plastic surgery. Yeah, for sure. That is definitely a vibe shift. They all look so normal. You're like, these are the hottest babes. Well, it really was like the L.A. She moved from Indiana and just ended up at the Roxy. You know what I mean? And then she was sucked up into this crazy world. See, you're getting it. Everyone in my generation, we grew up jacking off to Kelly Bundy, and she was like the epitome of... Oh, well, you know what? Okay, so I interviewed Christina Applegate once and found out that she had seen Decline of Western Civilization Part II when it came out, and that was what inspired Kelly Bundy. Really? Because Christina Applegate's not a hair metal girl at all. She's like a hippie from Laurel Canyon. She grew up on Wonderland.

But she was like, I noticed there was this type of L.A. girl who was like, just, you know, loves to party and loves to go make out with musicians. Tons of hairspray. Yeah, like the girls at like Gazzari's. And that was like where she came up with Kelly Bundy, which I thought was really interesting. I never really, look guys, I got to be honest with you, I didn't really like that show either. Wow, you just hate the blue collar aesthetics. I guess. No, that's not true. Were you watching Family Matters or something? I love Tim the Tool Man Taylor. Jason knows. Oh, okay. Jason knows. That's a little after the time. We're talking about prestige 80s television. Married with Children is very abrasive. I found it abrasive at the time, and I was like, why doesn't that guy want to fuck his hot wife? This is confusing. She's so hot. She has red hair and big titties. Yeah, what's wrong with him? We had to suspend a lot of disbelief with that show. I mean, the no man. There was so much to chew on there with that show. I don't know. I actually love that show. And I think it's actually, you know, I think at the time I didn't realize it was like satire. Yeah, yeah, definitely. Yes. I don't think anyone knew it or really recognized it as satire. Well, it's funny, like Fox's brand was like, you know, edgy and crazy. But I feel like The Simpsons was sort of, they were like, The Simpsons came on because they were like, Mary Beth Children is such a hit. people like these shows about dysfunctional families. And now everybody likes to point out that those shows are about people who own a house on one salary at a shoe store. God, that's hell on earth, Molly. That's exactly the kind of hell that I hate. This is so unrealistic. There's no way. That's crazy. You could never do that now. It's a fantasy show. Prices go up. It's fucked up. It's so crazy. It's so crazy. Do you think Tim the Toolman Taylor would have a podcast now? Oh, hell yeah. Him and what's the neighbor, Jason, that I compare you to? Who's Wilson? Wilson, yeah. Wilson and Tim chopping it up about the newest tool drops. I can see that really doing well. Jason can't be Wilson. He's too tall. You'll see him over the fence. No, I know. We took a photo of him at our house the other day, and he was having a Wilson-type moment because there's this larger wall. I'm not only tall, but I also like peeping. Yeah, I see you more as like a Michael Myers coming around the hedge. Yeah, he'll see. Yeah, Jason, if there was a hot...

18-year-old daughter sunning herself by the pool. I don't do that kind of people. I'm only looking to see how ripe the avocados are, the tangerines coming in. Okay. Yeah, Jason doesn't like... young women he prefers stealing fruit and that has kind of kept him out of the slammer thank god fruit is my anti-drug yeah nobody cares if a couple lemons go missing off a off a big old tree you know it's not really a problem we have a we have a lot of people are kind of complaining on twitter lately about podcasts stealing kind of the ipo and and the hard work that the journalists are doing with a story and then just kind of rehashing somebody else's article or piece into a true crime podcast and then you know making a bunch of money off of it and and not giving them any credit um first of all how do you feel about that as somebody who might be on both sides of the coin yeah I mean, I think it's on both sides because I think journalists, like the only way to make money as a journalist at this point is to write some article you can sell as IP. So there's definitely a lot of people warring over like what's the last IP. I was just shocked nobody had done the Heidi Fleiss story as like a big blown out podcast yet because there was that wave of stuff about OJ that I thought was so good because the OJ trial was such a, you know, a referendum on just like everything in Los Angeles after the riots. And I feel like the Heidi trial is too, but this was kind of like, I wanted to read a book about it and there wasn't one. So I had to write it, you know, that's the best, that's the best way to do anything. That's why I started this podcast. And I think also I was, I was going through stuff that was so old. I was like, nobody's doing anything with this anymore. You know, it's like I was going through like old LA times archives and like old copies of vanity fair and details and stuff. Where I was just like, wow, people did so much interviewing of everybody involved in this story, like when it was happening. It's all here. Yeah. But also I was like, no one's doing anything with it. And I mean, yeah, I don't think you felt any any guilt from that. And this isn't really.

