425. - Chris & Jason

All right, this episode of How Long Gone is brought to you by Stateside with Kai and Carter, a new podcast from The Guardian. And they are using this podcast to slow down the news and wrestle with the questions that we all have about what's happening in the world. And they do it three times a week, Jason. Does that sound familiar to you? We don't really talk about, you know, a lot of international global news items and climates and cultures and sports and things like that. We do talk about fashion and wellness, but for everything else, Kai and Carter are a great place. All right, so who couldn't use more news? Listen wherever you get your podcast. or watch on YouTube. Hello, hello, how long gone is here? Ooh, it's an Herb Sunday morning podcast. You're listening to this on Monday, of course. It's been a little rainy over here in Glendale. I'm preparing my body for Pilates class number two. I just took half an edible. I'll take the other half sort of on maybe 45-minute mark. Hold on. Pilates class number two, not of the day of your life. I'm not going to let you get away. No, this is a sequel, baby. I'm not going to let you get away with Bad Boys 2 Pilates like that. It's just second in your lifetime, not second in the day. Well, it's second of the week as well as my lifetime. Okay, I guess that's true, and I'm happy for you. Yeah, yesterday was luckily beautiful outside because today is once again gloomy, and it does put me on suicide watch when the weather's like that in L.A. It puts me, I mean, obviously that's an exaggeration. For our suicide community. Suicide Hive stand up. I don't want this podcast to get flagged like a COVID notification. Look, with everything that's going on in these unprecedented times, suicide is down. I don't mean the rate is down. I mean the list of priorities on the trending topics of the zeitgeist. No, it's way down.

But we're not going to talk about that anymore because I don't feel like editing that part out anymore as we go further down into that world that will not really produce anything good. But it was a good day to sort of do a little holiday cheer, get a little pine swag up in the house. Don't worry. All of our garland is farm-raised and grass-fed and finished. I walked into this winter wonderland today and immediately wanted to turn around as a known Grinch. This morning I was at Whole Foods and they had Garland for sale and it just said door swag $9.99. Door swag. Door swag. And I'm like, is there something I don't understand or is somebody that works here being funny and getting away with it? No, this is a thing because once I started living with my life partner and she loves to. She loves door swag. Like all partners, she loves to celebrate and decorate for Christmas and the holiday times. And she was like, oh, yeah, I'm going to put a bunch of pine swag up in the house. And I was just like, what is that? Is that like somebody made it? Like Sam Jane, friend of the show, is that like a new cleaning product? Like a scrub daddy kind of thing? It does sound like a cleaning product developed by the same people that brought you some like influencer millennial pans. Yeah, it's like the granddaughter of whoever started Fabuloso cleaning product was like, we got to do this. This is sustainable. Of course, it doesn't harm animals. But she would say Pine Swag in a very earnest way, not in like a silly billy. Not in a this right here is Pine Swag. It's not like that. It was just like, yeah, it's Pine Swag. What of it? As if she was saying like, oh, this is a dictionary where there's a bunch of definitions of words in it. Why would you call it anything else? So once again, you're an idiot and she's a genius. Well, no, there was a happy ending for me in this situation because I was like. Am I taking crazy pills? Is the whole world calling this pine swag? Certainly not. I pay a pretty close attention to cultural movements. You have a Grammarly subscription, so it should have kind of taught you this. That could be the problem, as I'm relying too much on my devices. You're not out in the world talking to other Santas and Mrs. Clauses and elves and reindeers to kind of understand the vernacular of the Christmas season. I'm missing...

the pine forest for the pine trees oh okay okay okay so long gone.com is a website so you're saying door swag and pine swag are both things that we should know because they're part of the christmas vernacular that's what i thought and then she learned recently this is a very important podcast you guys we're breaking a lot of info i mean it's it's it's the holiday season uh this is my world cup uh and and she was like i learned today that what i thought previously was pine swag is actually Pine garland, whereas things that sort of drape over an archway or across a mantel or over a doorway or a window, that is pine garland. Okay. And then maybe a nice little kind of a brooch of pine that would be pinned to your front door. That is the swag. That is pine swag, of course. That makes a little more sense because yesterday when I stopped by. None of this makes sense. When I stopped by my favorite local purveyor, Mr. Jingles. That's where I'd be copping the tree. They have Indica and Sativa and edibles and everything? They got the whole thing. Mr. Jingles is like... That sounds like a fake drug dealing company. Mr. Jingles, ho, ho, ho, eight balls, 150. No, but it's... Last year, I feel like it was all hot college studs kind of packing up the trees. This year, a little down market on the help. Really? It's tough to find good help. That's what I'm hearing from all my small business owners. I don't want to point all the blame at Bezos, but he's got a little hand in this. But don't worry. The chick checking us out did find a way to spend her $25 an hour on her lips only because they were the size of two fucking Casper pillows. And she was moving about as slow as you possibly could. Miss Jingles needs a new... Only in LA do you go to a Christmas tree farm and the chick looks like she got an OnlyFans. And she works at the infrared place. She's like, what you want? It's so crazy. Like, oh, holiday charity. Well, actually, when I was in Napa, we drove past a Christmas tree farm, and there were... No, no, no. This was in Hollywood. We were driving right past Hollywood and Highland. That's Mr. Jingles. No shit. Okay. There's multiple Jingles locations. Don't get it twisted. Okay, okay. So we were leaving Hollywood and Highland. For our listeners who are international...

That is basically the epicenter of Hollywood. That's where all the Walk of Fame, all the celebrities, that's where you go see Aquaman. Yeah, that's where you go to get your picture taken with a guy that's wearing a Michael Jordan jersey and holding a basketball because he's Michael Jordan. Yes, and he does live under a bridge. No, he doesn't. He's a tent life guy, but it's not because he wants to. It's because he has to. He does this job. I mean, the money is good, but... I really like the ability to be able to take candid photographs of children as sort of his main MO. He does have an Android late model. Okay, so we were driving, leaving Shintaro, driving past Mr. Jingles. This was right when Jingles was setting up. So this was maybe two weeks ago or something like that. And they had a big 18-wheeler truck, and they were unloading the trees into the lot, and there were two or three dudes who were doing this work. all of them shirtless, all of them kind of bearded, a little Nordic kind of vibe. And they were, there's like that meme video of the two guys who work in like an oil refinery and they're covered in mud and they're moving this heavy machinery and moving these pipes and everything like that. And everyone's like, this is disgusting. I wanted to fuck all of them instantly. You were getting the same energy. I was not, but my fucking life partner, we were driving by, she's like, damn, what's really good with this tree mover. I don't really understand. I have to say, as much as I, I'm sure those kind of buff fellows want to show off their physiques. It seems like the pine needles would get a little scratchy on the skin. It makes it hotter. So you're saying they're wearing their kind of... Yeah, when you get the nails in the back of the shoulder blades. Speaking of the Christmas tree, that's right here on the lower back, right? They're wearing their cheap jeans tucked into their cheap boots. Oh, yeah. No shirt, but they got maybe some suede gloves on to protect the hands. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Anytime if a pine needle scratches my clavicle, my obliques... Hot. It's, yeah, it's just like, I wish, is there anyone here that could like dress my wounds? But the, they, so this woman, the woman in front of me, it was just, the line took forever. There wasn't a lot of great help at Mr. Jingles this season. But I was able to secure the tree and tree delivery because I. Tree delivery? Oh, I'm not touching that thing. I'm not touching that thing. There's nothing more pointless than Christmas decorations. Like decorating for anything is crazy to me.