a true crime story that is being unearthed and turned into a show. It's like something that, like you said, everyone who's your age and above already knows kind of. Yeah. And I'm kind of taking like my, my perspective on it. Isn't just like, here's what happened in the Heidi fly story. It's very much about like Los Angeles in the seventies, eighties and nineties and sort of about how it's a small town and all these like families that know each other. So it's also like a very personal. I felt like I feel like you're uniquely positioned to do this. This feels like the right thing for you to do. Thank you. Yeah. I mean, that's also why it's like it was fun to do is because like the more I did it, I just was like, this is exactly what I should be doing. It just involves everything I think is interesting. It's not about like uncovering new information so much as kind of like putting that information. in context and just looking at how, how little has changed in, in terms of what's up with sex workers. Cause I also just was thinking about it. Like Heidi was so ahead of her time in terms of like branding. Yeah. Just like she, she was so good at being a madam because she understood how to brand the escort service as being high end and as being like the drug menu or being like, you know, the sweater you can't get everywhere. It's just like, She was selling it to rich guys who were like, oh, I want something exclusive that costs the most money. And again, that's like why it's like nobody got hurt. It was all consensual. These guys wanted to spend all their money and she wanted to sell them sex. But just looking at it now with like everyone having to have five jobs and everybody having to be kind of a brand and be, you know, selling themselves in this way. And just like a lot of people having to, you know. do side hustles and do stuff like OnlyFans. It's like more than ever, everybody is like a brand who sells themselves, but also it's like then people get shadow banned on Instagram for selling, you know, trying to sell OnlyFans, which is crazy to me because it's like Instagram sells sex, obviously. Don't look at my explore page.

According to my Explore page, they sell sex, but they also sell tennis instruction. So I don't know which one's doing better. I don't know which one's doing better. No, you're right. But it's just about money, like everything else. That's what it comes down to. That's kind of the thing. It's like, oh, okay, the reason they don't want like... sex workers to make money off of this is because then they can't make money off of it like you know until we figure out how to do that we're just going to keep it illegal right and like when it's illegal that does mean that it's like bad people can do bad stuff in that space because it's not regulated so what i also thought was interesting about heidi was that she was kind of like the sex business doesn't have to be like you know you don't have to be afraid of your pimp or whatever like your pimp can be a woman who also is your friend who like takes a 40% cut and doesn't threaten. We're friends. Where's my 40%? She cares about your safety. She doesn't use physical violence to intimidate and control you. It's just different. And I've talked to a lot of sex workers who worked in brothels who have said like, yeah, working in a brothel is much better because it's like, it's safe. You know, it's like when, when it is legal and when it is regulated in places like, like Nevada, it's like, yeah, it's better for the sex workers. It's better for everybody. But also America is just so repressed. It's like people don't want to admit that anyone buys herself sex because it's puritanical. There's a lot of layers to this Heidi Fly story. I can't wait to follow along. Well, you guys are playing a couple of clients, a couple of Johns. I think of myself more as a rocker, babe. But yeah, I mean, I've never paid for sex, really. If you want to break it down. Somebody was like, wait, you hired... Chris Black to do a British accent. Have you heard his British accent on the show? I was like, that's right. You're like, yep, that's the whole point. That's my Billy Idol. Billy didn't have a great accent to begin with. The Sheen voice is a tough one to do. Well, yeah, so yeah, Chris plays Billy Idol, and Jason, you play Charlie Sheen. Too convincingly, I imagine. You really took it on. You really were like, I'm going to do it. I'm going to attempt. I'm not going to phone it in.