Like, why do you spend the time and effort to put this stuff up when you know it's going to be taken down and thrown away? It makes no sense. And, you know, to be honest, it's not sustainable. I don't want to throw shots. I don't want to go third bird mode. Your girlfriend doesn't listen to this podcast, so why are you telling her all this? No, because I just don't understand. I truly don't understand holiday decorating. Across the board. It's insane. Any holiday. It's insane. Even game day? Game day is different. Game day is different. You have to let me wear my big hat in the locker room. Look, there's something. I don't know what it is, but it's implanted in you at childhood when you've been bitten by Santa's bug. And some people have it. Some people don't. And you are just one of those people where you were impenetrable. At that age for whatever reason. I think if you have a big enough house, you hire somebody to decorate it. You hire them to take it down. I guess that's fine if you have kids and shit. If you're a young adult or oldish middle-aged adult like me, there's no point. And it doesn't matter. And I can go to the Grove and get Christmas cheer and then be home and not have to think about it again. Chris said Christmas trees. There's no point. There's no point. There's literally no point. It's a racket by white people. That's what it is. It feels like a little bit of a crime to me. I've noticed that the Latinx community also embraces Feliz Navidad culture as well. It's interesting. They might like it more than whites. It's possible. I don't want to point fingers and make this a racial thing, but I do feel like Christmas is an overarching issue that we need to deal with in this country. Think about the tamales. That sounds good. Abuelita puts her fucking... Ugg boot in those tamales every single time. There were a lot of Ugg boots that jingled. But I just don't. But I know what you mean. I'm not even anti-Christmas. I mean, I'm anti-holiday because I think they're all pointless and it just slows things down and I get less emails so it makes me upset. But I just think spending $165 on something that's going to die and I'm going to have to use my melee to vacuum up is just kind of – it's just senseless. Okay. Well –

Speaking of senseless, my tree is a fake one. It's scentless, but there's no cleanup. There's no throwing away. You buy it once and then... I hate to say it. That's even worse. The only good part about a Christmas tree is the smell. You can buy the Ralph Lauren candle to simulate the smell. They do sell out. Get yours now. That's a freebie. That's not paid for. I buy mine in January. If I'm going to go to Mr. Jingles, spend 165 on the five-footer. Shit better be smelling like some onions. That shit better be smelling like the Pacquiao. You want people to ding-dong the mailman? The opening the mail slot and sticking it in. Overcome with the waft of Christmas. No, that's the only good part about Christmas in the tree is the smell. Whereas Thanksgiving, there's no redeeming qualities. The food smells bad. The food tastes bad. The turkeys are ugly. The color palette is not for me. There's nothing. Not even a nice mushroom gravy. Oh, yeah. The mommy dense mushroom gravy. What looks more delicious than a mushroom soup you pour over some other slop? Yeah, well, I'm the same way. When I was a kid, I used to love putting up the Christmas tree and decorating it because that meant it was one step closer to yummy presents. That's true, yeah. But as you become an adult, I mean, I guess depending on how well you were raised, then you might have the part of your body and brain where you're able to ask other people for gifts and tell them what you would want. Obviously, that part of me has died and been burnt off a long time ago. I haven't asked somebody what I want for Christmas since I was, you know, 11 years old or something. Yeah. So to me, the Christmas time is, it's like, it's more, it's all for her, but I do like, it just makes it cozier, but it's sort of a wash whether or not it's worth all the work because like setting up the tree and decorating and all that shit, like it's a lot of fucking work. I'm ready to live. I'm ready to live like Kim Kardashian where it looks like a jail. Like I'm down, bro. I want concrete floors, concrete walls.

cozy is not for me you want you want kim k's kill room yeah kim k's killer i mean cozy is fine if it's a hotel for a couple nights if i want bowery or chateau vibes i know where to check in yeah i don't want all that shit in my actual life yeah but that's in the lobby you're not going to watch let it snow on netflix 2019's let it snow snuggled up with a big bowl of carla lolly music popcorn And some fucking eggnog and Amaro spritzes. Eggnog is gross. It's just another thing that comes in the calendar that I have to fucking trudge through to get to a beautiful work week. And I've dealt with that. Okay. So when you walk home after a hard day's work at your email job, you hang your Noah hat covered in snow and soap on your hat rack. You hang that Noah. I brush the snow off my barber's shoulders, take my Noah hat off at the door. And you don't see that glowing Christmas tree in the corner of your living room and say, honey, I'm home. And then a small labradoodle comes over and licks your Noah pants. No, all I think about when I look at a tree is. Those needles are going to be on the ground, and I'm going to have to sweep them up. That's all I can think about. Call me joyless. Call me stupid. But I think there's other people like me, and I'm giving us a voice. Call me joyless. Call me stupid. How about the New York Post, the Morrissey story in the New York Post, where it was like middle-aged Morrissey fans rushed the stage during his performance. I'm like, this is every Morrissey show in the history of time. All right, this episode of How Long Gone is brought to you by Quince. Jason, the temps are warming up. It's getting hot out there. Summer always changes how I get dressed. I need pieces that feel lighter, more breathable, and they're just easy but still put together. I don't want to look like a slob. That's why I keep coming back to Quince. They focus on high-quality essentials that feel and look amazing. Breathable linen and soft organic cottons. Well-made basics but without the luxury markups. That rare balance where everything feels elevated.

but still effortless. Yeah, Chris, linen season is here. I wore a linen blazer to dinner a few nights ago in the warm California sun. But, you know, you got that Italy trip coming up this summer and quality European linen pants and shirts. upgrade that look starting at just $34 you know if you get a nice linen suit a little t-shirt underneath it some chill shoes you're looking good but you're staying cool the inside of your special areas are nice and dry as you turn up with your besties so elevate that summer wardrobe go to quince.com slash how long for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns even on a nice holiday now available in canada That is Q-U-I-N-C-E dot com slash how long. That'll get you free shipping and 365 day returns. Quince punto com slash how long. Oh, this is huge for me personally. This episode of How I'm Gone is brought to you by TaskRabbit. Oh, baby, let me tell you something. This is not a joke. I use TaskRabbit a lot because I can't do anything. You need some art hung? TaskRabbit. You need a fucking... Something put together, a cabinet. Got to reach that cheese grater on the top shelf. TaskRabbit. Anything you need, TaskRabbit can take care of it for you. And, I mean, how it works, TaskRabbit connects you with skilled taskers in your area. They can help you move. They can assemble furniture, repairs, yard work, mounting, and more. You can search for a tasker based on cost, skill set, availability, and past client reviews so you know exactly who's showing up and can have confidence that they know what they're doing because taskers have assembled. Over 3.4 million pieces of furniture, completed 700,000 home repairs, handled 1.5 million moves, and the numbers are just going up, Jason. Yeah, throw a little money at the problem. It's not so expensive, and that job that you really don't want to do is something that another person out in the world is very good at doing and would gladly do it in exchange for a little bit of money.