But the results may sound like a phone-in because it was a tough one for me to do. No, I thought you were incredible. Thank you. I love to hear that. I'm glad that Jason's a shining star yet again. Chris, you can be a shining star too one day. Just do better. Be better. Well, no, it's okay. We do this podcast three times a week. I get my fill. So it's nice to kind of be able to share the spotlight a little bit. But I'm looking forward to... Our appearances. I'm looking forward to the show. Congratulations. I'm sure it was a labor of love. Thank you. Yeah, it's so crazy to have it be coming out because I've been working on it for so long. It's like you sort of forgot it would ever come out. You know, I thought I'll just be. Classic stoner. Oh, fuck. I forgot. I'll be digging in the crates forever if somebody doesn't stop me. This doesn't have to end, but it should. No, it's like my Zodiac. It's just like I will be trying to figure out who the Zodiac is forever. Even after they're behind bars, you'll still be on the hunt. Yeah. I'm just addicted to the story. So do you know what your next story is going to be? I do, I think, but I'm not going to reveal it yet because I haven't sold it yet. All right, well, let me just ask you quickly before we go, who killed Jeffrey Epstein? Oh, God, the CIA, obviously. There's actually a guy in Heidi World. I don't even think I said this on the podcast because I figured it out later, but... This guy Bernie Kornfeld, who was her first boyfriend, the more I look into him, I'm pretty sure he was also a proto-Jeffrey Epstein, like a fake rich guy that the CIA set up to be like a fake rich guy. To just kind of be like a mole and get intel from the upper crust set? He's like a Brooklyn Jew, came from nowhere, ran like a weight-guessing station at Coney Island. The tail is all the time. Not the weight guessing. And then suddenly had like a bank called like International Overseas Investors or something. And then it became a CIA front bank after he was done with it. But that tells me also it was probably a CIA front bank before that. But then he like went to jail for a little bit and then he mysteriously reappeared in Beverly Hills with like all this money again and became friends with everybody rich and famous.

and always had a million young girls around. So it's also hard to tell. It's like you could just be a regular rich guy scammer who does all that stuff, which is why Jeffrey Epstein was able to blend into that world so well. It's because they were like, nobody asks questions if you have money. That's why I'm trying to earn a large sum. This is a CIA-sponsored podcast, right? That's a secret. Well, we don't like to talk about it yet. We're not paid for, but... They're one of many. And we love those guys. Peter Thiel did not take us on. But luckily, the CIA, as well as BetterHelp, check those guys out. We've been able to secure some great sponsors for the show. We want to shout out to all the guys at the CIA that kind of saw the vision early. early in this podcast and kind of knew to lock in with us before the ship took off. I like the idea of somebody who is confused between CAA and the CIA. Yeah, that's me right now. If you think about it, there's only one letter away and it almost smells the same. Yeah, you're just like, yeah, I'm a CIA agent. Yeah, you just kind of combine the two letters and see if anybody notices. There's no difference, but look, we're not affiliated with CAA, but those are our friends, so let's keep it light, Molly. This is How Long Gone. Molly Lambert, thank you for joining us. Thank you so much. I tip my Pierrot hat to both of you. Milady? No, no. This was an overdue podcast, and people can go check out your show wherever shows are available. Yeah, check out Heidi World, the Heidi Fleiss story on all your podcast platforms. Molly Lambert, the Paul Thomas Anderson of Apple Podcasts. Wow. I'll take it. That's right. Yeah, Molly, thank you for joining us. You guys go check that podcast out, and we will talk to you soon. This is all I get, don't. Pop a dick, it's all I get, don't. I'm smoking on a gas like sick, don't. Badass, all I bitch, don't. Big round, it's all I will, don't. Dirty clips, all I clip, don't. It's all I'm short, don't shit, don't. We let off shop.

I don't know.