When life happens, your to-do list grows. Get ahead of it now and get $15 off your first task at TaskRabbit.com or grab the TaskRabbit app using promo code HOWLONG. Taskers book up faster, especially for same-day tasks. So book Trusted Home Help today. That is $15 off your first task using promo code HOWLONG with the TaskRabbit app or at TaskRabbit.com. This episode of How Long Gone is brought to you by a new podcast from The Guardian stateside with Kai and Carter. This is covering a lot of our bases, Jason. It's trying to slow down. The news and wrestle with the questions we all have about what's happening in the world. And I know you particularly have quite a lot of questions. A lot of questions. But how often? Because we do this podcast three times a week and that's a sweet spot. How many times do they do? Three times a week. And I have a feeling just based on the platform and these talking points that they're maybe going to be covering different stuff than we do. That's just a guess. The Guardian is not some billionaire owned. They're not afraid to say what they want to say, brother. Yeah, Rupert ain't sniffing around in what journalists Kai Wright and Carter Sherman are up to over there at Stateside. But yeah, listen wherever you get your podcasts. You can watch it on YouTube. It's three times a week. And who couldn't use more news? Especially when it's not from here, let's say. Give it a listen. Yeah, New York Post covering that. Is that still owned by Rupert Murdoch or is that sold off? I don't know. I don't know why they, I don't know why. That's how we know that we're old. Where it's like somebody who wrote that story is like born in the year 2003. And he's like, what is it? And they went to a Morrissey concert and they're like, whoa, there's like people going on stage and trying to hug him. And the security is sort of letting him sort of not. This is an absolute riot, and I'm going to write 5,000 words on it. This needs to be in page six. They didn't even mention that Chloe Sev and Dasha were there. I mean, I don't even know. Like, why would you not mention that? The only content I saw from the Morrissey show was Dasha and Chloe Sev. Page six together? Yeah, they were banged. I mean, there's...

When I went to the Morrissey show in Vegas alone, without Dasha or Chloe, there was a... The security vibe is so strange because they do let them do it, but then they don't let some people and they tackle them. And it makes no sense who's getting what treatment. There's no rhyme or reason to it. As a security guard, you sort of know. You can see... You just know. It's like when you're at the dog park. Or you're walking your dog, and you could look at the other dog, and you could sort of gauge whether or not it's a potential threat. You could gauge whether that dog has the dog in him. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it used to be sort of as simple as, like, no ugly people, no fat people. Only hot, attractive people can come on stage and hug him. But now it's a little tough. You can be a hot person that has the dog in them. I think the fans have gotten uglier, first of all. I think that's the real problem. In Vegas, I'll tell you what, it was not a murderer's row. That's for fucking sure. Yeah, I think that's probably the real reason why Morrissey canceled the show at the Greek. He went out there, he's like, no, not tonight. He's like, no, no, no, the weather's not too cold. It's just kind of cold for all these hoes in the crowd. It's very cold. These people are giving me a cold. Yeah, he's like, I thought people in LA... We're supposed to work out. I know. I love that. This ain't Colorado Springs. That story was so good. So many people tagged me, and I'm like, guys, this happens at every single show. That's the only reason this is funny. I don't think you're understanding why it's funny. Speaking of security at musical events, I went to a dance music club night on Friday to see Friends of the Show, DJ Python. Yeah, who else was on this bill? Because it was, of course, words that I had never seen before. So my friend Richie, he does a party called Lights Down Low. Him and another guy, Corey, they were playing Yusu, another friend of the show. She's a DJ from Vancouver. Oh, yeah, yeah, okay, okay. Got to build with her. And then Omar S. And then Anthony Naples, B2B with DJ Python. Anthony Naples does sound like an Italian porn star. How is his set?

They were the only people I watched that I liked. Omar S. was not giving, unfortunately. People love Omar S. Love. He was in a bad mood, I think. We got out of the car. Hold on. What time did this start? It wasn't a super late one. It was like a 10 to 3. It wasn't early, but it wasn't one of those it starts at midnight and goes until 6. What time did TJ hop out of the Lambo truck, though? When did I arrive? Yeah. Probably like 1130. And where was this? It was downtown. Oh, I knew it. I knew it. The venue was truly awful. It was called the Globe Theater. It's like right up the street from like the Ace Hotel. It's been there for a long time, right? Yeah, it's like a 100-year-old venue. It's very similar. It's like the Avalon. So you went to a dance music club night. Yes. Something the old TJ would have done any night of the week. This had to be reserved for Friday. You had to do some pre-partying. What drugs did you do? What did you drink? How did you deal with this? Okay, yeah. So this was a thing that I was thinking about. In order for me to go to an event or a party or a club that starts after 11 or 12 where you would show up at midnight, I need to have a certain... Series of events lead up to that in succession for a domino effect. Otherwise, I mean, I can't even sit down on a comfortable couch after 8 p.m. or else. You might get faded. I might start going into dark waters. Yeah. But our friend Nargis, she had a martini party at her house. So you drove all the way to Altadena? No, no. Luckily, it was in Echo Park. Or like Angelino Heights, just around the corner from Quarter Sheets. Great cake over there. The cake is good. Come on, bro. I've never had it. Exactly. Dude, life-changing, bro. What they do with lychee. Oh, fuck. But it was a perfect thing where we go to Echo Park, which is halfway between my house and downtown. Go load up on some high-octane martinis. High-octane, of course. Unfortunately, the martinis were shit. Sorry.

And then go downtown afterwards. Okay. So I had to go. What did you eat? I made dinner at home beforehand. This is really a late night. The martini party was involving pizza from quarter sheets, which is delicious, but I can't do five slices of pepperoni before a club. Of course. That's going to fuck me up. No. So I made Contramar tuna tostadas, keeping it light. Okay, I saw some tostadas in the kitchen before we podcast. I wondered what you were doing with those. Okay, so you just get a corn tortilla, you deep fry it. No, no, I know what a tostada is. You know, a little ahi grade sashimi tuna. I make, of course, a chipotle mayonnaise with QP, some fried leeks, and some fresh avocado on top. And you just pop those things. You've never been to Contramar, right? Oh, I've been to Contramar. Have you been there of sound mind? Have you been there sober? I don't remember, dude. I try to block out Mexico City every chance I get. Yeah, I know, I know. I've definitely been there. And what's the other one? I mean, you have to go to a restaurant? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't know. There's like five. There's one with a cricket sow. That's where I have my first insect. I remember my way I ate my first insect. Anyway, so you had some light fashitas, then you had some bad martinis. What was wrong with the martinis? So martinis, when you're doing a martini party, you have to sort of like... Okay, first of all... Martini party is not something I've ever heard before. I think it's just people getting together to drink martinis. So let's not give it this little name. Okay, well, what's a party if not a gathering of people getting together? Well, I think it's just you went to a party at Nargis' house. It was branded as a martini. It's like people call something a mansion party. I'm like, how corny can you be? It's just a party at a nice house. It's a party. It's a fair point. Let's just say party.

And then the drinks that were offered – The iCal invite had a martini emoji in the header just to paint the picture. Well, I like people that set – it's a fine line because you're like, if you divulge too much information on the invitation, you look a little corny and a little narky. But then sometimes if you're an OCD person, you're very thankful that they include this information. Like, oh, by the way, we're going to be serving this food, this kind of drink. It's a shoes-off, it's a shoes-on thing. If it's shoes-on, I'm not coming. You mean shoes-off? Yeah, shoes-off, I ain't coming. This was a shoes-off martini party. I'll stand outside. You can bring me my martini right outside the front door. But when I would see movies, like a Woody Allen movie in the 70s or 80s, and two rich women in the Upper West Side will go back to their loft apartment and have martinis, and it'll be like a glass jug, like a crystal kind of... like one gallon container and there'll be a long spoon. It'll be filled with ice and water. And then that's just like 11 martinis ready to go. So you're saying this is a batch made cocktail event. It was a batch made cocktail event. So this is like any other activation we've ever been to. It was just at someone's house. Yeah, exactly. But the drinks were free. But, you know, it's a tough thing to manage a martini party because it's a very easy drink to make. How many people were at this party? Maybe like 10, 15. Who's the most drunk? Small gathering. Nobody's really that drunk, actually. There's a couple of annoying bitches that were drunk. Had to fuck with them a little bit. Yeah, of course. Damn, there's two people there. There's a couple there. Hopefully, they're not listening. If they are, whatever. But they still use Foursquare. What? And I was trying to get them to explain to me how in 2022, can you still be addicted to Foursquare? They must have worked there and have hella stock. There's no other reason to use it. It's very possible. Were they like, we're checking in right now? How did this come up? How did they reveal themselves? They were going for some reason. This is really funny. Okay, you know people who are so on their phone? How people might talk about you with your Twitter or social media addiction.

You're not even close to being severe on that scale compared to some other people who are truly just like so living online that it has done permanent mental damage to them and physical. Oh, I didn't want to see the hump in the back of their neck. In terms of their core strength, all that shit. Weak. Yeah, yeah. They probably don't even hang upside down for 10 minutes a day. Idiots. But like those people who are just like, when you go like, hey, let's go to a party of 10 people. We're going to drink martinis. Yeah, this isn't like a rager with 100 people. Have some pizza, and we sit around and talk about, have you seen White Lotus? But they were unable to sort of do that, and they had to look at their phone, and as if they were sitting in an airport terminal waiting for the flight by themselves, just like... oh foursquare oh or like like i'm so bored i'm gonna look at my venmo history and this chick was like oh seven years ago i went to an alpaca farm that was see i'm glad i remember that now and they're just looking at their phones instead of talking to people and be like so what why are you on on foursquare and they'll go back and look at their phone and start scrolling and be like oh well like two years ago we went to dairy queen remember that so it's so they use foursquare as a memory bank Kind of, yeah. I mean, it was very similar when I was talking about Pierce Brosnan's children, where when they were looking at themselves in a mirror, they felt the need to narrate their own personal life as if somebody was filming them. They were just talking out loud. Talking out loud as if there was a camera crew being like, all right, so what do you guys think about your outfit today? These people are old or young. They have to be old to use Foursquare. They were like, I would say, early, mid-30s. Wow. Intelligent people who probably make... Good money? They definitely make good money, but what do they look like? Beep. No, they look like normal hipster white people. Sure, they look like normal east side cool people, but they use Foursquare. No shade to those folks. If you use first generation apps on your phone and you don't have equity in the company, we got to talk.

Yeah, somebody needs to switch up the SSRIs. That's so weird. You need to go do a week in Joshua Tree alone. Unless it's Facebook or LinkedIn, because those are cool. But something like Foursquare, first of all, I never use that. Snapchat, Foursquare, I just never downloaded. That's like a bitch pulling out Angry Birds at a party in 2022. I'm like, really, dog? I mean, I guess. So they're unable to sort of socialize like that, and they have nothing to talk about in the real world. Their Twitter fingers are more powerful than their spoken word. So they're in a different weight class. It's like a boxer trying to fight a heavyweight. And they're really good at Twitter and talking in text and type. But when you're like, hey, what's up, man? What are you doing? And they'll be like, and smoke starts coming out of their ears and shit. So this party sounds lit, and then you laugh. And went at 11.30. Instead of the martinis, I drank a whole bottle of Jake Troth's girlfriend's orange wine, and I felt bad about that. Okay, well, I'm sure she can afford it. It's fine. She's all good. So you got drunk. So got drunk, hopped in the lift. We pulled up right behind Omar S., who got out in his matching Gucci bucket hat and backpack. What? And he still DJs on CDs, so he had the Case Logic CD book. Okay, that's cool. I'm back on Omar S. Yeah, he was real. What car was he, what Uber did he pull up in? I don't know if it was a Lux. Oh, come on. Who's the promoter of this party? Somebody you know? They couldn't pony up 100 for the Escalade? Where does Omar S live? Detroit? Riley, Detroit. Yeah, that's right. So what is he known for playing? Disco? He plays house, disco, techno, all that stuff. But he's sort of known as being a kind of person who's like, I'm doing it the old way. I'm making music on all analog equipment. I'm going to DJ on CDs. And I'm not going to be a goofy person. I'm not jumping around and standing on the DJ booth. I just have my bottle of cognac. I have two hoes behind me. So it's cool. It's cool in theory. It's a very cool vibe. It's a very cool vibe. But you're saying he wasn't feeling it.

Yeah, he walked in, and there was a sound problem, and he kind of had to start to a dead room because of some sound issues. It was just one of those money-grab gigs, like, I don't want to be here, this is stupid. You've been there, I know. I'm going to show up, I'm going to play for an hour and a half, and I'm going to walk right out and go straight back to my hotel and jack off or whatever, you know? Damn. Or, you know, whatever it is. Hopefully he got some cream barbecue or something. So how long did you stay at this party? I stayed until 2.30. Oh, my God. So Omar was playing, and then while that was kind of boring me a little bit, no shade to the God. It wasn't his fault. I've seen him do amazing sets. It's awesome. I was kind of talking to people, blah, blah, blah, shooting the shit. And then when you knew some people from the EDM community, you kind of are able to dip back into that. No, I found three or four people that, you know, Theo bark was there. He had a whole harem of freaks. It was, I was proud of him. All right. So, and you're, I had, I had, we had, there was like the, the overall crowd was like a burner kind of crowd, you know? But there was, because, like, there were some cool people DJing, there was, like, 40 people, like, in one corner, and we were, like, we were all the cool people who were, like, wearing a casolata, and, like, we're different. You're including yourself in that group. Oh, yeah. Except when I sent you guys a photo of me, and you said, why is there a substitute literary professor at this rave? Jason was not dressed for the rave. Let me put it that way. And that's coming from me, who always dresses like a cop. What's more freaking punk rock and badass than... I'm a grown-ass man. What am I going to do? I'm not saying you need to wear a see-through shirt. It was just Jason was wearing literally a button-up shirt underneath a sweater, a crisp look. I'm for it. It just seems like the downtown rave, maybe the look could be a little more casual. Look, I take the rave scene and I turn it on its head. Okay, so you were kind of showing them how it's done.

Yeah, I'm showing them how it could be done if they kind of step their flavor up. Okay, so what was the overall vibe? Was there a lot of flavor in the room and you were kind of counteracting that? No, I had to get the party started a little bit because the crowd was not necessarily into the music at all times. And I did something I haven't done in a long time where if your friend is DJing a party and the crowd doesn't seem to be super into it. and you sympathize with them because you've been there before, my goofy ass runs into the middle of the center dance floor, and I start kind of like jumping around. So you hung yourself on the cross for Python? I did. Well, also, I was on Molly. Ah, there we go. Thank you for that. Okay, I was wondering when the Molly made an appearance and how much you did and how bad you felt. I did not. I wanted – I had in my mind – I'm only going to do a little bit. I don't want to be geeking out. You don't want to be geeking. I don't want to geek. I just want a little bit just to keep me awake. Of course. And keep me having a smile on my face instead of a frown. and i took the perfect amount i was i was all good i didn't i didn't geek out at 42 years old you finally figured out how to take drugs congratulations dj them jeans ladies and gentlemen i found these two and when i ran to the middle of the club i started jumping up and down and they were playing like funny music it was like funny remixes of stuff so it was kind of silly it was like it was kind of some like put a donk on it style music like some jump up garage funny shit and there are these like two or three japanese dudes there and i was like jumping up with them and they kept pushing me out of the way they kept pushing me to the front of the booth like they thought they thought that i was very stupid and they did not like me they thought i was like really dorky were these like cool guys they were like cool like japanese kind of streetwear dudes of course from japan yeah they were there in town like they were cool and swaggy they weren't mean they didn't have a bad attitude but i would i would be like jumping around and dancing and they kept pushing me to the front

of the barrier in between the DJ and the crowd. They kept being like, get out of here. And then they wanted me to dance there, and they were taking photos of me. Basically, they thought I was really dumb. So then I grabbed their heads, and I started using them as a crutch to jump up and down. I don't know if they love that that much. Did they try to step to you? No, they thought it was really funny. They were laughing and I was laughing, but we were both kind of pushing each other in a hard way. There was some tension, but no one's going to break first because then you're a pussy. Exactly. If you actually get mad, you're lame. We were both going kamikaze mode, basically. Okay. But neither of us crashed the airplanes into each other. So it worked. It did work. Sometimes you just have to fight fire with fire. That's pretty cool, actually. It's not the first time I've tangled with the Japanese in the club. I'm sure. They're a rowdy bunch, but it all comes from a place of love. So Python crushed it on the CDJs. He crushed it on the CDJs. Him and Naples played a fun set. I loved it. And Carolyn and all of our friends that we were with, she was like, I love this music. It's so fun. How much would I... Because that was the last time she was listening to dance music was when this era was around. Oh, I see, I see, I see. So it's like late 90s, early 2000s when she was a kid. How long would I have made it at this party? 20 minutes or 40 minutes? I would say... If you talk to Python, I would say 40. Okay, that's fair. Because he's just the best, you know? I couldn't talk to him while he was DJing, though, so hopefully I time it right. But to bring it back to security... Yes. There is a situation there. Where, and this is a touchy subject, but there was a raver in the crowd who was in a mechanical wheelchair. Pause. Okay. And he was, you know, he was just a regular guy. And it's not unusual to see people in a wheelchair at a concert or a party or whatever.

everyone is usually very respectful to them and like oh you know make way and like hey move out of the way and make sure that they can go to the front and get a good view and everyone was doing that but as the night kind of progressed he kept getting more and more fucked up but in in a dark and angry way and less of a fun and raver way did he run over your foot that's just the start of it but uh So he went from being, like, dude in the wheelchair at the party where everyone's, you know, we're all showing love. It's all respect. Was he with a crew or was he solo-dolo? He had a couple people with him here and there, but he started with a group and he ended solo. Okay. And it would be normal, and then I would walk past him and he'd, like, yell something at me. He'll be like, hey, are you blah, blah, blah? And I'll be like, no. And then he'll... And then he would turn the wheelchair around and go off without even saying anything else. And I'm like, okay, that's interesting. In kind of a chromogeny, disgruntled kind of way. What's the age range on this fella? He's probably mid-30s, I would say. Okay, so too old to be at the rave just like you. So maybe he's in a little competition. So he got... I was dancing and raving and all this stuff. And he basically... Kind of bulldozed me. From behind, he sort of... God damn it. Yeah. All right, so... And I want to be clear because I have spoken about wheelchair tennis, and I don't want to be on the record as a person... who has an honest problem. This seems like a reoccurring theme with you, not me. I'm a friend to all communities. When it's like, oh, you know, if this happens enough times, maybe you're the problem. So I just want to be clear. You're saying to me that this guy, he came at you.

He drew first blood. So you're dancing around being an idiot, looking like a fucking college professor. I'm vaping someone's, like a stranger's jewel. Just to be clear, guys, Jason's dressed like a professor who fucks his students. And he's vaping from someone else's... Why don't you come back to the house and have a little wine? No, no, I live on campus. They actually pay for it. It's really nice. I have the Meredith dairy goat cheese. Have you tried that? So Jason looks like a cop, and this wheelchair raver is not having your shit, and you're saying to me that he actually hits you? Okay, so the stage is in the center of the room, and there's sort of a crowd, like a semicircle crowd, all facing that direction. And I'm probably like five people. deep away from the dj book and he comes in from behind and kind of hits me left left leg and then like partially runs over my shoe scuffing my puma did you think he was was the idea that he was in route somewhere or was this a bulldozing back he was asleep at the wheel so he he he runs into me And I move out of the way, and I didn't know. All I know is, like, somebody's – I feel something pushing me, and I feel pain. You feel some pain. So I kind of do an instant, like, what the fuck. Yeah, of course. And I realize that it's sort of – you know when, like, someone's, like, in a movie where someone's driving, and they're like – Or like you're in a car and somebody dies. Like they shoot a guy and they slump over. And they accidentally knock the car in gear and they start hauling ass down. It was like that. It was like he had fallen. He had passed out. So he had had eight Coronas and fallen asleep and hit the button. I mean, no better place to be in a K-hole than in a wheelchair, of course. Strapped in, hopefully. But he... I don't know if he had slumped over and fallen asleep or he was too fucked up, but he was out and his arm or his elbow must have touched the joystick controller device. And because he after plowing into me, he then knocked into like four or five other people. Bro, he hit girls. He hit hot girls. Yeah. So you don't even worry about me. You had to kind of defend their honor then like a real gentleman.

You had to kind of step to this. I'm cool, bro. You had to tell this guy. So he falls asleep at the wheel, kind of like when you're drunk driving and you hit six parked cars. He's done that on the dance floor. And, of course, you being a gentleman that you are and kind of a looming figure, do you step to him and kind of say, hey, bro, that wasn't cool? I didn't have to because security instantly clocked it. And they had to go in. Because, I mean, it was literally just a guy slumped over in a wheelchair alone in a club. So what did security do? Did they pick up either side of the chair and move him out? They kind of did that cop move where we hit the flashlight into the eyes. Check the pupils. Do you have anything to drink, boy? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Something like that. And then they kind of had to, yeah, like pick his body back up a little bit. And then they kind of wheeled him over to the corner, like away from the crowd. And then they kind of like started talking to him. And then there was like five security guards who were just like, what are we supposed to do? And his homies had dissipated. There were no... Yeah, he was solo, alone, just to sleep in his wheelchair. Everyone felt bad, but everyone was just like, what do we do? Because if you're like a shithead security guard... Normally, if you see a guy who's fucked up and running into people, you're like, oh, sick. I get to pick him up and throw him onto the trash outside of the venue. Me and Oscar and Edgar get to grab him by the shoulders and fucking throw him into the trash can. Between this and the GQ Man of the Year party after, I think maybe you need to take some time from going out. We had a blast. There seem to be some incidents following you that aren't great. Look. It was a wrong place, wrong time for that. Your chick's going to leave you for an actor I've never heard of, and you got run over by a guy in a wheelchair at the rave. That's not great. Yeah, but these things happened to me, and I remember I was at the club, and I have a drunken note in my notes app where I spelled wheelchair really incorrectly, but I just typed drunk guy wheelchair. That was the note. I'm glad you're good. To teach myself.

to remember to talk about because you have some i mean you do have ongoing knee issues so i'm glad that he didn't kind of hit anything yeah look i mean the pull if i didn't have my pilates under my belt it would be tough i and but speaking of of stretching really quick i forgot to talk about this last week when i was in napa heading over there wait maybe i did talk about about the guy stretching and i took a photo of him and then he caught you and now you're friends no well rylan friend of the show He sent it to the guy, and then the guy hit me up. And this guy is a plaque-holding songwriter. Yeah, he's like a musician, songwriter person that he knew. But it had never happened to me before because me, I've taken so many photos of strangers doing, you know, they don't have to look. That's kind of your photography style. It's like Glendale's less talented Martin Parr or something. Oh, yeah. It's giving big par. Big pa. Martin pa. Pa. Fucking favorite sick-ass photog, dude. Fucking pie is no joke, dude. His fucking series from Brighton Beach, dude. Okay, so I often take pictures of strangers, and they can be a normal-looking person, but the way they're juxtaposed, the backdrop, whatever. How you see the world is what makes it original. Yeah, it's a little different. Yeah. And I took a picture of a guy who was in the middle of an airport stretching. There's a big leather couch, like a communal couch that people couldn't sit on. He took all of his belongings, you know, a jacket, a backpack, some sunglasses, maybe a bottle of water. And he sort of strewn that about three quarters of the couch while there's like 90-year-old people sitting on like plastic folding chairs. And then he was behind the couch doing a stretch. Just kind of like, you know? This sounds eerily like something you would do. That's what's interesting. No, no, no. I'm considerate, bro. Oh, yeah, yeah. Especially to the elderly. Yeah, you do love olds. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I was like, oh, I'm inside of an airplane hangar. The sun is shining on this guy. There's shit all over the place. And he's just alone, stretching in his own little fun world. And I've been there before. And I take a picture and I post it.

And then I get on an airplane and I land and the guy sent me a message saying like, oh, I thought I only had one chin before I got on the plane. Got him. It wasn't the most flattering of angles. Sure, but you didn't tag him or anything. He was wearing an untucket shirt. So as you're stretching up, you know. We were seeing some midriff revealed. Yeah, we got to see the kind of tempeh tube in the middle. Yeah. You see the tempeh tube, and he's had better angles. How did it end? How did this interaction end? Well, I was in shock because none of my subjects have ever reached out to me like that. Your subjects. And it had me wondering, like, oh, damn, do I need to start blurring out faces? Does Instagram have that as a feature? I'm sure you could do it with your Facetune app. You just do a little different tuning. I don't have the Facetune app. My life partner does all my tunes. I don't know. I'm sure it's – I'm not paying no $3.99. I don't think that – I doubt that Instagram offers it directly, but I'm sure there are many aftermarket apps because everybody has to blur out their license plate. License plate, minors. I think it's – no, I think you should just put – Or I should just put an emoji over the face. Funny emoji like they do – people do with their kids. Daily Mail does a blur. I prefer a funny emoji. You put an eggplant emoji over every dude's face that you ever take a picture of? That's a nice signature. I want to talk to you about Aaron Rodgers. I saw some news that broke this week that a fellow player... Aaron Rodgers, football player. American-style football. American-style football player. Aaron Rodgers, like... A new player had been signed to the team and they met for the first time. And the guy said that the first thing that Aaron Rodgers said to him was, do you believe in 9-11? And I was like, really? He said the first thing that he said to him is, do you believe 9-11? So Aaron Rodgers is that far. Aaron Rodgers might be further than we ever thought.

What does that mean? I don't know. Do you believe in 9-11 as if do you think it even happened? Like the moon landing. Yes. Do you think it even happened? That's what I take it to mean. I'm sure maybe he means it in a more nuanced way, but he's a football player, so he's not very smart, so he probably can't articulate that. He had a couple hits. You know how the CT is. So this is sort of like flat earth territory in terms of... having a grip on the world. It's seeming that one of the biggest downfalls of social media culture is athletes being able to see stuff. Being able to see... Back in the 70s, 80s, 90s, the managers, the coaches could all... Right over here, champ. Let's not look at all that, champ. We're going to get you back in the... See, what we need to do, I think, is kind of... we got to ban them we can't basically once you sign a certain level of contract to play professional sports your access to youtube is taken away and we have to kind of get you focused on the game and your fitness etc etc but the youtube stuff no i think you can go on youtube but they have to install some type of governor a governor yeah i mean and they can afford to hire a full-time human it's like a sober coach but instead it's it's a a a conspiracy theory coach. Every time you click on that fucking Alex Jones link, you get a text from some guy who's like, uh-uh. The fact that, I mean, Aaron Rodgers, it hasn't happened to you the same way it's happened to Kyrie, but these guys are truly throwing their lives away based on an algorithm from YouTube. That's literally what's happening. These guys are not smart enough. They get sucked into the vortex and they just believe it. And then the worst part is they talk about it. They get fed the stuff from Rupert Murdoch's empires, and then they go on Rupert Murdoch's empires and continue the last cycle. There's no reason. There's a documentary on HBO. I know. I'm watching it. As soon as I saw it, I thought of you. I love all Murdoch stories. You know Succession's based on that. You should check it out. It's on HBO, too. I know. I can't wait to check out White Lotus tonight. I've heard you guys loving it. There's this guy who goes like, Fuck off!

It's like how Rupert Murdoch talks. No, that's crazy, dude. That reminds me, I was watching The Crown, not to talk about TV again, we'll move away from that, but there was a scene where there was a newspaper, I don't remember which one, a British newspaper, The Daily Post, or some shit like that, Sunday Times, and there was an article written about the Queen that was very unfavorable. It was a takedown piece. And the whole episode was her staff keeping her from reading this Sunday Times for a long time. They're like, this bitch cannot see it. And she's on a yacht at the time, and it shows a boat come to the yacht and then drop the newspaper off in the plastic at a doorstep. And I was like, oh, that's very cool. And then someone has to instantly grab it, and they're removing it from all the rooms and tables. And I was like, this is the last time in the world where you could literally. Yeah. take the most powerful person in a continent well that's what and keep information from that's what tim dillon was saying about like biden stuff today he was like bro these guys biden's so old he comes from air where you like call the guy at the fucking tv station say don't do that and they don't do it and that's it that's it just doesn't come out now that's not that's not necessarily how it works so he yeah biden has a phone that has twitter on it yeah but God help the guy if he knows how to fire it up and look at it. All the info is sitting right there. He just doesn't know how to access it. Getting there is still difficult for him. But yeah, I think that something to look into as we move forward is banning athletes from YouTube. And I know that would be a hard pill to swallow, but some of these owners need to put that in the contract. I think it should be a contract stipulation where it's like, hey, if you want to be able to go look at YouTube and do whatever you want, if you want to turn into a QAnon person, perhaps. that's totally fine we'll do three million a year instead of 30 yeah exactly you're you're a new risk like it's like the way they can't ski and stuff in the off season because they could get hurt same thing 100 i would say this is riskier than a top level athlete like skateboarding with his homies on the weekend yeah when when chris got his

Play school my first Amex. Do you think it had a $3 million limit on it? No, they started me small. Five bands, ten bands. They started me small. You earned the trust. Yeah, exactly. That's what these... But also, to argue that, Aaron Rodgers has been playing football and not saying a damn word for a decade. That's true. And then at the end of his career... No, bro. Shailene got him on the ayahuasca. Something happened. Something unlocked in that man. Got that good... 5-HTP and alcohol. 5-HTP and alcohol. I got that good Q9-42-8-B-D-zash 1.9 hertz. 5-HTP and alcohol. I got some damn bitches I could call. Is Shailene Woodley, like, braiding her armpit hair in Portland? Bro, I mean, I get it. As somebody who looks exactly like Aaron Rodgers, both in mind and body, in BMI, there's a part of me that sees Shailene Woodley and I'm like, yeah, I kind of get it. Bro, no way. I know. I can look at her and tell she's a problem. Yeah, and you're saying it like it's a bad thing, sweetie. No, no, no. I don't think her mental illnesses are going to make her more of a freak, which is I know what you're thinking. Yeah, of course. When I see that, Aaron Rodgers is like, okay, there are some flags. She's a problem. No, don't make a flag joke. I was not going there. Holding, offense number 30, 10-yard penalty, still first down. That'll move the chance. That's pretty good, Chris. You look at the Shailene in an Aaron Rodgers situation where every day you open up your DMs and there's 30,000 people who are like, here's my pussy, have sex with me. Aaron Rodgers could be going to, oh, Aaron Rodgers in Scottsdale, bro. Think about that. Name your price, whatever you want, all the flavors, you got it. So he sees Shailene and he's like, yeah, she's got problems, but we'll do a little fling, hit a couple times, whatever. And then she's like, yeah, we're just going to do that. Yeah, she got into it.

She busted him wide open. She literally, I don't want to blame her for ruining his life because he's a man with his own, obviously. She hit him with his own flea flicker. Yeah, yeah, 100%. She ran it back for 99 yards for a touchdown. It ain't sweet for Rodgers anymore. Yeah, but I mean, you know, I don't know how we got here, but yeah. I just think that the access to information is ruining our society, you know, me included. Especially these damn athletes. But it also makes it more fun and interesting. Speaking of Aaron Rodgers and things that are bad, Art Basel is happening right now. I can't believe we didn't go. How did no one fly us out? I see some motherfuckers that should not be there getting flown out. I think we're above it now. I know. It's a Scottsdale. Did you see any fire activations that you were sad to miss? I sent those photos to you, but there's a... Club there, though, Hyde. Of course, the famous Hyde from Sunset Boulevard that we're familiar with from the Hills era of LA nightlife. Yes, Hyde spelled with a Y. I think Brody might still do Thursdays there. Brody will do Thursdays there with the homies. Brought to you by Casa Azul. With the homies. No, it's actually, bro, we got a good deal with Milagro. It's sick. Dude, my booth. It cannot have anything in it but Milagro. Yeah, you guys come through if you're around. Yeah, we'll be there from like 11 on. So there's a Hyde Beach Club in Miami, of course. And there was a DJ set from Alec Monopoly. So Alec Monopoly is not only a famous and well-regarded street artist, but he's also sick on The Pioneer. Just writing. On the heels of the Airmail article about the celebrity DJ, which did a pretty good job about summing up some of my thoughts on the subject. I was able to tag you in that post. In only the way that Airmail can do. And I am now an Airmail subscriber and apologist and sympathizer. I drank the Kool-Aid and I think it's yummy. Welcome to the team. So Alec Monopoly DJ set. Is there...

I just want to be clear. Is he separating church and state, or is he doing some live painting as well? So he's known as being the worst graffiti artist, the worst street artist of all time. He literally draws a stencil of the Monopoly guy on the wall, and he somehow has millions of dollars for that. Well, I mean... I guess Chris Brown and Justin Bieber will buy his pieces to put in one of their homes. Don't forget Scott Disick. It's just so bad. So bad. But anyway, so he's... He's not only is he DJing wearing a hat that's somewhere between like an Australian kind of Outback hat, like a floppy brim hat. Like protecting his neck from the brutal Miami sunshine? Yeah, but it's made out of suede leather, not like a Gore-Tex. Not leather. So it's like a leather, but it also is giving top hat. So it's sort of a... Yeah, because he's a top hat guy. He like rocks the top hat. Yeah, you know, he's a guy who wears top hats and Amiri jeans. Just a normal look to wear. This is very cool. I don't know what kind of music he's playing because I don't watch Instagram stories with the sound on. No, that's psycho shit. Psycho shit. I'm a grown ass man, god damn it. So you're saying you... In this case, I might have turned sound on. I know, I should have. You probably shouldn't have, I agree. But the fact that we've gotten... I'm sure he was playing a marshmallow song. I actually pitched this idea last night internally to my team, Alex, about me doing a book where for one year I go to every one of these things. I go to Art Basel. I go to South by Southwest. I go to Sundance. I go to Cannes Lion. I do all of it. And I see what the through line is and kind of try to understand. Is this for the book or is this for an era? This feels like a book or maybe a documentary about how Michelle the man after I finally leave Art Basel, Switzerland. I just don't think that – I think that there really is like a core group that goes to almost all of these. And I think some of them are paid, obviously, like influencer shit. And some of them just like can't not be there.

Well, I mean, this is your favorite type of person, which is, I guess, just would be described as a socialite, right? Yeah, but not – but it's different because it used to be like you stuck to – Socialite slash with Global Citizen Rising? Yeah, but you stuck to your discipline. Like if you're an art world person, it's like I'm an art world person. If you're a music business person, you're a music business person. Now the line is flat. If you hang out with white people, you hang out with white people. Exactly. It's like I'm going to Austin and I'm also going to like other – Copenhagen? Like the fact that you could go – to South by Southwest Tech Week, and then just hop over to Sundance, and it's basically the same Amazon party at both things, used to not be the case. It used to be more industry-specific, I guess, is what I'm trying to say. And now it's been flattened like Kyrie's Earth. You can just touch all of them, and it's all the same, which makes it really strange because the original idea is that it's so industry-specific. Look, also another Chris thing to do, you've got to follow the money. You've got to follow the money, and I understand all of that, but I think that it is... Because back in the 90s, when the last time you could do that, when it was normal, and everyone would do the normal things you're supposed to do, whatever, the 90s, and before, everyone was making money. Vogue magazine made money. Condé Nast made money. It could have a party. A record label is like, yeah, I'm going to spend a million dollars and throw this dope-ass party in Aspen, and now they're like, oh, we don't have enough money to pay the fucking... No, I mean – The guy who cleans the toilet, of course we're going to take money from our official sponsor, which then ruins the party. But I just don't – I wonder who the – I wonder if I did that, who the person would be that I'd see at every single one of them because there's definitely at least one. There's one person. Yeah, that's a good point. And maybe they work at a brand, but I hope they don't. I hope they're merely a low-level influencer that gets by just enough because W Hotels – they have a deal at W Hotels. So it's a free place to stay. I don't know. They haven't been inside of their own house in months. It's like up in the air with George Clooney, but for weird events. For weird events. Yeah, that was actually something I was thinking about before. I used to love Art Basel the same way I used to love Coachella, and I used to love South by Southwest and whatever. And Coachella makes this list, interestingly.

But it's a ticketed event, so it's an outlier in a way, but it's a big part of that circuit. It's a ticketed event that non-ticketed private events, bold name events, they gather around that because of money. But what I want to try to figure out is how do you have one of those tentpole events like you were describing? How do you maintain your coolness, your authenticity? the original ethos of what you set out to do for, you know, at scale and for a long period of time. Like how did Art Basel go from being the coolest idea, like everyone who's in this art world is going to leave New York. We go to Miami. It's warm there. You go to Miami and you have a beach party while it's snowing back home. You hang out with all the artists from around the world. You do coke. You fuck each other. You lay around on the beach. You smoke the cigs. It's great. Eat some crabs and go home. How did it become worse than any other thing? Honestly, I blame streetwear. It's brands, though. It's not streetwear specifically. The nouveau riche of the 80s was a lot more manageable and tolerable than the nouveau riche of 2022. It's because if you can throw a good party, you can get money to throw a party, and then it attracts nobodies, and they're going to come because this is what they do. And the people who have the biggest houses and the yellowest Lamborghinis in Miami, they're not like, oh, I'm a mogul or a baron or a magnate. It's like, oh, I'm a streamer who doesn't know how to pronounce the word fascist, and I don't know how to talk. I have a Twitch studio in my house on Brickell, and I live here because it is tax-free. Yeah, and that's who's winning. Miami is such a weird – we agree on this. Miami is a very weird special place, and I do think that it – not only is it going to wash away in the sea, that's confirmed, but I do think some of the magic has unfortunately – like the tropical storm had come and washed away. It needs a cleansing. It needs a cleansing. It's just – I think the tax haven, I think the crypto, it all just kind of combined in a very short amount of time to make it almost unbearable.

Just like Aaron Rodgers' 9-11, sometimes you've got to crash the plane. Sometimes you've got to crash the plane. I don't know. All right, Chris. We certainly have a lot more to talk about on our next episode. We're only scratching the surface of Alec Monopoly's DJ set. Of course, while he was playing, he had a small canvas. That was procured from Target, set up on an easel by a fucking bottle service barback guy. Yeah, I like to see when I'm paying $500 for a bottle of vodka, I want an Alec Monopoly kind of there as well. And I want him to be spray painting a picture of, check's notes, the Monopoly guy on a 3x3 canvas. How long gone? We'll see you in Seattle on the 15th. Get those tickets. There's a few left. And what else, Jason? We got some good pods coming up this week. Do we? Yeah, we do. Thank fucking God. Yeah, thank God. I mean, after today's episode, we don't even need to release anymore, but that's how kind we are. And also, speaking of Herb Sundays, Chris and I have a couple mixes out. Yeah, check out our mixes on Herb Sundays. I took it back to Atlanta when I was doing coke in a house with a friend. Really, really dipping into my bag. For all you guys who listen to this that love Lucinda Williams and the Jayhawks and Whiskeytown, you know. Speaking of, during that time frame, I was listening to all the music that I put on my mix while my friends were smoking Oxycontin, and I was sort of stealing their Xanax. Well, I was doing that, too. I just had better taste in music because I kind of needed a little twang on my Oxys. You know that. If the Oxy doesn't come with a pedal steel player, I'm not smoking it. Yeah, so go check out those mixes. Go check it out. Thank you for Sam for asking us to do that. Yeah, it's called Herb Sundays. Herb like rosemary time. Marjoram, the list goes on. Sundays, spelled the standard way. Okay. Thank God it's not S-U-N-D-A-Z-E. That would really be our basil of us. I'm not 100% if it's case sensitive, but you'll figure it out, guys. And I guess that's it. That's it. How long gone? Bye.

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